Sam Spade Posted July 19, 2009 Share Posted July 19, 2009 I have a latin american friend (i.e. pretty western for all intents and purposes) who dates a pakistani guy (not born in the us, came as a student). Pretty cool and super intelligent guy, but screwed up in some aspects, from my point of view (i.e. he envisions a future where he'll buy a huge house and bring alllllllll of his extended pakistani family to live with him and his girlfriend/wife). Girlfriend is pretty blunt about breaking up with him if he pushes with this 'cute' plan. I'm sure that's a very respectful thing to do in his culture, but he's only asking for trouble relationship-wise if he keeps running with it. The point being that when in Rome, do like the romans do. So, if he is british born and raised, he's probably fine. The only way to find out is to talk about it. Somehow white guys dating ethic girls always made more sense to me. Big bad colonists dominating the indigenous populations i guess . Link to post Share on other sites
BlackWhite Posted July 19, 2009 Share Posted July 19, 2009 Somehow white guys dating ethic girls always made more sense to me. Big bad colonists dominating the indigenous populations i guess . Racist! Link to post Share on other sites
lover.girl Posted July 28, 2009 Share Posted July 28, 2009 Hey, hi there my name is ann and i would just like to say i have been maried to a pakkistani/britsh for 8 years and i cant be more happy. His family seemed a bit weard at first but as i got to know them they were very very nice they never forced me to wear their clothes or to folow their belief they are realy good and hey i have been to pakistan a few times and there it is even beter i got treated like a princess. I know pakistan it self is not so great (clean , rich or what ever but i would go there any day. so i think you should give it a try , if his mom dont have a problem with you dating i see no reason for u not to .. . . . . . . . .. . . SO GOOD LUCK ! Link to post Share on other sites
RedAlert Posted July 28, 2009 Share Posted July 28, 2009 Personally I hope not. However, aside from petty prejudices I don't see any reason why it can't work. Religion might be one issue, but I know several mixed (Muslim/Christian) relationships that have worked out. Link to post Share on other sites
utterer of lies Posted July 28, 2009 Share Posted July 28, 2009 Sounds like a lot of racism to me. Oh, no one told you? It's only racism if you're white. Otherwise, it's called cultural differences. Link to post Share on other sites
BOLTON33 Posted July 28, 2009 Share Posted July 28, 2009 I don't get it, don't you live in Britain? So if you do, why don't you date a white British guy and avoid all this trouble? Interracial marriages are not worth the trouble at all, especially for white women. Because guess whose going to be stuck with the kid? Every time I see an interracial kid in real life he's always with his mother, but never a father in sight. Rarely do I see any interracial couples over 40, these relationships just don't work. Stick to your own please. There are millions of single whites in your country, you should tend to them first before some Pakistani guy who won't ever want anything more than sex with you. Link to post Share on other sites
Bayern Posted July 28, 2009 Share Posted July 28, 2009 I think a few people are a bit misinformed here. There will be cultural differences, but they will not be big. More of the differences will be religious than anything, but I have no idea how strict he is religiously. My mother is from India and her parents had no problem with her marrying a European white male. I'm a mixed blood and my mom has no problem with me marrying a white female. It depends who the person is, really. Some are conservative, some are not. And for the record - anything can work. It depends on the people in the relationship. You obviously are good friends... Link to post Share on other sites
silverfish Posted July 28, 2009 Share Posted July 28, 2009 BOLTON33 : Maybe there are lots of single 'whites' but if they have stinking attitudes like yours its hardly surprising really I lived in a big city in England growing up. The Pakistani community could be quite introverted and tend to stick together moreso than Indians, West Indians, Chinese etc. I wasn't even allowed to my friends birthday party by her mother because she thought I would be a bad influence (I was) Times have changed a bit since then though and some Pakistani men these days seem a bit more open minded towards women than maybe their Dads were. I went to watch an England / Pakistan cricket game last year and there was quite an obvious divide between 'westernised' Pakistanis who wore whatever the fashion was, the women had bikini tops etc and they were drinking, and then the more 'old school' Pakistanis who wore traditional dress, didn't drink, prayed after every wicket. Everyone was friendly though and we all shared food (food is a big deal!) Maybe try and find out his beliefs and values, and those of his family as there seem to be big variations on cultural values from family to family Link to post Share on other sites
