Recently found out she's engaged !!!!!

[Chocolat]

Sorry about the south FL comment, not everyone, but I'm sure you get the idea.

 

Boca here.

 

LOL! I was not going to comment in this thread but this really hit home. I'm right there with you and agree completely about the caliber of people in this area. Thing is -- and I am saying this as nicely as I know how -- it doesn't seem to me that people who are engaged in cheating can be considered a cut above.

[2sure]

I have a question. Humor me.

 

Would you marry her?

Have you and she ever discussed - not a more serious or exclusive relationship - but actual MARRIAGE?

[JeezLouise]

The night of the engagment, he also requested she sign a prenuptial. It floored her. The request and the fact that he asked the very night her proposed. In return, she doesn't wear the ring and has told him to "reconsider" his idea of their marriage. To me, it sounded like a turn down, but she said she didn't say no, but for him to think about what and how he was going about everything.

 

1. She doesn't wear the ring around you, but does she wear it when you are apart? Many many MMs take their wedding rings off with their OW.

 

2. Her fiance is a smart man about the pre-nup. Damned if I would marry someone and then have them cheat on me and able to walk away with half my estate. I can't believe that she is even surprised about it - what else would she expect?

 

3. If you have the sort of money that you are implying, I would suggest that you also suggest a pre-nup if you hook up with this woman legally.

[carhill]

Why not date the few million south FL single ladies or find a wealthy older lady for NSA stuff if you want something casual and a little naughty?

 

Are you attracted to the drama and excitement of the infidelity or is this woman your soulmate? Think about that.

[2sure]

Once again I have to admit to my own past regretful ways and mistakes....

 

This woman is Husband Hunting.

She is playing you, and possibly him. And probably still shopping for others.

She is looking for the best offer.

She is making it seem as though you cannot have her...so you want her more.

 

Have you asked her to consider marriage with YOU?

[Reggie]

This woman is a well practiced predator. All the red flags are there for a PD, but you do not see it. She is setting you up.

The cheating is one clear clue. The lying to you is one, as well.

Then there is the badmouthing her fiance. And, the sudden appearances at your doorstep.

When this is happening to you, you cannot see it. My XWW was really beautiful, fun, caring etc during courtship. I overlooked a lot of the same things you are, the past cheating, the lying. I am the first to admit that I was an idiot.

I am not sure you will listen to anyone about this. But, if you can, really try to be objective and think about what has transpired so far. SHe feels no guilt about cheating on her fiance and has the hubris to be indignant about a pre-nup(this guy is sensing the need for one. On some level, he "knows" her true nature.) She lied to you about her status.

For most people, the above would be enough to set off big alarm bells. But, these PD's are very adept at this game.

Funny you mention Princess Di, as she is often cited as a classic BPD.

I hope you take heed here and wake up. Run this situation by your own friends and family. Let them meet her and assess her. You need some objectivity. Her friends may be much like her, that is why your relationship is being supported by them.

I realize this may be somewhat futile on my part. But, I do not want to see another guy go through what I did. Their masks come off after enmeshment. And, she may be a sociopath, and after your $$$. This is ll smelling so wrong.

[norajane]

when I met Teri, it was a breath of fresh air. It was about time together, intimacy, etc. Never once has she brought up $$.

 

That's because she has her fiancee for that. Why do you think he asked her for a prenup? He sees which way the wind is blowing.

[Gamine]

Scam artists are quite adept at maintaining a charming facade. Pivotal in their game is the urgency of securing confidence.

 

If money were no object, then why is money vis a vis the prenup an issue with her?

 

The fact that she has not asked you for money is not indicative of the fact that it has no importance to her.

 

What use is a beautiful car if it has no engine? What use is a beautiful woman if she has no heart?

 

The truth is, we can love many people. But the true gift is when we are loved in return. This woman is a player who enjoys manipulating men for her own purposes. She puts on a face for each of the men she is with and plays one against the other behind their backs.

 

If she does not love her fiance then why is she with him? Why would you want a woman who you know... with certainty... can live, love, sleep with, eat with, have a life with a man... and then talk about him behind his back like he is some kind of a fool? If she is doing this to him, she'd do it to you.

 

You also have no verifiable proof that she doesn't have additional men to utilize as she sees fit to further fuel her game. She may be elegant and poised, but she has proven to you that she has no substance.

 

You may love her, however she may be incapable of loving anyone. She 'loves' those who she can play with.

 

On a more personal note, why doesn't it bother you that she is sexually intimate with her fiance as well as you? Why isn't this grossing you out?

[Kaii]

Look at the actions, not the words.

 

And all the other posters are right, if she has done this to her fiancee, she is more than capable of doing it to you too. How could you ever really trust her, knowing what she is capable of?

 

I think you are satisfied with this woman because you are so busy working and don't really have the time and effort to put into a real relationship, and so the one you have with this woman actually fits into your life.

 

I hope you get some clarity on the situation. Nothing anyone says here is going to change your mind, only you can do that.

