White Flower Posted May 24, 2009 Posted May 24, 2009 Thank you TDP, I hope she sees it in the spirit that it was delivered, with her coming out of this stronger and with eyes wide open. Yes, unfortunately, I do have experience with this. But I have become stronger and wiser. Sorry for forgetting to type one word in the fourth paragraph from the bottom in my OP. I forgot the word 'not' in 'do NOT let posters get you down'.
Toodamnpragmatic Posted May 24, 2009 Posted May 24, 2009 Thank you TDP, I hope she sees it in the spirit that it was delivered, with her coming out of this stronger and with eyes wide open. Yes, unfortunately, I do have experience with this. But I have become stronger and wiser. Sorry for forgetting to type one word in the fourth paragraph from the bottom in my OP. I forgot the word 'not' in 'do NOT let posters get you down'. I know when I post I do not wish to hurt people or be derogatory. However I am bothered when they get defensive or do not appreciate the posts or read the words and the advise given (yes by an older 45+ male). This is not the first post where I have questioned a huge age difference and the response is always very defensive, when the the OP conveys so much pain, uncertainty and despair. You will note and this seems common that at first they do appreciate and read and respond to the post and then they defend their choice and their H's actions and then withdraw and get angry if age is still brought up. I hope she listens to you.
Author lillyrose Posted May 25, 2009 Author Posted May 25, 2009 Hello everyone! Thank you for your responses. I had a tough weekend. We were supposed to go to Palms Springs for some R and R but I told my husband I was not in the mood for it and that if he wanted to go, he should go by himself. He was very upset because reservations were made longtime ago. I told him that I was sorry. Anyway, he did not really need me there, he plays golf the whole time we are there and I and my girl are left to our own, we only meet him for dinner. Of course he asked me what I was going to do. I said I want to go home to my parent's. I was very surprised because he said ok. I thought it was a joke. Well, it kind of was, because he came with us. So here we are, in my parent's house. My parents knew about his cheating from a year ago and were brokenhearted about it but they support whatever decision I make, even though they do not shy away from telling me what they think. As I watch my H socializing with my parents I realized, omg, they are contemporaries! My dad is only 5 years older than my H and my mom is even younger! I am beginning to notice a lot of things I do not particularly like about my H. Little things, things that never used to bother me.I am annoyed by the sound of his voice. I am annoyed at his jokes. I want to slap him everytime he tells my parents good things about me. I want to key his "beautiful" state of the art new car! I want to slash the leather seats. I want to bend all his golf clubs. I hate all the pastel colored golf shirts he wears. Yet, I am here, smiling, gracious, perfect. Whiteflower-thank you from the bottom of my heart. Your post is a sad realization that I was living a lie. My resolve in saving my marriage is crumbling. I am but a pile of emotional brokeness. Toodampragmatic-I thank you too for your posts. It just bothered me that you got the facts about my daughter being left by my husband. Tami-chan-I understand ultimatums. I understand it's necessity. Sometimes I am just not sure if I have what it takes to see it through. Thank you all, again.
Toodamnpragmatic Posted May 25, 2009 Posted May 25, 2009 Hello everyone! Thank you for your responses. I had a tough weekend. We were supposed to go to Palms Springs for some R and R but I told my husband I was not in the mood for it and that if he wanted to go, he should go by himself. He was very upset because reservations were made longtime ago. I told him that I was sorry. Anyway, he did not really need me there, he plays golf the whole time we are there and I and my girl are left to our own, we only meet him for dinner. Of course he asked me what I was going to do. I said I want to go home to my parent's. I was very surprised because he said ok. I thought it was a joke. Well, it kind of was, because he came with us. So here we are, in my parent's house. My parents knew about his cheating from a year ago and were brokenhearted about it but they support whatever decision I make, even though they do not shy away from telling me what they think. As I watch my H socializing with my parents I realized, omg, they are contemporaries! My dad is only 5 years older than my H and my mom is even younger! I am beginning to notice a lot of things I do not particularly like about my H. Little things, things that never used to bother me.I am annoyed by the sound of his voice. I am annoyed at his jokes. I want to slap him everytime he tells my parents good things about me. I want to key his "beautiful" state of the art new car! I want to slash the leather seats. I want to bend all his golf clubs. I hate all the pastel colored golf shirts he wears. Yet, I am here, smiling, gracious, perfect. Whiteflower-thank you from the bottom of my heart. Your post is a sad realization that I was living a lie. My resolve in saving my marriage is crumbling. I am but a pile of emotional brokeness. Toodampragmatic-I thank you too for your posts. It just bothered me that you got the facts about my daughter being left by my husband. Tami-chan-I understand ultimatums. I understand it's necessity. Sometimes I am just not sure if I have what it takes to see it through. Thank you all, again. Sorry about the miscommunication. Reading the above, please be careful in processing your thoughts. While his behavior on these R&R getaways is deplorable (golf all day, meet for dinner), your comments about him and your parents are expected and what happens in marriages and relationships. Right now everything about him turns you off.... I think seeing him with your parents may be a wake-up call, but I too know that I am sure there are times my spouse looks at me and dislikes much about me (clothes, hygiene, how I talk, what I say, old stories & jokes). Fortunately they are mostly short lived and she likes some of those things later on. I'm not saying what you feel now is not right, just be careful it is not just a result of the last 2-4 weeks of issues/anger. Separate what has happened and how you feel and look at the whole picture (10+ years).