Author desertsun09 Posted July 30, 2009 Author Share Posted July 30, 2009 So its been a few weeks since my original post and thanks evyerone for your opinions and advice! Background info - he is 31, I am 34, and I really really like this guy. He lives at home with his mother and sister (who are very conservative muslim). His dad has passed away, so he's kinda like the caretaker and such. He has a big community of muslim pakistani friends who he has known all his life. The problem is, I am getting the impression he is not that serious about taking this to another level. We have a great time together and there is so much passion and I love being around him, but I think I've finally figured out that I will never be classified as "the girlfriend". We are so drawn to each other but there is a clear dividing line between his life and mine and it seems like he doesn't want me to meet his friends or anything like that. For ex, we go out on Fridays, he'll stay at my house and leave SAt night and go party with his friends (he lives outside of london, kinda far) and not invite me. So I'll just do my own thing on satudays, I only get to see him once a week. To me that's not a boyfriend, that's just dating somone, and I want a boyfriend, not a part-time sort of thing. Any advice? Do you think this has to do with the fact that he needs to marry a muslim. He's already admitted that he has to marry a muslim and on his facebook, he is on all these muslim singles dating groups. Shoudl I chuck this in? Any advice is helpful. Oh and to the guy that said I should just date a white guy to make it easier.....well you can't help who you fall for so its not like i can just shut it down, and besides, for some reason I'm just really feeling it with him. I do agree though that it is complicated. Link to post Share on other sites
Els Posted July 30, 2009 Share Posted July 30, 2009 Don't worry about Bolton33. If you track his posts, he has a history of threads in which he expresses his fears about never getting a woman and his complaints about how 'women only go for rock gods and movie stars and there's no good women left for a good guy like him'. So I'm betting he's posting out of desperation, upon seeing one more woman leaving his already tiny pool. Desertsun, I don't personally know any Pakistani, but I know lots of religious Muslims. It's true, they will never marry someone unless that person converts to Muslim first. Otherwise it would be a heinous sin to marry. As strong as the racial problems are, I'm betting religion will be your biggest barricade if things ever get further, unless you don't mind converting to Muslim. Religious Muslims would rather their children marry a Muslim of a different race, than a non-Muslim of the same race. Link to post Share on other sites
Ruby Slippers Posted July 30, 2009 Share Posted July 30, 2009 We are so drawn to each other but there is a clear dividing line between his life and mine and it seems like he doesn't want me to meet his friends or anything like that. For ex, we go out on Fridays, he'll stay at my house and leave SAt night and go party with his friends (he lives outside of london, kinda far) and not invite me. So I'll just do my own thing on satudays, I only get to see him once a week. To me that's not a boyfriend, that's just dating somone, and I want a boyfriend, not a part-time sort of thing. Sounds like friends with benefits to me. Take that for what it is -- sex with no strings. Sounds like you want more. If so, I suggest moving on. Link to post Share on other sites
paddington bear Posted July 30, 2009 Share Posted July 30, 2009 So its been a few weeks since my original post and thanks evyerone for your opinions and advice! Background info - he is 31, I am 34, and I really really like this guy. He lives at home with his mother and sister (who are very conservative muslim). His dad has passed away, so he's kinda like the caretaker and such. He has a big community of muslim pakistani friends who he has known all his life. The problem is, I am getting the impression he is not that serious about taking this to another level. We have a great time together and there is so much passion and I love being around him, but I think I've finally figured out that I will never be classified as "the girlfriend". We are so drawn to each other but there is a clear dividing line between his life and mine and it seems like he doesn't want me to meet his friends or anything like that. For ex, we go out on Fridays, he'll stay at my house and leave SAt night and go party with his friends (he lives outside of london, kinda far) and not invite me. So I'll just do my own thing on satudays, I only get to see him once a week. To me that's not a boyfriend, that's just dating somone, and I want a boyfriend, not a part-time sort of thing. Any advice? Do you think this has to do with the fact that he needs to marry a muslim. He's already admitted that he has to marry a muslim and on his facebook, he is on all these muslim singles dating groups. Shoudl I chuck this in? Any advice is helpful. Oh and to the guy that said I should just date a white guy to make it easier.....well you can't help who you fall for so its not like i can just shut it down, and besides, for some reason I'm just really feeling it with him. I do agree though that it is complicated. I decided to start dating a Muslim guy recently - I posted about it here, it was one of my no-no's due to the religious differences, but as you said, it depends how Westernised or religious each individual is. You said: He's already admitted he has to marry a Muslim. Listen to what he says. If his mother is conservative and if he is 'the head of the household' he will do as she says. You will be there for him until he finds that girl of the same religious background - no matter what he feels about you. The guy I'm seeing wants to marry me...after a week of knowing me. I said 'this is waaaay too fast for me' he said 'yeah but in Islam we...' and I interrupted saying 'but I'm not Arabic, I'm not Muslim'. This guy said he wanted to date a non-Arabic girl, and if so, then I'm not going to be pushed into changing into exactly that. I mean that's just one example, but think of it this way, if you were acceptable to him as a future partner/wife, you would, like me, would feel pressurised to marry in a Mosque, stop drinking alcohol, stop eating pork and so on in order to fit in with his beliefs. If you were happy to do that, fine, but for me, I couldn't and let's face it, in my case, he's not going to become a Catholic and marry me in a church....and it kind of seems like he's fallen for me now and I'm not sure what to do. I mean I've only known him a week...and he's a neighbour too....oy.... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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