ctx2 Posted May 9, 2009 Posted May 9, 2009 So, I had posted this thread and got some great advice and was going to have the talk this weekend. Here's the link: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t188197/?highlight=ctx2 A couple of things have/haven't happend since. Wednesday, he came over and we had a great time. Thursday, text him to tease about getting off early, but only because my daughter didn't feel well. He text me later that evening to see how she was feeling and then called and we talked for an hour or so. He was a little crabby and just said he was tired and work was getting annoying. (We're teachers, so we get this way when there's only 3 weeks left). I tease that he needs to get sleep and get out of his crabby mood and he laughs. Friday, I text him to see if he got rid of his "crabs" and he replies with sarcasm that i'm funny. After work, I text to see if he's done and he says almost, but they had to have a meeting with the principals. I asked if there had been a fight and he replied that he didn't know, but something was going on. I text an hour later and said the following - So, did something happen? I haven't heard anything since. It was Friday and he never goes without replying and we have been seeing each other every weekend. He hasn't called/text...NOTHING and I don't want to call or text because I feel like i've done enough and he never responded to my question. I've been going over this in my head and during our Thursday night conversation, he said that he sometimes clams up and doesn't get back to anyone...even his best friends, so that kinda makes me feel like he was warning me that it was about to happen with me too, but I don't know. I know that i'm probably overthinking this, but wanted some opinions. I've also considered that his mother (who he was VERY close to) died just over a year ago and it's mothers day weekend. He moved back here to help care for his young sister and to help his father, so maybe it's an all around bad weekend for him, but I don't know. He didn't mention anything about it. OPINIONS, please. :confused::confused:
Author ctx2 Posted May 10, 2009 Author Posted May 10, 2009 Bump and slight update. So, I finally heard from him yesterday afternoon. He text to ask how my daughters last soccer game went. I told him and asked if he was up for anything later. He responded by saying that he was thinking about it cuz he went out the night before with some friends and it kinda hurt. Later, I double checked and told him about this great band that was out and he said that he wasn't going out. So, he's made no attempt to see me all weekend, it's mother's day and I haven't gotten anything outta that. I think he's just blowing me off or trying to keep me in the friend zone and i'm not okay with that considering we've been intimate. Thoughts?:(:(
TaraMaiden Posted May 10, 2009 Posted May 10, 2009 If you are not ok with that, try telling him. His reaction will tell whether you spend any more time together after that.... I would think. _/l\_
Author ctx2 Posted May 10, 2009 Author Posted May 10, 2009 He text me a Happy Mothers Day and asked how I was feeling. I told him I was great and thanks for the happy MD. I would like to talk with him about all this, but I think it's pretty clear that for whatever reason, he no longer wants to pursue a relationship with me. How do guys flip a switch in such a short amount of time? Seriously, in 2 days we went from together to me getting blown off.
SoulSearch_CO Posted May 11, 2009 Posted May 11, 2009 I don't know. I think you're jumping the gun a little. I wouldn't go to the conclusion that he's "done" based on what you've shared here. If you wanted to spend time with him this weekend, why didn't you suggest it? If he has introduced you as his GF to people, then I would think you'd have some right to ask if you guys could get together. He does sound like he has a problem withdrawing from people now and again. I don't know that that's something that can ever be changed. It might have to be something you just deal with. Some people need their alone time. To recharge, recenter, refocus. There have been times in my life that I've withdrawn from people...not sure if I've ever done it with a SO, though. He warned you it would happen. Now you have to decide if it's something you can deal with - the hot and cold.
Author ctx2 Posted May 11, 2009 Author Posted May 11, 2009 I don't know. I think you're jumping the gun a little. I wouldn't go to the conclusion that he's "done" based on what you've shared here. If you wanted to spend time with him this weekend, why didn't you suggest it? If he has introduced you as his GF to people, then I would think you'd have some right to ask if you guys could get together. He does sound like he has a problem withdrawing from people now and again. I don't know that that's something that can ever be changed. It might have to be something you just deal with. Some people need their alone time. To recharge, recenter, refocus. There have been times in my life that I've withdrawn from people...not sure if I've ever done it with a SO, though. He warned you it would happen. Now you have to decide if it's something you can deal with - the hot and cold. Well, I did try to get him to come see me Saturday to no avail. I think i've put it out there and now, I have to wait and see if he will try to see me this week. If so, i'll make an attempt to understand his withdrawing, but if it's something I can't do, i'll be honest. If he doesn't attempt to see me or talk to me, then I should let it go, right?
