davidjor Posted May 25, 2009 Posted May 25, 2009 Well here is my situation. My ex and I broke up a little over a year ago when I moved from Panama back to the USA. Well, I then meet another girl (December 2008) which lives in Panama and i knew eventually i would move back to Panama to start another business. Anyway, when i was looking for me an apartment My ex girlfriend told me she would rent me her apartment here in Panama, that was in October of 2008. In December 2008 is when I meet the new girl. Anyway, the new girl knows about the old girl, however does not know I am renting her apartment. Then, this past weekend I got an email from the ex. regarding copying me on the electric bill for the apartment, and asking me how I was doing. Anyway, the new girl was looking at my cell phone and seen the e-mail from my ex. Now, I dont think she realizes that I am renting the apartment from my ex.however she did see the email from her and got very upset. Anyway, what should I do? Should I tell the current girlfriend about me renting the apartment from the ex. ****, I dont know what to do...
cbreitel Posted May 25, 2009 Posted May 25, 2009 You need to tell your girlfriend the truth. It's that simple. You made it worse by leaving it be for this long but the situation will not improve by waiting even longer. When she asks you why you didn't tell her before, tell her the truth... that you felt like she'd be uncomfortable knowing you were renting from your ex, so you made the bad decision to not tell her as a way to avoid the whole situation.
Author davidjor Posted May 25, 2009 Author Posted May 25, 2009 The real problem is the current girlfriend is very insecure, always asking who called me etc. etc. etc. Even before all this. Now, the level of her insecurities will definitely increase. This all steams from her ex boyfriend to whom she dated for 8 years always cheated on her. Not sure, if i want to deal with that. What she can not seem to understand is that when i break up with an ex. no matter what i will never reconcile. Now, i wont be rude or wont wish them harm.. I just wont ever go backwards no matter what...
SoulSearch_CO Posted May 25, 2009 Posted May 25, 2009 Well, you have to tell her. Either that, or you risk her finding out on her own and being even more paranoid. Because if you were hiding it, obviously there's something to be ashamed of. If she wants to be insecure about it, then fine. But really - it's not fair of her to make you pay for her past BF's behavior. So maybe sit her down and say, "I realized that there's something I haven't mentioned. This apartment I'm renting belongs to my ex. It didn't cross my mind to tell you before this because it's really a non-issue with me. When I got the email the other day from my ex and I saw your reaction, I realized that it COULD be an issue to you. I don't want it to be something that comes between us. I'm being honest with you upfront so that you can see that my intentions are honorable. You are the only woman I want and I don't want something silly to come between us." If she really wants peace and love in the relationship, something so small should not come between you two. If she decides to throw a hissy fit, get her to express her feelings about it. But beyond that, let her know that you're a grown man and have given her no reason not to trust you. So this shouldn't be a problem. I was married to a chronic cheater for 4 years. I know what it's like to wonder if somebody can be trusted. But I simply don't carry those issues into my new relationship. It's not his fault my X was an idiot. But I guess if I WAS the type that your GF is, the above would ease my mind a little.
Author davidjor Posted May 25, 2009 Author Posted May 25, 2009 Well, I apologized about the email and told her (which is 100% true) that I am not mad at ex. and I don't wish her bad things. However, I don't want to be rude and not respond to her e-mail either. So, I told my girlfriend this. Anyway, today i sent her a text message and she replies with a one word answer. so I respond asking her if she is still upset with me, she does not respond. Last weekend, she went from Saturday night until Monday morning not responding to my text or phone calls. Finally, on monday i got in touch with her and she told me that "she was stressed with her mother, and did not want to talk to anyone" I said, well please let me know what is going on, I was worried about you.. ** Note, this is the second time this has happened ** thoughts.
Author davidjor Posted May 25, 2009 Author Posted May 25, 2009 I have tried to call her today several times, and she is not answering phone or text messages.... Guess, I will wait this one out for a few days and see if she comes around... if not, guess it was not meant to be !!
samspade Posted May 25, 2009 Posted May 25, 2009 You should have told her from the outset. After all, it was a business arrangement and you had nothing to hide. If your GF is so insecure that she couldn't handle that, you're going to have bigger problems down the road. While I think it can be disrespectful to maintain contact with an ex (depending on the context), in your case it was business, not personal. Regardless, the fact that your GF is reacting this way is a big red flag. If she is this upset over an email about a bill, she was probably looking for a reason to be pissed off and ignore you. Maybe she wants to "build a case" against you so she has a reason to blame you if SHE engages in any bad behavior. My advice: Stop trying to contact her, lay low, and do your own thing. (Like you said.) When you chase, you supplicate. Live your life, and if she realizes that she is being a b*tch and that your intentions were harmless, she'll come back. If not - like you said - next!
samspade Posted May 25, 2009 Posted May 25, 2009 PS: Don't apologize when you didn't do anything wrong.
Author davidjor Posted May 25, 2009 Author Posted May 25, 2009 Thanks for your reply, the fact this I am not going to be rude to any of my ex's. They are my ex, and at one point we had a relationship... I dont need to be mean or rude to any of them. Even this girlfriend, if we ever become ex's I wont be rude to her either. Now the fact that she is ignoring my phone calls and text messages is really starting to bother me. Anyway... I recently had a major heart attack at 39.... This girlfriend was with me every step of the way, for that I am thankful. However, I still dont think that I need to tolerate her 9 year old behavior regarding an email from the ex. I still have not told her about me renting the apartment from her, now i just have the feeling that that is going to put the nail in the coffin !!
samspade Posted May 25, 2009 Posted May 25, 2009 However, I still dont think that I need to tolerate her 9 year old behavior regarding an email from the ex. I still have not told her about me renting the apartment from her, now i just have the feeling that that is going to put the nail in the coffin !! You should never tolerate immature behavior. There are plenty of ways for her to communicate "I'm upset" without resorting to silence, guilt trips, and tantrums. If you let her get away with this, she'll know how far she can push you. Again: Don't let it upset you. Be the bigger man, don't get roped into her silly games. I promise you, no matter how right you are, you won't win an argument with her, and she will succeed in making you as irate as she is right now. You're right, she'll probably flip when you tell her the rest. Nail in the coffin? Perhaps you need to think about whether you want to hand her the nail or drive it in yourself. And I commend you for being civil to your exes. I suppose I was thinking of inappropriate ex communication, like secret texts, hanging out alone together, and the like. It sounds like you're above that.
SoulSearch_CO Posted May 25, 2009 Posted May 25, 2009 I still have not told her about me renting the apartment from her, now i just have the feeling that that is going to put the nail in the coffin !! So be it. She sounds like an immature little brat.
SoulSearch_CO Posted May 25, 2009 Posted May 25, 2009 Ahem: http://abuse101.com/silenttreatmentandabuse.html
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