Oh...my...god.

[Teacher's Pet]

Sorry - bad phrasing on the part of moi. What I meant to do was advise you not to share your world here and your online healing history with the teacher in a fit of friendship.

 

NEVER.

 

This place is my "safe haven".... even my friends don't know about it, except for the couple I've made ON here....

 

My ex doesn't know about this site, and neither does my current gf.....

 

It's cheaper than therapy.

 

-TP

cheap bastard

[Sweetcheripie]

WOW! Talk about coming late to the party!! Great read and fun to see thought predictions coming true!

 

TP - Had to agree with the guys mostly (early 40's female here) You have opened a can of worms.

 

She thinks she wants you back...your first line when seeing her...about her ass....EXACTLY what she was looking for!!!

 

She is feeling down about herself and what an ego boost to know that she can write an email or pick up the phone and, yep, you are still wrapped around her finger. You are putting up the strong front - she sees through it. She knows you still have it bad for her. You started as friends before that's where you are starting again. She has you roped in with the "oh he treated me soooo bad and I miss you so much" line. Classic insecure girl that likes the badboys but needs the goodboy confirmation every now and then line!

 

I hope I'm wrong. I think it would be great if you gained closure here and this helped you put some doubts or insecurities to rest. Only time will tell.

 

The one who is getting hurt here is your current girlfriend. Please be honest with yourself with regards to her. You don't see it but you are not treating her very nice right now. You talk about sex with her with wink winks to the guys but you spend hours stressing about an email, then phone call, then what to wear, what to say dinner with an ex. Yes, current gf doesn't know that but if she did she would be hurt. You are too nice and too much of a stand up guy to do that.

[Teacher's Pet]

I'll be honest, I've NEVER been in this situation before...

 

I've never had an ex "reappear" in my life....

 

Cheri is right about the "badboy/goodboy" thing, to an extent...

 

The Teacher is kind of a "bad girl", at least at times, but she seems to "alternate" between bad boys and nice guys, too...

 

One thing she did say to me is that she's basically come to terms with the fact that she's not 25 anymore (she's 35), and the time for "games" are over. She had a bad relationship (lesbian) before we met, and a bad one after we broke up.

 

She also admits she got NOTHING out of those relationships. Her ex gf is completely out of the picture (she kicked her out, and hasn't spoken to her in about 2 years), and the last one just moved out (still has a few odds and ends left at her place, but he's leaving town for good)....

 

She admits she has nothing but bad memories of both of these relationships.

 

She's tired of being in those kinds of situations... she wants to be in something REAL and stable..... which is what I offered her 3 years ago.....

 

Sadly, she put too much stock in the opinions of people who couldn't care less about her happiness....

 

She's cut so many people out of her life recently..... She's determined to erase all of her negative influences and start to live her life for herself...

 

It's what she needs to be doing - and what she should have been doing all along.....

 

The question is... where do I fit in that picture, and for that matter... should I be in it at all?

 

It's really not so simple, especially if you look at it from my point of view.....

 

I'm in a good, fun relationship now, but it's limited in some ways.... I'm dating someone I rarely see (haven't seen her since about a week before all this began!), and someone who really isn't looking for anything truly longterm (my gf is divorced and just not looking for anything really serious, and does NOT want to EVER have kids)....

 

At the same time, I'm in my late 30's, and really don't know if I should be playing "the young man's game" forever, too.....

 

Now an ex of mine who WAS in that frame of mind is back in my life, and seems very determined to stabilize her life and finally ground herself. She has tenure at her job, and is persuing a Master's Degree.

 

And here I am, right in the middle. A guy who loves to "have a good time", but also recognizes the importance of building a future.

 

I'm not going to be this damned sexy forever, ya know.

 

If I stay the course, I'll be "satisfied", at least in the "short-term" sense, but possibly missing out on being with someone I did truly love, who just may have finally found her way.....

 

No matter what I do, there WILL be some level of regret.

 

They both know of each other's existence.... but neither of them know the conflict in MY head right now.... this is something I have to figure out alone... well, with you fine people..

 

It's not easy being TP.

 

-TP

thinking that the 3some idea is out of the question....

[Trialbyfire]

TP, she's been cycling like this between good/bad relationships, for years and years. What makes you believe she can change that pattern of behaviour? Being tired of it, doesn't guarantee that once in a stable relationship, she won't go hunting for bad prey again.

 

Has she gotten to her source of problems by getting some counseling?

[PinkToes]

Excellent point, TBF.

 

And TP, I would encourage you to resolve this in your head before spending any more time with the ex. You wouldn't be the first person to casually hang out with someone else until it starts to turn into something else, and then bail on the current g/f when new feelings for the old love take hold. But it's cowardly and dishonest.

[Teacher's Pet]

Has she gotten to her source of problems by getting some counseling?

