Define Gold Digger

[BUENG1]

 

Ironically, she is married to my brother who has more $ than any of us.

 

I think the term usually some kind of dishonesty. When I think of gold digger I think of a type of scam artist.

[Toodamnpragmatic]

Please don't be offended, 2sure you claim there was infidelity on your spouses part.... Did you stay with him due to his money/power?

[marlena]

Please don't be offended, 2sure you claim there was infidelity on your spouses part.... Did you stay with him due to his money/power?

 

No offense but that was my immediate thought as well. I have known many a gold-digger in my life and they would sell their souls to the devil just to lead a life of luxury and convenience. To me, a gold-digger is a person lacking in moral fiber, a coward, a parasite, often very shallow, with banal aspirations and might I add, unbearably boring?

 

2 sure, no one can answer that question for you simply because we lack the data to come up with an informed conclusion. However, I strongly suspect that you already know the answer to your own question which would mean that: 1) either you simply wish to incite inflammatory discourse for your own personal entertainment or 2)that you are a gold-digger and relish taking pride in your "capacity".

 

IMO, a person who is not a gold-digger knows it and would never even have the need to question herself/himself. The mere fact that you are questionning yourself leads me to think that you may very well be.

 

It sounds like your SIL hit a sensitive chord. Perhaps because she is one herself. But like Taramere said this is not neccesarily an evil. If two people are on the same page about this where is the problem? You got your rich his husband and he his trophy wife. Could work out fabulously, a kettle and pot sort of thing.

 

Let me ask you this: if you knew for a fact that you were a gold-digger, would that bother you and if so, why?

[OpenBook]

I strongly suspect that you already know the answer to your own question which would mean that: 1) either you simply wish to incite inflammatory discourse for your own personal entertainment or 2)that you are a gold-digger and relish taking pride in your "capacity".

 

Or 3) she's still mad at him for his infidelity (or perhaps suspects he's cheating on her again??), and this is her strike back. I highly doubt his infidelity has been made public... yet.

 

I've heard that typically as a marriage progresses over time, the line between love and hate gets thinner... and thinner.

 

I'm with you Marlena - I totally don't get why 2sure is seeking validation for being a Gold Digger. My instincts are telling me that there's much, much more to the story than meets the eye here.

[NoIDidn't]

I think most women are gold-diggers, according to the definition. I am not heartless about it, but I would not even give a man second look if he wasn't gainfully employed and confident about his abilities to provide for his family.

 

In this I am very traditional.

 

And as far as a woman staying with a man following infidelity when he has money - ain't nobodies business but theirs. I would not hate on her or him.

 

The older some of us get, security is more important than love alone. Love has never paid a bill or washed a dish. But with money, you can always pay somebody to manage the bills and the dishes. LOL

[Toodamnpragmatic]

No offense but that was my immediate thought as well. I have known many a gold-digger in my life and they would sell their souls to the devil just to lead a life of luxury and convenience. To me, a gold-digger is a person lacking in moral fiber, a coward, a parasite, often very shallow, with banal aspirations and might I add, unbearably boring?

 

2 sure, no one can answer that question for you simply because we lack the data to come up with an informed conclusion. However, I strongly suspect that you already know the answer to your own question which would mean that: 1) either you simply wish to incite inflammatory discourse for your own personal entertainment or 2)that you are a gold-digger and relish taking pride in your "capacity".

 

IMO, a person who is not a gold-digger knows it and would never even have the need to question herself/himself. The mere fact that you are questionning yourself leads me to think that you may very well be.

 

It sounds like your SIL hit a sensitive chord. Perhaps because she is one herself. But like Taramere said this is not neccesarily an evil. If two people are on the same page about this where is the problem? You got your rich his husband and he his trophy wife. Could work out fabulously, a kettle and pot sort of thing.

 

Let me ask you this: if you knew for a fact that you were a gold-digger, would that bother you and if so, why?

 

 

Interesting thoughts. Difference is you are a woman and can state them. As a male, I see the need to walk on egg shells.....

[clv0116]

I think most women are gold-diggers, according to the definition. I am not heartless about it, but I would not even give a man second look if he wasn't gainfully employed and confident about his abilities to provide for his family.

 

In this I am very traditional.

 

And as far as a woman staying with a man following infidelity when he has money - ain't nobodies business but theirs. I would not hate on her or him.

 

The older some of us get, security is more important than love alone. Love has never paid a bill or washed a dish. But with money, you can always pay somebody to manage the bills and the dishes. LOL

 

 

I think considering and weighing material provisioning ability and gold digging are perhaps on a spectrum, but not the same.