lkjh Posted May 25, 2009 Posted May 25, 2009 I have to agree with toad, right now you have a ton of emotions going on. When you are emotional you should never act. Wait until you can think clearly
White Flower Posted May 25, 2009 Posted May 25, 2009 I have to agree with toad, right now you have a ton of emotions going on. When you are emotional you should never act. Wait until you can think clearly This is one time I agree with lkjh. I'm not sure what part about my post you appreciated but I do hope it opened your eyes a little. I think a woman in your situation needs to step back, watch, and keep a poker face. I know that is very hard to do when you are such a warm and genuine person, but the only way you'll know if he's up to his business again (cheating) is to act like everything is ok. Please keep us updated and PM me any time. I am very inclined to help you bust this guy. OK, that wasn't fair. He MIGHT be trying to remain faithful, but I can be Polyanna sometimes. It's possible, just not probable. Hugs, WF.
White Flower Posted May 25, 2009 Posted May 25, 2009 I know when I post I do not wish to hurt people or be derogatory. However I am bothered when they get defensive or do not appreciate the posts or read the words and the advise given (yes by an older 45+ male). This is not the first post where I have questioned a huge age difference and the response is always very defensive, when the the OP conveys so much pain, uncertainty and despair. You will note and this seems common that at first they do appreciate and read and respond to the post and then they defend their choice and their H's actions and then withdraw and get angry if age is still brought up. I hope she listens to you. I know what you mean about the age difference. I relate to lillyrose because I am an old soul. ExMM was 15 years my senior and we meshed very well. But I'm no Spring Chicken and ours was a very compatible R. I do see in Lillyrose's story that her H not only chose a young, beautiful trophy wife, but also AND THIS IS VERY IMPORTANT, a warm, loving, and very understanding (forgiving) soul. I believe he knew in advance that she would put up with his cheating ways. I hate hate hate to sound harsh but that is what I gather. But she has time and power to turn this around. Luckily her SC (serial cheater) has money and a good reputation. If she needs them, these are great bartering chips. Lillyrose, please forgive the starkness of my words. I suspect they'll hurt, but I do not intend to hurt you with my suspicions. Big hugs, WF.
tami-chan Posted May 25, 2009 Posted May 25, 2009 I'm not saying what you feel now is not right, just be careful it is not just a result of the last 2-4 weeks of issues/anger. Separate what has happened and how you feel and look at the whole picture (10+ years). Maybe her reaction now is a delayed reaction to everything else that has happened in the last year-the anger, the disbelief, etc..
Author lillyrose Posted May 30, 2009 Author Posted May 30, 2009 Hello everyone! So I survive the visit to my parent's but I am resentful that I had to SURVIVE it. My parent's is my home and I wanted to come "home" so I can feel safe and protected and loved but my husband was there and I felt like I had to "host" him. I had gone to a session with my counselor 2 days ago and he told me not to act on my anger and resentment. Am I supposed to let my anger marinate inside me? And then what? Anyway, my counselor said that it seems I have too much time in my hands that I am micro-focusing on so many things and blowing them up. Things that were little mistakes are now big wrongs. He said it seems I am finding reasons to dislike my husband more and more, he wants me to think if this is so and why this is so and we will discuss this next week. I hate homework. My husband and I have not gone to our joint marriage counseling session recently. He has been busy or maybe it is just not that important to him. I have never felt this way before about my husband. I feel like I am falling out of love. For all of you who have been cheated on, is it normal to feel anger and resentment long, long after D-day? Also I want to know who the former OW is. I want to know what she looks like. I want to know how she "lost" the baby. I want to know if they talked about me. Am I nuts? Is this relevant? Maybe I need to discuss this with my counselor. Thank you. Lillyrose PS: I forgot to mention that I have received an email from Dr. B. It was another apology letter although this time he asked if we can meet for coffee because he wants to apologize to me in person. I did not respond.