 

The main source of her problems was the fact that she let herself listen to others too much, and choosing people who truly weren't looking out for her best interests to help her make her up mind on things..

 

Her ex gf tried to break us up on an almost daily basis, sometimes even when I was THERE.

 

She's weeded out the negative people from her life.

 

In fact, she doesn't even spend time with her old "crew" (i.e. drinking buddies) anymore...

 

Her social life mainly involves events and gatherings around her profession...

 

She's back in school, going for her Master's, drinking a lot less (not that she ever really did to begin with), and finally making HERSELF a priority in her life.

 

She's doing all the right things, at least on paper.

 

-TP

has done a lot of good things on paper.

[Trialbyfire]

The main source of her problems was the fact that she let herself listen to others too much' date=' and choosing people who truly weren't looking out for her best interests to help her make her up mind on things..[/quote']Weeding out negative influences is a good thing.

 

When someone consistently relies on other peoples' opinions on a loved one, that comes from lacking trust in her own judgement. Do you know why she "used to" lack trust in her own judgement? Was there are traumatic event(s) in her life, that caused this? Does she know why she continues to look for approval? You know she's still looking for approval, this time from you. While it's good that she's now looking for approval from a positive source, it doesn't change the original dynamic.

 

She's doing all the right things, at least on paper.

That's an excellent way of putting it.

[Teacher's Pet]

Do you know why she "used to" lack trust in her own judgement? Was there are traumatic event(s) in her life, that caused this? Does she know why she continues to look for approval?

 

She has a couple of serious regrets in her life, that go back quite a long time...

 

She had an abortion as a teenager, something that to this day, still bothers her.... She was pregnant, and in a situation where she couldn't tell her family (devout Catholic), so she had to rely on others to help her decide to abort. To this day, she still kicks herself over it.

 

She seems to become LESS dependent on the approval of others now, or at least is a lot more careful as to WHOM she takes advice from.

 

Kinda like me, in a sense.

 

-TP

needs time to sort things out

[Jilly Bean]

TP - I don't know a lot about your previous relationship with the Teacher, but I have full faith that you are proceeding with eyes wide open, and evaluating with your head, and not your heart (or dick).

 

Enjoy the journey. Whatever happens will be a great experience.

 

P.S. Does she eat brisket?

[Trialbyfire]

She has a couple of serious regrets in her life, that go back quite a long time...

 

She had an abortion as a teenager, something that to this day, still bothers her.... She was pregnant, and in a situation where she couldn't tell her family (devout Catholic), so she had to rely on others to help her decide to abort. To this day, she still kicks herself over it.

I'm a little surprised that this would cause her to look for external approval. Shouldn't it have done the opposite?

 

She seems to become LESS dependent on the approval of others now, or at least is a lot more careful as to WHOM she takes advice from.

I guess it has to happen in steps, where she's more cautious with whom she takes advice from, then the next step would be to ground within herself more, so she can easily make the shot call about what advice she chooses to take.

 

Be careful TP. Someone in transition can take you for a rough ride, since it's too easy to fall back into old patterns of behaviour.

[sedgwick]

The one who is getting hurt here is your current girlfriend. Please be honest with yourself with regards to her. You don't see it but you are not treating her very nice right now. You talk about sex with her with wink winks to the guys but you spend hours stressing about an email, then phone call, then what to wear, what to say dinner with an ex. Yes, current gf doesn't know that but if she did she would be hurt. You are too nice and too much of a stand up guy to do that.

 

Totally agreed. I think the way to know if you're TRULY over your ex is this: if you've told your gf about meeting with her, you're over her -- if not, well, you're not. If I were your current gf and knew that you'd made multiple posts on an online forum about how much you wanted to sleep with your ex, and that the first thing you said when you met up again was "Your ass looks good," (did you REALLY say that?!?) I'd be outta there. It would hurt me, and I'd want to protect myself. Please do the right thing and give this woman a chance to protect herself. No harm in it if your ex is the one you want, just be up front with your gf about it before things progress any further.

 

My ex contacted me a year ago, and the first thing I said was, "What do you want to talk to me about?" He said, "Oh, I'm just getting in touch with old friends, and you were first on the list." I said, "You hurt me very badly," and he said, "Yeah, sorry about that," with all the conviction of someone apologizing for eating the last piece of pie. I told him it was all or nothing, I couldn't be his friend after how badly he hurt me, and he said, "I can't give all," and I said, "Then here's where I give nothing." I haven't heard from him since, which is as it should be. As far as I'm concerned, he made his bed, and he can now lie in it (alone.) If he came to me after some other girl dumped him, that would be a big TOUGH SH*T for him.

[allina]

TP, I think you've come to terms now with the fact that you're not over this woman

 

And there is nothing wrong with some of those feelings coming back. Clearly your current relationship, while not bad, doesn't have that spark and longevity you're looking for.