[alphamale]

Love has never paid a bill or washed a dish.

indeed....

[boldjack]

Posters will never agree on what is a golddigger . Perhaps we should look at it from the other side. My wife is/was a rich woman. She married me when I was about as low as a man could get. I was a cheater, liar, drinker, fighter and didn't have 2 cents to rub together. She gave up her wealthy life for me, ignored her parents wishes, worked as a waitress in a truckstop, and bore me 4 children. We are well-to-do now, but we both worked as hard as slaves to get there. I don't know what a golddigger is, but I absolutely know what it isn't.

[2sure]

Honestly, I couldn't sleep last night. I know you people here can never KNOW me and my details...but I really do respect the opinions and advice I have received here on LS...so ...anyway

 

Yes, My SIL did strike a nerve. I wasn't sure if it affected me so much because part of me thought it was true or because after all I have been through , it was one of the most offensive things she could say to me.

 

Proud of any part of being or seeming a gold digger? No. And I just dont have the energy today to convince, persuade, prove or defend myself. Suffice it to say that if you knew me in RL you would laugh at that assumption.

 

Question my motives for staying w/ my H after his infidelity?? Sure I do. A million times. Told myself a million times: 2sure, no amount of financial security is worth this. And also told my H that. I wasnt afraid of losing anything but him.

 

Called my H last night at 2am and told him what my SIL said, told him it had caused me to reflect and wonder if I was a bad person, etc...

 

He asked me to marry him on our first date. By the third date, thinking he was naive, I told him nothing was as it may seem...that my lifestyle was as fake as my boobs, my hair color, and my tan. I told him that everything I had was paid for by someone else and that he didnt want to marry me. He already knew all of those things . He said I was the most unjaded and emotionally sincere person he had ever met. I dont lie and I see things the way they really are...and am still happy with them.

 

I have sincere affection for everyone here on LS. Please do not let this small question I have asked of myself color your entire picture of me.

[The Collector]

Most women are a bit gold-diggery. They grow up with the fantasy of a handsome prince, not a handsome mailman. The old song 'If I were a carpenter, and you were a lady... would you marry me anyway, would you have my babies?'... many women answer 'er... bye.'

 

I advise all men to tell any woman they would want to marry that they are hopelessly in debt. If they reply 'That's unfortunate but I love you anyway,' they're a keeper.

 

2Sure, you seem sweet but were probably a gold-digger who now wants to look at herself in the mirror, just as women who were... slutty... often go religious when they hit 30. Nobody's perfect, the important thing is whether you are going to be happy in the future based on how much you actually love your husband, and he loves you.

[carhill]

Reading your posts about H's experiences suggests to me that the the past is indeed the past, in many ways. When the journey ends, that's all there will be, the past; memories. Make each one count

[Chrome Barracuda]

She'll marry a man and accept his money and gifts and yet never gives anything back. little if that.

 

THATS what the Crux of it is . Right here.

 

Some men with a certain degree of success dig for a woman who is pretty, socially connected, speaks French, has an education, some professional success and networks,a woman with her own accomplishments... .someone who can either accompany him or gain him entrance to whatever places are on his personal ladder of success or happiness....A Trophy Wife.

 

Then they want her to drop all of that and focus on them, or family, or their career, etc. Never gives anything back?? To me this seems like an agreeable relationship as long as both partners are content with the life that follows.

 

Its a give and take. Sincerely, why is this distasteful?

 

In this day and age of independent women and recession, I dont have time to be spending on her 24-7.

 

I mean she has to bring something to the table, she has to contribute as well.

 

I mean goldigger is not the best thing to be in this world, you dont want to glorify that. It's not a good look. Some men are in the line of trading women like cheap cars and trade up when they go out of style, but remember they can afford to do so.

 

Life for them financially is a dream land. I dont have that luxury.

[2sure]

You know what? I brought a lot to the table. It just wasnt cash.

My H was accomplished, but NOT powerful or "rich" when I met him.

But I knew he had potential, I wont lie about that.

When we married, I opened doors for him and supported his ambition.

Only after we married did he achieve the things he had been trying to do alone. So, who used who? Possibly, to some we deserve each other. And I agree. During this marriage I have come to accept that I must have done something right in my past...because Karma works both ways. I'm grateful.

Me - I'm truly not that ambitious. I always thought I was just incapable of real success on my own. Turns out I'm VERY capable....I enjoy supporting other people's dreams. I am better at taking care of other people than I am myslef. Thats what makes me happy.

[NoIDidn't]

But I knew he had potential, I wont lie about that.

