tkgirl Posted June 1, 2009 Posted June 1, 2009 and I'm freaking out! I don't know why I did it. I don't want him back... I don't think... I don't know! It's just that I've been thinking about him a lot lately and I don't like how we left things last time.. oh, 3 months ago!!! I know, I'm a freak! I guess I just wanted to let him know I don't hate him anymore, that I'm cool with everything and that I wish him well... to clear my conscience I guess? has anybody here every done anything like this? I thought I'd be ok sending it... I hope I stop freaking soon... I just hate this feeling of being afraid to look in my inbox and seeing a a reply, or NO reply... from him.
Author tkgirl Posted June 1, 2009 Author Posted June 1, 2009 Did you guys have closure? you mean 3 months ago? no, not at all... I guess that's why? long story short, the last time he contacted me (3 months ago) he told me he missed me, we both said we should get together and talk and then it seemed he freaked and I didn't hear from him for a few days. I called him on it, told him to leave me alone, he told me I deserved someone "more together" and then well... he left me alone! So, no, in my mind there is no closure... we said we would talk and then we never did. I'm realizing I could still have feelings for him now.. why couldn't I have realized that before I hit "send"?
BobSacamento Posted June 1, 2009 Posted June 1, 2009 Maybe because you want him to still be available? And you might want him to still want you?
xpaperxcutx Posted June 1, 2009 Posted June 1, 2009 omg tk.... well at least you had the courage to write him.... I sugget you stay away from your inbox for half a week. it'll ease you anxiety.
Author tkgirl Posted June 1, 2009 Author Posted June 1, 2009 Maybe because you want him to still be available? And you might want him to still want you? I think a part of me does want that.. the stupid part! really.. I do know better... that I am much better off without him. I even told him in the email... "I think we both realize now that I'm not the girl for you and you aren't the guy for me.." and then went on to say that I don't hate him anymore and want him to be happy. I think it was mostly about wanting to move on, since I was thinking about him a lot lately... but now that I sent it I realize it could start things up again and even though I tell myself I really don't want that... I don't know... omg tk.... well at least you had the courage to write him.... I sugget you stay away from your inbox for half a week. it'll ease you anxiety. thanks... good idea! unfortunately that's almost impossible, especially right now when I'm waiting to hear about a job interview. I'm just trying to let it go... what's done is done. I don't really regret sending it because I was starting to go crazy thinking about him... now I just have to let it go and whatever happens, happens. TBH, I don't know if he'll respond or not... and it shouldn't matter, right?
xpaperxcutx Posted June 1, 2009 Posted June 1, 2009 I think a part of me does want that.. the stupid part! really.. I do know better... that I am much better off without him. I even told him in the email... "I think we both realize now that I'm not the girl for you and you aren't the guy for me.." and then went on to say that I don't hate him anymore and want him to be happy. I think it was mostly about wanting to move on, since I was thinking about him a lot lately... but now that I sent it I realize it could start things up again and even though I tell myself I really don't want that... I don't know... thanks... good idea! unfortunately that's almost impossible, especially right now when I'm waiting to hear about a job interview. I'm just trying to let it go... what's done is done. I don't really regret sending it because I was starting to go crazy thinking about him... now I just have to let it go and whatever happens, happens. TBH, I don't know if he'll respond or not... and it shouldn't matter, right? I really understand how you feel. It's hard enough not having to think about my situation ( it's been a week) when you've already went 3 months NC. You just have to live each day and expect different surprises that'll make you happy that you're glad they're not in your life. Otherwise you'll disintegrate into a puddle of tears and resentment over why you're undesirable when in truth is, you shouldn't have had let ONE guy validate you.
Author tkgirl Posted June 1, 2009 Author Posted June 1, 2009 I really understand how you feel. It's hard enough not having to think about my situation ( it's been a week) when you've already went 3 months NC. You just have to live each day and expect different surprises that'll make you happy that you're glad they're not in your life. Otherwise you'll disintegrate into a puddle of tears and resentment over why you're undesirable when in truth is, you shouldn't have had let ONE guy validate you. wow paper, thanks! you are so wise for your years.. I really admire you! yep, like I said.. what's done is done. I'm going to go for a run right now and that always makes me feel better... clears my head and all that... I'm not going to freak out.. I'm not going to freak out.. I'm not going to freak out.. I'm not going to freak out.. I'm not going to freak out..