 

If the teacher is the one for you, especially now that she has done some soul searching then I wish you the best of luck. I just hope that you're smart, cautious and self aware no matter which direction you choose.

[alphamale]

She has a couple of serious regrets in her life, that go back quite a long time...

 

She had an abortion as a teenager, something that to this day, still bothers her.... She was pregnant, and in a situation where she couldn't tell her family (devout Catholic), so she had to rely on others to help her decide to abort. To this day, she still kicks herself over it.

 

She seems to become LESS dependent on the approval of others now, or at least is a lot more careful as to WHOM she takes advice from.

 

Kinda like me, in a sense.

dude this woman is feeding you ****. i wouldn't belive one word she says. shes a fraud who wants to ruin your life once again

[carhill]

Been away a bit and didn't read the interceding disourse, and would encourage TP to sit back and dispassionately watch the ex's actions for awhile, but not while in a relationship. If the ex mesmerizes the OP so much, be honest with the current GF and become single again and then sit and watch

[burning 4 revenge]

So at what point did you tearfully confess to her that you never stopped loving her?

[Citizen Erased]

So at what point did you tearfully confess to her that you never stopped loving her?

 

He's not a chick b4r. Even if it is true.

[fabulous_chk]

So at what point did you tearfully confess to her that you never stopped loving her?

 

lol!

[Art_Critic]

So at what point did you tearfully confess to her that you never stopped loving her?

 

He didn't have to.. his actions did that for him..

I'm sure she smelled it thru the first Blazingly Fast Reply email.

 

He actually replied before he got the email

[whichwayisup]

So basically, she is back in your life to try to woo you over again, not only for friendship, but to have a relationship again with you. AKA, being your gf. You more or less said that too..

 

Anyway, because of the situation with your current girlfriend, that leaves you time to spend with the ex.

 

Prediction, less than 3 months current gf and you will break up, and you'll be casually dating/back with your ex, getting to re-know her again. Sorry TP, I think you've made a big BIG mistake by allowing her back into your life. Seems the past 3 years, all that pain and depression you went through was all for nothing. You let the ex back in SO DAMN FAST and she's loving how a 'nice' of a guy you are.

[Ariadne]

Sadly, she put too much stock in the opinions of people who couldn't care less about her happiness...

 

The main source of her problems was the fact that she let herself listen to others too much' date=' and choosing people who truly weren't looking out for her best interests to help her make her up mind on things...[/quote']

 

She seems to become LESS dependent on the approval of others now, or at least is a lot more careful as to WHOM she takes advice from.

 

[alphamale]

Prediction, less than 3 months current gf and you will break up, and you'll be casually dating/back with your ex, getting to re-know her again. Sorry TP, I think you've made a big BIG mistake by allowing her back into your life. Seems the past 3 years, all that pain and depression you went through was all for nothing. You let the ex back in SO DAMN FAST and she's loving how a 'nice' of a guy you are.

i'll take it one step further and guess 3 weeks...

[fabulous_chk]

3 days.

[kizik]

Teacher's Pet -

 

I have said this before, but just to reiterate as your situation escalates:

 

-what you're doing is wrong. You're being really selfish. You do not deserve your current GF, nor does she deserve your negligence. You have serious feelings for your Ex, which you will not admit to. You refuse to disclose/admit these feelings to your ex, your current GF, and perhaps most importantly, yourself.

 

You continue on this thread in a smarmy and joking manner about all this abysmal sh*t you're doing. You are being a total jerk to your current GF.

 

Again, if you have a conscience at all, you should get the hell off LS, make a decision regarding who you want to shack up with (which, in reality, should be no one, since you are so emotionally confused), and get on with life, instead of see-sawing like an eight year old girl.

[whichwayisup]

Originally Posted by CaliGuy

Contact with an ex, unless they are beating your door down and saying they really fracked up and want you back, is a waste of time.

 

Originally Posted by TP

Isn't that what this is?

 

I mean.... until 2 weeks ago, I never thought I'd ever hear from her again, nor was I planning on making contact.

 

She contacted me. She admitted her mistakes. She's the one who begged for forgiveness.

 

That doesn't mean "all is well", by any stretch of the imagination, but perhaps what CG is saying is what is happening.

 

Question is, what do you truly want to happen? You obviously still have affection for her, you hint/joke about her and having 3-somes, you even commented on her ass when you first saw her.

 

Anyway, I really hope you do alot of thinking, talking to people here, your other friends, and see what they think. Don't just go for it with her.. She needs to be WITHOUT A MAN for a long time so she can find herself, and become an independant person. Don't be her 'fall to' guy - That nice guy who will support her, be there for her all of the time.

[alphamale]

Again, if you have a conscience at all, you should get the hell off LS, make a decision regarding who you want to shack up with (which, in reality, should be no one, since you are so emotionally confused), and get on with life, instead of see-sawing like an eight year old girl.

i think the entire republican party could take that advice...