[steve978]

Chocolat - I wouldn't have touched her with a ten foot pole if I would have known the truth. Now that I have feelings for her, it tougher. Even if the feelings are really screwed up.

 

2sure - I wouldn't marry her now.... 100 % no. I do remember before everything was explosed, thinking this really could be the woman. I WAS on the path to asking her. Thank God I found out now. Yes we did discuss it a little, but I dropped the topic. I felt it was a really bad way to start a ture long term relationship.

 

JeezLouise - No she never wears the ring. He has it until he "reconsiders" the way he asked her to marry him. Prenum, etc. Her power over him. I do know that he said they will not live together until they are married. His place of course.

 

carhill - The drama is the only thing wrong with the relationship. If I had met her the normal way and everything was normal, I would have asked her to marry me. Maybe the reason is so perfect is because she's trying twice as hard as someone on here said.

 

2sure - I will not marry her now. The barn has already burned down. What is done is done, and neither of use can change the way things developed.

 

Kaii - WOW ! You, me and a good friend of mine think alike. As much as I don't want to admitt it, I believe there is a good amount of truth in your statement. I never entered this thinking this way, but when it came out, I had already been having so much fun, etc., I just went with it. maybe I was just too exhausted to start again. You are right, it does take effort to find the right person, and after let down after let down, I just settled for something like a Disney World relationship. It's all fun and games on the surface, but nothing real in the end. Unfortunately I have found more than my share of woman willing to marry me, but for the wrong reasons. I am, or maybe I should say I was looking for a partner, someone to share with, as a two way street relationship. The women I kept meeting wanted a father, or care giver, not a true partner. Teri was that and everything else. Were her intentions real ??? Who knows. I have no reason to believe she is trying to play me for a sucker. If she were, what would her ultimate goal be. She knows we will never get married. For over a year now, she has asked absolutely nothing of me other than friendship, romance and companionship.

[steve978]

One more thing. Just because I have feelings for her doesn't mean I have thrown logic out the window. I've always been able to look at a situation with logic as the forefront. Yes I care about her, but like I said, what is can't be changed, and with the situation as such, we will never marry. The only thing I see that I am loosing is the ability to look for a true partner. I tried that route and became tired of it. Actually I became discusted with it. I know I have very little ground to stand on after revealing all this trash I have allowed to occur in my life, but I feel that a true relationship is a partnership for life, that you devote yourself to making your partners life better. Your partner should become as important as the air you breath. Your partner should reciprocate equally.

[norajane]

I have no reason to believe she is trying to play me for a sucker. If she were, what would her ultimate goal be. She knows we will never get married. For over a year now, she has asked absolutely nothing of me other than friendship, romance and companionship.

1. She already played you for a sucker. She sucked you in by lying about her other boyfriend, and now you're so stuck, you can't see your way out even though you know she's a big liar and cheater.

 

2. She already told you her goal. She intends to have a lover even though she's engaged, and probably even after she's married. She wants to have her cake and eat it too. I'll be you stroke her ego sky high. People like her love the validation and ego strokes.

 

The only thing I see that I am loosing is the ability to look for a true partner.

 

That's a huge thing to lose...to willingly give up your potential love life just to hang around the fringes of her life.

[Dexter Morgan]

What are your thoughts?

 

gee, what a prize this woman is................NOT!!

[steve978]

I just wanted to say thank you to all who responded. Everything that was said helps bring clarity to my idiotic fogged situation.

I've decided that this is the best opprutunity to break everything off. She's in south america ( emailing me everyday ) visiting her relatives and it just works out that I'm going to be going away when she gets back. That will give us over a month apart ( physically ). I will send her an email explaining our end and that will be the end. I'm so busy with work, that it's not like I will be sitting around thinking about her. Or should I say sitting around thinking about what I wanted her to be.

I think the only thing that will sadden me is that the likelyhood of finding the quality I'm looking for is slim in the local area. I'm tired of finding women who have no job, have been arrested, have no means of taking care of themselves and are just loooking for a guy to take care of them. I'm also not looking for a woman who walks with her nose in the air and treats others as if she were a Goddess. I guess I'm looking for a woman with a plan. A woman who flows well in society, and knows who she is. One who has an opinion, but doesn't have to express it all the time. One who can say, this is what I believe in, this is what I want, and this is what I am going to work towards. Yup, Teri did that alright, but with the lack of moral judgement. I guess when I saw her have a lot of the other characteristics, I ignored the fact that she did lack the morals that are so important.

Did I mention one of the fun things we did was make cakes and pies for her clients. She always went out of her way to be nice to people. Everyone seemingly.

Enough said, I move on.

[Mr. Lucky]

I guess when I saw her have a lot of the other characteristics, I ignored the fact that she did lack the morals that are so important.

Like many other people in this forum, she may be a good person that is making bad choices. However, morals, choices or intentions aside, the reality of the situation should be this - does being the SO of someone else's fiance work for you ???

 

It seems that you are discovering that the answer is no ...

 

Mr. Lucky