danomn Posted June 10, 2009 Posted June 10, 2009 Here’s the deal, my girlfriend and I have been dating for over a year now, we’re both in our 40’s and I really like this woman. The problem I have is that she has a couple of old boyfriends that she stays in contact with. When we first started dating she said that “they are just friends and nothing more” for the first few months things went on that way and she would meet this “friend” for biking trips on Saturdays. Then a few months into our relationship I found out that this friend was actually an old boyfriend. I don’t know why, but that made a big difference to me about her spending Saturdays with him biking. She was not happy with me when I told her the way I feel, but she quite biking with him and I picked up the pace and started biking longer trips with her. She has mentioned several times that she resents that she doesn’t bike with her friend any more. She doesn’t see ether of them that I know of, but they do call her house and she will talk, email, etc… Yesterday he called her house while I was there, first the cell phone, then the home phone rang and she did not pick-up the phone. I didn’t ask who was calling and she did not offer to tell. This whole thing makes me feel uncomfortable and we have talked about that. I have no contact with any ex-girlfriends of mine, just my ex-wife. She thinks she is justified in keeping these people in her life because I have to call my ex-wife occasionally. What do you people think?
mkmlaw Posted June 11, 2009 Posted June 11, 2009 I would encourage you to try and trust your girlfriend. Personally, I am friends with my ex-boyfriends. I am in my mid-30's, so there are several people I keep in touch with. My most recent ex and I (dated for two years, broke up 6 months ago) actually went cycling last weekend. When we dated, he was also good friends with the girl he had dated before me. They would talk on the phone in front of me, although he dramatically cut down his activities with her based on the fact that we spent a lot of our time together. But he still saw her -- and always told me about it. So I didn't ever feel like he was hiding anything. And I certainly wasn't hiding anything. I think it really all comes down to trust, but I would have real concerns if I was told I couldn't maintain friendships with the people I dated (some of them from MANY years ago) since there is nothing going on. I would imagine your girlfriend probably feels the same way. What bothers you about her friendships with these former boyfriends? Are you worried there might still be feelings there? How recently did her other relationship(s) end?
d0ll Posted June 11, 2009 Posted June 11, 2009 I really don't believe people should keep in contact w/ exs if you still wanted to "talk" then there shouldn't have been a break up in the first place
Island Girl Posted June 11, 2009 Posted June 11, 2009 I really don't believe people should keep in contact w/ exs if you still wanted to "talk" then there shouldn't have been a break up in the first place I agree being friends with exes is generally a bad idea. And why would she not answer the phone in front of you when he called? Sounds fishy... A few of my exes still wanted to keep contact. But they still harbor feelings for me so even if I wasn't involved with anyone I couldn't be friendly with them at all. As it is I get all the male perspective I want from my husband and my brother --- and the only man I want attention from is my husband. Who needs old boyfriends?? For what???
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