too little too late? or is he just not that into me

[my body is a cage]

Hellooo Loveshack

 

I'm in this sort of dragged out prolonged situation with this guy, and I am really unsure what to do about it... any help would be appreciated!

 

I'm a sophomore at college and I've had a crush on this guy for almost the entire year now. He is a year older than me, but we are the same major, have a lot of the same friends, had one class together and one TA session last semester, and THREE classes together this semester.

 

One day last semester in my TA session I suddenly noticed that he was purposely making prolonged eye contact with me... to the point where it was almost silly haha but I didn't mine because I already had a crush on him. I saw him out at a party later and introduced myself saying aren't you in my ta session? After that we hung out with friends at parties a bunch of times. We have a lot in common, espeically interest wise, and got along really well. Eventually after hanging out a lot we hooked up last semester.

 

The hookup was actually really great, it seemed like we really connected, we held hands, cuddled, etc and exchanged numbers. I should laos add that one of the reasons I was really attracted to him is because he seems like such a great guy, very respectful, kind, caring, amicable, etc...

 

I wasn't really expecting anything to come of it necessarily, but in my next TA session he sat down next to me and told me to call him that night. I texted him when I was going out and he eventually came to this bar to meet me, but right before it closed. He told me and my friend to go hang out at his house, but I drunkenly out of nervousness walked home and texted him oops I'm already home I know this was a bad move, because I was really interested in him then (am still am) and this might have sent a mixed message... I was just really nervous, and do things like this out of insecurity!

 

Anyway, after that we texted a few more times but we did not hook up again that semester. The timing was really off... there were a lot of breaks, he went away one weekend and it was right about finals time. I saw him at a party once and we talked a little but not much, although I got the feeling it was mostly because he was unsure of how to act. When I left I had to walk by him and he was talking to another girl, and he stopped me to go are you leaving now?! because he had not made much of an effort to talk to me I was just like yeah... and he was like oh, ok, see you later!

 

Later I texted him to ask about a final and it turned into an EPIC text conversation because he kept asking me about my plans over break and such.

 

THEN this semester rolled around, and I was REALLY nervous about having three classes in a row with him. To my pleasant surprise, on the first day of classes he waited for me outside and walked with me to each class, and sat next to me. That weekend, we hooked up again on a friday. I went back with him to his house, and although I felt really uncomfortable because I was the sole girl among 10 or so guys, he was really affectionate towards me in front of his friends, holding my hand etc, and all of his friends were really nice to me. I made it clear I felt like I was uncomfortable/ felt like an intruder though, which maybe I also should have done. We had a nice night, but it didn't feel AS great as the first night.

 

After that, I saw him out on that Saturday. He came up to me and hugged and kissed me and we talked for like a second but then my friend pulled me away, which in retrospect might have seemed rude. We talked a couple of more times that night, then right before he left I asked where he was going and he said he was leaving but would text me later or something. No text...

 

Since then, he still sits next to me/ walks with me to class every day, but we have not hooked up again... and it really bothers me because I still like him. Also, he texts me really frequently, but only about homework or school related things! It felt like things were going well for a while/ like we had potential... I am shy sometimes and I know my shyness is often interpreted as coldness or disinterest, and my natural instinct is to play hard to get... I'm worried he may have thought I wasn't that into it. Boys ALWAYS tell me I'm confusing/ hard to read and they don't understand me...

 

Right after we hooked up he asked me if I wanted to have lunch with him and his friends (who are also in the class) after class one day and I turned him down, saying I was going to meet other people. Then I felt kind of bad as if I should not have turned him down, so I texted him saying my friend and I and his friend were gonna go to a movie later, did he want to come? Well, he didn't write back for 7 hours, then responded that sorry he had been asleep, he couldn't go to the movie but was I going out that night? I wrote back that I may or may not be going out that night, him? no response, then I saw him out. Talked briefly, that was it.

 

For a long time we were like awkward around each other out at night, but fine/ flirtatious in class. We would always greet/hug and kiss each other when out, but hardly talk.

