annxxdisaster Posted June 15, 2009 Share Posted June 15, 2009 Aha... you can take it from me, you don't want your ex being nice or lovey to you right after a break up, or any time soon after it. Getting on with life, at least for me, is tons easier when someone is nasty towards you. If they're being truthful or just trying to be hurtful, it doesn't matter either way. I personally wish that's how my ex was being to me, I had even asked him to be a jerk to me. But that didn't work. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Nuala83 Posted June 15, 2009 Author Share Posted June 15, 2009 Oh and don't use my real first name please! Thought I'm sure you wouldn't Link to post Share on other sites
BearPower Posted June 15, 2009 Share Posted June 15, 2009 disaster- Trust me on this. You do not want that kind of pain. I would not wish this on ANYONE. As much as you may like to receive it, I can tell you first hand, that it's not pleasent, and would likely effect your future relations with someone else, at least for the short term. There are ways to break up with someone, and there are ways to not breakup with someone. She has done it the wrong way. Another thing, this info she gave me is true. Confirmed by an aquaintance Nuuala- I wont use your name. I cant edit my post Link to post Share on other sites
NopeNah Posted June 15, 2009 Share Posted June 15, 2009 Not sure how many times i'm going to have to say this to ya, SB. But, OUCH!!!! Stay NC from that heartless slut forever! Be glad she's gone! Link to post Share on other sites
BearPower Posted June 15, 2009 Share Posted June 15, 2009 Seriously, I feel like a walking billboard for heartbreak and what not to do. I have never been hurt so bad in my life.....seriously OUCH isnt the word....there is no word in the human language that can describe that pain. Only a noise that closely resembles a whimper and a smashing, breaking crunch, followed by the stench of death. That was heartless, and your sig says it all, what goes around, comes around. Link to post Share on other sites
Leveller Posted June 15, 2009 Share Posted June 15, 2009 I'll give you a bell in a bit mate if you need someone to talk to. Link to post Share on other sites
NopeNah Posted June 15, 2009 Share Posted June 15, 2009 Get up and dust your shoulders off, SB! Forget all you've done to get to this point and move past it! It'll only make you stronger for the future. Atleast you know what kind of clingy,needy, selfish bitch she is/was! She HAS to be with someone to feel better about herself, YOU DON'T! That makes you Better than her!! take care! Link to post Share on other sites
BearPower Posted June 15, 2009 Share Posted June 15, 2009 Leveller-phones on....... P4D- I know, she cant even face the pain herself. im so disapointed in her, moreso in myself for putting up with her **** for so long Link to post Share on other sites
annxxdisaster Posted June 16, 2009 Share Posted June 16, 2009 Well that's not fair for you to assume I've never had someone tell me mean, mean hurtful things. While I haven't had anything that stung too bad said to me by a past lover/boyfriend. I have had some really, really nasty things said to me by my mother. I think I can sympathize with how it feels. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Nuala83 Posted June 16, 2009 Author Share Posted June 16, 2009 I'd really like to know if there's anyone else out there who's maintained contact with their ex and managed to reconcile. I'm probably looking in the wrong place for examples here but if anyone has anything, please do share your story! I might post a thread on another forum in my search for happy stories. Link to post Share on other sites
wow123 Posted June 16, 2009 Share Posted June 16, 2009 NUALA, I went NC for 3 weeks (my doing). I think the NC pissed her off a bit. We were close to going out again but she backed out not thinking it was the right thing for us to do. Now I am LC, maybe talk 2 times per week if that. She sounds very unhappy and I am too. I don't think she wants to get back together but I actually feel better maintaining LC even though we don't see eachother and I am going out and doing my own thing. Link to post Share on other sites
BearPower Posted June 16, 2009 Share Posted June 16, 2009 Well that's not fair for you to assume I've never had someone tell me mean, mean hurtful things. While I haven't had anything that stung too bad said to me by a past lover/boyfriend. I have had some really, really nasty things said to me by my mother. I think I can sympathize with how it feels. I meant no disrespect, sorry if it came across like that Link to post Share on other sites
Author Nuala83 Posted June 17, 2009 Author Share Posted June 17, 2009 NUALA, I went NC for 3 weeks (my doing). I think the NC pissed her off a bit. We were close to going out again but she backed out not thinking it was the right thing for us to do. Now I am LC, maybe talk 2 times per week if that. She sounds very unhappy and I am too. I don't think she wants to get back together but I actually feel better maintaining LC even though we don't see eachother and I am going out and doing my own thing. W, I also feel much better going LC rather than NC. I feel it's making it easier for me to move on and get out there doing my own thing. My contact is very limited compared to what it was just a few months back (he would call me up twice a day every day). Nowadays I speak to him maybe once a week for about 10 mins or so. And it's fine! I'm healing much faster now I'm not concentrating on forcing myself to ignore his contact. I've started to feel much better about myself Thanks for sharing. Anyone else stil in contact with their ex? Is it a good thing or do you wish you'd just shut them out? Link to post Share on other sites
