9pm-8:30pm work days

[brianfighter]

I am Finance Director, I am 29, I'm not married, but I want to hear this from everybodys perspective.

I work from 9am-8:30pm every day, at home at 9pm. I was just wondering, are these working hours too much to keep a wife "satisfied and not lonely", and are these working hours too much for a family life, i.e kids, and playing with your own children etc etc.

How, as a married, family man shall I spend my free time?

 

I am thinking 9pm-9.30 - on my own sorting things out for the next day, praying, quick shower.

9:30-10.00pm - be with the children (i swear they'd be asleep my then?! i dont knoe)

10:10.15 - EAT!

10.25pm-11pm- be with the Wife.

11pm - sleep.

 

Is this rubbish?

I am getting about £110k a year, but sacrificing a few hours at home would be better personally, if my family life wasnt too good.

Am i just worrying too much?

 

What time do you get home, and Wives, please tell me the ideal time a day you would want to spend with your husband.

 

Husbands, please tell me about your situation, what you would change, and what you like about your current family hours etc etc.

 

Thank you

[2sure]

I'm in NY, where the workday for many does not end until into the evening. Its hard, but you do it when you're young right?

 

My H works a lot. He is gone all day, most evenings, and also away on business frequently. I also work, but not as much as my H. It sounds as though your wife will also be working so - No, uh...she wont be bored, unsatisfied or lonely just because you are working a few more hours than her. But it can happen for other reasons. We have one child. It can be hard to find family time to share among the three of us, but we make it a priority and really enjoy our time together.

 

Weekends: We commit as much of the weekend as possible to spending together , one whole day is often a luxury we cherish. We are fortunate in that when my H is in town, he can usually be home or meet us out for dinner before carrying on with work obligations.

 

The children will be asleep by the time you are home...but YOU will be able to get up , make, and have breakfast with them every morning, check over their homework, or go thru the newspapers with them. That kind of time, every day is HUGE.

 

We also make it a priority to take family vacations. Sometimes we feel we dont have time, or cant afford it...but it isnt a luxury. For a family short on together time, its a necessity.

 

Lastly - if your happy, chances are excellent your family will be too.

[lovelorcet]

This is an interesting point and I have to say I have spent a a lot of time thinking and deal with this.

 

I am a scientist also work on average 12 hours a day 6 and even 7 days a week. Plus depending on the experiments I am doing or deadlines I have to meet I might end up working very strange hours.

 

This working lifestyle accompanied with a deep interest and understanding of the natural sciences (yes, biologists see the world much differently then other people) does have its consequences.

 

I have found it to be most compatible having a partner who also has a similar lifestyle and academic standing. Now I am not saying I wouldn't be willing to consider someone from a different field but generally speaking it is easier.

 

Women have an even harder time in my field. If I look around at the moment, the only women in my field with children (meaning a stable relationship and a family) all have partners who are also scientists. I think that this is because most men would not be as tolerant concerning what they have to sacrifice for their professional life.

 

There are ways to balance this out a bit. For example, I work when I want to. If the weather is nice then we make use of it. I also only sleep about 4 hours a night. I don't seem to need much more and can use the extra time productively. But in the end... if you want to have a partner you will have to make time for them. 35 min a night squeezed into your schedule is not going to cut it.

[Chocolat]

Can you shift your schedule earlier? I used to work 11-12 hour days and went in at 7am and left by 6:30pm so I'd be home at 7pm. This gave me time in the evening with my kids. Most kids will be in bed by 9pm (or should be!). And I think it will be lonely for your wife to have all her evening meals alone and no break from the house/kids until so late in the day.

[Thornton]

If my husband only spent 30 mins a day with me, our relationship wouldn't last very long. You can't even have decent sex in 30 mins, never mind have a conversation as well! I also wouldn't be happy if he only spent 30 mins a day with our kids - you can't be a father in 30 mins a day, personally I spend longer than that on the toilet. Your kids would be in bed by 9pm anyway - probably by 8pm when they're younger.

