lilaclady Posted May 26, 2009 Share Posted May 26, 2009 So I have been with my boyfriend for about a year and everything is great. We click so well, unlike anyone I've ever been with. I am very physically attracted to him and we have an amazing sex life. We usually do it 4 times a day when we see each other (usually 3 days a week)! I love him and he loves me more than life itself; I know how important I am to him. But lately I've been getting really strong urges and desires to have sex with other men. Nobody in specific, and I haven't acted on it or even thought about doing so, so don't cut me down just yet. But I've felt this way in past relationships but it was usually because things just weren't working out and above all I wasn't physically attracted to the guy. But this is the first relationship where there is serious physical and emotional attraction and GREAT sexual chemistry so WHY am I still feeling this way? It's almost like I am just craving the new-ness. Maybe it is because I am young (21) and wanting to experience things but I don't know, I've had a decent amount of partners so it's not like I haven't had some variety. Anyone who has felt this way or knows how to deal with it? Oh, also, I have been a member here for a while but posted under a new name because I didn't want to risk my boyfriend finding this (the other name was an internet alias I use frequently). Link to post Share on other sites
Bryanp Posted May 26, 2009 Share Posted May 26, 2009 I am just curious but how would you feel if your boyfriend said the same thing? Are you willing to destroy your current relationship? Link to post Share on other sites
JackJack Posted May 26, 2009 Share Posted May 26, 2009 Perhaps your b/f feels the same? Maybe he has thought of wanting to have sex with other women? Its one thing to think it I suppose and quiet another to act on it. Link to post Share on other sites
westernxer Posted May 26, 2009 Share Posted May 26, 2009 Let me give you my number... 555-**** Link to post Share on other sites
blair08 Posted May 26, 2009 Share Posted May 26, 2009 I think its human nature to wonder or be curious about what sex might be like with others. Now if you find yourself wanting to act on it, or acting on it while in a relationship, that's another story! Must feel good, to know men are putting their phone numbers out here for you, even if it is not a real number! Good thing you're not made to feel cheap. Link to post Share on other sites
Enema Posted May 26, 2009 Share Posted May 26, 2009 It's natural to think about sex with other people. Part of our evolution. The instinct for women to procreate with as many men as possible can be seen in other primates: The female has sex with lots of males, gets pregnant and then because the males think the child could be theirs, she ends up with multiple providers and protectors. Being able to control your baser urges is part of what it means to be a civilized adult. Link to post Share on other sites
reservoirdog1 Posted May 26, 2009 Share Posted May 26, 2009 I am just curious but how would you feel if your boyfriend said the same thing? Are you willing to destroy your current relationship? Bryan, cut her a little slack.... it's a bit early to trot out the standard "how would you feel if your S/O did the same thing" business. She hasn't DONE anything yet. She's come here admitting that she has these urges and feelings and wants to know how to deal with them. Much more constructive than a lot of similar situations we've encountered on LS. I commend her for that. OP, I'm not sure I have specific advice. But perhaps you need to speak to a counsellor about this. It does seem a bit strange that you're having these urges but everything seems to be right with your BF. Perhaps, deep down, there's something about the relationship that's not making you happy, that you've been psychologically unable or unwilling to acknowledge. Or, perhaps, you are simply a person who's not cut out for sexual monogamy (though in saying this I'm noticing that you're only 21). And if that's the case, you probably shouldn't be in a committed relationship unless your partner agrees with you having sex with others. See if you can deal with the feelings first. If they can't resolve, then you may have to sit your BF down and tell him how you feel. You're not to blame for your feelings or urges; you're responsible for what you do in reaction to them. Telling him the truth, if it comes to that, will hurt him, but at least it'll be honest. Link to post Share on other sites
lostsunsets Posted May 27, 2009 Share Posted May 27, 2009 Just be ready to lose everything you have with your love. He deserves better. Have you cheated b4? Link to post Share on other sites
voldigicam Posted May 27, 2009 Share Posted May 27, 2009 Without secrecy, it's not cheating. You could just discuss this with your b/f. The feelings, not the actions. Sometimes when my wife gets out of her own way she'll actually talk with me about such subjects without getting all bent out of shape. Really clears the air and provides greater intimacy. If you decide alone or together than you trying others is OK, you might try older guys who aren't likely to really be at all likely to have you tempted to leave your bf. Seems to be a good deal of that going on. Link to post Share on other sites
JackJack Posted May 27, 2009 Share Posted May 27, 2009 I say tell your b/f everything you have told us here and see what HIS feelings are on the issue, and go from there. Link to post Share on other sites
