LisaUk Posted July 28, 2009 Posted July 28, 2009 i got about 3 hours of sleep again last night. no real solid thoughts of the marriage overtook me. it was more the excitement of our new house i signed on yesterday. i can't wait. 2 1/2 weeks and we'll be in it. my little girl is super excited. she has a bedroom over twice the size of hers now. mine is about half the size of now, which is perfect, because i don't have so much in there now. the backyard is the selling point, though. beautiful. flowers everywhere, and even a little garden that has been neglected. i'll till that up and get to work on it very soon. i think i've grasped that this is all coming to an end with the wife, and although i am admittedly sad, i'm completely okay with where things are going. i just pray to god that there is no courtroom showdown. i refuse to lose. That's great MayI! The garden will give you something to do and take your mind of "snake women", you coud also use it as a way to teach your daughter about how seeds grow, how to plant bulbs and what flowers are what etc. She will probably really enjoy it, Autumn (Fall) is coming and that's a great time to plant for spring. It will be a great bonding opportunity for you both.
Author MrMayI Posted July 28, 2009 Author Posted July 28, 2009 That's great MayI! The garden will give you something to do and take your mind of "snake women", you coud also use it as a way to teach your daughter about how seeds grow, how to plant bulbs and what flowers are what etc. She will probably really enjoy it, Autumn (Fall) is coming and that's a great time to plant for spring. It will be a great bonding opportunity for you both. she loves gardening. we have a few pepper, tomato, and squash plants now, and have planted flowers but nothing really came of them. it's going to be a surreal experience packing up our things, and moving somewhere different. it solidifies the fact that i am holding out zero hope for the wife coming home. she has done way too much to even warrant much forgetting from me at this point. i'll hold onto these past couple of months for a long, long time. i'm sure there's a lot more of this roller coaster to come, but i think i'm ready for it. i've said it before, thank God i consulted my doctor before the real pain and trauma of all of this kicked in. i think i'll be able to come off of the medication by the end of the summer. just in time for friends, food, and football!!!!
Author MrMayI Posted July 28, 2009 Author Posted July 28, 2009 i wonder if what all i'm doing constitutes a 180.
hopesndreams Posted July 28, 2009 Posted July 28, 2009 Live life for you and your daughter and it looks like you are doing just that, and you are succeeding. Outward appearances are everything though when it comes to the W. Show no weakness, ever. Very important. I still want my H back (snake man) so am working hard at those things I've mentioned. If you are done with the W, do whatever it is you want to do with no concern for what she thinks or feels about any of it.
Author MrMayI Posted July 28, 2009 Author Posted July 28, 2009 Live life for you and your daughter and it looks like you are doing just that, and you are succeeding. Outward appearances are everything though when it comes to the W. Show no weakness, ever. Very important. I still want my H back (snake man) so am working hard at those things I've mentioned. If you are done with the W, do whatever it is you want to do with no concern for what she thinks or feels about any of it. that's exactly what i'm doing. i won't say i'm 100% done. if she could agree to several, several things and actually try to work, i'd probably consider. still wouldn't want to live together right now. i am, however, done being concerned with what she has going on. i'm done being concerned with her thoughts on anything i'm doing, and i'm done pretending that THIS, the way it is right now even has a shade of reconciliation inside of it. it doesn't.
hopesndreams Posted July 28, 2009 Posted July 28, 2009 i am, however, done being concerned with what she has going on. i'm done being concerned with her thoughts on anything i'm doing, and i'm done pretending that THIS, the way it is right now even has a shade of reconciliation inside of it. I am so tired of this game. The pretending is boring. I have put so many months of hard work into a reconciliation and the time is now near for it to be one way or the other. Can't give up now though, I am a stubborn mule, there is a month left. End of August. That's how much longer I have to go on like this.
