Pregnant by MM

[sugarmomma]

Or irresponsible for not making him wear protection?

 

 

When did SHE become responsible for his protection? Hello???

[PhoenixRise]

Consider all the angles before you proceed with anything. I am not saying MM should not have to take financial responsiblity for his child, but I am saying there is another side to that coin.

 

You don't know what kind of man he REALLY is. You thought his "love" for you would bring him around to loving this child. So far that has not been the case.

 

What if the courts order child support and MM decides to exercise his rights to visitation? Wife might go along with it or even insist on it. Would you feel comfortable with your daughter spending time alone with MM and his W?

[whichwayisup]

He should have worn a condom. How dare you put all the blame on her! So unfair!!

 

Wreck his home? He should have thought about wrecking his home when he was cheating on his wife!! UUUGGGHHHH.

 

Maybe I'm old fashioned or something? I don't know, but a woman needs to take repsonsibility for her body, and with that is PROTECTION. You say HE should have had a condom on - Well, SHE could have insisted that HE wear one, otherwise NO sex. It takes two to tango and each of them are responsible for this.

 

As for wrecking his marriage/wreck his home, again, it takes two to tango. OFcourse HE is the one cheating on his wife, but the OP (original poster) has to know she had a hand in this too, she was/is his affair partner, and she knew from day one he was married. It would be a whole different story if he had lied about being married - Pretended he was single, but that isn't the case at all.

 

Talk to a lawyer and try to move on without him. Because you changed your mind, I can understand why he's angry.

[whichwayisup]

What if the courts order child support and MM decides to exercise his rights to visitation? Wife might go along with it or even insist on it. Would you feel comfortable with your daughter spending time alone with MM and his W?

 

She won't have a say in this, if it goes to court. If MM is going to pay child support and get visitation, maybe even shared custody, then yeah, his wife IS going to be around the baby, like it or not.

[sugarmomma]

Maybe I'm old fashioned or something? I don't know, but a woman needs to take repsonsibility for her body, and with that is PROTECTION. You say HE should have had a condom on - Well, SHE could have insisted that HE wear one, otherwise NO sex. It takes two to tango and each of them are responsible for this.

 

.

 

 

She should have used a BC but he should have also had his OWN protection and used a condom. He shouldn't have depended soley on her method.

 

She may have wanted to get pregnant. Therefore, even more reason for him to protect HIMSELF!

 

I think they both should be accountable for the child.

[whichwayisup]

She was on the Pill but it obviously didn't work.

 

MOST women who are on the pill do NOT use condoms, though I do see your point, pregnancy isn't the only issue at hand, STD's .. One would think if one is going to cheat on ones spouse, they would want to make sure they didn't pass along herpes or something to their spouse.

[jj33]

WWIU I couldnt agree with you more. Everyone needs to take responsibility for themselves.

 

You cant force him to be a part of your life or your daughter's life. You cant force him to want to have custody or visitation rights.

 

The only thing you can force him to do is to pay child support. Thats it.

 

Obviously you are now having the baby and I am sure you will look back and say she is the best thing that ever happened to you but I fear a little part of you is thinking that if you have this baby you will be in his life forever. You will, but not in a good way.

 

Do NOT wait for him to go to court. You want to be in control of this process. You have given up power long enough (lets face it if you hadnt you wouldnt be pregnant with a married mans baby now).

 

Its time for you to take control of your future and your daughters future now.

 

Hire a good lawyer. have them take control of the process. It is up to him what he shares with his W not you.

 

And you WORK with this man. Are you CRAZY thinking of going to his W? Lets put aside for a moment hte fact that the BS needs to know. The BS will know because her H will have to explain to her why he is paying child support.

 

I recognise it must be very painful and scary and upsetting but you have to think carefullly about how you handle this.

 

However this is not some revenge plot. This is a baby you are having and you need to do what is best for both of you (you and your child). This is not about punishing the man for getting you pregnant and not leaving to start a family with you.

[Ariadne]

She is willing to take responsiblity for her actions.

 

He is not!

 

Which makes him a LOSER!!!

 

He should not take responsibility for something he didn't sign up for.

 

If she can't afford to have a baby.. then she can give it for adoption or have an abortion.

 

If she doesn't want either, then is her deal only. Not his.

[sugarmomma]

He should not take responsibility for something he didn't sign up for.

 

If she can't afford to have a baby.. then she can give it for adoption or have an abortion.

 

If she doesn't want either, then is her deal only. Not his.

