How to cope with a VERY clingy friend?

[lazlow99]

I've got a friend who until recently used to ring me everyday and want to talk to me for at least 30 minutes. Some times when he rang I'd be in no mood to talk or I'd be fed up of him ringing me at roughly the same time every single day, then he'd be like ''what's wrong with you? you sound wierd'' and just not get that I don't want to talk every single day.

 

Sometimes he text's me wanting me to go on MSN, and if I'm on MSN and I'm slow to reply he'll say, 'why are you replying slowly' and if I explain I'm talking to other people he'll say 'who are you talking too?' He'll also want to know ever aspect of my day, who I've been with, what I've been doing and it can get really annoying. He's worse than a clingy girlfriend.

 

I was talking about doing various things when I finish university, and he always seems to want to do the same. I mentioned getting a work placement in a city, and he said 'I'd like to do that. We can share the rent and it would be cheaper' before I'd even looked into it and I definitely didn't mention that I'd want to live with him.

 

Generally he's good guy, we understand each other and can share problems, but he's very insecure and not good socially, so he kind of whats to cling onto me. At this stage into my life I want to make a life for myself and without sounding harsh having him follow me around would be a burden if I'm supposed to be meeting new people and getting out into the world.

 

I've show a lot of patience with him, especially seen as he is very negative sometimes and tries to put me down, to I think make himself feel better about his situation. I'm also aware that he recently fell out with all of his housemates and non of them are living with him next year. Like I said he didn't used to be like this, and had a funny, cynical sense of humor that I liked. Anyone been in a similar situation? I don't want to lose the friendship and I want the best for him, without him clinging onto my life.

[Yellowboy]

He's not gay is he? Even if clingy, that sounds a bit excessive.

 

Just keep your distance, make sure he understands that you have your own life out there and that you don't have time to constantly deal with him.

[lazlow99]

No I'm pretty sure he's not gay. Although he's never had a girlfriend or done anything more than kiss a girl as far as I know. I really think he's massively insecure and doesn't have the motivation to make it in the world on his own, so he wants to cling onto me.

[WTRanger]

You should put your foot down, and stop him from doing this. Do it in a way as you would with a child. Explain to them that what he's doing makes you feel strange. Help him understand how he's coming off not only to you, but to other people.

 

If he starts to contact you constantly, then don't just half-assed reply or not reply in hopes that he "gets it" but explain that you can't talk and remind him of his clingyness. He should figure things out with your help. I bet he doesn't see himself yet, and hopefully he'll want to change for you.

 

If not, to the curb with him!!

[Adunaphel]

You should put your foot down, and stop him from doing this. Do it in a way as you would with a child. Explain to them that what he's doing makes you feel strange. Help him understand how he's coming off not only to you, but to other people.

 

This is IMO great advice. Most clingy people do not even realize that they are excessively clingy (and tend to undestandably feel hurt when their friends "dump" them without even caring to explain why.

If you are not aware that you have a problem, how could you fix it?

[boogieboy]

He likes you, he always will, this sounds like it isnt a genuine platonic friendship because its unbalanced. You should not be hanging out with him if you cant tell him to knock it off. Lemme ask you this, if you tell him right now, that he will NEVER have a chance with you no matter how long he hangs on, do you think he would still hang around?