SoulSearch_CO Posted May 12, 2009 Posted May 12, 2009 How long have you two been seeing each other? How long ago was it that he called you his girlfriend? How often did you see each other before this weekend happened? I'm just trying to figure out how much you have invested, here, and if it's worth reaching out to him, still. My BF, we've been together for 4 months and we're definitely exclusive. If he dropped off the map, I'd want to know why. OTOH, if things were more casual, I'd probably let it go. It's hard to say in your case because it doesn't sound clear cut to me.
jadziaidaris Posted May 12, 2009 Posted May 12, 2009 To me, if he still makes an attempt to contact you, he's still interested. I have been dating this man that is hot and cold all the time. It took me a while to figure this out at first. I can tell when he goes into withdrawl becaues he doesn't get back to me right away. It's usually when something big is happening that stresses him out. I thought at first it was because he wasn't interested anymore, but now I have learned to recognize the behavior. I have a tendency to withdraw myself sometimes when I need alone time. I also don't get back to my friends and other close people when I just need to get away. I think this is something you will get to recognize over time the better you get to know someone.
Rollercoasterr Posted May 12, 2009 Posted May 12, 2009 Well, you did say that his mother died last year. That could very well be the reason why he didn't want to go out during the weekend. Friday is a whole different game than Saturday because Saturday was one day closer to Mothers Day, and this is the year he's without his mother. I'd cut him a bit of slack for last weekend, but if he does it again this one coming, I'd probably count it as a loss and move on.
Author ctx2 Posted May 12, 2009 Author Posted May 12, 2009 To answer some questions, we have been seeing each other for 8 weeks and he referred to me as his GF around the 4th week. We kept seeing each other regularly (2 -3 times a week) until this past weekend. As most of you guessed, he did contact me yesterday and asked how my mothers day was and I text him back. I then took it upon my self to ask him how his weekend was, considering. He then said he would call me later and asked if I had plans. I told him I didn't and we went for a long walk at one of our local lakes. We talked about his mom and how the weekend had been hard on him and we talked about how he did go out Friday, but with his best friends whose grandfather died around the same time. He made it clear that he just didn't want to see anyone or talk to anyone, but that he thought about me and really wanted to see me. Given the situation and what we were talking about, I decided not to ask about the status of our relationship. He went to eat with his fam, but came back over later and yes, we were intimate, but he stayed until we both decided that work would be rough if we didn't get to sleep. I won't let him stay the night given my daughter lives with me and i'm not ready for that. So, I cut him the slack because is a self-proclaimed mammas boy and I should be more empathetic about that. However, that doesn't mean small things should get in the way and i'll let him know about that should his withdrawl happen again. We're supposed to see each other tonight and we plan on taking my daughter to the lake with us to walk with us. I'll try to talk to him after that, but it's about timing considering you shouldn't have these talks with your kiddo present. How does that sound? Seems my PMS/Custody Battle/Insecurities got the best of me. It's so funny cuz he doesn't think I have any worries, but I told him I do and we talked about my custody battle too. I think he's realizing a bit that i'm just a girl and I still have needs too.
Rollercoasterr Posted May 12, 2009 Posted May 12, 2009 I'm glad that it wasn't as bad as you thought it was. I know that if I were in his shoes I probably would have been a recluse as well. I wouldn't say push the relationship discussion to the point of an ultimatum. Maybe gently approach the subject like "I really like you, I think about you when you're not around and I miss you when you're gone. Do you have that going on at all?" That way he isn't forced to lay down a status on what you two are, but you do get the answer of if he's on the same page. Good luck.
Author ctx2 Posted May 12, 2009 Author Posted May 12, 2009 Oh, i'm not going to push at all. I'm very non-confrontational. I just wanted to know if we're more exclusive than not. No, I don't want to see anyone else, but i'm hoping he feels the same and is only seeing me. That's fair, right? Wish me luck. I'm just so bad at this stuff. It took me 2 years after my divorce to start dating again and I keep my relationships to a minimum. I'm selective because I have to be and I should've been to begin with. Thanks guys and gals.
Recommended Posts