MichelleS1983 Posted May 27, 2009 Share Posted May 27, 2009 I think you need to go to the doctor and find out what hormone you're over-producing. You're having sex 4 times a day three days a week...and you're STILL wanting more? Link to post Share on other sites
JackJack Posted May 27, 2009 Share Posted May 27, 2009 I think you need to go to the doctor and find out what hormone you're over-producing. You're having sex 4 times a day three days a week...and you're STILL wanting more? Shes 21...thats not really unusual...the bottom line is her not acting on what she is feeling. Link to post Share on other sites
Author lilaclady Posted May 28, 2009 Author Share Posted May 28, 2009 Thanks for the advice everyone. I think most of you are right and I need to just talk to him about it. I think you need to go to the doctor and find out what hormone you're over-producing. You're having sex 4 times a day three days a week...and you're STILL wanting more? It's not really that I'm wanting more per se, just different and/or new. I have no idea why, because the sex I have with my bf is awesome. If you decide alone or together than you trying others is OK, you might try older guys who aren't likely to really be at all likely to have you tempted to leave your bf. Seems to be a good deal of that going on. I am not really sure what you mean by this, but my boyfriend is already rather a bit older than me (he is 32) so I don't think it would make that much of a difference, unless you mean much older, in which case, I think I would pass. Link to post Share on other sites
Dexter Morgan Posted May 28, 2009 Share Posted May 28, 2009 But lately I've been getting really strong urges and desires to have sex with other men. Nobody in specific, and I haven't acted on it or even thought about doing so, so don't cut me down just yet. you have this perfect relationship with a fantastic sex life....but its not good enough for you. you say you have DESIRES to have sex with other men. Well guess what....if you find yourself in a situation where you think your bf will never find out, you WILL cheat on him. Doesn't sound like being in a committed relationship is for you. Because everything can be fantastic, and you will want to cheat anyway. WHY am I still feeling this way? because you are fickle. It's almost like I am just craving the new-ness. yup...and that will never go away with you. just wait until your fantastic relationship gets a little age on it...the newness will look even better to you. Oh, also, I have been a member here for a while but posted under a new name because I didn't want to risk my boyfriend finding this (the other name was an internet alias I use frequently). you really want to end the risk of your boyfriend finding out?...break up with him. don't get into any committed relastionships...you are not fit nor ready for them yet. Link to post Share on other sites
Dexter Morgan Posted May 28, 2009 Share Posted May 28, 2009 I say tell your b/f everything you have told us here and see what HIS feelings are on the issue, and go from there. wow...if I am in a relationship where everything was about as perfect as you could hope for, or even if not, and a gf told me, "I am really having desires to #$%& other men".....I think I'd sit there for a minute...process it...then go to the front door, open it, and make the sweeping head gesture for her to walk through it. Link to post Share on other sites
Chrome Barracuda Posted May 28, 2009 Share Posted May 28, 2009 I agree dexter it is very fickle and this is what I've been pissed about here on these boards, these azzholes find great relationships and self sabotage it just because they want some newness feelings??? WTF? then what the hell was the point of the relationship? Dating? being with someone if all your gonna do is think about other people. I wouldnt really care about a woman looking at other guys but ive seen it time and time again. that's how it starts. She looks, she thinks, she fantasizes, she talks, and then she finally acts. It's like steps to do stupid crap. ruin a great relationship because you miss the new-ness. WOW. Link to post Share on other sites
Dexter Morgan Posted May 28, 2009 Share Posted May 28, 2009 I agree dexter it is very fickle and this is what I've been pissed about here on these boards, these azzholes find great relationships and self sabotage it just because they want some newness feelings??? WTF? then what the hell was the point of the relationship? Dating? being with someone if all your gonna do is think about other people. yup, if newness is what someone wants, then why commit? Why not just sleep around? oh ya, they want someone to be faithful to them:rolleyes: It's like steps to do stupid crap. ruin a great relationship because you miss the new-ness. WOW. a girl did that to me and hounded me for 2 months long ago because I dumped her for the very same thing. The sex was wild, great, never was there neglect on either side, and we never fought......until......she went out with a group of girls to a club, one reason I won't date club jumpers anymore, and ended up with a guy for a ONS. She said it didn't mean anything. One of her friends even tried to get me to give her a 2nd chance...you know how she tried? by telling me that the guy was completely gorgeous and she had to see what it was like being with him...LOL...and then told me that she realized it wasn't that great and realized she wanted me. I told her friend, "you just put the final nail in her coffin..thanks...tell her I want nothing to do with her anymore" Link to post Share on other sites