Kamille Posted June 1, 2009 Posted June 1, 2009 and I'm freaking out! I don't know why I did it. I don't want him back... I don't think... I don't know! It's just that I've been thinking about him a lot lately and I don't like how we left things last time.. oh, 3 months ago!!! I know, I'm a freak! I guess I just wanted to let him know I don't hate him anymore, that I'm cool with everything and that I wish him well... to clear my conscience I guess? has anybody here every done anything like this? Moi? Contact an ex as part of the healing process? Never!!! Oh wait: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t169085/ I thought I'd be ok sending it... I hope I stop freaking soon... I just hate this feeling of being afraid to look in my inbox and seeing a a reply, or NO reply... from him. And since I contact all my exes at one point or other, I can very much relate to that feeling. But you know what, I think you did the right thing for you. It's a little set back, but it's a set back that's likely to acheive exactly what you were hoping to acheive when you pressed sent: yes, in my experience, getting in touch with exes and getting no reply or a reply you didn't really want to hear will help you really move on.
Author tkgirl Posted June 1, 2009 Author Posted June 1, 2009 Moi? Contact an ex as part of the healing process? Never!!! Oh wait: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t169085/ And since I contact all my exes at one point or other, I can very much relate to that feeling. But you know what, I think you did the right thing for you. It's a little set back, but it's a set back that's likely to acheive exactly what you were hoping to acheive when you pressed sent: yes, in my experience, getting in touch with exes and getting no reply or a reply you didn't really want to hear will help you really move on. thanks Kamille! I'm trying to to tell myself that I want to move on and this was something I had to do... I glanced at your post from last Nov. I'm sorry that's what happened to you! I'm trying to prepare myself for that sort of response from him, too.
Trialbyfire Posted June 1, 2009 Posted June 1, 2009 Don't stress about breaking NC. There's a time when people feel strong enough to make that contact, which after 3 months, is usually okay. It's when it's after x number of days or a month or so, that it's not a good idea. If you're contacting that soon, why bother with NC, since you're not really using it to try to move on. Instead this type of person should be using LC, if they want their exes back so badly and/or lack the willpower to maintain NC so it does them some good. Do tell us if he responds. If he never responds, you've got your closure. Good luck!
dreamergrl Posted June 1, 2009 Posted June 1, 2009 I think that there are some people who need to feel that closure, and often don't until they felt as though they've been heard. For making it so long with NC, I don't see this as a bad thing. I think by putting some final closure on it, you're healing. Just prepared for a response that you may not like, or no response at all.
Author tkgirl Posted June 5, 2009 Author Posted June 5, 2009 ok so.. I got a response email from him yesterday morning. It was very sweet and it seems like he wants to try to be "friends" now. I'm not sure I can do this, but then again I feel like I can't NOT do it either... that I want to at least try to be friends with him. I've missed him, he missed me.. I think I'd rather have him in my life as my friend than not at all. Am I crazy? I haven't responded back but am planning on sending him something tonight... like "cool, we're friends now.. yeah!" well, not exactly that but... LOL! ok.. so that's my update! I think after all this NC stuff I have gotten so much stronger and my head is clearer now... I really think this is going to be ok!
xpaperxcutx Posted June 5, 2009 Posted June 5, 2009 ok so.. I got a response email from him yesterday morning. It was very sweet and it seems like he wants to try to be "friends" now. I'm not sure I can do this, but then again I feel like I can't NOT do it either... that I want to at least try to be friends with him. I've missed him, he missed me.. I think I'd rather have him in my life as my friend than not at all. Am I crazy? I haven't responded back but am planning on sending him something tonight... like "cool, we're friends now.. yeah!" well, not exactly that but... LOL! ok.. so that's my update! I think after all this NC stuff I have gotten so much stronger and my head is clearer now... I really think this is going to be ok! TK why did he wait days to respond back to you? During these last 4 days, had your inbox made you anxious for his emails? Were you constantly signing on and off? Were you checking your email every 5 minutes? You know you don't want to be " friends" with him. I feel like you're just settling for being friends with him just so you can have him in your life. I understand how you feel. I would do the same thing were I in your position.
