lupa Posted August 11, 2009 Posted August 11, 2009 today, i am overwhelmed with a sense of loneliness. i haven't felt it in a little while, but alas, it's back. i actually cried on my way to work this morning, and was kicking myself for that. my wife has disrespected me to the point that i feel totally defeated. i had a mutual friend of ours call me last night to say she saw my wife picking up our daughter at school yesterday, and my wife pretended not to see her 5 feet from her car waving to her. she sounded as though it made her cry and wanted an explanation from me as to how she could be like that. my wife has claimed throughout the course of our marriage that this girl is the best female friend she's ever had. i just told her that i think her new friends are more important to her than either of us, and i'm sorry it has to be that way. however, i can offer no explanation why she is like this, because it has seemingly come out of nowhere to me too. i told her that because her husband and i have been consistently hanging around one another, that probably has a lot to do with it. she then told me that it's just really ****ty of her to be like that, and she will never be friends with her again. she's just too fake. My wife has completely abandoned all our mutual friends except one. It has to be from the guilt factor. That is the only thing that makes sense to me...maybe this is what your wife is doing, too. It probably isn't conscious, it probably is that they get a sour feeling when they think of those people because they know they are not just betraying you and me. I don't understand any of this, it is all conjecture, but if your wife and mine didn't feel so terrible, would they have to ignore their close friends? I don't think so. I find myself a little hesitant to spread the news around to people, but I don't feel any shame. Maybe they are feeling shame. ..?
phineas Posted August 11, 2009 Posted August 11, 2009 today, i am overwhelmed with a sense of loneliness. i haven't felt it in a little while, but alas, it's back. i actually cried on my way to work this morning, and was kicking myself for that. my wife has disrespected me to the point that i feel totally defeated. i had a mutual friend of ours call me last night to say she saw my wife picking up our daughter at school yesterday, and my wife pretended not to see her 5 feet from her car waving to her. she sounded as though it made her cry and wanted an explanation from me as to how she could be like that. my wife has claimed throughout the course of our marriage that this girl is the best female friend she's ever had. i just told her that i think her new friends are more important to her than either of us, and i'm sorry it has to be that way. however, i can offer no explanation why she is like this, because it has seemingly come out of nowhere to me too. i told her that because her husband and i have been consistently hanging around one another, that probably has a lot to do with it. she then told me that it's just really ****ty of her to be like that, and she will never be friends with her again. she's just too fake. She won't talk to her old friends because she doesn't want to have to answer the questions. simple as that. She has no legitimate reason to end the marriage other than she thinks the grass is greener & while she has somehow justified it in her mind she still knows people will tell her she is in the wrong & she doesn't want to hear that.
Author MrMayI Posted August 11, 2009 Author Posted August 11, 2009 My wife has completely abandoned all our mutual friends except one. It has to be from the guilt factor. That is the only thing that makes sense to me...maybe this is what your wife is doing, too. It probably isn't conscious, it probably is that they get a sour feeling when they think of those people because they know they are not just betraying you and me. I don't understand any of this, it is all conjecture, but if your wife and mine didn't feel so terrible, would they have to ignore their close friends? I don't think so. I find myself a little hesitant to spread the news around to people, but I don't feel any shame. Maybe they are feeling shame. ..? She won't talk to her old friends because she doesn't want to have to answer the questions. simple as that. She has no legitimate reason to end the marriage other than she thinks the grass is greener & while she has somehow justified it in her mind she still knows people will tell her she is in the wrong & she doesn't want to hear that. both of you guys are correct. i've had no hesitation to tell what i'll now call MY friends exactly what i believe to be going on, and who i believe it to be going on with. i have my brother and a couple of other friends whom i've told exactly where this guy lives, what he drives and all of that. i've let them know that if they see her there at his house, to be sure and take a picture with their cell phone. i've told them if they see my daughter at that house to call me immediately, and i will be going there to remove her, as i am primary custodian and have proof of that. her visitation for that particular day will end immediately, and quite possibly her affair as well. until there is an absolute divorce between us, i will use my say and there WILL BE NO MAN in my daughter's life in a nurturing respect who is not blood related. i will not allow it to happen.
Author MrMayI Posted August 11, 2009 Author Posted August 11, 2009 i still am incapable of keeping my head in the work day, all day. too big of a step at the moment, but i may get into something that will actually afford me no time to piss off and think a lot of the day. not that it's really afforded to me now. i could probably spend a full week here without breaks and still not be caught up. oh well. so ****ing tired.
