Weight Gain

[Jaytb]

Well this is depressing.

 

Marriage vows should state " I will stand by her, through the good times and the bad. The thin times but not the thick. If she gains weight I'm out the door".

 

Women's bodies are always under scrutiny. Even from the guys in our life who are suppose to care about us. I guess though since most men want 20 year olds, I think alot of women end up giving up because their husbands stop making them feel sexy. It would be nice if we could all look like an airbrushed model with personal dietitions and personal work out instructures. I get the impression that that's what most men want anyway. And men wonder why women are insecurea bout their bodies.

 

Funny how you don't say anything about the women who do the same thing (scrutinize men's bodies). Also you must have missed the part where I said I'm holding myself to the same standard. If I gain weight, I'm going to make sure to lose it. If I don't resolve to lose it, then I think my gf has the right to scrutinize my weight and even leave me over it.

[JerseyShortie]

Face it, it's really not that hard to eat a salad rather than a bag of Dorritos and a pint of Ben and Jerry's. I do it every day. But sure you can blame men rather than yourself. Cause men are terrible for not being attracted to gluttons apparently.

 

You are assumming I am a big girl aren't you? Your plithy shot is lame My Friend. I work out 5 days a week and eat right 85% of the time but I will never have a perfect body. Sometimes, women are built differently. A fat person might not be unhealthy and a skinny person might not BE healthy.

 

 

Funny how you don't say anything about the women who do the same thing (scrutinize men's bodies).

 

I think women have much lower expectatoins for men's bodies then the reverse. I know I do. I am not turned on by a nice body alone. Men usually are.

[mixwell]

In fairness to her, she was already overweight when we met, and her weight had not significantly altered by the time we had married. However, it DID significantly increase after we were married, and having been overweight to begin with is no excuse to perpetuate that. At the time I was in the Air Force, and doing a mandatory hour of exercise 3 times a week that she could have attended with me. She actually did so instead of sleeping in exactly 0 times.

 

The point of all that, is if she had even worked out with me, but still have gained the weight she did, I would have been far more understanding of the situation.

 

I do think a lot is the mentality.. If you were with a skinny or even chubby chick that tried to make fitness a goal and then all sudden thought "well we're married now so it doesn't mattter" is fked up. If the girl was a little overweight but trying it a difference. I think the whole "you married me when I was like this" is a cop out because she is too much of a lazy slob to try to meet with your standards of beauty sucks.. I still don't see how my bro and law (in the marines and forced to exercise and keep fit) can stay with my sister after she gained 100LB and has the sloth mentality.

 

I would give that bltch an alternative because thats not what you feel in love with and if that bltch weighed that much before you wouldn't be attracted to her. There is no excuse for being a lazy arse when your s/o is trying to stay in shape to keep the same image you guys both were attracted to. Sorry but it is a harsh reality and the whole love is blind is bullshiz..

 

If i fell in love with a chick because of how she looked AND personality (LOOKED because appearance is the initial attraction regardless of what anyone says) I would be turned off on porking a fat blob with an excuse of ohh I had X kids or you married me like X blah blah blah.. That is an excuse for being a lazy fat piece of shLt in my opinion and that mentality is a huge turn off..

[mixwell]

I'd have to disagree with you there dude. As soon as my wife fires out the first kid she can do whatever the hell she wants with her body. She has earned the ultimate excuse and in fact I'll probably be more attracted to her.

 

So you'd still be cool with porking Jabba the Hut after the kids? Cmon dude if your chick gainged 100LB you wouldn't find it attractive. The EXCUSE and I call it an excuse for weight gain while being preggo is because you had kids doesn't cut it.. There are MANY options you can do to try to get back to your normal body weight.. I really believe it is a cop out to be honest.

[BobSacamento]

You are assumming I am a big girl aren't you? Your plithy shot is lame My Friend. I work out 5 days a week and eat right 85% of the time but I will never have a perfect body. Sometimes, women are built differently. A fat person might not be unhealthy and a skinny person might not BE healthy.

 

That was not my intention.

[mixwell]

 

 

I think women have much lower expectatoins for men's bodies then the reverse. I know I do. I am not turned on by a nice body alone. Men usually are.

 

Haha thank god that statement !! I've dated some of the smallest chicks I've been with at my highest weight.. Thank god for chubby chasers

[Els]

So you'd still be cool with porking Jabba the Hut after the kids? Cmon dude if your chick gainged 100LB you wouldn't find it attractive. The EXCUSE and I call it an excuse for weight gain while being preggo is because you had kids doesn't cut it.. There are MANY options you can do to try to get back to your normal body weight.. I really believe it is a cop out to be honest.

 

Frankly, I don't generally bother with these threads but this post just irks me. Especially when the poster admits to having been overweight himself and makes it sound like something to be proud of: being able to get small girls while being overweight. So you expect your wife to undergo pregnancy, labour, and all the postpartum effects to have YOUR baby -- and it's an excuse if she gains weight after pregnancy?!

 

Let me hand you the facts, buddy, and the fact is that it is NOT an excuse. Would you call it an excuse if a man can't perform well in bed when he's undergoing depression? I'm sure you know the answer. There are medical reasons for weight gain after pregnancy. And unless you, the dear husband, happen to be extremely good with the baby and also bringing in killer dollars, most women simply do not have the time to spend hours in the gym and worry about diets after having a baby. They usually bear the brunt of taking care of the baby AND supporting the family's income at the same time -- it's hardly unusual for appearances to be sidelined a little.

 

Because you know what? This whole topic is about appearances anyway. Most of the posters said 10lbs, some even 5lbs. Sorry, but noone's convincing me that gaining 5lbs is about health and not about appearance. 5lbs extra is never gonna kill anyone, unless they were borderline obese to begin with. It's about CHANGE of appearance, about appearing heavier than they used to. If I put on 20 lbs I'd be 115lbs, hardly overweight, definitely NOT unhealthier than if I was my current 95lbs.

 

Rant at overweight people for all I care. Only, at least have the decency to hold yourself to the same standards (glad to see some people do), and don't try to hide it under the guise of 'it's not healthy!' Because, except for the morbidly obese, generally people damage their health MORE by trying out all the slimming gimmicks and unhealthy diets than by gaining a little weight.

[Jaytb]

Because you know what? This whole topic is about appearances anyway. Most of the posters said 10lbs, some even 5lbs. Sorry, but noone's convincing me that gaining 5lbs is about health and not about appearance. 5lbs extra is never gonna kill anyone, unless they were borderline obese to begin with. It's about CHANGE of appearance, about appearing heavier than they used to. If I put on 20 lbs I'd be 115lbs, hardly overweight, definitely NOT unhealthier than if I was my current 95lbs.

 

Some of it is about appearances. But one thing is: are those 5 to 10 pounds going to be the last? Often times, 5 pounds becomes 10 pounds, 10 pounds becomes 20, 20 becomes 40, and 40 becomes 100. The reason a lot of us put a limit of only 5 or 10 pounds is that many of us have firsthand experience with weight gain, and we know how easy it is to slip into a cycle of obesity. You might think 10 pounds is nothing, but it can be indicative of an unhealthy trend. If you don't do something about it, you could continue to gain weight and only when you reach rock bottom will you do anything about it. And by then, it'll be much harder to lose the weight. (well not specifically you because you might be underweight for all I know.)

 

So yes, on the one hand, appearance is one reason people have little tolerance for what seems to be a little weight gain. But on the other hand, some of us believe health is a legitimate reason as well. And yes, you can be healthy and overweight. But you can also be a smoker and be healthy. You can have diabetes but also be healthy. It doesn't matter though because when you're overweight or obese you raise your risk for certain health problems significantly.

[Els]

So yes, on the one hand, appearance is one reason people have little tolerance for what seems to be a little weight gain. But on the other hand, some of us believe health is a legitimate reason as well. And yes, you can be healthy and overweight. But you can also be a smoker and be healthy. You can have diabetes but also be healthy. It doesn't matter though because when you're overweight or obese you raise your risk for certain health problems significantly.