 

Recently, right before spring break, things seemed to get a little better. He was more flirtatious in class and I saw him out a couple of times and he came up to me and talked to me for a long period of time/ lingered. However, I saw him at a party right before break and my natural instinct was to ignore him, because I didn't want to bother him, you know? He came up to me and hugged me, we talked for a little while. I didn't go up to him for the rest of the night, but at the end of the night me him, his friend and my friend were waiting outside for other people to leave a party. We talked for a while about mundane things, and I knew everyone was going to go to his house when they came out. When they all came out, he asked me hey ___ what are you doing now? and my natural instinct was to be like going home! and then everyone walked to his house, including my friend, and i was like ****.

 

I know that incident was not a big deal, but it represents what I do when I like someone... how I push them away because of my own insecurity. Its a self perpetuating cycle, kind of like what I did last semester... I reject myself before people can reject me, you know? I saw him in class two days later and everything waas normal, sat together as usual, etc.

 

My question is, I am now on spring break, some of my friends and I are going to his hometown tomorrow: should I text him and ask him if he wants to hang out? Will he think I'm playing games? Or at this point, is it just not worth it? I don't want him to be annoyed that I'm contacting him now when the situation is already so long and drawn out, or maybe he just isn't interested at all and that's what he's been trying to tell me.

 

Overall, this situation really irks me and has left me feeling really ****ty and undesirable. First of all, I seem to not be able to move on because I see him SO often. I don't want to hook up with anyone else because at this point I feel like the same thing would happen and I would ultimately feel rejected... if I learned one thing from this situation its that the college hookup scene is not for me. It's so unfair.

 

I've complained to this about this to my guy and girl friends alike. My best friend agrees with me that this guy clearly likes me as a person, and is always happy to see me, and thinks its equally confusing that he still waits for me after class and sits with me and texts me frequently (but only about homework). When I point out the injustice of the college hookup culture to a couple of my guy friends they tell me that for other girls this may be true but for me its in my head because I'm more physically attractive than most girls... I know that (some) people do think I'm really pretty but I'm not sure this is true.

 

I know its hard for anonymous people on a message board to give me advice in this situation and I hope I don't come across as really insecure and pathetic (albeit that IS how I'm feeling). I realize that this is a long, sort of dramatic post, and I'd like to point out that I'm not a sad, melancholy person in real life at all... I could best be described as cheerful, and definitely quirky, I think. This situation just has me down and I need to vent somewhere...

 

My question is, objectively, what do you guys think this guy thinks of me? DO you think he not interested in me? Or afraid to make a move because he thinks I;m not interested? Would there be any reason for me to text him, or is too late at this point? Does he just wait for me after class because he feels obligated to, but secretly resents it? OR does he not think about htis a fraction as much as I do...

 

I really wish I could let him know what I think, or just ask him, but I'm really bad at communicating in situations like these. I;m just so tired of meaningless flings that leave me feeling rejected, and want something meaningful but feel like I;m never gonna find it... sigh.

 

Sorry for the length, thanks SO much for anyone who read it! Any advice is really appreciated.

[bean1]

Quit texting. You both need to learn to talk to each other [and people in general] in person or on the phone.

 

How can you allow a man to touch your body ("hook up") but you can't actually ask him if is interested in your romantically or not? It sounds absurd.

 

You are going to continue to have these problems until you learn to communicate your wants and needs.

 

I would recommend you quit "hooking up". If the guy can't even phone you and ask you out on a decent date, why are you letting him touch you? It's like delivering yourself like a pizza but you aren't even getting the $20. He came at bar closing!

 

Come on! Look, I went through the same bull at your age (and I'm only 25 now), I just don't want to see you continue to hurt yourself like this. Of course, I never listened to my older girlfriends who told me the same thing. Ouch!

[Luscis]

Being a guy myself we sometimes can get confused easily specially with a girl that is shy and very pretty. If he is the overly sensitive guy type he could be taking your shyness as a sign that your not that into him coupled with the fact that your pretty.

He seems like a nice guy, ask him out.

[my body is a cage]

Quit texting. You both need to learn to talk to each other [and people in general] in person or on the phone.

 

How can you allow a man to touch your body ("hook up") but you can't actually ask him if is interested in your romantically or not? It sounds absurd.

 

You are going to continue to have these problems until you learn to communicate your wants and needs.

 

I would recommend you quit "hooking up". If the guy can't even phone you and ask you out on a decent date, why are you letting him touch you? It's like delivering yourself like a pizza but you aren't even getting the $20. He came at bar closing!