 

 

If I were married to you, my schedule would probably go something like this:

 

8am - send husband off to work

 

10am - rush around and do the housework so it looks like I've been busy all day

 

1pm - go out and buy lingerie/get hair done to look sexy for my boyfriend (not for my husband because I hardly ever see him anyway)

 

4pm - Put kids to bed for a nap, have wild sex with my boyfriend and have a heartfelt conversation afterwards (both of which my husband never has time for)

 

8pm - Shower so husband doesn't realise I'm getting my emotional and physical needs met elsewhere

 

9pm - Ready for husband coming home

 

I'm kidding of course, but in all seriousness I cannot see a wife being content with a husband who spends 30 mins with his kids and 30 mins with her. Your family should be your main priority, and if you have to drop some hours and adjust the hours you work then so be it. Nobody ever lay on his deathbed and wished he had worked more... people's regrets always focus on not having fulfilled ambitions and spent more time with family... don't let those be your regrets.

[Touche]

One of the ladies said that no, the wife wouldn't be bored or unsatisfied or lonely but I would be lonely if I only saw my H for such a short period of time every day. That wouldn't work for me or for our son.

 

My H is usually gone by 9 am. He's often home by 4:00-4:30 and never later than 5:30. He picks our son up from school or the Y. But he has his own practice. He has some flexibility. I'd say 3 to 4 days a month he works only half days. And of course I can go into the office any time but I mainly do my work from home. (We run the practice together.) There are days he doesn't go in at all.

 

I love it and wouldn't change a thing. I couldn't be married to someone I hardly ever saw.

[brianfighter]

If my husband only spent 30 mins a day with me, our relationship wouldn't last very long. You can't even have decent sex in 30 mins, never mind have a conversation as well! I also wouldn't be happy if he only spent 30 mins a day with our kids - you can't be a father in 30 mins a day, personally I spend longer than that on the toilet. Your kids would be in bed by 9pm anyway - probably by 8pm when they're younger.

 

 

If I were married to you, my schedule would probably go something like this:

 

8am - send husband off to work

 

10am - rush around and do the housework so it looks like I've been busy all day

 

1pm - go out and buy lingerie/get hair done to look sexy for my boyfriend (not for my husband because I hardly ever see him anyway)

 

4pm - Put kids to bed for a nap, have wild sex with my boyfriend and have a heartfelt conversation afterwards (both of which my husband never has time for)

 

8pm - Shower so husband doesn't realise I'm getting my emotional and physical needs met elsewhere

 

9pm - Ready for husband coming home

 

I'm kidding of course, but in all seriousness I cannot see a wife being content with a husband who spends 30 mins with his kids and 30 mins with her. Your family should be your main priority, and if you have to drop some hours and adjust the hours you work then so be it. Nobody ever lay on his deathbed and wished he had worked more... people's regrets always focus on not having fulfilled ambitions and spent more time with family... don't let those be your regrets.

 

 

 

Damn, that sucks. What would you all suggest? Shall I quit my job and go for something more work friendly, because I cannot get more flexible hours (well, company policy is that I cannot be forced to stay past the working hours 9pm-5:30, BUT, there is just SO MUCH TO DO that I have no option but to work so late.

 

I really dont know what to do now, you were right, 35 mins is measly.

I know I have many job prospects available to me, but i really like my job now despite the hours. I would be willing to quit it IF everyone on here decides it is the most wisest option in terms of bringing up a family and having a good relationship with the wife, then I'd go for it.

 

If it turns out this way, would you take a £30-40k pay cut per year for at least 2 MORE hours a day with the family and Wife..?

I think I would.

[Touche]

Just curious but if you keep this job and these hours, when do you have time to even find a woman and develop a relationship and marry? Do you already have a girlfriend?

 

Money isn't everything you know. It's really not. You have to have a life outside of work.

[Toodamnpragmatic]

Do you even have a girlfriend or contemplating marriage? How about taking work home or being more efficient? There are things called lap tops/blackberry's, telecommuting..... Sounds like you are worrying too much at this point. Again just start work @ 7:30 which is not unusual. Those first 1.5 hours when the office is quiet is probably the most productive for most.

[aidanhh]

Hey there Brianfighter,

 

Okay, I think this is going to have to be a very subjectively considered answer to your question.