Author MrMayI Posted August 12, 2009 Author Posted August 12, 2009 an insignificant event, but she called to talk to our daughter a bit ago. she was already asleep. i told her that and she was starting to say something, i said goodnight to you and hung up. it felt pretty good.
tojaz Posted August 12, 2009 Posted August 12, 2009 Little victories MayI,! Enjoy the little victories. TOJAZ
Author MrMayI Posted August 12, 2009 Author Posted August 12, 2009 Little victories MayI,! Enjoy the little victories. TOJAZ hey T! i thought i was the only one still up. it did feel good. we're on school hours now, so she may as well get used to it. put down the cell phone from texting for a bit, and call your child at a reasonable time. moving is a bitch.
tojaz Posted August 12, 2009 Posted August 12, 2009 hey T! i thought i was the only one still up. it did feel good. we're on school hours now, so she may as well get used to it. put down the cell phone from texting for a bit, and call your child at a reasonable time. moving is a bitch. I'm about to hit the sack, just checking in and returning some E-mails. Every little victory takes back a little bit of power. When this crap all happens we feel helpless, but the more we relate on our own terms the more control we feel we have over the direction our lives are going, and the closer to equal the battlefield becomes! Keep it up MayI I know what you mean, I moved my sister yesterday, I ache from head to toe. TOJAZ
Author MrMayI Posted August 12, 2009 Author Posted August 12, 2009 and here i am again today. still wanting back what i cannot have. damnit.
LisaUk Posted August 12, 2009 Posted August 12, 2009 lisa and tojaz, it's weird but you two have become very good friends of mine. i'm not sure he's an OM and i needed someone to say that. however, my wife hasn't given me the time of day in 3 weeks, and i the same, but i haven't been parading around with someone i've spent countless hours texting and talking to on the phone. Thanks, it's not weird I think of you as a friend too! Remind yourself of your w behaviour when you feel you want her, like the above!
Author MrMayI Posted August 12, 2009 Author Posted August 12, 2009 Thanks, it's not weird I think of you as a friend too! Remind yourself of your w behaviour when you feel you want her, like the above! i do. that's the issue. i feel she can come out of the fog. i feel i can somehow bring her back. i know it isn't true, though.
LisaUk Posted August 12, 2009 Posted August 12, 2009 Arrh, the old how can I bring the person I loved back?! We all know this one... Many days spent thinking, maybe if I do this, maybe if I do that... Yet we all know WE can't do anything. I have found it helps to remember that the person he is now is not the person I loved. However, this trait he had, to be able to do this to me and keep doing it, that has always been a part of him, it was always there, his true colours, I just didn't see it or the conditions for it to surface weren't there before (marriage in our case). She is not who you thought her to be MMI, you can't do anything to bring her out of the fog b/c the way she is behaving is part of who she is. Only she can choose to see what she has done. One day, she will. By then, you will be long gone and happy with another. It is so sad, espcially for your daughter.
lupa Posted August 12, 2009 Posted August 12, 2009 i do. that's the issue. i feel she can come out of the fog. i feel i can somehow bring her back. i know it isn't true, though. I still feel like that, too, which is just stupid. We are two stupids. Let it go, brother man, let it go. Hell, I even have a quasi-girlfriend thing going on, and somewhere I think this could start back up with my wife. We are two stupids.
Author MrMayI Posted August 12, 2009 Author Posted August 12, 2009 Arrh, the old how can I bring the person I loved back?! We all know this one... Many days spent thinking, maybe if I do this, maybe if I do that... Yet we all know WE can't do anything. I have found it helps to remember that the person he is now is not the person I loved. However, this trait he had, to be able to do this to me and keep doing it, that has always been a part of him, it was always there, his true colours, I just didn't see it or the conditions for it to surface weren't there before (marriage in our case). She is not who you thought her to be MMI, you can't do anything to bring her out of the fog b/c the way she is behaving is part of who she is. Only she can choose to see what she has done. One day, she will. By then, you will be long gone and happy with another. It is so sad, espcially for your daughter. you're absolutely right. i've seriously hit the point where all i think about is our daughter and her happiness at having us be a "family" again. i was taking her to school this morning, and she asked me did i remember our trip to the beach with the wife's family (it was 4 months ago), i said "i do. maybe you and mommy will go next year and do it again". she said "no daddy. you'll come with us. we're still a family, you know?". i spent the rest of the drive just patting her hand. poor baby. I still feel like that, too, which is just stupid. We are two stupids. Let it go, brother man, let it go. Hell, I even have a quasi-girlfriend thing going on, and somewhere I think this could start back up with my wife. We are two stupids. yes we are. i have nothing to offer this person to entice her back into my life. obviously, the thought of a family isn't appealing to her anymore, and that's all i want.
LisaUk Posted August 12, 2009 Posted August 12, 2009 i have nothing to offer this person to entice her back into my life. obviously, the thought of a family isn't appealing to her anymore, and that's all i want. This isn't about what you have to offer her. This about her, her choices, her selfishness, her decisions, whatever. This is no reflection on you or what you are, this about a character flaw within her. You cannot influence her, you cannot get her to appreciate her family, that must come from her. This is about her issues.
