The Get Back Together With Your Ex Checklist

[Steadfast]

...and that is why I often say "If your ex really wants you, neither hell nor high water will stop them from breaking down your door!" Actions, actions, actions mean everything. Words mean nothing. Words can be contrived but actions speak from the heart. See my friend, that is a PERFECT example of what NC will do for you. It gives you time to clear your head and to think about what you really want...the problem is trying to determine whether they are heartfelt or just out of jealousy. Remember the rule, and I say it often: ACTIONS are what determines how someone really feels about you. Words are worthless.

 

Thanks man. I wanted to say that your posts are one of the reasons I signed up here. FWIW, this is the only place online that I've shared.

 

Yes, actions. I told her that once, that she has proved herself capable of acting decisively when it's something she really wants. Right now, she's probably with her boyfriend ("We just talk") and later it'll be my turn in the cage. It is so funny, she said not long ago that she couldn't kiss me again because it felt like she was 'cheating' on him and she didn't want to be like that anymore. My, what a great time to discover your morals!

 

I'm so happy for her.

 

In reality, the big picture might be in my favor. Right now, I'm getting used to being single (and a single dad) with projects on the computer and dinner cooking on the stove. Too busy for heartache? Right now, yeah, but who knows about later...

 

Thanks again for the strong, sage advice. It _is_ appreciated my friend.

[Soul Bear]

Saw her yesterday for the first time in a month and a half since the breakup...I didnt manage to follow any of what we have talked about in this thread. I crumbled.

 

I thought I was strong, but as soon as I saw her I welled up inside.

It was really awkward.

 

So after giving her her small, yet thoughtfull birthday present and card, and proclaiming my love for her still, she told me that she doesnt have any romantic feeling for me at all anymore. She doesnt even know me etc etc.

She says that the last month for her has flown by and she hardly even thought about me. Not what I would expect from a 4.5 year engagement...

 

She wanted to come back to my place to get some things, and borrow a sleeping bag as she is off to a festival that we both used to go to together.She wants to do this one 'solo'....

On the train back to my place I told her how hard this was for me and that i loved her, i saw her swollowing a few times, and her eyes were kind of glazy,after we got of the train, there was no lift and no taxi, so we had a 5 mile walk back to my place through the countryside.

It was awful-

 

I couldnt stop telling her how much I missed her and loved her, and she couldnt stop being cold and heartless, putting up her wall telling me to just let go, and that this was no fun at all. I had to agree.

We managed to make the peace after i told her I give up. But things were awkward when we got back to my place too, I jusrt wanted to hold her and have her say she has missed me. She said she hasnt really missed me at all.

 

Sometimes she would smile at me and we would have a laugh, she would bring up a few fond memories, talk about what she has been up to, most of the time it was very awkward between us. No chat, just uneasy. She hardly made eye contact at all....dont know what thats about. Except for one moment whe we stared at each other for a good 4 seconds.

 

She said she wants me to move on and we should sever all contact for a while as I clearly still have feelings for her. She said she cant be my friend until I get over her and move on. Also, she is interested in someone else now, and they are just going to get to know each other as friends first....I asked her if it would bother her seeing me with someone else. She said No.

 

How can she be so cold? How can she say all these hurtfull things and not even feel sad or nostalgic at all? Either its a very good front, or she never really cared that much to begin with.

 

She comes back here and smokes like 5 spliffs with me, has 5 cups of tea and leaves after 3 hours. We didnt even say much for the 3 hours she was here, I didnt know what to say, I guess she didnt either.

Funny thing is, she didnt even take all her stuff away, there is still towels and bedsheats which she said she will 'get another time'.

I said I hope our paths will cross again some day, and she said they wont, not like that. We can only ever be firnds. How can you shoot down all possibility? No one knows what the future holds!

 

Her body language was pretty off too, we hugged a few times, on my initiation. It was weird, she would hug me, but something seemed a miss when she pulled away from it, its almost like letting go of the hug if you know what i mean.

 

I dont regret trying again, I feel heartbroken and sad, but I know I will be stronger for trying.

 

 

Why is she acting like this is all so easy for her and she is happy? Maybe she just is.....

 

 

If you reply to this to grill me, please dont bother, i really dont need anymore grilling right now. There are more details, but I dont know what to say....

 

You get the jist of it anyway and her behaviour, my needieness...