Author tkgirl Posted June 5, 2009 Author Posted June 5, 2009 TK why did he wait days to respond back to you? During these last 4 days, had your inbox made you anxious for his emails? Were you constantly signing on and off? Were you checking your email every 5 minutes? You know you don't want to be " friends" with him. I feel like you're just settling for being friends with him just so you can have him in your life. I understand how you feel. I would do the same thing were I in your position. actually.. to be completely honest.. I wasn't! the first day, yeah... I was freaked and everytime I logged on to my email (definitely not every 5 minutes) I would feel sort of... apprehensive? and then when I didn't see an email from him, it was a combination of little bit of sadness, but mostly relief! I actually didn't expect him to respond, or if he did I knew it wouldn't be right away... I actually thought it might take him a week or two! Believe me... I am telling you the absolute truth. Sure, 6 months ago that would have been me... checking my email constantly, and then when he did respond I'd wonder why the F he took so long. But not now! and it feels really good! And the reason I'm telling you all this is to give you hope... I have read and responded to your posts about your situation and I can definitely relate. And I want to tell you things really do get easier, and I do believe that I am stronger now.. thanks to NC and all that. And yea, I think being his friend will have it's challenges.. but like I told him in my email "I know I'm not the girl for you and you're not the guy for me.." and I truly do just want to be friends with him... all the BS pressure is off now and it feels really good!
dreamergrl Posted June 5, 2009 Posted June 5, 2009 I know you're much stronger now, but please please be careful! You never know what type of feelings may resurface when you hang out as friends.
Author tkgirl Posted June 5, 2009 Author Posted June 5, 2009 I know you're much stronger now, but please please be careful! You never know what type of feelings may resurface when you hang out as friends. thanks dreamer... you're so right! I do have my eyes wide open and will keep them that way. I responded to his email to me last night.. I waited a day and a half myself! lol! It was just a light one, like "cool, we're friends now! " and you know, he may not even respond it all, or if he does it will take him his usual couple days. His flakiness is the main reason I do NOT want him back as a "boyfriend". Either way... I'm cool with it.... or, pretty cool with it! gonna go check my PM's now...
Kamille Posted June 6, 2009 Posted June 6, 2009 Yay! My kind of healing. I have gone through something pretty similar with pretty much all of the guys I've dates (except my last "madly in love" ex). And it does feel good doesn't it? Even though things didn't work out, it validates that the person did indeed care for you, at least as a friend. And knowing this has always been very important to me. Happy for you TK!
Author tkgirl Posted June 6, 2009 Author Posted June 6, 2009 Yay! My kind of healing. I have gone through something pretty similar with pretty much all of the guys I've dates (except my last "madly in love" ex). And it does feel good doesn't it? Even though things didn't work out, it validates that the person did indeed care for you, at least as a friend. And knowing this has always been very important to me. Happy for you TK! thanks Kamille! yea.. I've always tried to stay "friends" with my ex's too... or at least end things on friendly terms. But with this guy.. I don't know. I found him very frustrating because I really liked him, but when I realized "we wanted different things" (my words) I tried to be cool about it and move on... only to have him come back and tell me how he missed me and of course I'd start thinking about him again and... so on! So now... I don't know. It was a nice email that he wrote, saying things like he thought I was a great person and he never meant to confuse me or play games and that he "could be friends with me... does not have a problem with that". To be honest, while I'm glad things are "friendlier" (lol!) with us now, I'm not sure if we will really be friends. I'm also not sure I CAN be just his friend. But I guess it's good I'm realizing that, right?