Toodamnpragmatic Posted May 30, 2009 Posted May 30, 2009 I'm sorry how things are going. I am not sure I agree with your counselor. In addition you need to insist your husband go to MC. You have to concentrate on your child and do something to assert your independence and not let this consume you. I'd also think to hire a PI to check up on your husband now and the other women to clear your head.
PhoenixRise Posted May 30, 2009 Posted May 30, 2009 Hello everyone! So I survive the visit to my parent's but I am resentful that I had to SURVIVE it. My parent's is my home and I wanted to come "home" so I can feel safe and protected and loved but my husband was there and I felt like I had to "host" him. I had gone to a session with my counselor 2 days ago and he told me not to act on my anger and resentment. Am I supposed to let my anger marinate inside me? And then what? Anyway, my counselor said that it seems I have too much time in my hands that I am micro-focusing on so many things and blowing them up. Things that were little mistakes are now big wrongs. He said it seems I am finding reasons to dislike my husband more and more, he wants me to think if this is so and why this is so and we will discuss this next week. I hate homework. My husband and I have not gone to our joint marriage counseling session recently. He has been busy or maybe it is just not that important to him. I have never felt this way before about my husband. I feel like I am falling out of love. For all of you who have been cheated on, is it normal to feel anger and resentment long, long after D-day? Also I want to know who the former OW is. I want to know what she looks like. I want to know how she "lost" the baby. I want to know if they talked about me. Am I nuts? Is this relevant? Maybe I need to discuss this with my counselor. Thank you. Lillyrose PS: I forgot to mention that I have received an email from Dr. B. It was another apology letter although this time he asked if we can meet for coffee because he wants to apologize to me in person. I did not respond. Lilly Sorry that things are still so difficult for you. I think that your counselor has a point about you not taking action while you are in an emotional state. This doesn't mean that you supress how you feel or try to deny how you feel....it just means that you don't make major decisions based on emotion. And yes. It is absolutely normal to still feel anger and resentment long after D day. It is perfectly normal to have questions about the OW. You are not nuts. Having said that.... only you can decide if seeking out info about the OW will be helpful in recovering your marriage if recovery is what you even want. Dealing with the betrayal of infidelity CAN make you hate everything about your spouse for a time but I have to wonder, have you shared with your counselor everything you have shared here about your husband's behavior? It seems to me that beyond the infidelity, you have other reasons to feel resentful of your husband.
tami-chan Posted May 31, 2009 Posted May 31, 2009 So I survive the visit to my parent's but I am resentful that I had to SURVIVE it. My parent's is my home and I wanted to come "home" so I can feel safe and protected and loved but my husband was there and I felt like I had to "host" him.Sounds like you have no breathing room--he seems to always "be there". has he always been like this, LR? I had gone to a session with my counselor 2 days ago and he told me not to act on my anger and resentment. Am I supposed to let my anger marinate inside me? And then what? Anyway, my counselor said that it seems I have too much time in my hands that I am micro-focusing on so many things and blowing them up. Things that were little mistakes are now big wrongs. He said it seems I am finding reasons to dislike my husband more and more, he wants me to think if this is so and why this is so and we will discuss this next week. I hate homework.I don't think you should let your anger "marinate", you should ask your counselor to help you channel it to something less damaging...like, go ahead and key your husband's car. Ok maybe not. I say, go ahead and bend( are you that strong?) all his golf clubs AND throw out his "pastel color" golf shirts! or donate them to Goodwill:mad:. Oh, LR, I am of course, just kidding. I know how you feel. You want to hurt him back-destroy something that you think is important to him. I would just continue and rant here or to your counselor or write a journal and pour all your anger there or better yet tell your counselor you need a session where you alone can say everything you feel to your husband. Whatever you do, the people here who advised you not to make a decision just yet, are right ( i think)--not when you are still very angry. My husband and I have not gone to our joint marriage counseling session recently. He has been busy or maybe it is just not that important to him. I have never felt this way before about my husband. I feel like I am falling out of love. Have you told him this? If you haven't, you should. You would know your next course of action depending on his response, I think. For all of you who have been cheated on, is it normal to feel anger and resentment long, long after D-day? Also I want to know who the former OW is. I want to know what she looks like. I want to know how she "lost" the baby. I want to know if they talked about me. Am I nuts? Is this relevant? Maybe I need to discuss this with my counselor.Yes, it is normal, as many BSs here would tell you. But do you know why you want to know all of those things about the OW? What will you do with the information? Is it only that particular OW? If I am not mistaken there were 2 others, right? Many believe that it IS relevant and important to your healing. I never was interested in getting to know anything about the OW(s). BTW, what are you going to do with Dr. B? It seems that he has not stopped "pursuing" you. Continue posting,until you will have PM privileges, perhaps you will be lucky (like I have been) to find good people who will ask the tough questions and find time to help you see the light, so to speak.