 

Come on! Look, I went through the same bull at your age (and I'm only 25 now), I just don't want to see you continue to hurt yourself like this. Of course, I never listened to my older girlfriends who told me the same thing. Ouch!

 

 

I know, I agree that I messed up by putting myself in a situation where I am now emotionally vulnerable. As I said, I have learned that hooking up is not for me, and I definitely won't be hooking up with him or anyone else in the future.

 

That being said, do you think I should try to forget about this guy and move on? Its hard because I have such a crush on him, but I guess I can try to work past that... essentially if I texted him it would just be to be able to hang out with him, as a friend, not just in class you know? To like be able to talk to him/ maybe get to the point where things are not-weird enough so that I can ask him hey, whats your deal.

 

I mean, do you think there is any point in trying to communicate? Or should I cut my losses.

[my body is a cage]

Being a guy myself we sometimes can get confused easily specially with a girl that is shy and very pretty. If he is the overly sensitive guy type he could be taking your shyness as a sign that your not that into him coupled with the fact that your pretty.

He seems like a nice guy, ask him out.

 

Yeha, I mean lately I've been trying to drop more hints, thinking that maybe he was just clueless and at this point I don't have much to lose. I was met with some success, but hardly...

 

A couple of weeks ago I asked him if he wanted to study for a test with me. He said yeah definitely then the next day I asked him when he wanted to study and he just said he didnt know and asked me how I was studying, then we never ended up getting together. Another time I asked him if he was going to this event, he said I dont think so, why are you? and made fun of me for going but didnt pick up on the fact that the reason I asked him was because I wanted him to say, lets go!

 

Things like that seem to happen all the time, like either he picks up on my hints and purposefully doesn't take them or is clueless...

 

I don't know. Maybe I still don't have much to lose? I just don't want to seem desperate, if he's really not into it.

[SoulSearch_CO]

Man, you are playing this poor guy out like crazy. He obviously likes you - keeps inviting you to do stuff. You keep turning him down. If you really do like him - knock it off. I think you're confusing the hell out of him.

 

No, I don't think he waits for you after class out of obligation. What the hell would he be obligated for? He hasn't know you THAT long, you're not related, you're not in the same social clique...etc.

 

Most likely, your luke-warm acceptances of his invitations (when you have actually accepted ANYTHING) make him wonder if YOU'RE accepting out of obligation.

 

Also - guys don't do hints. Yeah, you may be shy, but are you really going to drop over dead to say to him (NO TEXTING!), "I like you - would you like to go out sometime?" Then you'd get your answer as to whether or not he's interested.

[my body is a cage]

Man, you are playing this poor guy out like crazy. He obviously likes you - keeps inviting you to do stuff. You keep turning him down. If you really do like him - knock it off. I think you're confusing the hell out of him.

 

No, I don't think he waits for you after class out of obligation. What the hell would he be obligated for? He hasn't know you THAT long, you're not related, you're not in the same social clique...etc.

 

Most likely, your luke-warm acceptances of his invitations (when you have actually accepted ANYTHING) make him wonder if YOU'RE accepting out of obligation.

 

Also - guys don't do hints. Yeah, you may be shy, but are you really going to drop over dead to say to him (NO TEXTING!), "I like you - would you like to go out sometime?" Then you'd get your answer as to whether or not he's interested.

 

yikes you really think im confusing him that much? i mean, he hasnt really made THAT much of an effort himself, you know? in some ways i hope youre right but in other ways im worried youre right because in that case, im worried that ive messed everything up beyond repair

 

i was in his town today, but i didn't call him because i didn't end up meeting up with our mutual friend that i thought i was going to, and he didn't know anyone i was with really so i thought it would have been awkward...

 

i will definitely be back in his town again over break though (ok its not a town its actually a huge city that i live about an hour away from and have a bunch of friends who live there) ... do you think its too late for me to call him? i mean, if hes this confused by me, maybe he thinks im playing games and is frustrated/ resentful towards me! i really wish i had just hung out with him last week when he asked me what i was doing... ugh... also i really wish i could just friggin TALK to him about this why is it so hard for me to communicate? would it be acceptable to send him an email?? sighh

[manugeorge]

You have to quit being so afraid and second guessing yourself. Just talk to the guy already, leave the friends and texts and emails out of it and ask him to lunch. It is not nearly that complicated, TRUST ME. I guarantee you he will say yes, you will have a nice getting to know you session and go from there.