 

Im so confused and hurt by her behaviour.

Bearing in mind she has pretty much been on holiday for the last month, so maybe now she is back in my city , the place we moved to together she will only see what its like without me when im really not in touch or see her at all.

 

And sticking with the theme of the thread, I still believe I did the right hing in following my heart.

[drummerprince81]

Soul Bear - sorry to hear your story dude. I've been logging on most days to see if you had any updates. I guess we all like happy endings but its not always down to what we want; its usually down to other people and their inability to see the truth and work on their feelings. When you fall in love with someone, it all depends on what you do and say, and make the OP feel, and vice versa. And you always know in your heart of hearts that it can be done again, but your, and my ex, just ain't budging.

 

I can't believe she said she hardly thought of you. That is rough. And I can only assume its because somebody else is on the scene. I don't know your situation first hand but I guess you kinda have to take that as a really bad sign, and she isn't give you much despite all your efforts. But you've come away knowing you are a fighter and that you have a valiant heart, unlike your ex. Hang in there bud. You said you will be stronger, but just take it easy today.

[Miguelrg]

Hey soul, hope your good?

 

I also cracked and sent my ex a email explaining everything i felt but to no avail, only for her to say your right ' i don't care anymore about it all'

 

That was the last step for me, everyone hopes for a while until they accept its completely over, i hope this is the time for you.

 

You really need to make a stand and tell yourself

 

 

NOBODY is going to hurt me, I AM who I AM, I can be who i want to be and someone one day will love me unconditionally that!

 

This is day one for the next chapter in your life, a new start, getting the old you back!

 

I am making my move away, to meet new friends, new job prospects, drink have fun and let the good times roll.

 

This is it, now or never,

here is the quote from swingers for people who aint seen it..

 

 

 

Mike: Okay, so what if I don't want to give up on her?

Rob: You don't call.

Mike: But you said I don't call if I wanted to give up on her.

Rob: Right.

Mike: So I don't call either way?

Rob: Right.

Mike: So what's the difference?

Rob: There is no difference right now. See, Mike, the only difference between giving up and not giving up is if you take her back when she wants to come back. But you can't do anything to make her want to come back. In fact, you can only do stuff to make her not want to come back.

Mike: So the only difference is if I forget about her or just pretend to forget about her?

Rob: Right.

Mike: Well that sucks.

Rob: Yeah, it sucks.

Mike: So it's just like a retroactive decision, then? I mean I could, like, forget about her and then when she comes back make like I just pretended to forget about her?

Rob: Right. Although probably more likely the opposite.

Mike: What do you mean?

Rob: I mean at first you're going to pretend to forget about her, you'll not call her, I don't know, whatever... but then eventually, you really will forget about her.

Mike: Well what if she comes back first?

Rob: Mmmm... see, that's the thing, is somehow they know not to come back until you really forget.

Mike: There's the rub.

Rob: There's the rub.

 

We can do this, take the stand now!!!!

 

 

As john lennon once said ' life is what happens while your busy making other plans'

 

hope this wasn't too dramatic!

[Soul Bear]

Thanks DP and Mig. Right now, you lot on here are my best friends...sad I know, but its true. So much for 'our friends' being supportive. Seems they are taking sides somewhat between us.

 

Im pretty pissed that she said all those things, whats wrong with being a little compassionate?!

Guess she has to be blunt in order to get her message through to me.

She hasnt slept with anyone yet, she told me so.

 

 

Im waiting for the day now when she calls up said she has amde a mistake. It may never happen, but at least now I know I really should move on. Its a hard pill to swallow, I still love her dearly. But I didnt even know that woman who I met with yesterday.

At times there werre glimmers of our past, a look shared and things like that. But she is mega stubborn and is going to stick to her guns.

 

 

Can anyone explain this bahviour please?- the coldness, the harshness and uncaring verbal remarks?

 

I can, I will, I am becoming stronger again. Im still really sad tho.

Why does it always happen to the good guys n girls?

[samspade]

How can she be so cold? How can she say all these hurtfull things and not even feel sad or nostalgic at all? Either its a very good front, or she never really cared that much to begin with.

 

Hey SB - I'm trying to help you, so don't take offense. I know we had a disagreement with advice vs. support, but I'm going to have the courage not to support you where you've erred, so you can get back in the saddle.

