Author confused_chica Posted July 4, 2009 Author Share Posted July 4, 2009 I'm trying. I appreciate the sentiment that it will melt my heart but he's been trying for years and my cold stone of a heart has yet to melt for his efforts. I haven't spoken to OM for days and it's killing me (we usually speak every day, many times a day - as I said this is an EA, not physical at all) but I'm trying to be strong. Ugh, the pain! My heart breaks over and over. Don't know how much longer I can last without contact... Link to post Share on other sites
icepop Posted July 6, 2009 Share Posted July 6, 2009 Chica : Wish I had re-visited your thread earlier. ( my GF treated me to a baseball game. I just love her so much. We had a blast). So, you want to know how to fall back in love ? Well, I just cited an example above. MY GF satisfied my need to a/ be with her AND b/ indulge my " sports thing "and c/ and share recreation together. She added many love units to my love bank with this gesture. In fact, any more, her love bank units are overflowing in her love bank account with me. She never over draws. How does she do this and how do I fill my bank account with her ? We meet each other most important emotional needs. All the emotional needs for men and women are the same and there are 12 of them, HOWEVER, men and women prioritize them differently. Example : Men want sex. Women want affection and conversation. But, I know this much. Because I am naturally affectionate with her and we have great convos too, and we laugh a lot, I get laid a lot.( lol ). I meet her needs ( because I love her ) and she meets mine, too. She's also great to be initmate with as well because their is nothing better than making love to the person who is your safe haven, best friend, paramour and confidente. She is all of that to me, and more. Without her would be like being without my heart and soul. So, discover what both of your needs are ( this may require counseling) and start filling them. BTW, marriagebuilders shows the needs part. You and the H can prioritize them for your selves. Link to post Share on other sites
Gamine Posted July 6, 2009 Share Posted July 6, 2009 I'm trying. I appreciate the sentiment that it will melt my heart but he's been trying for years and my cold stone of a heart has yet to melt for his efforts. I haven't spoken to OM for days and it's killing me (we usually speak every day, many times a day - as I said this is an EA, not physical at all) but I'm trying to be strong. Ugh, the pain! My heart breaks over and over. Don't know how much longer I can last without contact... I want you to know that I understand the 'loss' when we loose the 'feeling of being in love'. I, like you, felt complete and total immersion into my husband. I had dated an awful lot but he moved me in ways I could hardly put into words. Our sexual intimacy was off the charts and I was open to him and felt free for for the first time in my entire life. A few years into it the 'in love' feelings completely disappeared. I stuck it out, lost my attraction for him, and wondered if I could stick it out in a 'loveless' marriage for the rest of my life. Here's the weird part. I read that many people have a hard time transitioning from the butterflies in the stomach... can't wait to see them again... feelings of being in love... to the quiet certainty of just plain old love. The committed, long enduring kind. We believe sometimes that the feelings of being in love is love... when it is fueled with attraction and infatuation. But in fact it is the first stage of a long journey and if you stick it out... it may very well have different kinds of rewards for you. It never returned for me. I'm not 'hot for him' the way I used to be. However, I could see the value in making the transition. It is hard giving up that feeling, but you should know that the butterflies are things that you cannot chase. Because if you do it is guaranteed that they will wear off eventually with everyone. And... you may find yourself chasing feelings the rest of your life. Frankly, that supercharged feeling is not something that can be sustained indefinitely and if that is what you seek... you could wind up changing out partners again and again... every time the feeling went away... only then to turn around and wish you could go back in time just to be with your husband again. A classic example of a person who seeks the 'love' feeling is Elizabeth Taylor. I remember a saying... Being in love is cotton candy. Real love is what you do for each other. Link to post Share on other sites
Andy L Posted July 13, 2009 Share Posted July 13, 2009 So at this point, I am tortured by my love for my husband and the fact that I cannot give him the love he deserves, while also being tortured by the passion I feel for someone else. And you have found out it just AFTER marry him (all these kind are for dates to decide to marry a person or not...) Sorry for you. If you didn't no physical with the OM, Think A LOT before doing something to cry after... Try MC with hubby all the best Link to post Share on other sites
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