When we married, I opened doors for him and supported his ambition.

 

I feel the same. If the doors I helped him walk through with my connections brought us more influence, power, or money, even better. A lot of times, though, I was also looking to make sure that he also enjoyed whatever it was.

[2sure]

Thank you NoIDidnt.

 

I'm having a hard time right now. My H is never around anymore, he is busy working at the job we both wanted him to have. i admire him, I admire his drive and committment. I am proud of what he is accomplishing still. But I feel less useful at this point. I am losing my sight of my role here. I feel a bit caged.

 

I guess I feel a little like: This is what I wanted right? Then why do I feel as lonely as I did before? Be careful what you wish for , etc etc, ad nauseum.

 

This thread has quite effectively depressed me completely.

[boldjack]

Wow, such selfless devotion to the rich men you love, very impressive. Hey, somebody's got to keep all this nasty old money, right?

[NoIDidn't]

Thank you NoIDidnt.

 

I'm having a hard time right now. My H is never around anymore, he is busy working at the job we both wanted him to have. i admire him, I admire his drive and committment. I am proud of what he is accomplishing still. But I feel less useful at this point. I am losing my sight of my role here. I feel a bit caged.

 

I guess I feel a little like: This is what I wanted right? Then why do I feel as lonely as I did before? Be careful what you wish for , etc etc, ad nauseum.

 

This thread has quite effectively depressed me completely.

 

Boy have I been here quite a few times. My H and I are both performers. But I don't take as many jobs as I used to because of our children. So, I encourage him to do it.

 

He's gone a lot sometimes. And I can't get upset about it because I usually open the doors for him that keep him out so much.

 

I totally understand how you are feeling. And I can understand why the SIL's comment hurt. The people slinging around that tired insult really have no idea of what we give up for them to even be in a position to say such.

[NoIDidn't]

Wow, such selfless devotion to the rich men you love, very impressive. Hey, somebody's got to keep all this nasty old money, right?

 

 

LOL, most performers are far from rich.

[boldjack]

Oh, I thought that a marriage was a partnership. If you are sacrificing for your H, aren't you doing it for yourself, also?

[NoIDidn't]

Oh, I thought that a marriage was a partnership. If you are sacrificing for your H, aren't you doing it for yourself, also?

 

I'm sorry about whatever crawled into your craw, BJ. Really, I am. LOL.

 

No, seriously, you are right that the sacrifice is being made by both and for both, to a degree. But you are ignoring the fact that we are talking about ourselves right now. We are talking about how we feel about the "means to the ends", so to speak.

 

Not to mention, I hardly think a person out enjoying themselves in a pursuit is thinking that they are sacrificing much at that moment.

[boldjack]

No problem, NID. This whole golddigger thing has brought back some of my least favorite memories, that's all. BTW, I wasn't insinuating that you were a golddigger. I do have a problem with that whole " means to an end", thing. I guess that in today's world, marrying for money or the promise of money, is pure Darwinism, at it's least attractive.

[gopher]

No problem, NID. This whole golddigger thing has brought back some of my least favorite memories, that's all. BTW, I wasn't insinuating that you were a golddigger. I do have a problem with that whole " means to an end", thing. I guess that in today's world, marrying for money or the promise of money, is pure Darwinism, at it's least attractive.

 

This isn't new, throughout history this has been going on...

[boldjack]

NID, Many women are offended when men judge them solely on basis of their physical appearance. It's a natural, but imperfect method of choosing a mate. What if men hunted mates like a golddigger. They would have some ideas about the "acceptable", level of beauty, maybe use a tape measure to make sure her hips were wide enough for childbirth, check her teeth and heartbeat for general good health, all to prove that she is a sound investment. How offensive would that be? But that is exactly what a golddigger does, except the measure of the man is his wallet, stock portfolio, the quality and abundance of his possessions, and his potential for generating wealth. I understand that to a greater or lesser degree, we ALL discriminate. My problem is with the calculating, deliberate, coldness of it all. I have only known ONE true golddigger in my life, I would never want to meet another. If I were a woman, what the OP's SIL said would be terribly insulting to me. 2sure, you probably should have decked her.

[OpenBook]

Boldjack you are too, too funny. Men do EXACTLY what you describe. It's the exact same principle as a gold digger. Only the currency is different (physical beauty). 2sure even describes it with her now-H at the very beginning of their courtship. In his eyes, she immediately met his criteria, she "paid" the currency as it were. He didn't even know her that well and he asked her to marry him!!!

 

Men are no better (or worse) than women in picking a lifetime mate.