 

She is only being "cold" because it's the only recourse you've left her. Look at you, man. You're telling someone who doesn't love you anymore that you still love her and you're giving her thoughtful birthday gifts. That may be fine with friends and family, but she is your ex. She no longer owes you compassion. You might believe her behavior is unfair, but the truth is that YOU ARE BEING UNFAIR TO HER. You're not allowing her to move on and you're not allowing the relationship to end, and you're not allowing yourself time and space to heal. In short, you're making life miserable for both of you.

 

I'm in a rush or I'd write more. I hope you cut her off and move on soon. You're letting her live rent-free in your brain, friend. Stop waiting around and start living - life is not a dress rehearsal.

[drummerprince81]

"Can anyone explain this bahviour please?- the coldness, the harshness and uncaring verbal remarks?"

Maybe she is trying to be cruel to be kind...and in a way you have to accept that no reasoning will melt that ice. But then again, if you know she is stubborn that could be a factor. Stubborn people take hours, days, weeks, months, years to admit they make mistakes, or just take the easy path and walkaway and never admit, because they DON'T believe they make mistakes. I was reading a magazine article yesterday and this guy from a band called Mastodon was asked if he had anything to apologise and he said no, that he has no regrets whatsoever in his life. And I just thought that was a lame attitude, but at the same time, other people would say otherwise. Isn't pride one of the deadly sins? You know that you would probably find it impossible to change your emotions, because even if you had dumped your ex, I can't imagine you'd be cold and harsh to her.

 

I can, I will, I am becoming stronger again. Im still really sad tho.

Why does it always happen to the good guys n girls?"

 

The sad thing is about my story is that my ex really is a nice girl. We are both perfect for each other, because we are really good people and I won't go into why else. But despite treating her like a princess for 20.5 months out of 22, and being her first love and all, and making her the happiest she'd ever been her life, she walked when the going got tough. And its sad because she will have learned from the mistakes she made with me, and someone else will get the best of her, when that should be me!!! I don't know why, but even though it seems to be a universal problem, I always see/hear the good guys and girls being hurt the most. Maybe we should turn badass Soul Bear?

[Miguelrg]

I just made a big reply and the net cut off and it got deleted, but basically what sam said.

 

Life is way too short, look to the future.

 

She's cold because you've pushed her to where she almost resents you, same with my ex, i stayed in contact way too long and only pushed her and made her decision even more concrete.

 

we're all here for you soul

[CaliGuy]

Saw her yesterday for the first time in a month and a half since the breakup...I didnt manage to follow any of what we have talked about in this thread. I crumbled.

 

Soul Bear, first off I am not going to say I told you so. That is not what LS is for. Nobody is here to wag fingers at people or to rub dirt in the noses of those who have already been kicked to the ground.

 

That said, when we give advice here on how to handle a breakup, rest assured that most of us have already been through what you are going through (some of us, myself included, more than once!).

 

The reason that NC is so prominent here (and why CONTACT doesn't work) is that it allows you to heal. When you get dumped by someone you deeply love you start to lose self respect. You become a door mat in the hope that "FLINGING" yourself at your ex and drowning them in your love and affection will bring them back. The sad truth is, doing so will cause the exact OPPOSITE effect you are trying to achieve.

 

So what's the right thing to do when you are dumped? Go completely against what seems like the most "logical" thing to do in your situation. Instead of trying to pull them closer to you, do the exact OPPOSITE. Push them away. Shut them out. Lock the door.

 

Why?

 

Because:

 

A) If someone has fallen out of love with you, begging/pleading etc only pushes them away further.

B) Being away from them gives you time to rebuild your confidence and self-esteem.

C) Nothing is greater than giving them the "gift of missing you."

D) It puts you in a position where if they do want to come back, you're strong and in a good position to say NO.

F) If they never come back, you heal in the shortest amount of time and are much better off when you meet someone new.

 

No offense but all the advice you have given in this thread are the exact things you should NOT do when you have been dumped. You just simply can not spark feelings of attraction when they are lost. Only your ex can do that on her own and usually only after a long time away from you.

 

Women want strong, confident, self-assured men. I don't care if you're 6'11 or 4'11 tall, women will always cite CONFIDENCE, HAPPY, HUMOR (usually in that order) when mentioning the qualities they deeply desire in a man. Begging/pleading/crying -- these are all OPPOSITE qualities of Confident/Happy men.

