Dexter Morgan Posted June 8, 2009 Share Posted June 8, 2009 She forgave me and told me that she was happy I had the courage to tell her, but that things would be pretty weird for a while as she sorted through her feelings. We are still getting married, and although things are still quite uncomfortable, she kissed me this morning and said "God forbid, if something were to happen to one of us and I never see you again, I want you to know that I love you and I forgive you." I’m very lucky to have someone like her. well there you go. see, she deserved the truth and the ability to make a decision about how to proceed. Looks like she will forgive you and give you a 2nd chance. So it worked well and now she probably will more easily gain back any trust she might have lost because you came clean to her. So you have a 2nd chance and have no secrets now...run with it. I have a question...what would you say if later on after this has blown over and you are married, and you tell her you are going out with the guys some Saturday night to the bars or for drinks and she says, "you think that is a wise idea considering what happened the last time?" What would be your response to a statement like that? She probably won't ever say that, but curious how you'd handle it if she ever did. Link to post Share on other sites
Dexter Morgan Posted June 8, 2009 Share Posted June 8, 2009 You cannot cheat if you are not married. bulls##t....... Link to post Share on other sites
Author azbycx Posted June 9, 2009 Author Share Posted June 9, 2009 I have a question...what would you say if later on after this has blown over and you are married, and you tell her you are going out with the guys some Saturday night to the bars or for drinks and she says, "you think that is a wise idea considering what happened the last time?" What would be your response to a statement like that? She probably won't ever say that, but curious how you'd handle it if she ever did. It's hard to extrapolate, since right now I have my tail between my legs and I'd do just about anything she says. But I will always respect her opinions, and since I've given her a reason not to trust me, if she tells me that she's not comfortable with me going out, then I'm not going to slam the door in her face and do it anyway. That goes for just about anything, whether or not it involves the potential for cheating. But I think I would try to show her why she could trust me...maybe taking along a trusted mutual friend, or coming home earlier. In the end, though, no night out at the bar is as important as her love and trust. Link to post Share on other sites
samsungxoxo Posted June 9, 2009 Share Posted June 9, 2009 Oh I see so you actually did went on and told her anyways. Ok not bad for being honest but now there would probably be no engagement for a whole year of 2. On the other hand there's no more secrets to hide and she forgives you so ok good luck on it, don't mess it up again. Link to post Share on other sites
stace79 Posted June 9, 2009 Share Posted June 9, 2009 In the end, though, no night out at the bar is as important as her love and trust. This quote is the best argument for your relationship's future success. This is sort of what my boyfriend told me that convinced me that we might have a shot, despite all our previous turmoils, and what led to our engagement. If you really believe this, and she reciprocates this attitude, then you guys should be able to work things out. I really hope she is able to come to terms with what happened, and I wish you success in showing her your love and earning back her trust. Link to post Share on other sites
ON MY OWN Posted June 9, 2009 Share Posted June 9, 2009 If it were me I would never use a word like seduce or say you were partly enjoying it or anything like that if your looking for true forgiveness. I am a woman who has been through so much but still after all is said and done have forgiveness truly in my heart. Wording and tonality is very important. I wouldnt go into exact number of drinks you had or go into total detail. I would give enough detail to let her know you truly are in love with her ( if you are ) and want forgiveness and make it known to her you want her to be your wife and will do whatever it is that she needs from you to get forgiveness and trust restored. I would get premarital counseling before you think about going forward. I also want to add I am not a fan of bachelor/bachelorette parties, isnt that what your life has been before you were commited to someone in the first place? I almost think they can easily bring on terrible gut wrenching circumstances just as yours. I think you are going to benefit the best with a counselor as most of us on here are sympathetic, but we are not licensed. If it is worth it to her and she is in love with you she will go, as well as she will see that you are making every effort to her and being honest with her and it is important to you, because most men who didnt feel anything would definitely not offer that. In the counselors office you can discuss things openly, seperately as well as together and come to the best decision for both of you and have the best marriage you could possibly have, get past this and work through it so it doesnt haunt either of you again. I am praying for the both of you!!! Let me know!! There will be anger-sadness-tears, but they can be worked through and should be worked through no matter what you decide she will always see that it was important to you to stick by her side even if she leaves she will be healed more having seen your compassion!!! Take care and take good care of you and her!!!! Link to post Share on other sites
Pog Form Posted June 10, 2009 Share Posted June 10, 2009 Take it to the grave. Link to post Share on other sites
missdependant Posted June 10, 2009 Share Posted June 10, 2009 I am glad you told her, and gave her the choice of whether or not she wanted to be with you. And no offense, but I am also happy to hear that this whole mess has screwed so much with your emotions. Hopefully it will be a lesson for future situations like this. But at least you were man enough to own up and take responsibility for your stupid actions. Sounds to me like the guilt and drama will keep you away from skanky barflies in the future. I am glad things worked out for you. She'll come around (I was in your girl's situation a little over a year ago). But it might take some time, and there might be a bit of tension, even with her forgiveness. Good luck. Now for the really hard part. Link to post Share on other sites
Genuinely Vexed Posted June 11, 2009 Share Posted June 11, 2009 Im going to throw in my two cents. What you did was wrong, and I think that you should tell your girlfriend/fiancee definitely. However, I dont think you are the monster everyone here is painting you out to be. I am just saying that your moral compass is in full working order. This should never happen again. PERIOD. But the fact that you have done it once, DOES NOT mean it will happen again. Mistakes are there to learn from, so dont feel as terrible as certain people would like you to. Dont give up alcohol, dont stay away from bars forever. REMEMBER this feeling and use it for future behaviour Link to post Share on other sites
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