lkjh Posted May 31, 2009 Posted May 31, 2009 Continue MC with your H and see where it goes. Look there is either something wrong with the young doctor or you really were leading him on. It seems like he is trying to beat your H by using you. Do not meet with him for coffee. He just asked you on a date. Send him a no contact response, tell him not to contact you anymore. Do not let him use, can't you see that this guy is trying to cause problems in your life? Just think about it. If anything, I know you are mad at your H but tell him about the email. If he finds out another way then you will be the bad guy in everyones eyes. I have to ask, how does the young doctor have your phone number and email? There really isn't any business reason for a doctor to have nurses private info unless the nurse works private practice for him.
iand Posted May 31, 2009 Posted May 31, 2009 When he was in the hot seat alone with evidence clearly showing adultry took place not once but three times during your marriage things were quite different were they not? Unfortunately your decision to work in the same hospital and while still with your husband, despite his apparent ok with it, you chose to casually flirt...and expose yourself openly to him with another doctor..not good... You sound like a bright and intelligent woman...you must know that it's simply not a good thing to start something new until the something old is done and gone. You simply made a bad choice. Sounds like you have some decisions to make..stay with hubby and make it work..both of you together with counselling or mutually agree to part ways and move on. Don't get involved with the suit stuff..people who talk about what they will do never do it..its the ones who don't and do are the ones to be worried about....You both owe each other a serious conversation in a public place about where you both want to go... good luck.
tami-chan Posted May 31, 2009 Posted May 31, 2009 When he was in the hot seat alone with evidence clearly showing adultry took place not once but three times during your marriage things were quite different were they not? lol, Iand, of course they were different for her. She is NOW accused of having cheated. Not sure what's the point to this question. Unfortunately your decision to work in the same hospital and while still with your husband, despite his apparent ok with it, you chose to casually flirt...and expose yourself openly to him with another doctor..not good... I think she said her husband wanted her to work in the hospital. They are in marriage counseling and I think that was her husband's way of being "open". You sound like a bright and intelligent woman...you must know that it's simply not a good thing to start something new until the something old is done and gone. You simply made a bad choice. I think you are a little to patronizing to her. I am not sure if you read the whole thread but she did not want to end her marriage and she did not have an affair. What bad choice are you talking about?
Author lillyrose Posted July 19, 2009 Author Posted July 19, 2009 Hello Everyone! It has been awhile since I last posted, a lot has happened in the last 2 months or so. 1)My husband and I are divorcing . I am very sad about this but I think it is what I needed to do. It is fixing to be a messy divorce. My husband wants custody of my daughter and vowed that I am not going to get a cent from him. 2) I have yet to start working again. Some friends are advising that I should go back to work a soon as possible so the judge can see that I can afford to raise my child. But I am a heap of emotional garbage. I cannot seem to go through a day without crying my heart out. 3) I have heard rumors that my husband is seeing someone new already. I am so heartbroken. 4) Dr. B has is no longer associated with the same hospital as my H. From what I hear, he has accepted a high-profile position back east. I just want to wake up one day and find out this has all been a bad a dream.
PhoenixRise Posted July 20, 2009 Posted July 20, 2009 Hello Everyone! It has been awhile since I last posted, a lot has happened in the last 2 months or so. 1)My husband and I are divorcing . I am very sad about this but I think it is what I needed to do. It is fixing to be a messy divorce. My husband wants custody of my daughter and vowed that I am not going to get a cent from him. 2) I have yet to start working again. Some friends are advising that I should go back to work a soon as possible so the judge can see that I can afford to raise my child. But I am a heap of emotional garbage. I cannot seem to go through a day without crying my heart out. 3) I have heard rumors that my husband is seeing someone new already. I am so heartbroken. 4) Dr. B has is no longer associated with the same hospital as my H. From what I hear, he has accepted a high-profile position back east. I just want to wake up one day and find out this has all been a bad a dream. ((((lillyrose)))) I am so sorry that things are so hard for you right now. I know that divorce can be very difficult and I hope that you and your child will be ok. Do you have a good attorney? It sounds like you are going to need one. If you have a counselor please make sure you are seeing him as much as you need to. Of course you are devestated by everything that has happened but being an emotional wreck right now is not going to help you or your daughter. Talk to your counselor, talk to your family, talk to your friends, talk to anyone who can give you emotional support and help you find your strength right now. Pick yourself up and get a job to support yourself and your child. You can do this.