 

I'm in the healthcare profession -- I know that. What I'm saying is that many people are using that as an excuse. Instead of saying 'yeah I don't like the looks of overweight people', they try to avoid controversy and attempt to sound politically correct by saying 'I want a healthy person not a slob!'.

 

If this is truly about our partner's HEALTH and not APPEARANCE, we should be discussing about BMI, total body fat, regular medical checkups, etc etc. Instead, we're talking about how well they carry their weight, how it's more unacceptable for women to look overweight, how they don't want to 'pork' an overweight woman, etc. Like I said, it's cool if the poster honestly says he or she isn't attracted to overweight people. But stop covering it up with 'health' concerns.

 

If you're considering drastic action (ie ending the relationship) with a partner who happened to gain 10lbs, and that partner was desperate enough to really want to keep you, what do you think would happen? Exercise and a balanced diet never produces results fast or in a significant manner. They would resort to the fast way, the certain way, and the easy way. The sheer amount of slimming gimmicks and slimming ads flooding the market now is proof of that. This is REALLY unhealthy. There's prunes + laxatives designed to keep you purging. There's all sorts of diets that will lead to malnutrition and severe long-term problems, especially in young women. And of course there's the good ol' sink to puke in.

 

What disturbs me is that many people here aren't even saying 'I'll try to encourage him/her to exercise, and I'll join him/her for extra motivation'. They straightaway consider dumping the partner, or, on a less extreme level, they think that it's their partner's problem and they're entitled to give their partner an ultimatum, sit around, and await results.

 

Are these really healthy relationships?

[Habeas Corpse]

Guys, would you lose attraction/interest for a girlfriend if she gained 20 lbs? 30lbs? 50 lbs? Regardless of the reason?

 

The way I look at it is if I love her, I wouldn't mind. Granted, overtime I would probably confront her about health and lifestyle concerns.

 

If we were just dating, I would say something upfront, granted tactfully.

 

Opinions, thoughts?

Gaining too much weight is unhealthy. And being unhealthy is detrimental to a woman's ability to give birth to a healthy child--thus, her lack of physical attractiveness. You should sleep with other women if she gains weight. Her gluttony should not affect your "reproductive success".

[Jaytb]

I'm in the healthcare profession -- I know that. What I'm saying is that many people are using that as an excuse. Instead of saying 'yeah I don't like the looks of overweight people', they try to avoid controversy and attempt to sound politically correct by saying 'I want a healthy person not a slob!'.

 

If this is truly about our partner's HEALTH and not APPEARANCE, we should be discussing about BMI, total body fat, regular medical checkups, etc etc. Instead, we're talking about how well they carry their weight, how it's more unacceptable for women to look overweight, how they don't want to 'pork' an overweight woman, etc. Like I said, it's cool if the poster honestly says he or she isn't attracted to overweight people. But stop covering it up with 'health' concerns.

 

If you're considering drastic action (ie ending the relationship) with a partner who happened to gain 10lbs, and that partner was desperate enough to really want to keep you, what do you think would happen? Exercise and a balanced diet never produces results fast or in a significant manner. They would resort to the fast way, the certain way, and the easy way. The sheer amount of slimming gimmicks and slimming ads flooding the market now is proof of that. This is REALLY unhealthy. There's prunes + laxatives designed to keep you purging. There's all sorts of diets that will lead to malnutrition and severe long-term problems, especially in young women. And of course there's the good ol' sink to puke in.

 

What disturbs me is that many people here aren't even saying 'I'll try to encourage him/her to exercise, and I'll join him/her for extra motivation'. They straightaway consider dumping the partner, or, on a less extreme level, they think that it's their partner's problem and they're entitled to give their partner an ultimatum, sit around, and await results.

 

Are these really healthy relationships?

 

Actually I do discuss that with my partner! But you do bring up a good point in that people are sometimes very crappy at being constructive. If you want your partner to lose weight, you don't just say "Put down the fork fattie!" it's really stupid to expect that to do anything. And the fast and easy ways out never work. We need people with the right knowledge to inform others how to lose weight healthily. Believe me, I've lost weight very slowly through diet and exercise. It's a slow and sometimes grueling process, but it's worth it. But ultimately it's up to the individual to make the right decisions. If that person can't make the right diet and exercise decisions on their own, then all the guidance in the world won't help the problem. And that's the point in which it's best not to continue with the relationship.

