Trialbyfire Posted July 8, 2009 Posted July 8, 2009 So true. Being yourself goes a long ways. I can vouch for that.Were you reading my mind Pyro? I was going to use you as the posterchild for this but decided not to, at the last minute. If you consider how many LS chicks enjoy your posts and how many of us like your positive energy, the men on LS can learn something from you.
Epsilon Posted July 8, 2009 Posted July 8, 2009 Partys where you can meet friends of friends, IMO. That first impression though can be a big factor in someone deciding if they are interested in you. Work on that confidence. Eye contact is key for starters. But this is why I fail so hard. First impressions are huge, and they're what I am the worst at. If I can just get over that hurdle, I would be much better off.
Trialbyfire Posted July 8, 2009 Posted July 8, 2009 LMFAO!!!! Can I use that? Go ahead, I won't be offended.
Pyro Posted July 8, 2009 Posted July 8, 2009 But this is why I fail so hard. First impressions are huge, and they're what I am the worst at. If I can just get over that hurdle, I would be much better off. Practice my friend. I was shy at first too and I missed out on alot of great opportunities, but I gained experience and now everything is great.
Pyro Posted July 8, 2009 Posted July 8, 2009 Were you reading my mind Pyro? I was going to use you as the posterchild for this but decided not to, at the last minute. If you consider how many LS chicks enjoy your posts and how many of us like your positive energy, the men on LS can learn something from you. Making me red over here. I threw out the games 28 years ago. You don't need to play games to get a girls attention, at least a girl who is worth getting to know.
Epsilon Posted July 8, 2009 Posted July 8, 2009 Practice my friend. I was shy at first too and I missed out on alot of great opportunities, but I gained experience and now everything is great. I wish it were that simple! I try and try, and try some more, and I feel like I never make much progress.
Pyro Posted July 8, 2009 Posted July 8, 2009 I wish it were that simple! I try and try, and try some more, and I feel like I never make much progress. I'll recommend a book to you that helped me GREATLY. Its called People Skills. Very easy to understand book and I think you should read it.
Epsilon Posted July 8, 2009 Posted July 8, 2009 I'll recommend a book to you that helped me GREATLY. Its called People Skills. Very easy to understand book and I think you should read it. Thanks for the tip, I'll check it out
burning 4 revenge Posted July 8, 2009 Posted July 8, 2009 Well Im glad Ive learned what PUA stands for, Id thought it was prisoner under arrest for the longest time and none of these threads made sense I guess I must be getting old since I only go to the pub to get a decent selection of different pints, I havent gone out to anything resembling a nightclub since before the towers fell
donnamaybe Posted July 8, 2009 Posted July 8, 2009 Go ahead, I won't be offended. Of course you wouldn't. ;) And I won't use it on LS, but it would come in really handy IRL on certain occasions.
Pyro Posted July 8, 2009 Posted July 8, 2009 Well Im glad Ive learned what PUA stands for, Id thought it was prisoner under arrest for the longest time and none of these threads made sense I guess I must be getting old since I only go to the pub to get a decent selection of different pints, I havent gone out to anything resembling a nightclub since before the towers fell PUA's just aren't limited to clubs. The local watering holes have them too.
Trialbyfire Posted July 8, 2009 Posted July 8, 2009 Making me red over here. I threw out the games 28 years ago. You don't need to play games to get a girls attention, at least a girl who is worth getting to know.You're adorable when you blush! That's exactly it. If being yourself isn't working, it just means either you haven't found a compatible person or there's some self-development that needs to happen. Keep in mind that no one person is universally attractive or for that matter, most people don't have mass appeal. This is really okay, so you accept that and work with it.
Pyro Posted July 8, 2009 Posted July 8, 2009 You're adorable when you blush! That's exactly it. If being yourself isn't working, it just means either you haven't found a compatible person or there's some self-development that needs to happen. Keep in mind that no one person is universally attractive or for that matter, most people don't have mass appeal. This is really okay, so you accept that and work with it. I could never put that in a way that makes sense until now. I'm using this one for my friends who are having trouble. You need to put some patents on your quotes.
Trialbyfire Posted July 8, 2009 Posted July 8, 2009 I could never put that in a way that makes sense until now. I'm using this one for my friends who are having trouble. You need to put some patents on your quotes. Thanks.
burning 4 revenge Posted July 8, 2009 Posted July 8, 2009 I could never put that in a way that makes sense until now. I'm using this one for my friends who are having trouble. You need to put some patents on your quotes.Oh God dont encourage her
kdark Posted July 8, 2009 Posted July 8, 2009 I can't but laugh everytime I look at that picture. Toolbox is the word that comes to mind.
StayinFree Posted July 8, 2009 Posted July 8, 2009 It took me a long time to learn how no-so-difficult it is to meet women and date. Just walk up and say Hi ... or something friendly. No cool ... or put-on ... just hello. I don't lie or pretend about anything. I think I've figured out that women often times hope a guy will at least say hello and then not screw it up after that. I wish I learned this sooner. Is this what Grampa meant when he said he wished he knew then what he knows now.