drummerprince81 Posted June 17, 2009 Share Posted June 17, 2009 Its hot and cold at the moment. I was hoping it would be stepping up a bit coz my ex has been friendly over the last 2.5 weeks (texts) but then doesn't always keep the conversation going...and she disappears again. I would rather we were in touch more. We were best friends 4 months ago...so I'm gonna step it up and call my ex tonight. Do I just be friendly and avoid any relationship talk? Or do I just burn all my bridges and talk about everything that I feel and just get it over and done with? I don't think I should be making the call but I think reconcilation requires work from both parties. I just want to put a foot in the right direction rather than do nothing, and just feel like perhaps I can call and step away again for a while, depending on what vibes I get. Maybe I'm setting myself up for a fall. Nuala - when you speak to your ex, what do you generally talk about? PS - I don't want to shut her out (she has shut me out for whatever reason). I guess if I was going to go NC I'd need something bad to happen or to be said... Link to post Share on other sites
Author Nuala83 Posted June 17, 2009 Author Share Posted June 17, 2009 Its hot and cold at the moment. I was hoping it would be stepping up a bit coz my ex has been friendly over the last 2.5 weeks (texts) but then doesn't always keep the conversation going...and she disappears again. Do I just be friendly and avoid any relationship talk? Or do I just burn all my bridges and talk about everything that I feel and just get it over and done with? I don't think I should be making the call but I think reconcilation requires work from both parties. Nuala - when you speak to your ex, what do you generally talk about? PS - I don't want to shut her out (she has shut me out for whatever reason). I guess if I was going to go NC I'd need something bad to happen or to be said... I understand you not wanting to shut her out. I don't wanna shut out my ex either but I've taken a BIG step back. When I talk with James, he's ALWAYS the one to call me and he always asks what I've been up to. He's kinda nosy actually. By not calling him and not offering any information about my personal life, he's having to resort to asking for it. He tells me what he's been doing and always says we should meet up sometime...but then doesn't follow it up. Is he just being polite? I haven't got a clue! I wouldn't recommend calling if she's blowing hot and cold and frequently dissapearing. Those are the hallmarks of someone who's using you for company when she's bored and dropping you as soon as something better comes along. But if you do call, I'd say you shouldn't talk about any relationship/feelings stuff at all! It seems like such a good idea and you'd think logically it'd work but it never works. I take it she's the one who dumped you? I'm not a NC purist but the idea of playing 'keep away' from the ex is a good one I think. Link to post Share on other sites
drummerprince81 Posted June 17, 2009 Share Posted June 17, 2009 When I say hot and cold, she was very cold for the first 1-3 months. In the last 2 weeks she has been friendly to me twice via text message but nothing more. It shocked me, coz I didn't think I'd be hearing from her. I was always worried about calling in the first 3 months. Now I feel like the door is open slightly. And yeah, she finished with me. I don't think she was contacting me coz she was bored...I think she is being a bit stubborn and proud in her efforts to communicate with me...but I know I'm putting a lot at risk...if it goes horribly wrong then I guess I go NC!!! Do you think its wise to bring up memories (good ones only)? Link to post Share on other sites
drummerprince81 Posted June 17, 2009 Share Posted June 17, 2009 I'm not a NC purist but the idea of playing 'keep away' from the ex is a good one I think. I'm starting to wonder now if calling is the best option, but I want to prove to myself that I have the guts to call. The thing is, its her who needs to make the next move but maybe I just need to get a vibe from her to see whether its worth pursuing LC or NC. Link to post Share on other sites
Art_Critic Posted June 17, 2009 Share Posted June 17, 2009 What a cold, cold cruel woman. She isn't cold and cruel.. you won't leave her alone and she is ramping up the shiot so you will stop contacting her. Unless you stop contacting her it is going to get worse... what the hell is she playing at? Why send something like that? She isn't playing at anything, she just wants you to stop contacting her... Leave her alone... You have never respected her input in your breakup as she wanted time and you never gave her any.. all you keep doing is reassuring her that she made the right decision in breaking up with you.. You have now eliminated all doubt in her mind about her decision in the breakup.. she has totally moved on from you. Stop sending her emails.. she has now blocking you in emails and you are circumventing that by sending from other accounts she hasn't blocked... court orders are on the horizon unless you stop this.. and this people is why a person should practice NC and move on..... Link to post Share on other sites