 

And yes, I'll help my partner with staying in shape. Obviously, I can't just expect her to be in perfect shape without a little help.

[GorillaTheater]

The quiveling over 10 or 20 pounds seems a little silly to me, though I understand that we all have our preferences. My wife has had multiple childbirths (8, to be exact), so I've seen her weight flucuate a bit. So far, I haven't been bothered (and she's pretty trim and petite). If she gained 50 pounds? I don't know, but I think I'd be a little concerned. 100 pounds? Without a "good" reason? I think I'm going to be a bit put off. Wherever that "magic" number is, I admit that at some point I'm going to have trouble finding her sexually attractive. I'm not proud to admit that, but I'm also not convinced I'm a bad person for thinking that way.

[Els]

Actually I do discuss that with my partner! But you do bring up a good point in that people are sometimes very crappy at being constructive. If you want your partner to lose weight, you don't just say "Put down the fork fattie!" it's really stupid to expect that to do anything. And the fast and easy ways out never work. We need people with the right knowledge to inform others how to lose weight healthily. Believe me, I've lost weight very slowly through diet and exercise. It's a slow and sometimes grueling process, but it's worth it. But ultimately it's up to the individual to make the right decisions. If that person can't make the right diet and exercise decisions on their own, then all the guidance in the world won't help the problem. And that's the point in which it's best not to continue with the relationship.

 

And yes, I'll help my partner with staying in shape. Obviously, I can't just expect her to be in perfect shape without a little help.

 

Glad to know that you think that way! I was referring more what people were saying here, though, rather than what they discuss with their partners. Also, I certainly wasn't referring to you in particular with my comments in the previous post.

[Sam Spade]

You are assumming I am a big girl aren't you? Your plithy shot is lame My Friend. I work out 5 days a week and eat right 85% of the time but I will never have a perfect body. Sometimes, women are built differently. A fat person might not be unhealthy and a skinny person might not BE healthy.

 

 

 

I think women have much lower expectatoins for men's bodies then the reverse. I know I do. I am not turned on by a nice body alone. Men usually are.

 

I say just be happy we start with the bodies . If our first stop was the dark abyss of emotional issues, men would have collectively embraced gayness by now .

[carhill]

Hold it there man....you mean we're supposed to start with the bodies? No wonder I'm so f*cked up and the gayest straight guy on LS

[donnamaybe]

I say just be happy we start with the bodies . If our first stop was the dark abyss of emotional issues, men would have collectively embraced gayness by now .

 

And women could say the EXACT same thing of men.

[clv0116]

Guys' date=' would you lose attraction/interest for a girlfriend if she gained 20 lbs? 30lbs? 50 lbs?[/quote']

 

Depends on the reason, but if she started packing it on I'd have to help her help herself.

[AAlike]

glad someone brought this up...I am currently dealing with this issue myself.

 

my GF has put on probably in the neighborhood of 10-15 lbs since we've met. It does not prevent me from being attracted to her - we have undeniable chemistry, as other people have pointed out a few extra pounds isn't that huge of a deal, I've never minded my girls having some curves (I prefer "thick" to ultra-bony) and honestly I think body type is way less important than intangibles when it comes to sex. however, over the last few months it has gotten to the point where it's noticable.

 

Even though as I said I'm still constantly hot for her, it has introduced a few other problems:

 

1. It has made her more self-conscious about her own body, and no matter how many times i tell her how hot she still is this is quite apparent. this is a problem because lack of confidence is way more unattractive to me than a few extra pounds. it's funny because no guy could possibly be as critical of a woman's looks and/or body as she is herself. I suppose that you could argue that this is reactionary/learned behavior but still it is mind-boggling.