 

I'm American, but am living in the UK, with a British husband of 6 years (we've been together for 8). We both started off working, he in-particular worked longer hours than me because, like yourself, he was in Finance. He wouldn't get home as late as you, but it was never early. He'd get home between 7:30 and 8 if I remember correctly. But was EXHAUSTED. We'd eat, and then hang out for an hour or so if that, then hit the sack to do it all again the next day. Even without kids, we both found this situation a little depressing, and I did miss him a lot despite the fact that I worked full-time in advertising. So, he started looking into a lower paid job, for less hours. But in truth, it didn't mean less hours, just less exhaustion.

 

So now, he leaves the house at 7:30 in the morning, gets home at 7:00 pm... He still works your hours, just an earlier rise, it looks like. But... he gets in less tired, which he loves. And yes, it's less pay, but it's less crap to come home to me with. I work out of the house, which makes me feel a little bit more in control and less bored with my own situation, and therefore less upset about not seeing him during the day.

 

I htink your situaiton would be fine and workable (and I mean you would have to "work" at it) if it was just a partner you wanted. Having kids htough, thats a little more difficult. I think if your wife was willing to stay home for the kids, and you support them witht helarge salary, that could work... as long as she was thrilled to do it.

 

At the end of the day, you have to really consider what you want in life. What would make you happy. If your work fullfills you, ther eis nothing wrong with that... If you know you'd feel regretful in 20 years because you didn't have a family, well then maybe you need to focus on that as a goal. I don't think there's one answer, and I certainly don't thik that the nuclear family or it's lifestyle exists anymore. Don't let anyone tell you that you hsouldn't have a family because of the hours you work. Just live life, and see wher eit leads... you may easily find a women who works within all your goals, and you hers...

[Chocolat]

Damn, that sucks. What would you all suggest? Shall I quit my job and go for something more work friendly, because I cannot get more flexible hours (well, company policy is that I cannot be forced to stay past the working hours 9pm-5:30, BUT, there is just SO MUCH TO DO that I have no option but to work so late.

 

Why can't you do what I suggested, which is to go in early and then leave at 6 or so? Most people don't mind being alone early in the morning but will mind quite a bit in the evenings.

 

Also, do you already have a wife or is this conversation theoretical? Perhaps you should ask her what she thinks.

[angie2443]

 

1pm - go out and buy lingerie/get hair done to look sexy for my boyfriend (not for my husband because I hardly ever see him anyway)

 

4pm - Put kids to bed for a nap, have wild sex with my boyfriend and have a heartfelt conversation afterwards (both of which my husband never has time for)

 

8pm - Shower so husband doesn't realise I'm getting my emotional and physical needs met elsewhere

 

.

 

! I know you were just kidding, but I think there is some truth in this. At least, I can see this happening for some women in this situation.

[angie2443]

I know that many are going to disagree with me here, but I don't think that most people can "have it all" at the same time. I think if you're working that many hours and you have a wife and/or kids, the marriage is going to suffer and your relationship with the kids is going to suffer. I'm not saying it's wrong to work that many hours, I'm just saying that there are most likely going to be some serious consequences for your future family if you keep investing that much time and attention in your work once you're married. I think you may need to make a tough choice here. If your work is that important to you, then maybe you should hold off on having a familly. If you want a familly, then you're probably going to want to cut back some of your hours at work or switch jobs.

[bean1]

I would not be happy in that relationship/marriage. I would feel like a single mother. Before I railroad anyone who works that much, let me say that I used to be the same. I worked 12 hour shifts (plus 2 hours commuting) and worked around 5-6 days per week, including overnight shifts.

 

Yes, I had nice clothes, a nice condo (at 20!), and had thousands of dollars in cash sitting around. I wasn't happy. I didn't get to meet people and my friends dropped off the face of the earth (it was ME who did, actually).

 

I quit working so much a few years ago. No, I don't have a nice condo, nice clothes, I have to compare brands at the grocery store, but I have a wonderful man and a wonderful little babe to take care of, and I have never been happier. On my deathbed, I'm not going to care that I had Guess jeans instead of Wal-Mart jeans, but I will care about a loving family that I spent time with.