 

My advice to you, and any man in your position is to read: "No More Mr. Nice Guy " (Glover) so that you understand how to become a confident, happy, secure guy. It's not about being a jerk. It's about being well balanced.

 

As for your ex and her behavior around you, she is acting like any woman would who has fallen out of love with someone and is turned off by the begging and pleading. Whether she has found someone else or not doesn't matter. Your behavior, while typical, usually only results in pushing them away further.

 

As hard as this is to hear, you have caused too much damage and I personally believe the relationship is un-repairable. I would get the book I suggested to you, read it then put away all reminders of her, block her number, IM and other ways to contact her and look forward to YOUR FUTURE. She will not be a part of that and you have to live your life with that assmption.

 

I'm sorry about this, but we all need to learn this lesson the hard way on our own sometimes.

 

Myself included.

[Soul Bear]

''No offense but all the advice you have given in this thread are the exact things you should NOT do when you have been dumped.''

 

Caliguy, sorry to pick this out of what was otherwise a very nice post, but I dont believe I did the wrong things at all. I did what I wanted to, and what I felt was the best. I feel good about myself for that, for now I know I tried everything I could as far as my heart was concerned. She didnt reciprocate, Yes I may have got more hurt, but Im still stronger for doing it, and I followed my heart. You cant beat that feeling, even when it hurts. IMHO No relationship is totaly un-repairable. At the moment yes. Who know about the future.

Thankyou for your advice.

 

 

Mig- You sound loads better now!

As i stated before, we share the same friends. Now I am avoiding them all because she is spendning time with them. Going to festivals and parties we used to go to together, on her own.

But you guys are right. She wont know what its like to miss me until im really not there anymore. Im letting go now. Or im trying my hardest to. Her attitude helped me a bit to see that she is being a bit*h towards me to try and make me let go.

 

 

DP- Thanks for your advice too. Somehow I think this ones done. At least for now it is. Im just SO pis sed that she had to wait until she moved to my city to do it.

 

Samspade, I agree with what you say about it not being fair to her.

 

 

Sorry in my short varied replies. Im just feeling a bit craaap right now. Up one minute, down the next.

 

BAck to the theme again-

GET BACK WITH YOUR EX CHECKLIST

Part of that checklist should say ''Make sure you read your ex and the situation first before you try to get her back. She might really have moved on and be totaly serious about breaking up for good'' LOL

[samspade]

I did what I wanted to, and what I felt was the best.

 

You did what you believed would woo her back, and it failed. Now you're hurting even more, and you're rationalizing your behavior to make yourself feel better.

 

I know, I've been through it, too.

 

The truth is, what you BELIEVED was the correct thing to do was the least effective and the most destructive. It's akin to a man disregarding the directions somebody gave him and "feeling" his way to his destination. He gets lost.

 

I'm not trying to lecture you, but I'm trying to help you see things in a different light. You are acting emotionally, and we are advising you with logic, because we are not emotionally invested in your ex GF. I hope you can appreciate that and learn from it.

[Soul Bear]

you're rationalizing your behavior to make yourself feel better.

 

its not like that at all. I think thats a bit brash to say that. Im genuinely happy that i tried!

Im just a bit sad and a bit excited about where my life is going.

[andy2009]

Im genuinely happy that i tried

 

You are right, you tried. You will never feel bad for this.

 

Soul Bear, your situation and timings are almost same as me. You can read my posts. Difference is, you met her and I could not.

 

You know, some girl is into me (it is so quick I could not believe). Maybe it is destiny or what. But problem is that I try to co-relate this new girl with my ex. Whatever she does i try to compare. But this is bad, not fair for this new girl. Every people are different and they have their attitude and identity. So I think bad things about my ex did with me.

 

It is time to build our esteem up and lets think about our future. How to do: you can know soon.

 

Somewhere, someone is waiting for you. Caliguy is right, we can not get perfect relationship until we develop our confidence and happiness.

 

wishing u all the best.

[CaliGuy]

Caliguy, sorry to pick this out of what was otherwise a very nice post, but I dont believe I did the wrong things at all. I did what I wanted to, and what I felt was the best. I feel good about myself for that, for now I know I tried everything I could as far as my heart was concerned. She didnt reciprocate, Yes I may have got more hurt, but Im still stronger for doing it, and I followed my heart. You cant beat that feeling, even when it hurts. IMHO No relationship is totaly un-repairable. At the moment yes. Who know about the future.