 

Forget about the past and who turned who down, just start over, open your mouth and talk to him.

 

What are you so afraid of????

[xenomaniac]

I can relate to your frustration, however, the guy I am currently in a similarly ambiguous situation with originally sent me extremely strong "you should be my girlfriend" signals (and then aborted his mission due to a hang up on an ex, which he is trying to "resolve"). That said, I really think the only way forward here is to be direct: the next time you get positive indication from him (and trust me, it will come again), take advantage of the moment and ask him how he sees you. How much do you guys know about each other? Has he gone out of his way to learn things about you? Vice versa? If you cut "hooking up" out of your involvement with him, do you still enjoy each other's company? So many questions...

 

P.S. Don't be afraid of the FWB label. If you sense there are mutual feelings beyond the physical, you have potential to be more than FWB! If you share a physical, mental, AND emotional connection with someone, you have the magic formula. The only thing holding things back, then, may just be the awkwardness that comes with not knowing what the other person wants. Be direct, be honest, and be ready to move on accordingly. Good luck!

[BCCA]

There was a time when I didnt need to ask this, but it seems 'hooked up' has different meanings to different people.

 

You mean you slept together, correct?

[my body is a cage]

Thanks for the encouragement you guys, I really hope the situation is as positive as you guys perceive it to be haha. Before I read your responses I sent him a really neutral message with a link to an article about how one of our professors helped NASA map venus and said something about the colbert report. that was five hours ago and he hasnt responded, although he updated his status with his blackberry, but who knows maybe he'll respond later or if not i guess its not a big deal because it was such a neutral message haha.

 

anyway, you guys are totally right about me being so afraid of rejection... im so scared of failing i dont even try! i guess im extra worried that he thinks ive been playing games and such/ like was trying but gave up on me, or that he was ok with hooking up with me but really didnt want anything more, but yeah, at this point i dont have that much to lose anyway.

 

my plan from here is gonna be: see if he responds to the message, either way, text him next time im in his city and see if he wants to hang out. if no success, i will be flirty and friendly in class and such and when i see him out but i will wait a while to make another attempt.

[kdark]

I send neutral messages like that to ex girlfriends who's guts I hate just so they don't get pissed at me.

 

When you send something like that, it SCREAMS "lets just be friends!"

[xenomaniac]

Yeah, BE BOLD. Just take the plunge and send an unambiguous message his way! Otherwise, you'll be in limbo forever.

[385]

1) He likes you, you like him - stop making it complicated. Hang out with him ASAP and show him you like him. You guys need to go on an ACTUAL date and stop seeing each other at parties or inviting him to hangout with you and your friends - its you that he's interested in.

 

Lunch date. Bring it up to him in a text or something. Be like, you want to hang out sometime? If he's interested, he'd be like yes. And then you can be like, call me up or something.

 

2) Stop being so distant because that's a turnoff. If you really like him, you should set aside time to hang out with him instead of being like 'hey, my friends and I are going to a movie, you want to come?' It should be more like, 'hey, what are you doing next thurs? you want to come see a movie with me?

 

3) And stop worrying about him not responding text messages for x hours. He could be doing anything, working out, hanging out with friends/family, or even be at a place without reception. This happens all the time. If you want instant results, call him and see what happens. I've had text messages get returned the next day all the time, so worrying about when he responds is just unnecessary stress.

 

4) And what's your definition of 'hooking up?' Mine is having sex - is your's just making out?

[my body is a cage]

He likes you, you like him - stop making it complicated. Hang out with him ASAP and show him you like him.

 

See I'm REALLY not so sure he likes me. I think the messages he has sent me have been very mixed this semester, and it's not like he has ever asked me on a date!

 

Also, he never responded to my planets / colbert message!! haha I feel like a big dork for sending it, hope his lack of response doesn't mean he's ignoring me or thinks it was really weird that I sent it...

[my body is a cage]

So, now the semester is over, and nothing ever happened between us, even though I still like him. He kept texting me every other day about homework, sometimes at 12 30 in the morning on a saturday to ask me, for example, where to get colored film developed in our town... so confusing! He kept waiting for me after class, we almost went together to a lecture once, towards the end of the year we started hanging out more normally in a groups while out but I sort of had the sense that he had given up on me romantically moreso than before now.

