Questions about No Contact

[euroguy1212]

You want her to be able to talk to you about anything--WHILE YOU TWO ARE A COUPLE.

 

After that, you are just a friend. So when she break up with you, and at your point in time, if you two talk, you should only be talking about happy things, or about you two getting back together. Nothing else. No rock talk. Rock talk while youre not together automatically puts you in the freind zone. And if you already did rock talk with her, youre already there.

 

How do you avoid "rock talk", so to speak? Just say, "I'm not interested in discussing your friends and their problems. Take it up with them."?

 

She's called me her rock since Novemberish of last year. In that time, we had our "breaks" (the time she takes to herself whenever she has a "problem"). But when I've extracted myself, she would always claw back, we would be good for a week or two and then **** would hit the fan again.

 

Any advice on how to avoid this in relationships?

 

And to clarify, I haven't done any "rock talk" since the break-up. I just simply told her I wasn't going to be her friend and then a few days later, entered No Contact.

[boogieboy]

How do you avoid "rock talk", so to speak? Just say, "I'm not interested in discussing your friends and their problems. Take it up with them."?

 

She's called me her rock since Novemberish of last year. In that time, we had our "breaks" (the time she takes to herself whenever she has a "problem"). But when I've extracted myself, she would always claw back, we would be good for a week or two and then **** would hit the fan again.

 

Any advice on how to avoid this in relationships?

 

And to clarify, I haven't done any "rock talk" since the break-up. I just simply told her I wasn't going to be her friend and then a few days later, entered No Contact.

 

its fine if youre in a relationship, you have to set some boundaries, but if youre not in the relationship, you say "Im not interested in talking about problems, lets talk about something fun." But you have to have something fun to talk about lined up. And if she insists, then you leave. "im going out to have fun, youre a downer"

[euroguy1212]

its fine if youre in a relationship, you have to set some boundaries, but if youre not in the relationship, you say "Im not interested in talking about problems, lets talk about something fun." But you have to have something fun to talk about lined up. And if she insists, then you leave. "im going out to have fun, youre a downer"

 

When does it become too much, though?

 

One thing that annoyed me in the relationship is when she would ask for my insights, I would tell her what she should probably do and then she'd get pissed and didn't want to do it because it was "too hard".

 

But by golly, she'll take anything her "friend" says as gospel, while secretly bitching to me about it.

 

Edit: I just removed her off of another social networking profile and deleted a comment where she said "I'm your girlfriend. LOL. I just like saying that." She said that two months ago.

[boogieboy]

When does it become too much, though?

 

One thing that annoyed me in the relationship is when she would ask for my insights, I would tell her what she should probably do and then she'd get pissed and didn't want to do it because it was "too hard".

 

But by golly, she'll take anything her "friend" says as gospel, while secretly bitching to me about it.

 

Edit: I just removed her off of another social networking profile and deleted a comment where she said "I'm your girlfriend. LOL. I just like saying that." She said that two months ago.

 

Since youre NOT in the relationship anymore, any talk is too much. You dont listen to her problems at all. She doesnt deserve to vent to you anymore.

[euroguy1212]

Since youre NOT in the relationship anymore, any talk is too much. You dont listen to her problems at all. She doesnt deserve to vent to you anymore.

 

I thank you and Island Girl for your advice. I'm going to go into my fourth day tomorrow and already I'm thinking much clearly.

 

I did come to the realization that she might not come back (or if she does, whether or not I WANT her back). I'm checking less and snooping less to spare hurt and trying not to interpret her actions as much (so far, I haven't checked any of her comments since this morning, which is a major improvement for me). Basically, destroying hope so I'm not hurt in the end.

[euroguy1212]

Its day four and I feel like breaking. Wondering if she still likes me.

 

I broke my composure and read her comments, nothing new and I think her friend is ignoring her again, but yet she has the "new guy" in her top list. Not at number one, but meh.

 

I was doing good yesterday, I wonder why now I feel so miserable?

 

BTW, she "moved to Forks" which I suspect is her way of saying she's stuck in Twilight land because that's her favorite book series. My ex would often hide in books and fantasies in order to keep from dealing with her real problems.