Thankyou for your advice.

 

Hey, sometimes we "gotta do what we gotta do" and I understand that. My point, which is more pointed towards everyone and not just you, was that when someone is pulling away from you, the very best thing to do (which is the opposite of our natural reaction) is to pull away as well.

 

For you, I would highly suggest reading the book I mentioned. There are some really golden gems in there that would help shed light on what YOU did to contribute to the demise of the relationship. I am not saying you are at fault but it takes two to tango and none of us are perfect.

 

The advice in the book will help keep you from making the same mistakes in the future.

 

Cheers.

[CaliGuy]

BAck to the theme again-

GET BACK WITH YOUR EX CHECKLIST

Part of that checklist should say ''Make sure you read your ex and the situation first before you try to get her back. She might really have moved on and be totaly serious about breaking up for good'' LOL

 

If you follow the advice in the two threads linked in my signature, you won't have to worry about figuring out what state of mind your ex is in. It won't matter.

 

You have to take care of YOUR business first and foremost. It doesn't matter what your ex is doing or thinking. We don't have any control over them, just ourselves.

 

You should always approach a breakup as final. I say that because I believe if you approach it any other way you take much longer to heal and end up doing things that push your ex farther away.

 

The goal after a breakup should be to HEAL YOURSELF as fast as possible. Not scheme ways to win them back. Just ask yourself one question: "Why would I waste my time chasing someone who doesn’t want to be with me?"

 

That was enough for me to let it go, heal and move on. There's literally billions of people out there. Odds are, more than one will be a good fit.

[drummerprince81]

Having read your sad story today Soul Bear, I decided that I'm pretty much going to distance myself now from my ex too. I have no choice and like Caliguy and Sam Spade say, the harder you push the further they pull away. But I still want to see and talk to my ex, and have done for the last 11 weeks now, but have not because I have mixed feelings of pride, fear and logic. Its an urge I feel most of the day...but I was thinking about how your meeting went with your ex and its something I wouldn't like to happen to me...

 

Yet I am so eager to see her, and what happens tonight? A chance, for the first time and I chickened out. I just went to take my dog for a walk up the mountain...and lo and behold, her car was in the car park. I mean, what are the odds?!? I turned around and drove back home only to think that this is stupid. I want to see her, yet I'm avoiding her. So I turned around again but time I got back there she was gone. I was on my own, whereas she was with at least 2 other people and I'm trying to reason with myself that it would have been a bad time to bump into each other.

 

I keep trying to make myself feel like I wasn't being a coward too, because I'm not going to win her back on a mountain top when she could be with her friends/or perhaps a new boyfriend and it would have been really awkward. But I think I should have just got it out of my system. Who cares if its awkward?!? I know that she would have been just as upset to see me too. And I know at the same time it would have given me a chance to show that I'm not a complete emotional wreck. Either way, she wasn't there when I returned. I don't know if it was for the best or not. I guess this is totally off topic too but wanted to share!

[drummerprince81]

In relation to this thread, I think one thing is to know how to conduct yourself. And that is why NC is best for that, so you can work on yourself, improving your confidence so that if any opportunity presented itself we don't screw it up by not being a strong person. But its easier said than done, when we all feel so low. In other words, perhaps we need to be a glutton for punishment just to get some sense knocked into our heads! I just wish I knew how to conduct myself.

 

I can see now how second chances are very rare, when THEY JUST SHOULDN'T BE but how they come about has nothing to do with us! Its all down to timing, and time, and I have not only run out of time, I've watched it go by. Because we live in such a crazy fast paced hectic world, its surprising how much time we waste on winning ways to get our former flames back when they are only trying to flick the embers away.

[LadyV]

 

You have to take care of YOUR business first and foremost. It doesn't matter what your ex is doing or thinking. We don't have any control over them, just ourselves.

 

and...

 

The goal after a breakup should be to HEAL YOURSELF as fast as possible. Not scheme ways to win them back. Just ask yourself one question: "Why would I waste my time chasing someone who doesn’t want to be with me?"

 

 

Cali Guy, I love reading your posts. You are so down to earth and very honest with it comes to this. I went NC with my XBF to heal ME, I don't care about him. Although today, it is 17 days NC and I find myself thinking...obsessing about him today. I need to shift my focus....