 

Anyway, I still can't help beating myself up for the way I handled the scenario. I'm so confused, I keep being bombarded with mixed signals! I'm told its best for the girl not to show too much interest, but then on the other hand I'm always told the guys I like don't know I like them, and then nothing ever happens. I can't help but wonder, what if, for example, I had accepted when he asked me if I wanted to have lunch with him and his friends... would I actually have what I wanted right now? I've been single for a long time, and I really feel like I should change my ways, because they're not working.

 

Anyway, I had an idea, and I wanted to run it by you guys first- do you think it would be a terrible idea for me to send him a message that says something like:

 

hey,

 

so I know this last semester was kind of a weird scenario, having three classes together and all. anyway, i wish we had hung out more outside of class. let me know if you want to hang out this summer!

 

or is that too much? i'm also very afraid he wont respond, but i guess thats my big problem - im so afraid of going after what i want because i might not get it. and really thats a narcissism thing about myself i should change, right? but on the other hand, i dont want to scare him away by chasing him.

 

guys, if you were him, would you appreciate a message like that? or be annoyed? or freaked out?

 

i sort of feel like at this point i may not have much to lose, especially since im not going to be at school next semester...

[SoulSearch_CO]

I don't think you have much to lose in sending a message like that. The guy DID like you. Who knows, now? There is a fine line as far as showing interest. If you show absolutely none, the guy is going to go elsewhere. Why keep pursuing somebody that shows zero interest? It's frustrating for them.

 

Now, the other end of the spectrum would be calling him, texting him, asking him to go out, telling him how hot he is, how lucky you are to be with him, etc. LOL Do you see the big difference? Anybody would run at that. It's too much. Can't you find a healthy balance? Responding positively to somebody's invitations is NOT "showing too much interest."

 

Anyway - sure, send the message. But don't be so guarded that the guy can't get a read on you.

[filh]

this story sounds very similar to what I've gone through.

 

*sigh* missed opportunities... so sad

[my body is a cage]

I don't think you have much to lose in sending a message like that. The guy DID like you. Who knows, now? There is a fine line as far as showing interest. If you show absolutely none, the guy is going to go elsewhere. Why keep pursuing somebody that shows zero interest? It's frustrating for them.

 

Now, the other end of the spectrum would be calling him, texting him, asking him to go out, telling him how hot he is, how lucky you are to be with him, etc. LOL Do you see the big difference? Anybody would run at that. It's too much. Can't you find a healthy balance? Responding positively to somebody's invitations is NOT "showing too much interest."

 

Anyway - sure, send the message. But don't be so guarded that the guy can't get a read on you.

 

Thanks for your reply! My only concern isthat itwould be counter productive because he might think it's creepy I haven't moved on yet. I dunno. Do you think that is a possible risk?

[my body is a cage]

well, so, i sent him a message that said something along the lines of 'i wish we had hung out more during the year, let me know if you want to hang out during the summer!' a while ago and he never responded. i know he is bad at communicating via technology (i learned that things i had fretted over regarding our text convos were null when our teacher made us do a proect together, he would text me and ask a question about the project, i would respond and ask a question, he wouldnt respond, would text me 3 hours later ask another question, i would respond and ask a question, he wouldnt respond... 5 hours later a text that has nothing to do with the question i asked)

and also, from what i gather he is out of town now (possibly for the summer).

 

either way, i hope his lack of response doesnt demonstrate that he has any sort of bitterness towards me.. i dont think it would really, because on my birthday he sent me a nice text message and although the last time we actually saw each other out at school it was an awkward encounter, we had been hanging out normally / talking on the phone and such before then.

 

(maybe it is also worth noting that i hooked up with one of his friends towards the end of the year... drunkenly, not the best move i admit, but also, i knew for a fact that he had hooked up with a girl who does not go to our school a couple of times, and clearly nothing was happening between us at that point and he texted me the next day so i dont think it matttered...)

 

anyway, now in retrospect, especially since i may have read into his text messaging too much, i realize that he probably did like me at the start at least. this really frustrates me because i feel like another opportunity has slipped away because of my self-doubt and insecurity.

 

as ive already stated, i am just frustrated with the way i handled the situation. i am aware that i do this and it doesnt get me anywhere, i really wish i could change my behavior but it is so hard for me to see clearly when i like someone.