Author lillyrose Posted July 20, 2009 Author Posted July 20, 2009 Hello PhoenixRise! Thank you for your response. I do not really want a divorce. I want my husband back. I just do not know how to fix the situation. I filed the divorce to make him realize what he will be losing. I want him back so desperately. I love him so much. Yes, I was angry but who would not be? but I do not want to be without him.
PhoenixRise Posted July 20, 2009 Posted July 20, 2009 Hello PhoenixRise! Thank you for your response. I do not really want a divorce. I want my husband back. I just do not know how to fix the situation. I filed the divorce to make him realize what he will be losing. I want him back so desperately. I love him so much. Yes, I was angry but who would not be? but I do not want to be without him. Lillyrose I am so sorry that you are feeling this pain. Are you in counseling? You need someone IRL you can talk to and get support from. From what you have written about your husband and your marriage it seems that to stay with him you would have to be willing to put up with his controlling behavior and his affairs. Are you willing to put up with this? Of course you love him. You built a life with him and you two share a child. But just because you love him doesn't necessarily make him "right" for you. Only you can determine what is acceptable to you and what is not. Unfortunately, your husband took your filing for divorce as a serious declaration on your part that you did indeed want a divorce. I guess the question now is, what are you going to do? I know that you are doubting yourself and thinking you made a mistake. Maybe you are afraid of the unknown. Maybe you are afraid of being alone. Maybe you are afraid of being a single mom. Do you have support Lillyrose? Are you talking to anyone?
lkjh Posted July 21, 2009 Posted July 21, 2009 I remember your post and I still don't think that you realize that your H is a strong and proud man. If you want him back, I am sorry to say this but you are going to have to show him. I remember your situation and I was skeptical about it. I know you kept saying you did nothing to lead the OM on, but that was so hard to believe. The guy had your phone number, email, and bashed your H at work party only to follow it up by confessing that he wanted you. Next, instead of siding with your H, you were more worried about the OM's job. When your H wanted to report the OM to his work, you didn't want to. You were protecting the OM. At that point a few people on here were telling you to play hard ball with your H, those people were mad about his past affairs. I agree with them about the fact that he treated you bad in the past. I differ from them because I still think you had at the very least a EA with the younger doctor. If you want your H back you will have to accept that your relationship with the OM was inappropriate. You will have to accept the fact that you had a EA. If I remember correctly the OM even bought you valentines day gifts.
lkjh Posted July 21, 2009 Posted July 21, 2009 If my memory serves me correctly, last time you refused to take a lie detector test because you said it was embarrassing and shameful. I still don't believe this and I doubt your H does. You are willing to put up with gossip and you quit your job, but you refuse to take a lie detector test. From the outside it looks like you are hiding something. I still think there are things you not telling us about your relationship with the OM
tami-chan Posted July 21, 2009 Posted July 21, 2009 Lillyrose, do not worry about the people who blame you about the state of your marriage. You know the truth and that is enough. I think you will be better off without your Husband based on what you have shared with us, truly, he does not deserve someone like you. It is unbelievable that some people would excuse the many times that your husband has cheated on you and pin the difficulties of your marriage now on you. Look closely at what your husband has done...look how much he values you....and there is rumor he is going out with someone already? Puhleeze... Lillyrose, do not sell yourself short. You are an RN and you can definitely earn a living enough for you and your child. Get yourself a good lawyer and take whatever is allowable by law--after 10 years of marriage you are entitled to half of everything. Do not try to be a martyr. This is not time for that. I am sure you are a very attractive woman (otherwise why will these doctors be after you?)...so having someone in the future should be the least of your worries. Replace him with a YOUNGER, RICHER, MORE HANDSOME husband who will treat you right.... Pull yourself together.....You are a mother, you do not have the luxury of feeling sorry for yourself--there is another life (an innocent child) depending on you to parent her....focus on her for now. Plus think about this...when you turn 40 , your stbxH will already be 60 (ugh!)...
tami-chan Posted July 21, 2009 Posted July 21, 2009 If I remember correctly the OM even bought you valentines day gifts. The younger doctor sent flowers to the unit (in the hospital) addressed to her and he told her H about it-who was not upset about it, apparently.