 

You are right, WHO CARES what he is thinking. I need this time for me. In the time I am healing, he is already in another relationship, and the same baggage that he has never dealt with will show up sometime....He has had several women come in and out of his life, although he admits, US, was the first that he really gave a damn about. The others where there for companionship and sex...

 

I keep looking at all the bad in this relatioship. I don't want to have anything to do with him at all, yet hate that I miss him. I just wish it would all go away. I'm doing everything right...NC to the full extreme!!! I haven't talked to him in 17 days, and his number is blocked, and so is his email. He wont' contact me at work. He hated calling here even when we were together.

 

I know there are ups and down to all of this, but I think that the list at the beginning of this thread is very important...why settle for less, when someday, you may find more!?

[samspade]

its not like that at all. I think thats a bit brash to say that. Im genuinely happy that i tried!

Im just a bit sad and a bit excited about where my life is going.

 

If you are truly happy you tried, then more power to you. You sounded more sad than happy. I understand all that you are saying about making every last effort to salvage something so there is no regret. But I just want you to see things the way we see them. When someone dumps you and you chase after them, you are giving away your dignity shred by shred. Your ex, as you saw, grew to resent you for it. Had you accepted her desire to break up, quietly healed yourself, and made an effort to move on, your dignity would be intact, and at the very least your ex would have been impressed with the speed of your recovery and your lack of necessity. Again, you may THINK you were being the better person by throwing yourself at her feet, but the truth is, you were, at that point, the lesser person - pathetic, needy, even manipulative.

 

Don't be sad about where your life is going. Be happy you have one and take control. Keep your head up.

[CaliGuy]

Cali Guy, I love reading your posts. You are so down to earth and very honest with it comes to this. I went NC with my XBF to heal ME, I don't care about him. Although today, it is 17 days NC and I find myself thinking...obsessing about him today. I need to shift my focus....

 

You are right, WHO CARES what he is thinking. I need this time for me. In the time I am healing, he is already in another relationship, and the same baggage that he has never dealt with will show up sometime....He has had several women come in and out of his life, although he admits, US, was the first that he really gave a damn about. The others where there for companionship and sex...

 

I keep looking at all the bad in this relatioship. I don't want to have anything to do with him at all, yet hate that I miss him. I just wish it would all go away. I'm doing everything right...NC to the full extreme!!! I haven't talked to him in 17 days, and his number is blocked, and so is his email. He wont' contact me at work. He hated calling here even when we were together.

 

I know there are ups and down to all of this, but I think that the list at the beginning of this thread is very important...why settle for less, when someday, you may find more!?

 

 

You're welcome.

 

One thing I want to add is that if anyone out there thinks that I am immune to the same mistakes, the same bad days, etc that we all have, let me assure you that I am not. In fact, in some bases I have it worse because in the case of my most recent ex, I have to see her at work almost every day. Recently she transferred downstairs so I will see her less (which is a good thing for me).

 

Every day I have force myself to resist the urge to contact her. Every day when I see her I have to smile and keep walking.

 

I am no immune to these feelings and issues. I just know what I have to do for my own well being. After all, nobody but myself is responsible for taking care of me. I just need to be self-disciplined to know that the biggest waste of one's time in life is chasing those who don't want to be caught by us....

 

Like it's been said before: Never make someone a priority in your life who only sees you as an option.

 

I'd much rather spend my time with someone who WANTS to be with me.

 

Cheers.

[Biker2007]

Like it's been said before: Never make someone a priority in your life who only sees you as an option.

 

Amen Brother!

[annxxdisaster]

That's what I have been doing lately, or ever since the break-up. I made it obvious to my ex what I'm willing to try and that I'm not going to be waiting around for him forever to make up his mind about my offer.

 

What I mean by waiting around is not getting into a relationship (sexual or casual dating one person... or anything I guess) but still going on dates and flirting and testing the waters with other potential partners.

 

But I think the terms of our breakup or whatever it was, may have been different? He's made comments about not being able to spend as much time with me as he wanted to, and during summer and (oh God..) baseball season he's really busy.

 

But yea, even though I wanted to and still would like to get back together, I pledged to myself that I wasn't going to sit around and wallow about the lost love and wouldn't focus on some magical night where we're dating again, but just move forth with the mindset it is over.

 

It helps.