 

What you don't understand is that HE DID SIGN UP for it when he decided to NOT put on a condom.

[sugarmomma]

She was on the Pill but it obviously didn't work.

 

MOST women who are on the pill do NOT use condoms, though I do see your point, pregnancy isn't the only issue at hand, STD's .. One would think if one is going to cheat on ones spouse, they would want to make sure they didn't pass along herpes or something to their spouse.

 

Exactly!! He didn't care about what he got or passed on to his wife!

[whimsical_memory]

I would love for him to be a part of her life. I know that the wife is a package deal, and I am fine with it but I feel like we will never get to that point.

 

 

 

Wow, how kind of you. You slept with HER husband, but you are going to generously allow her to be involved in her husband's child's life. You are just too kind.

 

Both of you messed up. You? You should have never gone after another woman's husband. "You were in love", bull crap. If that man had been in love, you would not be the other woman, now would you?

 

I am sick and tired of people that cheat on their spouses (and/or the other woman/other man) being petted and not being called out on their crap.

 

You both screwed up and now there is an innocent child involved. Oh goody!

 

I commend you for not having an abortion, it does take a lot of strength to make that decision to raise a 'surprise' baby. But now, both of you need to step up and realize that this will forever change the dynamics of everyone's life.

 

As for support, you will need to wait until after the child is born (because believe me, there WILL be a DNA requested- more than likely by this man's wife) but you should go for child support.

[whichwayisup]

Even though on the Pill and it didn't work properly, I do wonder if she allowed him to cum inside of her? See, this is an important question -Her chances of getting pregnant would have been abit slimmer if he pulled out.

 

What you don't understand is that HE DID SIGN UP for it when he decided to NOT put on a condom.

 

No he didn't. He trusted her because she was on the Pill and honestly, MOST folks don't get pregnant while on the pill, unless they forget to take them or don't take them at the same time daily.

 

She has children from a previous relationship/marriage? Was she on the Pill then too? Because IF so, and her other kids were conceived while on the pill, then she SHOULD have INSISTED he wear a condom and/or get him to PULL OUT and not cum inside of her.

[whichwayisup]

Exactly!! He didn't care about what he got or passed on to his wife!

 

And her too! I mean, what if she isn't the ONLY OW? Never say never..

[Ariadne]

He trusted her because she was on the Pill and honestly, MOST folks don't get pregnant while on the pill, unless they forget to take them or don't take them at the same time daily.

 

I'm telling you. What a scam.

 

(They should seriously write a law for this to protect the men)

[girl68]

You don't know anything about me so don't make an azz out of yourself.

 

That was uncalled for. With all your exclamation marks one can only draw such a conclusion that you've been burned before. Take a chill pill.

 

When did SHE become responsible for his protection? Hello???

 

HELLO! About the very second he stuck his dick inside her. At that very moment she is responsible for his protection but for HER sake. Fool, ever heard of STD's?

 

Either way, the OP is long gone... she couldn't take the heat. But I'm going to assume momma that you shall speak on her behalf.

 

I have one more thing to add: I assure you if the MM was on this board asking for advice he'd be feeling the heat too, but he isn't so we're focusing on HER.

[sugarmomma]

That was uncalled for. With all your exclamation marks one can only draw such a conclusion that you've been burned before. Take a chill pill.

 

Did you not READ all the names he called me? Hypocrite, anti man etc. So please spare me! Doesn't matter what I have expereinced. It has nothing to do with me. I don't like the idea of most people here blaming her when they are both responsible.

 

 

 

HELLO! About the very second he stuck his dick inside her. At that very moment she is responsible for his protection but for HER sake. Fool, ever heard of STD's?

 

 

So you're saying that he bears NO resposibility?

 

Either way, the OP is long gone... she couldn't take the heat. But I'm going to assume momma that you shall speak on her behalf.

 

I'm speaking as a woman. Period. And again the only point I want to make is that we are not responsible for their protection.

 

 

That's just like saying if he caught HIV from her it would be her fault. It would be his fault for not protecting himself and vice versa.

 

I have one more thing to add: I assure you if the MM was on this board asking for advice he'd be feeling the heat too, but he isn't so we're focusing on HER.

 

That is irrelevant!!

 

 

I really don't care that much because I am not pregnant by anyone's husband. So truly I could care less.

[IfWishesWereHorses]

Has adoption been raised as an alternative? You created a child with another human being, accepted that he did not want to father a child and agreed to terminate, then you decide that you will raise the child without his help (a ploy for him to offer?), now YOU feel wronged? At what point are you ever responsible for your decisions and changing your mind?