 

So you choose what is most important. Most people I work with choose the nice house and car. For the record, my SO is home at 5pm each day and we go to bed at 10pm. He works M-Thurs.

[Stung]

My partner works a schedule similar to yours, brianfighter, and we have a six-month-old together and his 9-year-old from a previous relationship.

 

It's hard, for all of us.

 

When our baby was born I became a SAHM; this made sense for us for a variety of reasons, but while I love being there for my son and my stepdaughter, I'm not exactly the domestic type and it took some sacrifices on my part...and my partner makes sacrifices, too, he is now financially responsible for all of us, it's not a walk in the park.

 

The only way we make it work is that my partner's got flexibility built into his job. He brings work home when he can, does it at night after the kids are in bed, spreading it out over the weekends. He has been going in earlier in the mornings, so he try to be home before bedtime most days (currently 8 pm). One day a week he gets off at 4:30 so he can pick up his daughter, spend some time alone with her, and we can all have dinner together. A few times a month he will telecommute so he can have lunch and dinner with all of us.

 

Still, I am alone most of the time during the week. Sometimes I resent it and get lonely, especially when I have the baby all day every day and then I'm up half the time at night with him as well, because my partner has important meetings the next day and needs his sleep. It really can make you feel like a single mom, at times. When our son is colicky or teething I sometimes have to pack him up and head out to my parents for a couple of days, because I need the support and an extra pair of hands, and I can't always get that at my own house.

 

It wouldn't work at all if he wasn't a fantastic dad. It wouldn't work at all if we weren't very much in love and working hard to show that to each other. It wouldn't work at all if I didn't know that bottom line, the kids and I are a higher priority. The few times I have called and said he had to come home because I was losing my mind after listening to an infant scream ALL DAY, he has dropped everything and been home within twenty minutes of hanging up the phone. When I sprained my ankle he pushed everything around and telecommuted from home for a week to help me with the kids. On the weekends he takes the baby in the morning so I can get a couple solid hours of sleep, the only time I get that all week. We try to spend as much quality time together at night and on the weekends as possible, but sometimes we have so much kid stuff to do on the weekends that our personal relationship goals get pushed aside more often than we'd like.

 

This is temporary; in two years, his schedule should be a little closer to the typical 9-5 (fingers crossed), and I'll probably be going back to work around then, too. We can hold on until then, but we are both stressed in the meantime. I don't think we could do it if there was no end in sight, even though we both love our kids and he loves his job.

 

We have talked about having a second child together, something we would like to do, but there is NO WAY we would do that with things as they are now, I don't think our relationship could survive it.

 

You might be able to make it work, but you'd need to be more flexible. Expecting your wife, or your kids, to make do with half an hour of your time and be happy about it is not realistic, even if you're planning on hiring some help.

 

I understand that the problem is that you feel there's just so much to do at work, but once you have a wife and kids, there will be even more to do at home. You will have to learn to re-prioritize, and to delegate, and sometimes, to let things go. Or, get comfortable with the idea of paying alimony and seeing your kids every other weekend.

[giotto]

it would not work... working long hours + family + kids always end in tears... I know, because I'm one of those husbands and I work from home!

 

I work 7 days a week (week-ends a bit less) because I have to support the family and the lifestyle we got accustomed to over the years. I do 9.00-5.30 every day and maybe 9.00-15.00 week-ends. My wife is a shiftworker, but works 4 days/week. I cook every meal every day, but I stopped doing anything else round the house because I'm too exhausted and I have no time to do anything else. My wife cleans the house when she is off work. We hardly see each other and we are never alone... there's always some child in the way (we have 4). I must say I hate my life as it is now... I just work, work and work... I feel trapped and I can't escape... I just don't want to be here anymore... so, think long and hard about getting married and having children if you are doing the hours you are doing... it will get messy...

[angie2443]

it would not work... working long hours + family + kids always end in tears... I know, because I'm one of those husbands and I work from home!