Chrome Barracuda Posted May 28, 2009 Share Posted May 28, 2009 yup, if newness is what someone wants, then why commit? Why not just sleep around? oh ya, they want someone to be faithful to them:rolleyes: a girl did that to me and hounded me for 2 months long ago because I dumped her for the very same thing. The sex was wild, great, never was there neglect on either side, and we never fought......until......she went out with a group of girls to a club, one reason I won't date club jumpers anymore, and ended up with a guy for a ONS. She said it didn't mean anything. One of her friends even tried to get me to give her a 2nd chance...you know how she tried? by telling me that the guy was completely gorgeous and she had to see what it was like being with him...LOL...and then told me that she realized it wasn't that great and realized she wanted me. I told her friend, "you just put the final nail in her coffin..thanks...tell her I want nothing to do with her anymore " Oh that nearly happened to me as well, her friend tried to make me forgive her, instead of being a woman herself and manning up and approached me like a real woman. She had her friend do the dirtywork. and I asked so what she just cheated on me and expected to come back, the friend says: Oh well she cheated but she didnt have to tell you! WTF like that makes it better??? Wow I love what you said to her friend, what was her facial expression like? Link to post Share on other sites
girl68 Posted May 28, 2009 Share Posted May 28, 2009 Here's a few things that'll happen: talk to this great love of yours. The guy who loves you more than life itself and say, I love you but I totally want to screw other guys... what do you think? Ok, so I cant predict a reaction but I'm going to go ahead and assume he's going to be absolutely devesdated. I'd be willing to bet goooood money he's not going to be like "whew... I'm thinking the same thing! Please use a condom, have fun- I love you!" (yeah... right.) OR You can instead say nothing. Stay faithful and learn to deal with it. Desire, crushes and curiosity is natural, normal and healthy. Keeping in in check and under control is up to you. Do not put yourself in compramising situations, and do not get to close to these men. OR You can break up with this guy and have all the crazy new sex, new excitment, flirtacious relationship. Yeah, your young. Yeah that probably has something to do with it. No, I don't think this guy is right for you. No, I don't think you can honestly be faithful to this guy long term. Yes, I think you need to be SINGLE for a while and date, flirt, and have sex as a single girl. I have a feeling you jump from relationship to relationship and have never experienced being young and free for a long period of time- which to me this is exactly what you're craving. Link to post Share on other sites
Dexter Morgan Posted May 28, 2009 Share Posted May 28, 2009 Wow I love what you said to her friend, what was her facial expression like? she got this sad look on her face and said, "no no no...please, she loves you":o Link to post Share on other sites
JackJack Posted May 28, 2009 Share Posted May 28, 2009 wow...if I am in a relationship where everything was about as perfect as you could hope for, or even if not, and a gf told me, "I am really having desires to #$%& other men".....I think I'd sit there for a minute...process it...then go to the front door, open it, and make the sweeping head gesture for her to walk through it. Yes, and that was why I told her to tell her b/f that way he has the option of leaving or staying once he knows how she truly feels. Link to post Share on other sites
girl68 Posted May 28, 2009 Share Posted May 28, 2009 ^ I say don't even give him the option. You decide! Keep your pussy in your pants or leave. Link to post Share on other sites
Chrome Barracuda Posted May 28, 2009 Share Posted May 28, 2009 she got this sad look on her face and said, "no no no...please, she loves you":o LOL but the guy was gorgeous and she wanted to know what it was like , but it didnt mean anything! Yeah right! Her friend just ruined her relationship, ooops she did that on her own. Link to post Share on other sites
EnigmasMuse Posted May 28, 2009 Share Posted May 28, 2009 Not trying to sound harsh here, but, this statement you made about yourself..... "I love him and he loves me more than life itself; I know how important I am to him". Sounds a little arrogant. I mean its one thing to be confident but wow! It just seems to me maybe you're not ready to be in a one on one relationship right now. Link to post Share on other sites
Els Posted May 28, 2009 Share Posted May 28, 2009 wow...if I am in a relationship where everything was about as perfect as you could hope for, or even if not, and a gf told me, "I am really having desires to #$%& other men".....I think I'd sit there for a minute...process it...then go to the front door, open it, and make the sweeping head gesture for her to walk through it. That self-righteous attitude again. Your example about your gf and the ONS has NOTHING to do with the OP. The OP never cheated on her bf. Have YOU never even fantasized about sex with someone other than your partner, when you were in a relationship? Have you never watched porn and masturbated to it? Or even looked at a skimpily-dressed girl walking down the street? Have you never even felt your blood stir a little? Enema nailed it right on the head. Desire is normal. Choosing to do the right thing and not act on it, though, is what separates the men from the boys, the humans from the primates. Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts