if something failed to get going at the very start, would you reconsider in future?

[my body is a cage]

sorry I don't know if that's a confusing question, but what I mean is: if you were interested in someone but for some reason nothing ever really progressed, would you ever try again with that person in the future, or would you figure that since nothing got started it wasn't meant to be?

 

also, how would your answer to this question change, say, if you were in college with someone and hooked up a few times and you both kind of liked each other but then nothing ever happened beyond that vs. if you were just seeing someone you didnt know otherwise?

 

i'm on summer vacation from college and have a lot of time by myself to think. unfortunately that means i have a lot of time to think over the situation i described here (http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t182601/). i really liked this guy i hooked up with a few times, and in retrospect, even if he wasn't actively pursuing me him texting me for homework every other day must have at least meant he wouldn't have been opposed to something, right? i mean, i feel like if someone really didn't like someone they would be careful not to give out signs that can be misinterpreted such as texting really often.

 

i'm just mad at myself because whenever i actually like a guy i assume he can't possibly like me back and act accordingly. as a result i have been single now for almost three years. i feel like im never going to find a boyfriend! i'm also worried it will just be harder and harder to meet people after college...

 

i really liked this guy... do you think that because of the way i handled the situation, he has written off any future possibility with me? i feel like i really messed up, as usual.

[2sure]

i'm just mad at myself because whenever i actually like a guy i assume he can't possibly like me back and act accordingly. as a result i have been single now for almost three years. i feel like im never going to find a boyfriend! i'm also worried it will just be harder and harder to meet people after college...

 

 

HUGE HUGE HUGE mile stone as far as your thought process. Sabotaging yourself into "buddy" relationships, projecting your insecurities about yourself onto how others view you.

 

Think about yourself differently! Easier said than done I know. But , please know that it comes with confidence and maturity and usually those things come AFTER college. So, dont worry about meeting guys after college. Work on confidence, after all - you will soon be an accomplished woman.

 

As to the one who got away - if you didnt have an intimate relationship with him...he is still a possibility!

[stepka]

I have heard so many stories from older people who've had some sort of relationship that fizzled in the past and then they got back together later on and ended up very happy. People change and grow too much to say it can't happen.

[my body is a cage]

 

 

HUGE HUGE HUGE mile stone as far as your thought process. Sabotaging yourself into "buddy" relationships, projecting your insecurities about yourself onto how others view you.

 

Think about yourself differently! Easier said than done I know. But , please know that it comes with confidence and maturity and usually those things come AFTER college. So, dont worry about meeting guys after college. Work on confidence, after all - you will soon be an accomplished woman.

 

As to the one who got away - if you didnt have an intimate relationship with him...he is still a possibility!

 

Thanks for your reply. And I mean, its not really a milestone in my thinking because I've been aware of it but I do it anyway... I wish I knew how to build confidence and think about myself differently.

 

What do you mean about having an "intimate relationship" though? We were "intimate" but then nothing ever went anywhere. Do you mean this means there's still hope for the future? I'm worried he might be fed up with me for good... I'm trying not to dwell on it, but it really has me down.

[my body is a cage]

any other input or advice about how to stop thinking about it? im having trouble letting go/ can't seem to stop dwelling and blaming myself.

[Isolde]

It's possible, but unlikely enough that you shouldn't consider it as an actual possibility. If that makes sense. Rather, work on getting over this fear that no one will ever like you back; once you get out of panic mode and act pragmatically, i.e., based on other people's actions, not how you WANT them to act-- things will make more sense to you.