 

I work 7 days a week (week-ends a bit less) because I have to support the family and the lifestyle we got accustomed to over the years. I do 9.00-5.30 every day and maybe 9.00-15.00 week-ends. My wife is a shiftworker, but works 4 days/week. I cook every meal every day, but I stopped doing anything else round the house because I'm too exhausted and I have no time to do anything else. My wife cleans the house when she is off work. We hardly see each other and we are never alone... there's always some child in the way (we have 4). I must say I hate my life as it is now... I just work, work and work... I feel trapped and I can't escape... I just don't want to be here anymore... so, think long and hard about getting married and having children if you are doing the hours you are doing... it will get messy...

 

Giotto, I remember some of your other posts, but this is the first time I heard how many hours you work. It doesn't suprise me at all that you all are having problems with closeness. Is there any way you can cut back on the work hours? Is the lifestyle you have now worth all the work?

[giotto]

Giotto, I remember some of your other posts, but this is the first time I heard how many hours you work. It doesn't suprise me at all that you all are having problems with closeness. Is there any way you can cut back on the work hours? Is the lifestyle you have now worth all the work?

 

well, I work for myself and the type of work I do doesn't really allow me to turn down work that often or do less hours... my clients would just go somewhere else because there is a lot of competition in my field. I think working too much has contributed to the lack of closeness and family problems, but we do not have an extravagant lifestyle, we just live above our means (a bit...). And BTW, the lifestyle is my family's... I'm always working...

[angie2443]

well, I work for myself and the type of work I do doesn't really allow me to turn down work that often or do less hours... my clients would just go somewhere else because there is a lot of competition in my field. I think working too much has contributed to the lack of closeness and family problems, but we do not have an extravagant lifestyle, we just live above our means (a bit...). And BTW, the lifestyle is my family's... I'm always working...

 

Are you happy? Is your family happy? If you are, I wish you the best. If not, could you give up some of that extravigant lifestyle so your family could be closer?

[carhill]

OP, have you considered freelance consulting? Set your own client list and hours; become task oriented rather than hour oriented.

 

Conversely, you could continue on your current path, remain single and efficient, and invest wisely and semi-retire in 10 years and then pursue a family. That's another option. You have the means to do that if you want. Use your financial skills to create the time and mindset you need to be a healthy partner.

[giotto]

Are you happy? Is your family happy? If you are, I wish you the best. If not, could you give up some of that extravigant lifestyle so your family could be closer?

 

My family is happy, I'm not. We don't have an extravagant lifestyle (I said the opposite), we just live a bit above our means... I suppose my children are very spoilt... don't ge me wrong, I'm happy that they can enjoy a decent lifestyle - they are my children, after all - but I'd rather live in the middle of nowhere, growing lettuce... I'm just stressed-out, I feel trapped and can't escape...

[giotto]

OP, have you considered freelance consulting? Set your own client list and hours; become task oriented rather than hour oriented.

 

Conversely, you could continue on your current path, remain single and efficient, and invest wisely and semi-retire in 10 years and then pursue a family. That's another option. You have the means to do that if you want. Use your financial skills to create the time and mindset you need to be a healthy partner.

 

I'm a translator, so I can't do consultancy. I work mainly for agencies. The problem with my work is that, if you start saying no, the agencies will go somewhere else, because the competition is immense and poeple are easily replaced. If I lose my two biggest client, I'm fried... I cannot afford that... I have my mortgage to pay and all the other stuff... I have to work this hard.

I suppose it's my commitment to my family and my children... I've been brought up like this. When my youngest will be 18 (10 years), I'm sure I will be able to cut down a bit. At the moment, I find it very difficult to do both: work and family... but I don't see a way out with all the bills to pay...

[BUENG1]

I am Finance Director, I am 29, I'm not married, but I want to hear this from everybodys perspective.

I work from 9am-8:30pm every day, at home at 9pm. I was just wondering, are these working hours too much to keep a wife "satisfied and not lonely", and are these working hours too much for a family life, i.e kids, and playing with your own children etc etc.

How, as a married, family man shall I spend my free time?

 

I am thinking 9pm-9.30 - on my own sorting things out for the next day, praying, quick shower.

9:30-10.00pm - be with the children (i swear they'd be asleep my then?! i dont knoe)

10:10.15 - EAT!

10.25pm-11pm- be with the Wife.

11pm - sleep.

 

Is this rubbish?