Stockalone Posted July 8, 2009 Posted July 8, 2009 I don't disagree Stock. But most of the psychology referenced, will kill any chance these guys have with a decent woman. There are no elements of like, trust and respect, which of course, creates distrust and distaste. I know that when men attempt to "neg" or "punish" me, it doesn't challenge me to do "better". If anything, it's an instant turn-off. Yes, I understand that. I am also not familiar with every aspect of PUA. I have read articles about it but never a book written by the PUA's. If they constantly prey on the "weak", that is behaviour that should not be tolerated. I am not entirely convinced that this is what they try to teach though, to be like vultures. I see that risk though and it could be like that. But I think that PUA should be seen as a training exercise and a guy should only use as much of it as he can reconcile with his conscience. You can learn without harming those who you encounter on that way. Obviously, I wouldn't recommend it for finding a lasting relationship. However, I can see how it makes sense for guys who forget their own name while talking to a woman or those who are too needy, etc. Instead of using confidence and their own experience (because they don't have any), they are essentially being taught an artificial aloofness. If they fail, the tool (PUA stuff) is at fault, not the guy himself, and so his confidence won't suffer as much as it normally would. It acts like a shield for him. In essence, it lends a hand to guys who would otherwise be completely clueless and buys them the time they need to learn. Over time, and if he learns and has more success, he can replace the shield with his own experiences and the tool (PUA) will become obsolete and can gradually be replaced with his own personality and his own style. If everything goes well, he will develop confidence and then he has a chance at a lasting relationship with a decent woman. I see nothing wrong with a big brother or older friend taking little bro out and showing him some rules of engagement. I went through a stage in my teens where I had some contempt for my own gender and most of my friends were guys. I remember watching the low man on the totem go through the ringer. First he is scared to even try. Then he tries and fails horribly; spends some time being too scared to try again. Then everyone finally feels bad enough for the guy that we stop using him for entertainment and starts pointing out what he can't see yet. Like the shy girl who stares at him but is also too scared to approach him. You point her out and SUCCESS! He gets laid! After that it is just repetition till he does it without thinking or manages to keep a lady around for something serious. Most guys, that is all that is in their way. Once they lose their virginity, most of the pressure is off and they can relax enough to manage just fine. That is a much better way, but not everyone is given this opportunity. That's exactly it. If being yourself isn't working, it just means either you haven't found a compatible person or there's some self-development that needs to happen. Keep in mind that no one person is universally attractive or for that matter, most people don't have mass appeal. This is really okay, so you accept that and work with it. That requires a lot of patience and you need to be able to pinpoint what changes should be made. It's a good way to do things, but for other people a trial and error approach might work better, more like a process of elimination. If you don't know what you want, you have to try different things, that's where I think the PUA stuff can be helpful, as one thing to try among many other things. Different approaches to see what feels right.
sally4sara Posted July 8, 2009 Posted July 8, 2009 I wish it were that simple! I try and try, and try some more, and I feel like I never make much progress. The only advise I would give is: Do you ever enter social situations with your focus on how you will have a good time for the night WITHOUT trying to pull female attention? Just go for the sake of hanging with friends. I don't care what gender a person is, if they seem like they're enjoying themselves they are infinitely more attractive and fun to be around than someone who is busy trying to make something specific happen that isn't happening. That makes a person come off anxious and unhappy. Also, employ a different kind of wing man. Not someone who will keep a girl's friend busy while you try to chat her up, but one that can keep an eye out for who might be watching you while you're having fun with your friends. When you're busy being fun with people you're already comfortable around, you don't always notice who is finding you interesting. A guy friend asked me over the weekend how he can work towards making his life interesting to women. I told him the first step is to make his life interesting to himself and stop worrying about what women think.
Trialbyfire Posted July 8, 2009 Posted July 8, 2009 Yes, I understand that. I am also not familiar with every aspect of PUA. I have read articles about it but never a book written by the PUA's. If they constantly prey on the "weak", that is behaviour that should not be tolerated. I am not entirely convinced that this is what they try to teach though, to be like vultures. I see that risk though and it could be like that.Well, that's what I see in Mystery's approach which I firmly disagree with. Why would you want to bring someone down to your level of low self-esteem or lower? Instead, why not change your approach to liking yourself and bringing someone along to a higher level of positivity? You don't have to place someone on a pedestal, to be positive. If you do that, it's unrealistic for both of you, in that sooner or later they're going to fall off the pedestal due to no one being perfect, the amount of pressure you put onto the other person, as well as your own inability to maintain that kind of energy. There's no need to play these PUA games. Just keep talking to person after person, regardless of gender. The more you come out your shell and get used to social interaction, the easier it gets to read social cues.
burning 4 revenge Posted July 8, 2009 Posted July 8, 2009 I think maybe that before I go to the local Irish pub on a Monday afternoon I should bic and shine my head and wear a lizard skin suit and maybe things will turn out differently because jeans and black t's arent working
burning 4 revenge Posted July 8, 2009 Posted July 8, 2009 I don't try to tell women what they feel but their actions speak for themselves. From what I observe player tactics work like a charm on most women. Players pretty much understand women more than anybody else and they use that to their advantage. Yeah, but you live in New Jersey....
butcher's hook Posted July 8, 2009 Posted July 8, 2009 The reason these douches want to bring women down a few notches to attract them is because they cannot get anywhere just being themselves. The worst possible advice you can give a nerd or a shy guy who has the personality of a wet noodle, is "just relax and be yourself"
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