Author MrMayI Posted July 28, 2009 Author Posted July 28, 2009 i am, however, done being concerned with what she has going on. i'm done being concerned with her thoughts on anything i'm doing, and i'm done pretending that THIS, the way it is right now even has a shade of reconciliation inside of it. I am so tired of this game. The pretending is boring. I have put so many months of hard work into a reconciliation and the time is now near for it to be one way or the other. Can't give up now though, I am a stubborn mule, there is a month left. End of August. That's how much longer I have to go on like this. you can do it. absolutely. i put about 1 1/2 months , 1 month of her being there into my efforts before i said it's not happening by these methods. i then went with the lawyer way, and feel that did nothing either. this woman isn't getting the severity of all of this. that or she's so blinded by her actions, it just doesn't phase her. then i had to tell myself that if it's going to happen, it's going to happen, and i'm not making any choices that should negate any chance. my years on this earth that are left are for my daughter. i'd like to eventually find love again. maybe it will be with the wife, maybe it won't, but right now, today, i only have a father's love. the rest is just trivial to me.
hopesndreams Posted July 28, 2009 Posted July 28, 2009 February 12th was my Dday. We separated April 15th. Today is July 28th. I give up September 1st. By that time, all the goals I have set out for myself will have come into full fruition. There would then be nothing left for me to give or do.
lupa Posted July 28, 2009 Posted July 28, 2009 February 12th was my Dday. We separated April 15th. Today is July 28th. I give up September 1st. By that time, all the goals I have set out for myself will have come into full fruition. There would then be nothing left for me to give or do. I know what you mean...my thing started April 18th, slowly disintegrated up to like June 12th when she moved out. By September or so, I guess I'll be the one to file if I have to.
Author MrMayI Posted July 28, 2009 Author Posted July 28, 2009 i talk to her, and i feel like i'm talking to a circle. same things over and over and over.
Author MrMayI Posted July 28, 2009 Author Posted July 28, 2009 i haven't asked since a couple of days before handing over the papers what she wants. she claims to not know, and has made it abundantly clear she does know, she just doesn't have the fortitude to admit it. i think today, right now, last week, and hopefully into the future, i pretty much know what i want. if she and i CAN be together again, we don't need to maintain this "marriage" in order to do so. god, this is ridiculous. gunny, i try to go defcon on her, drop the bomb, and all i get is a dud. papers sitting in a folder probably still where ever she laid them when i left that day. all for the sake of my little girl. that's what i have to keep telling myself.
LisaUk Posted July 28, 2009 Posted July 28, 2009 When you took the papers to her she said she would consider MC? Wasn't that like a wekk ago and since then you have found out she is going out night? (or am I getting threads confused, you said something about her car not being there?) She isn't calling you, except about your daughter, you are NC and she still refuses to cut contact with the OM's. Is her cell phone usage the same, middle of the night texts etc? If all this is correct, I'm sorry but I think she is cake eating. It seems like she is trying out the life without you, with these OM's and keeping you hanging around as back up. What do you think?
Author MrMayI Posted July 28, 2009 Author Posted July 28, 2009 When you took the papers to her she said she would consider MC? Wasn't that like a wekk ago and since then you have found out she is going out night? (or am I getting threads confused, you said something about her car not being there?) She isn't calling you, except about your daughter, you are NC and she still refuses to cut contact with the OM's. Is her cell phone usage the same, middle of the night texts etc? If all this is correct, I'm sorry but I think she is cake eating. It seems like she is trying out the life without you, with these OM's and keeping you hanging around as back up. What do you think? that's exactly what i think. i'm not allowing it to happen that way. not at all. sure, the papers haven't been signed, but if i press it, i could lose the physical custody with my daughter. it's okay. she can cake eat all she wants. only thing is, this side isn't allowing any contact unless absolutely necessary. i don't know about her cell activity. didn't mention it on here, but i cut her off, so she got her own. her days are numbered financially. she is rapidly running out of money. we'll see what her next move is. i dont care at this point.
LisaUk Posted July 28, 2009 Posted July 28, 2009 Well, I could be wrong, but as she doesn't seem to be making any effort whatsoever to work on your marriage, I think you are right. Will be interesting to see what her next move is for sure. Bet she comes over all sweet and innocence when she needs cash? You sound like you are in a pretty positive place right now though, which is good.