I am getting about £110k a year, but sacrificing a few hours at home would be better personally, if my family life wasnt too good.

Am i just worrying too much?

 

What time do you get home, and Wives, please tell me the ideal time a day you would want to spend with your husband.

 

Husbands, please tell me about your situation, what you would change, and what you like about your current family hours etc etc.

 

Thank you

 

Do you have weekends off? If so I wouldn't cut back until you have a serious girlfriend. While those hours would definitely hinder a proper relationship with a wife and family, I don't think they would preclude you from dating, and its good to put in some serious work early in your career while you don't have family obligations(ie your single or not married).

[soserious1]

Damn, that sucks. What would you all suggest? Shall I quit my job and go for something more work friendly, because I cannot get more flexible hours (well, company policy is that I cannot be forced to stay past the working hours 9pm-5:30, BUT, there is just SO MUCH TO DO that I have no option but to work so late.

 

I really dont know what to do now, you were right, 35 mins is measly.

I know I have many job prospects available to me, but i really like my job now despite the hours. I would be willing to quit it IF everyone on here decides it is the most wisest option in terms of bringing up a family and having a good relationship with the wife, then I'd go for it.

 

If it turns out this way, would you take a £30-40k pay cut per year for at least 2 MORE hours a day with the family and Wife..?

I think I would.

 

You need to look at your work day and see if you can manage your time better. Taking long lunches? burning a lot of time on idle chit chat? surfing the web a lot ? Can you delegate some work tasks? you'll never rise very far if you cannot effectively delegate.

 

Another thing you could do is to set aside 2 days per week in which you'll stay at work till 9pm, you'll have a planned agenda of what work you'll do.. and you'll go home at a more normal time the other 3 days.

[brianfighter]

Hey people, thanks very much for your input.

For the record, I have a girlfriend, we've been with eachother for a 6 years. I want to eventually get married to her within the next two years.

 

I have recently been working 6:30am-6pm work days instead. And sometimes when I just can't be bothered waking up earlier, I'd usually go into work on a saturday from 7am-12pm maximum - this means 12:40-11pm I am visiting my family or with my girlfriend, and i'm telling you, life is better this way. I'm working the same hours so I still get tired, but a new and important philosophy for anyone in my situation, or hard working mums like you is this: You know you are going to stay awake anyway because you want to spend time with your husband/wife either alone, or collectively as a family, so WHY NOT do it properly and just go nuts? Just go out, have fun with them all, whenever you feel the twitch in your muscles telling you that you're tired, use it as a red flag that you aren't pushing your weight enough (you LET yourself get to the incredibly tired state) So essentially you are making the most of work life, making the most of home life AND, SLEEPING LIKE A BABY - there's no better way to sleep than like this. If you don't sleep like you've done the marathon throughout the day, you just haven't worked hard enough at getting the most out of your work life or/and family life.

 

 

 

Yeah, its a simple philosophy, but we need to condition ourselves so we apply do this right? I genuinely ask people to embrace it and believe.

We're not in this world too just watch hours go by, thinking selfishly about how tired we are, we have to make the most of what he have, and really let is show in our actions/way of life.

 

I hope all goes well for you, I wish that you all can have a successful lives with your family.

 

I have adopted Islam as a religion, and it is fulfilling my life.

I seriously am not the person I was when I wrote this thread.

Yeah, you may be like...'erm, Islam, you serious? I don't like what I hear about that religion', but to be honest, neither did I at the start, I disliked it just as much as everyone else, so I took a step back and actually looked at Muslim interpretations of certain things, and misconceptions too, and everything fell into place. It gave me a purpose when I felt helpless to situations. Me and my long term girlfriend have embraced it as a faith, and it unbelievably enhances the value and happiness of our lives. With an Islamic marriage, we shouldn't be going through as many problems like most couples do.

 

 

 

(P.S I am just telling you about Islam because it worked for me, and for helping me, i just wanted to give back)

 

Remember the old vow that you made from the heart 'for better for worse', right now, yeah this is one of the worst times within marriage that I am sure you are experiencing, I am not married yet, but I'm SURE your life will be great in the next few years by the sounds of it! persevere with eachother.

