Kamille Posted November 3, 2008 Share Posted November 3, 2008 I was thinking about the ex last week so I decided to write him a message to ask him how he was doing. I spoke about my work in my email, not going into personal details. He replied that his new job was great, that he loved the new city and that he had met someone was "madly in love". I'm not devastated but it still bothers me. It's been pretty clear to me for a long time that we are incompatible. Of course, it makes me feel like our love was highly replaceable, but I didn't expect him to stay single forever either. But one thing bothers me: why did he have to phrase it as "I've met someone and am madly in love". Couldn't he just have left it at: "I've met someone"? Link to post Share on other sites
Geishawhelk Posted November 3, 2008 Share Posted November 3, 2008 Maybe because you contacted him to ask how he was, he thought you might be concerned for him... so he added he'd met someone, but wanted to reassure you he's not banging someone just for the comfort it affords him.... he's met someone he thinks might be a serious bet..... I don't think he was trying to provoke you or annoy you. Maybe he was just trying to convey he's happy. maybe.....? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Kamille Posted November 3, 2008 Author Share Posted November 3, 2008 Maybe because you contacted him to ask how he was, he thought you might be concerned for him... so he added he'd met someone, but wanted to reassure you he's not banging someone just for the comfort it affords him.... he's met someone he thinks might be a serious bet..... I don't think he was trying to provoke you or annoy you. Maybe he was just trying to convey he's happy. maybe.....? maybe. The point of his email was definitely along the lines of "my life is marvelous". I guess I should add that he broke up with me... It is true that the last time we saw each other he tried to kiss me and I backed off... And I was concerned at one point because his emails were getting annoyingly over-dramatic. I couldn't help finding it arrogant though. But your analysis is much kinder. Link to post Share on other sites
lofi_tokyo Posted November 3, 2008 Share Posted November 3, 2008 Well it could be that he broke up with you, and while he maintained his position of being broken up, he saw you moving on and got jealous and/or envious of you. So now that things are looking up a bit, he feels like he has to prove that he can move on too, that his life is going well. He may have left you, but he probably still had feelings for you as he saw you moving on. That probably made him feel competitive in some way. I don't know. I find have points with my ex's that are like that - where they've left me, never come back, but when we do talk, they're really trying to come off as if their lives are wonderful. That phase kind of dies down eventually, but I've definitely seen it a few times. Link to post Share on other sites
Geishawhelk Posted November 3, 2008 Share Posted November 3, 2008 kinder-schminder.... just trying to help.... Link to post Share on other sites
Lizzie60 Posted November 3, 2008 Share Posted November 3, 2008 I was thinking about the ex last week so I decided to write him a message to ask him how he was doing. I spoke about my work in my email, not going into personal details. He replied that his new job was great, that he loved the new city and that he had met someone was "madly in love". I'm not devastated but it still bothers me. It's been pretty clear to me for a long time that we are incompatible. Of course, it makes me feel like our love was highly replaceable, but I didn't expect him to stay single forever either. But one thing bothers me: why did he have to phrase it as "I've met someone and am madly in love". Couldn't he just have left it at: "I've met someone"? I think he was just being honest with you.. didn't mean to offend you.. To say 'I've met someone' was kind of odd.. (too short and cold) he just needed to finish the sentence in a nice way.. .. I think. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Kamille Posted November 3, 2008 Author Share Posted November 3, 2008 I find have points with my ex's that are like that - where they've left me, never come back, but when we do talk, they're really trying to come off as if their lives are wonderful. That phase kind of dies down eventually, but I've definitely seen it a few times. Yes that's true. My ex before this guy also made it a point to tell me he had moved on (but in this case it seemed more understandable as I had broken up with him) and now we're good friends and no longer feel the need to assert how fabulous our lives are since we left each other. Another reason why this bothers me is because it reminds me off how things went between recent ex and I: within three weeks he was telling me how much he loved me and that he knew I was the one for him, that he had never been sure of anything so much in his life. This had me running for the hills, but of course it stroked my ego; and it made me feel like our relationship was unique. By my calculations, he can't have been with this woman for more then two months so---- I guess what I thought was unique is just the usual procedure for him. If he hadn't told me he was "madly in love", I would have just had to contend with the fact he had met someone. kinder-schminder.... just trying to help.... Thanks G, that's so kind of you Link to post Share on other sites