 

2. I will admit that it does instill the thought of "if this happened in two years what'll happen in fifteen"?

 

3. what this has really done is created a bit of a strain over MY lifestyle. I am fortunate enough to be one of those people that could spend a month never leaving the couch and eating a bowl of crisco for breakfast every day and still stay rail-thin. I know this will catch up with me eventually, but it hasn't happened yet. as nice as this is for me, it creates a problem when we go to meet friends on wing night or whatever and I'm gorging and drinking as per usual...so it's like do we stay home because of her metabolism, which seems kind of silly, do I regularly go out without her (great way to sustain a relationship!), or do we go out and I become the ultimate hypocrite by expecting her to abstain from doing exactly what I'm indulging in, or do we go out and neither of us drink (in which case, WTF are we going out for?).

[AAlike]

 

I think women have much lower expectatoins for men's bodies then the reverse.

 

this is COMPLETELY untrue.

[Els]

this is COMPLETELY untrue.

 

I think this is true, actually. At least the 'bodies' part, I suppose the 'looks' part is debatable although I'd still lean towards men being more visual. Even when a woman comments on a man's looks it is ALMOST always his hair, his eyes, his features, the way he carries himself.

 

There is a reason why far more women than men wear figure-fitting clothes, after all.

[kostoronto]

Anything I would ever expect from a SO I would expect of myself. I am never going to be overweight, so I would expect the same of my SO. If I'm going to look my best for her, she better look her best for me.

 

I would understand if a girl left me for gaining too much weight or not taking care of myself. It shows disrespect for myself and her.

[Jersey Shortie]

I would give that bltch an alternative because thats not what you feel in love with and if that bltch weighed that much before you wouldn't be attracted to her.

 

 

Not ONE woman here refered to a man in a negative name, fat or not. Please show the rest of us some respect and do the same. Otherwise, you only make yourself look like a low-life.

[bean1]

I am never going to be overweight, so I would expect the same of my SO.

 

Aren't you a teen? I was a twig in high school and thought the same thing. Trust me, once your metabolism stops at 19/20 you'll be hit like a brick wall. I'm thin & fit now, but don't act like it can't happen to you

 

Jersey, I can't find it, who said that??

[Chocolat]

Let me hand you the facts, buddy, and the fact is that it is NOT an excuse. Would you call it an excuse if a man can't perform well in bed when he's undergoing depression? I'm sure you know the answer. There are medical reasons for weight gain after pregnancy. And unless you, the dear husband, happen to be extremely good with the baby and also bringing in killer dollars, most women simply do not have the time to spend hours in the gym and worry about diets after having a baby.

 

This is a load of nonsense. There is no biological imperative to get fat after having a child. I know - I've had 3 and weigh the same now as before I had them. And, no, losing the baby weight did not require hours in the gym or lots of moeny. Eating well and exercising -- yes, even with a baby around -- is possible at any stage of life (barring illness/injury).

 

There's a big difference between someone who gains weight for reasons that are truly beyond his/her control and someone who just lets him- or herself go.

[itgirlragdoll]

Aren't you a teen? I was a twig in high school and thought the same thing. Trust me, once your metabolism stops at 19/20 you'll be hit like a brick wall. I'm thin & fit now, but don't act like it can't happen to you

 

Here here! I used to be very skinny naturally, no matter what, when I was a teen. Now, I am only 22 (not even...in a few days I will be!) and already I see a difference in my metabolism. I am still skinny but I have to work for it now; watch what I eat and go to the gym regularly. And it will only get worse...

 

Anyways, as for the topic, like I said I take care of myself and I expect my partner to do the same. When I met my current boyfriend about a year ago he was pretty fit and lived an active lifestyle - worked out frequently and ate healthy. Over the winter the working out all but ceased and his eating habits were pretty bad and he started to put on weight. I was honest with him and told him that even though I still loved him and was attracted to him, if he continued to put on weight, I wasn't sure if the latter would still be true. He was very appreciative of my honesty and has since resumed working out and eating healthy and is down to his healthiest weight ever.

 

I think couples can usually work through it, if they care about each other enough. As long as there is mutual respect and an "if I do it, you should too," attitude.