BearPower Posted June 17, 2009 Share Posted June 17, 2009 Art Critic....please can you try and be a little more sympathetic. Reading that really hurt me, her last email really hurt me too. I have since blocked her from all my email accounts, deleted her family from facebook, told our mutual friends that I want nothing to do with her, and asked if they would let me know if she is going to be attending any events I am at so I can avoid her. Why do you have to be so hard on me? Jeez, i ****ing tried ok, i am heartbroken and you are not being very supportive at all. whos side are you on? why do you have to be such a jerk? You come across as very insensitive. If you read the other threads since that happened, I have no choice but to go NC. Why the hell would I ever want to be back with someone who is 'in love' with someone else? This was the final straw, I have nothing left for her, I am sad, hurt and lonley. I never want to see her again let alone try and win her back or get in contact again. She has someone else now, yes, i probably pushed into it with my insisten begging and trying. I know I mad some mistakes so QUIT telling me to leave her alone and QUIT being so hard on me. Your belittlement is not appreciated. at all. look, if you have a problem with me, then keep it to yourself. I really dont need that kind of **** from anyone right now. Link to post Share on other sites
Art_Critic Posted June 17, 2009 Share Posted June 17, 2009 Art Critic....please can you try and be a little more sympathetic. Reading that really hurt me, her last email really hurt me too. I've been supportive of you in the past BP but you seem to have crossed some lines and you need to hear the cold, hard truth. If you had not been continuing to contact her in the manner you have been then you wouldn't have been hurt this last time.. You also seem to reach out to all the sympathetic advice and then they lead you to believe that contacting her is a good idea.. I'm telling you what you need to hear.. no sugar coating... Link to post Share on other sites
BearPower Posted June 17, 2009 Share Posted June 17, 2009 I heard the cold hard truth- and that was that she is in love with someone else now. a guy she only met a month ago. You have no idea how much that hurt to hear that. I havent replied nor am I ever going to. I have NO desire to reconcile ever again, and i have NO desire to contact her nor hear from her, ever again. Im done, done done done. So please, get of my case. Your not telling me what i need to hear, as i heard it from her. I DONT need anyone rubbing it in my face thankyou very much. You really upset me today. Link to post Share on other sites
Art_Critic Posted June 17, 2009 Share Posted June 17, 2009 look, if you have a problem with me, then keep it to yourself. I really dont need that kind of **** from anyone right now. I don't have any problems with you, I and others have been giving you the same advice since day one and that has been to go NC and you have yet to do NC.. You see my advice as harsh because you want to contact her and I don't think you should. As far as belittling you.. I have never belittled you.. I just keep driving home the point that she wants to be left alone and for you to do NC. Link to post Share on other sites
BearPower Posted June 17, 2009 Share Posted June 17, 2009 DUDE....get it in your head, I HAVE NO DESIRE TO CONTACT HER. after what she said, what the hell use is that going to do me? None at all. the ONLY thing i can do now is move on. She is with someone else. In fact, she is IN LOVE and very serious and very happy with someone else. So get off my ****ing case OK. Link to post Share on other sites
Art_Critic Posted June 17, 2009 Share Posted June 17, 2009 Heartbreak isn't easy.. but your healing is in your hands and not someone else's hands at this point.. Time to take what you learned from all this and figure out your direction.. Invest in yourself and stop investing time and effort into her.. time to find someone else to date.. someone else who can see the great guy you are... Link to post Share on other sites
CaliGuy Posted June 17, 2009 Share Posted June 17, 2009 DUDE....get it in your head, I HAVE NO DESIRE TO CONTACT HER. after what she said, what the hell use is that going to do me? None at all. the ONLY thing i can do now is move on. She is with someone else. In fact, she is IN LOVE and very serious and very happy with someone else. So get off my ****ing case OK. You know, people here have been very patient with you but I am starting to understand where some of the problems in your past relationships might have come from. You are very insecure and you show it by your reactions to the advice people give you. People like Art and others are trying to help you see things from a different perspective. You only see things from your vantage point (understandable) but you have to understand that most of us have been through what you're going through -- and more than once. Take a minute to think about why people would bother to get on a forum like this and give you bad advice??? Blah. Every time I got angry at the advice someone gave me it's because they were right and I just didn't want them to be right. You're missing out on some great advice to get your head screwed on straight. Link to post Share on other sites
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