BlueHarvest Posted June 3, 2009 Posted June 3, 2009 So as some of you may know, I've been having issues with a lady lately whom isn't recpricating what I want in a relationship. I don't like losing her in any aspect but I kind of want to keep the bridge open instead of burning it completely in case she grows up. http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t189701/ For reference if you want to get an in-depth look. Essentially I don't want to be a casual date. She called me last night and instead of asking me if I wanted to hang out, asked if I would help her carry her computer to the computer store downtown. Didn't try to make plans to hang out or anything, just asking for a favor. I don't know if I should do it, I feel like I'm being used at this point. Instead of a casual date I feel like I'm a favor boy, free-meal ticket. I like some parts of her personality *obviously* (otherwise I would have never gotten involved). So my *main* question is ... 1) Do I just stop contacting her as much (at all?) and kind of "fade off" as to not burn the bridge... or 2) Do I talk to her face to face...tell her exactly what's on my mind and end it? (though some of the statements I might say could be very hurtful....if you really think this is the way to go we'll follow up with that route.) Thanks all!
Author BlueHarvest Posted June 3, 2009 Author Posted June 3, 2009 I wouldn't do it if I were you. Thanks for the insightful response... /sarcasm
Katherineos123 Posted June 3, 2009 Posted June 3, 2009 I wouldnt say anything. Its very possible that this girl just wants to be friends with you... but I would steer clear of that if I were you... to be honest, and not to be offensive, but it seems like this girl is kind of a jerk who doesnt value a good man when she has one.... this has been going on for far too long... seems to me like she doesnt take you very seriously. Dont be a door mat. Time to move on.
TaraMaiden Posted June 3, 2009 Posted June 3, 2009 I wouldn't do it if I were you. Thanks for the insightful response... /sarcasm It is insightful . And they're right. If you want to change the dynamics and call the shots, stop acting like a patsy and stand your ground. If she is using you, then it is because you are giving her permission to do so. There's being nice, and there's being a walkover.... as katherineos123 says - don't be a doormat, move on - and start No Contact.
SoulSearch_CO Posted June 3, 2009 Posted June 3, 2009 I agree that it's time for No Contact. The girl is using you. You allow her to use you because it gives you time to spend with her. She will never respect you as long as you allow this to continue.
Author BlueHarvest Posted June 3, 2009 Author Posted June 3, 2009 Noone in this thread so far has given me a straight answer. Aside from a few who keep spouting the No Contact Mantra. My question was do I tell her face to face about the issues and risk burning the bridge of friendship? Or do I stop contacting her and let it fade off that way in the future friendship might be a possibility?
SoulSearch_CO Posted June 3, 2009 Posted June 3, 2009 Maybe everybody here thinks your two options are both cop-outs. Just give her no contact - forget the idea of friendship. I think everybody gave you a straight answer. Just because it wasn't the answer YOU like, that's your problem.
Author BlueHarvest Posted June 4, 2009 Author Posted June 4, 2009 Maybe everybody here thinks your two options are both cop-outs. Just give her no contact - forget the idea of friendship. I think everybody gave you a straight answer. Just because it wasn't the answer YOU like, that's your problem. How are they cop outs? No contact is somewhat similar to the "fade off" part. But a part of me feels like she deserves to be told exactly how *I* feel. That's a cop-out? Sorry soulsearch, i asked for your opinion, not your creed. And your word is not my creed despite what you may think. People on here I think are too much into the No Contact solution. Sometimes it fits. Sometimes it doesn't. Not every situation warrants "No contact". And to be perfectly honest, it begins to sound less and less like advice and more like just a "one size fits all" solution that people put out there when they have no idea really what to do.
lora22 Posted June 4, 2009 Posted June 4, 2009 Personally, I would just let it fade out if you want to remain friends. This is probably cynical of me, but I feel like generally people can't handle the truth or other people's emotions when these things are critical of said person. Even if the criticism is more implied through someone's assertion that their feelings have been hurt, boundaries crossed, etc., rather than an outright criticism. So, in that case, (and not know this girl or you) it seems unlikely that if you told her your feelings you two would remain friends. This is all based on the fact that I didn't read the other thread you posted. If you're still looking for advice later tonight/tomorrow I'll check it out and see if I have any thoughts on it. Of course, I think the more fulfilling option would be honest with her and tell her what's up. That's if you're totally OK with not being friends and you're not expecting to actually work anything out. I mean, if you're incredibly lucky, she might think about her actions and stuff, and then act accordingly, but I highly doubt it. Most people certainly wouldn't.
SoulSearch_CO Posted June 4, 2009 Posted June 4, 2009 How are they cop outs? No contact is somewhat similar to the "fade off" part. But a part of me feels like she deserves to be told exactly how *I* feel. That's a cop-out? Sorry soulsearch, i asked for your opinion, not your creed. And your word is not my creed despite what you may think. People on here I think are too much into the No Contact solution. Sometimes it fits. Sometimes it doesn't. Not every situation warrants "No contact". And to be perfectly honest, it begins to sound less and less like advice and more like just a "one size fits all" solution that people put out there when they have no idea really what to do. Well, everybody gave you their opinion. Once again, just because you didn't like it, doesn't mean it wasn't valid. You're not always going to hear what you want to hear. If you already KNOW what you would prefer to do (give her a piece of your mind), then why bother asking other people's advice. I never said you HAD to choose the options given here. But it annoyed me that you pissed all over what people said here. It didn't live up to your expectations, so you considered it trash. No point in having come to your own conclusion and then coming here to "test" us.
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