xpaperxcutx Posted June 6, 2009 Posted June 6, 2009 thanks Kamille! yea.. I've always tried to stay "friends" with my ex's too... or at least end things on friendly terms. But with this guy.. I don't know. I found him very frustrating because I really liked him, but when I realized "we wanted different things" (my words) I tried to be cool about it and move on... only to have him come back and tell me how he missed me and of course I'd start thinking about him again and... so on! So now... I don't know. It was a nice email that he wrote, saying things like he thought I was a great person and he never meant to confuse me or play games and that he "could be friends with me... does not have a problem with that". To be honest, while I'm glad things are "friendlier" (lol!) with us now, I'm not sure if we will really be friends. I'm also not sure I CAN be just his friend. But I guess it's good I'm realizing that, right? So how will you go about it then? I mean you told me that it's okay to be his friend, but when it comes right down to it, you're already uncertain whether you can go through with it. I'm sure it's great to have friends, yet when it involves exes, the emotions that you still have for them may become overwhelming with time. Tread lightly, and take each day for what it is.
Author tkgirl Posted June 6, 2009 Author Posted June 6, 2009 So how will you go about it then? I mean you told me that it's okay to be his friend, but when it comes right down to it, you're already uncertain whether you can go through with it. I'm sure it's great to have friends, yet when it involves exes, the emotions that you still have for them may become overwhelming with time. Tread lightly, and take each day for what it is. hey girl! I know... I really believed I could do the "friend thing" when I said that. I was just happy that he and I were on "friendlier terms" again... but to be honest, now that I've had more time to think about it all... I don't think we can just hang out as friends. But that doesn't mean I can't care about him as I do all my good friends... I just don't see us hanging out and not having that old attraction we once felt for each other creep back... so I'm going to be realistic about it now! so... what to do? I guess I will just "tread lightly, and take each day for what it is." thanks paper!
Kamille Posted June 7, 2009 Posted June 7, 2009 hey girl! I know... I really believed I could do the "friend thing" when I said that. I was just happy that he and I were on "friendlier terms" again... but to be honest, now that I've had more time to think about it all... I don't think we can just hang out as friends. But that doesn't mean I can't care about him as I do all my good friends... My ex-now-friends usely hang out or get in touch with each other about once a year. With all of these men, my attraction actually faded to the point where I can hang out, appreciate their company and be thankful that things didn't work out - because with time also came accepting that "wanting different things" meant he/they "aren't the guys for me". Time also has a funny way of bringing new great men into my life (about once a year), who make realize that the ex-now-friends really weren't for me. To be honest, the guy I'm currently seeing seems impossible to top! I just don't see us hanging out and not having that old attraction we once felt for each other creep back... so I'm going to be realistic about it now! Maybe you are different, but in my case, the attraction always fades with time. so... what to do? I guess I will just "tread lightly, and take each day for what it is." thanks paper! Totally - it's not like you have to hang out and be each other's best friends! You can simply sleep better knowing that you are on friendlier terms.
Author tkgirl Posted June 7, 2009 Author Posted June 7, 2009 My ex-now-friends usely hang out or get in touch with each other about once a year. With all of these men, my attraction actually faded to the point where I can hang out, appreciate their company and be thankful that things didn't work out - because with time also came accepting that "wanting different things" meant he/they "aren't the guys for me". Time also has a funny way of bringing new great men into my life (about once a year), who make realize that the ex-now-friends really weren't for me. To be honest, the guy I'm currently seeing seems impossible to top! Maybe you are different, but in my case, the attraction always fades with time. Totally - it's not like you have to hang out and be each other's best friends! You can simply sleep better knowing that you are on friendlier terms. thanks again Kamille! I really appreciate you sharing your experiences... yea, I'm hoping that the "attraction" will fade... The thing is he's pretty dang cute. Like... Smith from SATC + rocker bad boy = trouble! but as far as being the guy for me... no way! In fact that's one of the things I told him in my original email to him, that "I think we both realize now that I'm not the girl for you and you're not the guy for me". Anyways, since this is all so new still it's going to take me a while to figure out what I want next, as far as he's concerned. I just have to remember why I emailed him in the first place.... I didn't like how I left things with him, it started bugging me so I emailed him... it was supposed to help me move on! So there you go! I am going to move on now!
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