Athena Posted July 21, 2009 Posted July 21, 2009 Also I want to know who the former OW is. I want to know what she looks like. I want to know how she "lost" the baby. I want to know if they talked about me. Am I nuts? Is this relevant? Maybe I need to discuss this with my counselor. I am doubting the veracity of this thread, but let me go along with it... My Question: How do you Know they did not go ahead and have the baby?
taylor Posted July 21, 2009 Posted July 21, 2009 I remember your post and I still don't think that you realize that your H is a strong and proud man. AND A SERIAL CHEATER. If you want him back, I am sorry to say this but you are going to have to show him. You should be trying to convince her to dump the cheater, not grovel to him. I know you kept saying you did nothing to lead the OM on, but that was so hard to believe. The guy had your phone number, email, and bashed your H at work party only to follow it up by confessing that he wanted you. Next, instead of siding with your H, you were more worried about the OM's job. When your H wanted to report the OM to his work, you didn't want to. You were protecting the OM. At that point a few people on here were telling you to play hard ball with your H, those people were mad about his past affairs. I agree with them about the fact that he treated you bad in the past. IMO, it was more of a one-sided EA. You don't see her longing and pining away for the OM now that he has moved east. In fact, she doesn't even mention having any feelings for the OM at all. She acknowledged she liked the attention, but what woman doesn't when a man..any man...is treating her "special." Even her own husband didn't mind the relationship she was having with the OM right under his nose...until the OM started bashing him. That's what he didn't like about the OM...that the OM was calling him on his behavior regarding his wife. The OM is guilty of developing a crush on the OP and acting on that crush. He, like all the colleauges, were well aware of what a jerk the OP's husband was. They all knew of his affairs. The mistake the OM made was opening his young BIG MOUTH and calling him on it..while the other colleauges sat silent. The OM stepped on the cheating husband's toes and the cheating husband decided he wants to crucify the OM by pinning a lawsuit on him. How over the top is that? The OP is guilty of not putting a stop to the OM's advances. This does not mean she developed strong, unwavering feelings for him...an attachment..a dependency..that she is now having a hard time breaking. She isn't posting here for advice on how to "get over" the OM. Of course posters are disgusted with this husband's past SEXUAL affairs. OMG, he even got one of his OW pregnant and was trying to shirk responsibility for that! And that's all you can say is he "treated her bad." Mild words for outrageous behavior, don't you think? What she did with the OM PALES in comparison with what her husband did. You fail to see or acknowledge that. I still think you had at the very least a EA with the younger doctor. And even if she did, it PALES big-time in comparison with what he has done to her. And even if the OM bought her a Valentine gift, it PALES in comparison to her husband F***ing another woman and creating a baby with her. Now that's what I call a "Valentine's gift.":rolleyes: If you want your H back you will have to accept that your relationship with the OM was inappropriate. You will have to accept the fact that you had an EA. And maybe her husband will have to accept the fact that he is a SERIAL CHEATER. If he wants to call ANYONE a cheater, he should turn his finger around and point it at himself. He is the one who should be groveling TO HER, not the other way around. But he isn't. Why not? And he is the one who should have taken the lie detector test. She should have insisted on it with at least as much vigor as her husband was. And he is the one who should have quit his job so that he was no longer working with his OW. And he is the one who should have been policed and monitored...been the open book..giving her complete access to everything...total exposure...after the first affair. Can you imagine the information that could be made available to her if she subjected HIM to a lie detector test? It would take a few days to cover all the questions I'd ask him about all his past affairs, as well as the fetus he created. He has some nerve insisting she take a lie detector test while all his discretions lay under wraps. And he has some nerve threatening the younger doctor with a lawsuit. For what? Because the younger doctor is "friendly" with his wife and because the younger doctor "called him" on his bad behavior. Again, that pales in comparison with what HE has done. What consequences has he had to pay for his BAD BEHAVIOR...certainly not a law suit..certainly not subjection to a lie detector test...certainly not resignation from his job. What punishment did he pay for his SERIAL CHEATING. My advise to the OP is this: If you want your husband back, subject him to a lie detector test. You take one, too, to make it fair. Once you gather all the information concerning his cheating behavior, make an INFORMED decision about whether you really want this cheater in your life and in your child's life. You may be surprised at your decision.
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