Author MrMayI Posted July 28, 2009 Author Posted July 28, 2009 Well, I could be wrong, but as she doesn't seem to be making any effort whatsoever to work on your marriage, I think you are right. Will be interesting to see what her next move is for sure. Bet she comes over all sweet and innocence when she needs cash? You sound like you are in a pretty positive place right now though, which is good. i am in a positive place. my baby girl starts school in 2 weeks, and we move in 2 1/2. it feels good. i think it'll be good for both of us. my daughter told me the house was too sad a week or so ago. i took her that evening, and we just drove around looking at any available places we could find. this is the one she liked the most from the outside. i haven't told her yet, because mommy only needs 10 days notice, and that's all she's going to get. i will fall on the floor laughing if she ask me for anything, money or otherwise. if it's not about our child, it need not be discussed. not right now. unless she's calling to say she went to the office and signed.
Author MrMayI Posted July 29, 2009 Author Posted July 29, 2009 talking to an old friend online tonight, and she tells me that in spite of it all, i seem very, very positive. that makes me feel good.
Author MrMayI Posted July 29, 2009 Author Posted July 29, 2009 so many bad dreams last night it's unreal. my daughter didn't sleep well at all, either. she kept waking me up to tell me she was scared, wanted to watch television, and didn't want to go to her mommy's today. i don't know. she never seems to want to go there anymore. she hasn't given a reason why. i just think she realizes that home is where she and i are now. i hope so anyway, with the impending move.
Author MrMayI Posted July 29, 2009 Author Posted July 29, 2009 not really sure if this is a good or bad thing, but the longer NC except for our daughter goes, the more relieved i feel. i read that NC is not just for you, but to sort of test the waters and see if the other actually tries to contact you. it's funny that i guess that all falls on me, because she doesn't call me. is there really any point in calling it a marriage anymore, or even letting the papers just sit there. it's abundantly clear i've been/ am being cheated on. no doubt about it. if i could just stop myself from these dreams. i don't wake up pining about them. they're just so vivid and happening more and more frequently. my wife and i don't even live a mile from one another, and it's like we're worlds apart.
lupa Posted July 29, 2009 Posted July 29, 2009 not really sure if this is a good or bad thing, but the longer NC except for our daughter goes, the more relieved i feel. i read that NC is not just for you, but to sort of test the waters and see if the other actually tries to contact you. it's funny that i guess that all falls on me, because she doesn't call me. is there really any point in calling it a marriage anymore, or even letting the papers just sit there. it's abundantly clear i've been/ am being cheated on. no doubt about it. if i could just stop myself from these dreams. i don't wake up pining about them. they're just so vivid and happening more and more frequently. my wife and i don't even live a mile from one another, and it's like we're worlds apart. I'm just really getting started into the no contact thing, too. It is a confusing world, but it really is letting me clean myself of this addiction to her. Each day we don't talk is an extra day where I don't get all crazy. You have to accept the possibility that it is over. I'm sorry, that is just the way it is. Me, too. I think I am getting into acceptance...there is just not a chance for us. If there is, it is not a chance I am actively chasing, it would have to come back to me. I'm a little concerned about the lack of effort on her part to finalize everything, but maybe she is doing that without telling me? Not real sure. I don't know how I feel about that, but for the short term I'm just looking out for #1. Finally. You and your daughter, MayI, that is your new team. That is it.
Author MrMayI Posted July 29, 2009 Author Posted July 29, 2009 I'm just really getting started into the no contact thing, too. It is a confusing world, but it really is letting me clean myself of this addiction to her. Each day we don't talk is an extra day where I don't get all crazy. You have to accept the possibility that it is over. I'm sorry, that is just the way it is. Me, too. I think I am getting into acceptance...there is just not a chance for us. If there is, it is not a chance I am actively chasing, it would have to come back to me. I'm a little concerned about the lack of effort on her part to finalize everything, but maybe she is doing that without telling me? Not real sure. I don't know how I feel about that, but for the short term I'm just looking out for #1. Finally. You and your daughter, MayI, that is your new team. That is it. i know it man. i've accepted it, for real. the second i told myself that i have no doubt she is cheating, i shut all systems down. i have no choice but to man up. the wife may think i'm not a man, but my daughter will always know daddy is the toughest guy in the world. it's funny. every day when i pick her up after the gym, she says "what'd you do today?", i tell her what parts i worked on, and she makes me flex, and says "oooooooo daaaaadyyyy, you're getting strong!!!". makes me smile every time. lupa, i also wonder if mine is cooking up something off the radar without me knowing. i don't think she is. it's really simple for her. sign the papers, move on. that's all she has to do. the clock is ticking. i think when she finds out me and the kid are moving, even just a couple of blocks, it's going to compel her to actually do something.