 

What would a wife prefer?? Well, I imagine she would have prefered that you not sleep around with her husband. Don't pretend to care what the wife would prefer all of a sudden. She's had no choice in the matter but will pay the largest of consequences.

 

I agree that should you choose to keep and raise the child on your own and to petition the courts for child support, that you let his wife find out when he has no choice but to tell her. Don't kid yourself that he isn't losing tons of sleep over this. Its also not your position to punish him for choices that you made or agreed to just because you haven't gotten your way. You knew upfront what you were signing up for, accept YOUR mistake and move on.

[girl68]

Oh mamma drama. You're hilarious. And please don't never ever group me along side you, in "women". I do NOT share your views, and you are not speaking for WE you are speaking for YOU.

 

And you sure do seem to care a lot, with all those exclamation marks and all, not to mention your multiple posts in multiple pages.

 

And you totally missed my point. SHE is responsible for HIS protection for HER sake.

 

Where sweet mamma love do I say he bears NO responsibility? Refresh my memory.

[MistyK]

Can we please get back to the point here? OP did not post to start a war over who's responsible for unintended pregnancies. This isn't helping her, and can be argued elsewhere.

[sugarmomma]

Oh mamma drama. You're hilarious. And please don't never ever group me along side you, in "women". I do NOT share your views, and you are not speaking for WE you are speaking for YOU.

 

And you sure do seem to care a lot, with all those exclamation marks and all, not to mention your multiple posts in multiple pages.

 

And you totally missed my point. SHE is responsible for HIS protection for HER sake.

 

Where sweet mamma love do I say he bears NO responsibility? Refresh my memory.

 

 

Listen GIRL, I never grouped you in with me because I am a woman. I didn't say girl or women. Refresh your own memory!

[whimsical_memory]

It is as much a part of him as his son with his wife. I realized that he would never come around and it would probably be best for him to not be in her life.

 

Do I reach out to the wife and tell her about the baby?

 

should I wait and go to court and let that be the W's first time knowing of the child?

 

 

The only reason why I am looking for financial help is b/c I am already a single mother of 2 children and they will be forced to make sacrifices.

if he is still fighting me I will go for support.

 

Exactly, we got on the subject of protection but HE said how much he hated them, I am not married nor in a relationship so I had no one to answer to. I knew that BC was not 100%.

 

 

What would a wife prefer?? Well, I imagine she would have prefered that you not sleep around with her husband. Don't pretend to care what the wife would prefer all of a sudden. She's had no choice in the matter but will pay the largest of consequences.

 

 

 

Wow! Having went back and re-read your posts, I see that you are not going after child support as a means of supporting your child. Rather, you are trying to punish this man for not wanting to be with you. And at the same time, you are going to be destroying the lives of innocent children (his son and your children).

 

IfWishesWereHorses, I wish there was an applause smiley. Because for that statement right there, you deserve a huge round of applause!

[girl68]

Listen girl (lower case) I never grouped you in with me because I am a woman. I didn't say girl or women. Refresh your own memory!

1-You said WE (implying we as "women")

2-I asked you to refresh my memory regarding where exactly I said he had no responsiblity? (Not regarding what precise word you choose to use).

 

Wow! Having went back and re-read your posts, I see that you are not going after child support as a means of supporting your child. Rather, you are trying to punish this man for not wanting to be with you. And at the same time, you are going to be destroying the lives of innocent children (his son and your children).

 

IfWishesWereHorses, I wish there was an applause smiley. Because for that statement right there, you deserve a huge round of applause!

 

Good point.

[RunawayTrain]

Take away the he shoulda she shoulda equation and one thing remains. There is going to be baby born who did not ask to come into this world. Someone responsible has to take care of this baby. He/She did not ask to be born and they shouldn't have to pay for their parents mistakes.

[girl68]

My guess would be you had a guy cheat on you are all about revenge.

 

Your guess was not all that far off.

[sugarmomma]

Take away the he shoulda she shoulda equation and one thing remains. There is going to be baby born who did not ask to come into this world. Someone responsible has to take care of this baby. He/She did not ask to be born and they shouldn't have to pay for their parents mistakes.

 

 

I can imagine this poor child coming into the world to later learn that she was the product of an A. An A where the father doesn't want anything to do with her. I hope that the W will find some compassion and embrace this child who shouldn't have to go without a father. Slim chance of that happening though I'm sure.