Think about it, you've got a 6 month old son, 2 years time, he'll be in nursery, cry less, need less care, 2 years time, you're husband will work better hours, you're getting back in work..embrace this time now..you want to say you managed to be successful at the hardest times in life, therefore you are one heck of a strong person. That's the philosophy that got me to where I am in my career, at a young age.

 

I think the main conclusion is: WIFE, KIDS, COME HOME AT 8:30pm for the next few years = too much of a mission. Theres nothing wrong in working like that, like once a week. If you have working hours like my old ones, swap it to better ones like my new ones. What's the harm in working 7am-12pm on a saturday morning, my investment banker friends are sleeping like babies at this time anyway.

 

They are burdened with the worst working hours. That career is more for the boisterous graduates who are just TOO materialistic...bottles, models, parties, £500k bonuses.

I get paid well, but materialism is pathetic - I'll be posting another thread about that, within the context of husbands and Wives, because I want to know about to what EXTENT husbands and wives can be materialistic. I'll post that later, no talking about it until then! haha.

 

Good luck in the future people, feel free to contact me!

 

P.S Wives, Husbands - take healthy energy drinks rather than the coffee, it makes you crash after 4 hours. So If you're going to have coffee, have it 4 hours before you sleep.

Cut out the high caffeine energy drinks.

 

Brian

My partner works a schedule similar to yours, brianfighter, and we have a six-month-old together and his 9-year-old from a previous relationship.

 

It's hard, for all of us.

 

When our baby was born I became a SAHM; this made sense for us for a variety of reasons, but while I love being there for my son and my stepdaughter, I'm not exactly the domestic type and it took some sacrifices on my part...and my partner makes sacrifices, too, he is now financially responsible for all of us, it's not a walk in the park.

 

The only way we make it work is that my partner's got flexibility built into his job. He brings work home when he can, does it at night after the kids are in bed, spreading it out over the weekends. He has been going in earlier in the mornings, so he try to be home before bedtime most days (currently 8 pm). One day a week he gets off at 4:30 so he can pick up his daughter, spend some time alone with her, and we can all have dinner together. A few times a month he will telecommute so he can have lunch and dinner with all of us.

 

Still, I am alone most of the time during the week. Sometimes I resent it and get lonely, especially when I have the baby all day every day and then I'm up half the time at night with him as well, because my partner has important meetings the next day and needs his sleep. It really can make you feel like a single mom, at times. When our son is colicky or teething I sometimes have to pack him up and head out to my parents for a couple of days, because I need the support and an extra pair of hands, and I can't always get that at my own house.

 

It wouldn't work at all if he wasn't a fantastic dad. It wouldn't work at all if we weren't very much in love and working hard to show that to each other. It wouldn't work at all if I didn't know that bottom line, the kids and I are a higher priority. The few times I have called and said he had to come home because I was losing my mind after listening to an infant scream ALL DAY, he has dropped everything and been home within twenty minutes of hanging up the phone. When I sprained my ankle he pushed everything around and telecommuted from home for a week to help me with the kids. On the weekends he takes the baby in the morning so I can get a couple solid hours of sleep, the only time I get that all week. We try to spend as much quality time together at night and on the weekends as possible, but sometimes we have so much kid stuff to do on the weekends that our personal relationship goals get pushed aside more often than we'd like.

 

This is temporary; in two years, his schedule should be a little closer to the typical 9-5 (fingers crossed), and I'll probably be going back to work around then, too. We can hold on until then, but we are both stressed in the meantime. I don't think we could do it if there was no end in sight, even though we both love our kids and he loves his job.

 

We have talked about having a second child together, something we would like to do, but there is NO WAY we would do that with things as they are now, I don't think our relationship could survive it.

 

You might be able to make it work, but you'd need to be more flexible. Expecting your wife, or your kids, to make do with half an hour of your time and be happy about it is not realistic, even if you're planning on hiring some help.

 

I understand that the problem is that you feel there's just so much to do at work, but once you have a wife and kids, there will be even more to do at home. You will have to learn to re-prioritize, and to delegate, and sometimes, to let things go. Or, get comfortable with the idea of paying alimony and seeing your kids every other weekend.