lupa Posted July 29, 2009 Posted July 29, 2009 i know it man. i've accepted it, for real. the second i told myself that i have no doubt she is cheating, i shut all systems down. i have no choice but to man up. the wife may think i'm not a man, but my daughter will always know daddy is the toughest guy in the world. it's funny. every day when i pick her up after the gym, she says "what'd you do today?", i tell her what parts i worked on, and she makes me flex, and says "oooooooo daaaaadyyyy, you're getting strong!!!". makes me smile every time. lupa, i also wonder if mine is cooking up something off the radar without me knowing. i don't think she is. it's really simple for her. sign the papers, move on. that's all she has to do. the clock is ticking. i think when she finds out me and the kid are moving, even just a couple of blocks, it's going to compel her to actually do something. I think the not understanding what is going through their heads is the toughest part...it is the not knowing. Gunny and TIY and Chrome will tell you to think "F*ck it, what does whatever is going through their heads matter? It doesn't! MOVE ON!" ...and I think they are right. I'm wondering now how I contact her to see if she's done anything yet, or if I just wait.
Author MrMayI Posted July 29, 2009 Author Posted July 29, 2009 I think the not understanding what is going through their heads is the toughest part...it is the not knowing. Gunny and TIY and Chrome will tell you to think "F*ck it, what does whatever is going through their heads matter? It doesn't! MOVE ON!" ...and I think they are right. I'm wondering now how I contact her to see if she's done anything yet, or if I just wait. i'm waiting. i'm not really concerned with anything in her head, except the possibility of her trying to screw me and go against our overall agreement in both separation and divorce. if she tries to get my daughter, i will expose her EA to her family with proof. i know them, and if they know SHE is the cause of ALL of this, they won't fund her pettiness. she doesn't have the money to do it all on her own. i have an army of family, friends, and if need be my daughter to testify against her. the wife has told me a few times that she doesn't think our daughter even likes her anymore, because she never wants to go with her, and ask about me all of the time while they're together.
LisaUk Posted July 29, 2009 Posted July 29, 2009 MayI, you said on another thread something about not dealing with it right now, you have other prorities. Whilst that is true, grief has a funny way of having it's day, perhaps explaining the vivid dreams. No matter what your w has done to you, you did love her and as such you are experiencing a huge loss. You need to grieve for the loss of your w, if you don't, my doctor told me, it will come back tenfold later. It might be the next time you experience loss or just when you are under stress or experiencing some sadness, but it will come back, it has to be felt. Deal with it now if you can, don't represses it, let it out.
Chrome Barracuda Posted July 29, 2009 Posted July 29, 2009 I wonder why he still hasnt filed and started to move on. lol. Life is too short to be in your position when you have a child when your spouse doesnt want to be with you. Your doing great may I. But you need to put that nail into that dead marriage coffin. Yes grieve for the dead marriage but you can do it by yourself now.
Author MrMayI Posted July 29, 2009 Author Posted July 29, 2009 lisa, i'm grieving, but having been cheated on before, i'm grieving in a different way. i can't help what my emotions are doing to me, you know? chrome, i swear i'm doing everything i can right now. i've hit her with the papers. she hasn't signed. next step is to have her served with them. i'm moving on. literally moving on. my daughter and i are moving to a new house in 2 weeks. i'm hoping that will be the fire under her ass to sign the agreement and put this **** to rest.
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