Author Kamille Posted November 3, 2008 Author Share Posted November 3, 2008 I think he was just being honest with you.. didn't mean to offend you.. To say 'I've met someone' was kind of odd.. (too short and cold) he just needed to finish the sentence in a nice way.. .. I think. I thought about that. It could be a question of style. I guess if the situation had been reversed I would have been more careful to phrase things "neutrally". Link to post Share on other sites
northstar1 Posted November 3, 2008 Share Posted November 3, 2008 I was thinking about the ex last week so I decided to write him a message to ask him how he was doing. I spoke about my work in my email, not going into personal details. He replied that his new job was great, that he loved the new city and that he had met someone was "madly in love". I'm not devastated but it still bothers me. It's been pretty clear to me for a long time that we are incompatible. Of course, it makes me feel like our love was highly replaceable, but I didn't expect him to stay single forever either. But one thing bothers me: why did he have to phrase it as "I've met someone and am madly in love". Couldn't he just have left it at: "I've met someone"? Seems like one of those situations where we really don't want to know what the ex is up to.......... Link to post Share on other sites
D-Lish Posted November 3, 2008 Share Posted November 3, 2008 I don't know- it seems like a "throwing it your face kind of thing".... I had an ex call me out of the blue after a few months of being broken up just to tell me he had met someone as was really happy... I just felt that uncalled for. It threw me off as well. It's almost as if he is overcompensating by saying such a thing. Link to post Share on other sites
kizik Posted November 3, 2008 Share Posted November 3, 2008 Kamille, how about not contacting him anymore? Just seems to end in pain. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Kamille Posted November 3, 2008 Author Share Posted November 3, 2008 Seems like one of those situations where we really don't want to know what the ex is up to.......... I guess I didn't want him to be doing that great. I just reread the emails we exchanged... You guys are right, I don't think he meant anything by it. But I do get a bit sappy in my email, reminiscing about the good times we had last year. When I sent my email, I just wanted some news... but I didn't think it through. It never crossed my mind to wonder if he had met someone or that he might reply he had. Yet if you had asked me: "do you think your ex is seeing somebody?" my guess would have been: yes probably. In a way I think knowing he met someone will help me heal even more; it's always a bitter pill to swallow, but there's nothing like a reality check to help someone move on. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Kamille Posted November 3, 2008 Author Share Posted November 3, 2008 I don't know- it seems like a "throwing it your face kind of thing".... I had an ex call me out of the blue after a few months of being broken up just to tell me he had met someone as was really happy... I just felt that uncalled for. It threw me off as well. It's almost as if he is overcompensating by saying such a thing. D! We have to meet! I'm in your neck of the woods now. It does feel like a "throwing it in the face kind of thing" and it doesn't help that I've been feeling like my ex had a very strong ego... And that I've seen him be openly arrogant with exes and work colleagues. I don't know. But yes, Kizik, with hindsight, I realize nc would have spared me the email. It had been three months since last contact. Link to post Share on other sites
Lizzie60 Posted November 3, 2008 Share Posted November 3, 2008 I thought about that. It could be a question of style. I guess if the situation had been reversed I would have been more careful to phrase things "neutrally". Yes I know.. sometimes men aren't as 'delicate' about stuff like that. He probably didn't think it would bother you. Link to post Share on other sites
melodymatters Posted November 3, 2008 Share Posted November 3, 2008 I agree with D ! A person with good manners and a healthy ego, does NOT go out of their way to be hurtful. In retrospect, I'm glad things didn't work out with the bragging, debating about credentials, psuedo chef, dude after all ! Better luck next time princess ! Love comes in the strangest forms sometimes...... Link to post Share on other sites