 

anyway, my question is also: do you think he thinks its weird that i sent that message now, after all of this, and thats why he didnt reply? or he has some sort of resentment towards me? or he just forgot, is bad at communicating, etc...? also, do you think theres ever a chance for us in the future, or do you think he has closed the door on me completely?

[lab_brat]

hey,

 

so I know this last semester was kind of a weird scenario, having three classes together and all. anyway, i wish we had hung out more outside of class. let me know if you want to hang out this summer!

 

or is that too much? i'm also very afraid he wont respond, but i guess thats my big problem - im so afraid of going after what i want because i might not get it. and really thats a narcissism thing about myself i should change, right? but on the other hand, i dont want to scare him away by chasing him.

 

guys, if you were him, would you appreciate a message like that? or be annoyed? or freaked out?

 

i sort of feel like at this point i may not have much to lose, especially since im not going to be at school next semester...

 

Chasing him? Honey, this is just as ambiguous as whats been going on for the whole last year. You like him, yes? And if you're rejected you don't have to see him at school again? So there is nothing to lose. If you must text, send this-

 

'I like you. Would you like to go out to dinner with me?'

 

Thats it. Short and to the point, its clear, non-confusing and either way you'll know. Just grit your teeth and do it. Now.You'll feel much better for it. No, do not edit it. Send it. Now.

[boogieboy]

Since he was not answering your questions in text, I dont think he likes you. he probably has a gf now that was more direct with him in her beginning, so you blew it with your wishy washy texts, and not calling.

 

Take this as a lesson to be direct with the next guy, and dont worry about the rejection. They either like you or they dont. You cant control their reaction with ambiguous texts. If they like you they will make it clear, after YOU make it clear.

 

Continue to send texts that dont spell out your intentions, to avoid rejection, and you will continue to let guys slip though your fingers. Simple as that.

[my body is a cage]

Since he was not answering your questions in text, I dont think he likes you. he probably has a gf now that was more direct with him in her beginning, so you blew it with your wishy washy texts, and not calling.

 

 

Right, I'd agree with this. However, do you think his lack of response means that he dislikes me in some way/ is bitter towards me? Also, I won't be seeing him for a long time because I'm not going to be at school next semester, but do you think there's a chance of anything between us in the future, ever? Or do you think he has written me off completely? (I'm not going to sit around pining over him, just wondering if you think there's a glimmer of hope or not.)

[scaredtofallagain]

I do the exact same thing you do when there's a guy I like. My first thought is to push him away..especially if I really like him. Insecurity can ruin the best of things if you let it get the best of you. Trust me, it's done a number on a lot of my past relationships. This dating game is rough but you gotta just go with the flow. That's what I'm trying to do these days. You'll only drive yourself nutty if you over analylize every meeting you have with him..and wonder what you did wrong ( if only I could take my own advise.). It may not seem like it..but they can pick up when we're thinking that way. I know a lot of people out there don't really dig on the " everything happens for a reason" or " whatever happens, happens" way of thinking but for me, it works. If the two of you are going to turn into something more..it'll happen, it just takes time and effort..and patience. Guys are shy..and they think just a neuroticly as we do but they're much better at hiding it ( most of them anyway.)

[my body is a cage]

I do the exact same thing you do when there's a guy I like. My first thought is to push him away..especially if I really like him. Insecurity can ruin the best of things if you let it get the best of you. Trust me, it's done a number on a lot of my past relationships. This dating game is rough but you gotta just go with the flow. That's what I'm trying to do these days. You'll only drive yourself nutty if you over analylize every meeting you have with him..and wonder what you did wrong ( if only I could take my own advise.). It may not seem like it..but they can pick up when we're thinking that way. I know a lot of people out there don't really dig on the " everything happens for a reason" or " whatever happens, happens" way of thinking but for me, it works. If the two of you are going to turn into something more..it'll happen, it just takes time and effort..and patience. Guys are shy..and they think just a neuroticly as we do but they're much better at hiding it ( most of them anyway.)

 

 

thank you, it helps to hear that im not the only one! and yeah i know haha objectively its easy to see these things, its just so hard to keep things in perspective when its yourself. i also agree with you that guys can pick up on the vibe somehow when we overanalyze things,... i think generally people are more perceptive than we think. it also gets harder when your feelings are involved, though.

 

i wish i knew how to build the confidence to not sabotage relationships though. that would be nice.