Wondering Posted October 24, 2003 Share Posted October 24, 2003 For more than two years I was in daily contact with a girlfriend of mine (we are both female, single and in our late 30's) . Mostly by emails, but also occasional phone calls and dinners. Little by little she stopped returning my calls and her emails became more and more infrequent until they just stopped. I let a month go by, wrote her again, but she never responded. Another month went by, I wrote again - and again nothing. I decided to give her some time and space and so now six months have passed. I don't know if I'm making a fool of myself, but I really want to know what the heck ever happened. I've thought perhaps I did something to make her mad at me or maybe she just stopped liking me. I don't know. But I feel a need to know - whether I'm going to like what I hear or not. I've already made up my mind that I'm going to try again. My question is - do I make it a short - 'how are you' type of email. Or do I pour my heart out and ask if she's mad or just stopped liking me? Is an email better than a phone call? Link to post Share on other sites
ArdeaCandidissima Posted October 24, 2003 Share Posted October 24, 2003 I'm sure it's one of these possibilities: * has taken vows at a religious hermitage that requires initiates to gradually cut off all contact with the outside world * is severely restricting the use of electricity by her PC and phone * is wrapped up in some fabulous life-changing romance with a man who is phobic about strangers * doesn't really feel like seeing you As to what to do...it depends so much where you were before. If you were true friends, the kind that tell each other everything and feel a real bond, yes, it's worth gently asking her again if you have done anything to offend her, and letting her know how much you value her friendship. Is there any chance that this wasn't a deep friendship, at least on her side? And she's just moving on without an explanation, because it's easier on both of you than assertion and counter-assertion. If you're going to make any contact at all at this point, better make it the "heart to heart" kind. Once. That doesn't make you a fool, just a loyal person who is not afraid to expose her feelings. Final question: do you prefer continued silence, which at least is ambiguous, or a blunt negative statement about how she feels about you? Good luck! Link to post Share on other sites
blossom Posted October 25, 2003 Share Posted October 25, 2003 I think you should do whatever you need to do to make yourself feel better about this situation. Just be prepared to deal with whatever she may tell you. If you don't hear anything back this time then it would be best to just forget about her. I would like to know what does happen if you do write and hear from her, that is if you don't mind sharing. Blossom Link to post Share on other sites
midori Posted October 25, 2003 Share Posted October 25, 2003 Sometimes I fall out of touch with friends that I genuinely like and care about, because I'm busy, but also because sometimes I just don't feel like communicating. I get moody. And then time passes and I think "I really need to get in touch with so-and-so" but I'm embarrassed that emails or phone calls have gone unreturned for such a long time that getting in touch becomes more of a burden -- so I avoid it. And this can go on for a while, until I finally force myself to say, "hey what's up, sorry I've been out of touch for so long ..." Could be she's embarrassed that she let things slide for so long. Just a possibility. In which case a short email saying something like "hey where have you been? it's been ages, hope everything is well. drop me a line sometime." might suffice to break the ice. But don't feel obliged -- obviously the onus ought to be on her. Link to post Share on other sites
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