sultry33 Posted November 3, 2008 Share Posted November 3, 2008 Yes I know.. sometimes men aren't as 'delicate' about stuff like that. He probably didn't think it would bother you. or maybe he did;) men can be just as bad,personally i think just saying that you are with someone would be enough to say ..its over..get it! Kamile why do you contact him? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Kamille Posted November 4, 2008 Author Share Posted November 4, 2008 In retrospect, I'm glad things didn't work out with the bragging, debating about credentials, psuedo chef, dude after all ! Oh believe me, it would have never worked long term. When I think back to the relationship, all I remember is being tired. He was great in many ways though. Just not for me. Better luck next time princess ! Love comes in the strangest forms sometimes...... Thanks Melody. I'm in a bit of a break right now dating wise - but I'm starting to notice men more and more, so I'm thinking that soon I'll be putting myself out there again. Unless out there comes and claims me first. (I did meet a really sweet guy this weekend!) Kamile why do you contact him? Ah Sultry, I guess it was a moment of weakness. I might have fooled myself into thinking I was over him. I missed him. I wanted to know how he was doing. Plus, I keep in touch with all of my exes. My ex ex wants to come visit for Christmas. Why I'm stuck on this last one is beyond me. Damn. I still miss him. Link to post Share on other sites
sultry33 Posted November 6, 2008 Share Posted November 6, 2008 Ah Sultry, I guess it was a moment of weakness. I might have fooled myself into thinking I was over him. I missed him. I wanted to know how he was doing. Plus, I keep in touch with all of my exes. My ex ex wants to come visit for Christmas. Why I'm stuck on this last one is beyond me. Damn. I still miss him. you miss the guy he was not neccesarily the guy he is now;) i miss the guy my ex was but who he is now..no thanks im now seeing the real him you be ok too, im noticing guys more now.. just need me time though i think hugs to you x Link to post Share on other sites
dannydrifter Posted November 6, 2008 Share Posted November 6, 2008 But one thing bothers me: why did he have to phrase it as "I've met someone and am madly in love". Couldn't he just have left it at: "I've met someone"? Ha ha! I don't think he found anyone! The only type of guy who would say something as stupid as this to an ex, is one who is presently empty handed and without anyone. Don't get upset, and just be strong. Link to post Share on other sites
orangehose Posted November 7, 2008 Share Posted November 7, 2008 I agree that his reply was a little weird for a dumper. The usual dance is that the sensitive dumper provides as little info as possible about their new love life, so as to spare the dumpee undue pain, and the dumpee gets to gloat about their great love life in order to satisfy their ego needs. Either he's less sensitive than most, or being intentionally hurtful for unknown reasons, or just has bigger ego needs. Ugh. Link to post Share on other sites
Ruby Slippers Posted November 7, 2008 Share Posted November 7, 2008 Totally sounds like he was trying to rub it in to me. Childish. Another reason why this bothers me is because it reminds me off how things went between recent ex and I: within three weeks he was telling me how much he loved me and that he knew I was the one for him, that he had never been sure of anything so much in his life. People who fall in love superfast usually fall out of it superfast, too. It's likely his pattern, and one that won't change soon. Link to post Share on other sites
Ruby Slippers Posted November 7, 2008 Share Posted November 7, 2008 you be ok too, im noticing guys more now.. just need me time though i think Same here, all around. Cuties everywhere in my city, and I am starting to notice them again, but I am definitely in "me mode". Link to post Share on other sites
Author Kamille Posted November 7, 2008 Author Share Posted November 7, 2008 It's the "madly" that really doesn't make sense. The sentence (written in French), would have been just as fluid if he had written: I met someone with whom I'm in love. It might have stung just as much, and I might have wondered why he felt the need to add he was in love with that person but the "madly" is what makes the comment insensitive. Either he's less sensitive than most, or being intentionally hurtful for unknown reasons, or just has bigger ego needs. Ugh. All my friends who've met him have analyzed that it's an ego thing on his part. In fact, a friend of mine is the one that originally pointed out: why did he feel the need to phrase it that way? How rude! (Up until then I was being super me with: well, it's good that I know, we weren't meant to be etc.) People who fall in love superfast usually fall out of it superfast, too. It's likely his pattern, and one that won't change soon. He sure did fall out of love with me superfast. But then again, it was becoming painfully obvious that we weren't compatible. I'm sure there is someone out there who could be compatible with him so who knows. Same here, all around. Cuties everywhere in my city, and I am starting to notice them again, but I am definitely in "me mode". you be ok too, im noticing guys more now.. just need me time though i think hugs to you x Thanks for the hugs. It was a momentary relapse but I'm feeling better about the whole thing. Healing takes time and finding out an ex has a new gf is definitely a stumbling block. But here's to enjoying the cuties around! I men. Link to post Share on other sites
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