Being held accountable

[Juniper22]

Juniper

 

My Dad was a functioning alcoholic, never missed a day a of work. didn't usually get violent but always got obnoxious. Every day. Thats the just way it was, it was never any different.

 

The thing that caught my attention in your post was the word "anxiety". I get that. Its the just waiting for 8:00 pm for him to turn, its the not knowing if he is picking a fight with you, or how far it will go. Its the anxious waiting for him to get home - will he crash the car or kill someone else. Driving with him. Every day anxiety.

 

You learn to live with the functional alcoholic, you learn to live with the anxiety. The drinking and the alcoholic's behavior become the main point of the family unit, what everything else hinges on. After awhile, both are normal parts of your life. That knot in your stomach? Always there, even when you move away.

 

Address your own anxiety (even if you think it isnt affecting you) or this is something that will perpetuate throughout your life.

 

Thanks 2sure! Alot of what you've said, I do believe is the way it probably is for my mother. I haven't really lived with this, but she has. They've been married for a few years, and I didn't grow up with this. I do feel for her though.

 

She has described my step dad, pretty much the same way you described your dad. He was never really abusive in the sense of being physically abusive. Words would fly from his mouth, like hateful things, or being silly acting, sometimes almost child like. Not silly in the sense of haha funny, but more along the lines of just being really annoying. He has always been what you call a "blamer" meaning he blames everyone else for his issues, but when drinking it really comes out! I do remember a time my mother telling me where he wanted to act a little rough, they were talking and she walked away from him because he couldn't be reasoned with of course, since he had some alcohol in him, and he pulld her back to her him was pretty rough in doing so. Everytime she would try to walk from him he would grab her, She dialed 911. Some people may thing that's extreme, but she became panicked and didn't know what he may do, so she called the police. Of course when he found out she made the call, he fled out the back door, and ended up hiding out in a neighbors garage. Chicken sh*t!

 

I do think she is gonna do the al-anon thing and I told her I would go with her if she would like. I do think she feels this is a fixable situation but I think what worries her the most is, the fact he wont stick to getting some kind of help and really trying to make a change. She knows HE has to be the one that's ready, but at the same time I think she feels she shouldn't have to pay the price for his choice. Hopefully al-anon can help her with the anxiety part of it too.

[Juniper22]

IMO, I think all people should be held accountable for their actions.

 

I also think that's what is wrong with alot of people these days, they were never held accountable, so therefore they feel they can continue on with whatever they may be doing.

 

I also believe that even if a person who has an addiction to something, that they have to want to change their behavior and that no one can make them, BUT I still say, if that persons behavior is effecting another, then yes, the person its effecting should hold the other one responsible.

 

Its no different than a child who back talks, or hits another child etc, they are usually held accountable and have to know their are consequences for their behavior. Serial killers, rapist, child molesters, etc, they are usually held accountable too, if you keep up your ways then this is what will happen, plain and simple. It matters not, if they have a sick mind, that excuse doesn't cut it nor should it.

 

This is pretty much my thinking as well. I see far to many people making excuses for WHY someone shouldn't be held accountable.