LisaUk Posted August 12, 2009 Posted August 12, 2009 MMI, just saw your post on Newsguys thread, what the h**l has happened?
tojaz Posted August 13, 2009 Posted August 13, 2009 I still feel like that, too, which is just stupid. We are two stupids. Let it go, brother man, let it go. Hell, I even have a quasi-girlfriend thing going on, and somewhere I think this could start back up with my wife. We are two stupids. Hell, let me in that club. I'm holding the final decree! I am not married, and I'm looking for ways to save my F***IN Marriage! Three, Three stupids are we!!!
lupa Posted August 13, 2009 Posted August 13, 2009 Hell, let me in that club. I'm holding the final decree! I am not married, and I'm looking for ways to save my F***IN Marriage! Three, Three stupids are we!!! Us, a Poem Three, three, three stupids are we You're standing there Holding decree Three, three, three stupids are we He's home alone Longing for she Three, three, three stupids are we I've got a girl Still can't be free Three, three, three stupids are we We meant forever Now we're empty Three, three, three stupids are we Three stupids are we Three stupids are we
tojaz Posted August 13, 2009 Posted August 13, 2009 MMI, just saw your post on Newsguys thread, what the h**l has happened? From Newsguys thread! i'm just about to drive down the road and have a confrontation of my own. this mother****er better hope he's not home, and i use the time to cool down. Cooldown anyways man, we talked about this already, remember! I remember it like it eas yesterday (cool wavy effect).... You said... i know T, but a block away makes it a lot ****ing harder to resist the urge to beat on the front door, and pummel someone in the yard. Then I said... Oh I feel you, remember, I had the rotten OM IN MY HANDS, not just down the block. I know what you want to do. But he didin't cause this. Hes just a parasite using it to his advantage. Guys like that get whats coming to them, you don't need to do it. It won't make you feel better anyway. Not in the long run. Your better then that! Besides, distance dosen't matter much when thats really what you want to do. It was a 5 hour drive and a 5 hour bus ride home when I handled the guy in Kels thread. LOL TOJAZ Then you said... i know you're right. plus, it's only going to hurt my daughter if he punks and presses charges on me anyway. Then I said... Exactly, keep on that moral high ground. Let her wallow in the mud with him. TOJAZ Chill out man, this post was a real pain in the a$$ to put together. Don't make me do it again. Hows your little daughter going to feel visiting daddy in the pokey anyways, thats whats going to happen! Keep on that moral high ground ....oh wait, I already said that! TOJAZ
Author MrMayI Posted August 13, 2009 Author Posted August 13, 2009 tojaz, amazing job on that post. i know that took some work. i like the "cool wavy effect" part. i actually saw it in my mind's eye, lol. lupa, that poem rings so true. however, my longing has once again turned to anger. lisa, someone on om's facebook apparently jokingly called him a homewrecker. a friend called and told me. it infuriated me immediately. i was in the tool store tonight buying picture hanging stuff and found myself staring at axes for a good 5 minutes. i was thinking of buying one and just leaving it in a car hood. i thought that might get the point across. then i thought "mayi, who really gives a ****? you knew it was bound to happen. let her have it. you've filed." serenity now. serenity now. serenity. now.
lupa Posted August 13, 2009 Posted August 13, 2009 tojaz, amazing job on that post. i know that took some work. i like the "cool wavy effect" part. i actually saw it in my mind's eye, lol. lupa, that poem rings so true. however, my longing has once again turned to anger. lisa, someone on om's facebook apparently jokingly called him a homewrecker. a friend called and told me. it infuriated me immediately. i was in the tool store tonight buying picture hanging stuff and found myself staring at axes for a good 5 minutes. i was thinking of buying one and just leaving it in a car hood. i thought that might get the point across. then i thought "mayi, who really gives a ****? you knew it was bound to happen. let her have it. you've filed." serenity now. serenity now. serenity. now. Can't hurt to imagine it, but seriously, do not assault anyone. Just...don't. You'll hurt yourself and your daughter, and you'll disappoint us. Let's just write retarded poetry, and support each other here. ok?
Author MrMayI Posted August 13, 2009 Author Posted August 13, 2009 Can't hurt to imagine it, but seriously, do not assault anyone. Just...don't. You'll hurt yourself and your daughter, and you'll disappoint us. Let's just write retarded poetry, and support each other here. ok? deal. it was just a thought. a scary one, but still. i've just been fuming all day. definitely not the answer, but beer has saved me tonight.
BentButNotBroken Posted August 13, 2009 Posted August 13, 2009 deal. it was just a thought. a scary one, but still. i've just been fuming all day. definitely not the answer, but beer has saved me tonight. I could of done it too man..boy I wanted too. Had an opportunity but found that I have something she doesn't...a conscience.
tojaz Posted August 13, 2009 Posted August 13, 2009 Us, a Poem Three, three, three stupids are we You're standing there Holding decree Three, three, three stupids are we He's home alone Longing for she Three, three, three stupids are we I've got a girl Still can't be free Three, three, three stupids are we We meant forever Now we're empty Three, three, three stupids are we Three stupids are we Three stupids are we Great poem Lupa! deal. it was just a thought. a scary one, but still. i've just been fuming all day. definitely not the answer, but beer has saved me tonight. You and me both brother! Theres a lot of dead soldiers on my desk right now! TOJAZ
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