Notice A Pattern Here....

[Dexter Morgan]

Boldjack is one I can think of.

 

taylor would be another....a couple of the VERY few.

[tami-chan]

No, because the WS's created their own pain, and more times than not on this site, they make excuses and put the blame on the BS for their own s##tty choice.

 

Now if a WS sounds TRULY remorseful and wants to do the right thing without justifying what they did....then hey, I still might give them a little bit of hell, but it would be a much different story. Unfortunately, those are few and far between here.

 

How can you gauge "TRUE REMORSE"--you can't, not on the net. You are just working on YOUR interpretation of what might/could be the truth-and hope you are right.

 

There are a few former OMs or OWs who say, oh I did this and that..and went to all the BSs and told them the truth and apologized profusely and I don't believe them...it's a good story, makes them look AMAZINGLY reformed, but I don't believe them...still, I don't trash them...cause at the back of my mind, I am asking myself, what if it was true? Always, benefit of the doubt....

[Dexter Morgan]

How can you gauge "TRUE REMORSE"--you can't, not on the net.

 

If someone says they are remorseful, but then shifts blame to their partner, thats not remorse. You can't say, "I'm truly remorseful and sorry...BUT......" There are no "buts".

 

 

You are just working on YOUR interpretation of what might/could be the truth-and hope you are right.

 

thats what people do here...everyone....including you. its called an opinion:o

 

 

There are a few former OMs or OWs who say, oh I did this and that..and went to all the BSs and told them the truth and apologized profusely and I don't believe them...it's a good story, makes them look AMAZINGLY reformed, but I don't believe them...still, I don't trash them...cause at the back of my mind, I am asking myself, what if it was true? Always, benefit of the doubt....

 

But you "trash" BS's quite a bit.

[Hi.P.O'Crit]

I see what you're saying Dex.

 

But you're relying on them being entirely truthful. Unedited. We don't know that they were really saying "I'm truly remorseful and sorry...BUT......" and then quickly edited to say what some would want to hear.

 

There was another thread that touched on this a while back. "Everyone lies on the net" was the basic idea. But some do tell the truth. I'm with tami on this, benefit of the doubt.

[confusedinkansas]

Wow...Dex. You really lay it out there don'tcha? (between this thread & "I Cheated" - I kinda feel sorry for Trendy too - You guys are BASHING THE DAYLIGHTS out of her over there)

 

All the hurtful, ugly, graphic things you say here - Not just about my situation - but to others as well. You prove my point exactly. There are several in here that just can't manage to get past their own bitterness. You sling dirt around like we here in LS are the ones that hurt you. We did not hurt you. We are here to gain insite & learn from what others have been thru. Instead of being insiteful, you feel it necessary to TELL us how horrible we are! What's the point in that? You don't know all of the ins & outs of each individual situation. Do you?

 

I didn't come to this forum to look for approval for what I did. I did come here to tell my side and to gain some insite. I came here to try to work thru my emotions & feelings on the subject.

[Dexter Morgan]

Wow...Dex. You really lay it out there don'tcha? (between this thread & "I Cheated" - I kinda feel sorry for Trendy too - You guys are BASHING THE DAYLIGHTS out of her over there)

 

of course you feel sorry for her...birds of a feather flock together.

 

 

All the hurtful, ugly, graphic things you say here - Not just about my situation - but to others as well. You prove my point exactly.

 

 

and if I prove your point...I really don't care.

 

 

You don't know all of the ins & outs of each individual situation. Do you?

 

when someone cheats, I don't care about the "ins & outs". There is no justification for it or excuse.

[confusedinkansas]

and if I prove your point...I really don't care.

 

Gee really? If you really don't care.....then what is it you come to LS FOR? Do you just come here to feed your own bitterness? Make sure everyone here feels totally horrible for the decision THEY/I/We made?

[Reggie]

Seems there are a good number of WSs that do not feel bad about their decisions.

But, in Trendys case, she , apparently does. I think the first thing that she needs to do is to tell her husband so he can deal with it as he sees fit. He may want to move on and that is his right.

Serial cheating is a symptom of some bad brokeness. Trendy needs to talk to her therapist about it.

[tami-chan]

But you "trash" BS's quite a bit.

 

Really? I never thought I was capable of trashing anyone. I do come to the defense of OM/OW/WS often, just because they are always on the defense (and understandably, rightfully so). Many BS exercise their moral-upper hand without reservation that sometimes it borders on verbal abuse.

 

If I have trashed a BS here, I apologize.

[Snowflower]

Really? I never thought I was capable of trashing anyone. I do come to the defense of OM/OW/WS often, just because they are always on the defense (and understandably, rightfully so). Many BS exercise their moral-upper hand without reservation that sometimes it borders on verbal abuse.

 

If I have trashed a BS here, I apologize.

 

tami, I haven't noticed you trashing a BS here... and as a BS myself I would probably be 'sensitive' to it. I think you try to be fair and objective - so much so that I can't tell if you were a BS or WS yourself? Not that matters!

 

I, for one, appreciate the insight that the OM/OW/WS can give here. I don't like to see anyone bashed-it's not fair. The problem with communication mediums such as forums...the anonymity of it makes it easier to get nasty sometimes.

[confusedinkansas]

Really? I never thought I was capable of trashing anyone. I do come to the defense of OM/OW/WS often, just because they are always on the defense (and understandably, rightfully so). Many BS exercise their moral-upper hand without reservation that sometimes it borders on verbal abuse.

 

If I have trashed a BS here, I apologize.

 

Tami - you shouldn't take heed to much of what Dexter Morgan says - especially when he's on his high horse. I think most everything you have said here - is insiteful & very non bashing.

[Dexter Morgan]

Gee really? If you really don't care.....then what is it you come to LS FOR?

 

I said I don't care if I prove your point

[Dexter Morgan]

Tami - you shouldn't take heed to much of what Dexter Morgan says - especially when he's on his high horse.

 

Well, then I guess you'll refrain from responding to any of my posts from here on out eh?

[confusedinkansas]

Dex - When you lash out & say hurtful things to people on here - Why should they listen to what you have to say. There are other ways of communicating without being hurtful. Are you in counseling?

[Dexter Morgan]

There are other ways of communicating without being hurtful.

 

The truth is like that most of the time. And sometimes it just has to be said flat out.

 

difference is, the ones that respond with defensiveness are the ones I can tell aren't really about doing the right thing and about change.

 

And the ones that take it to heart are the ones I will lighten up on, because they show me that, no matter what i think, they are willing to at least try.

 

You did the same thing. You seemed to take some of it to heart, and if you recall I lightened up on you. But then you started saying some things that kind of negated that...can't remember what it was off hand.

 

 

 

Are you in counseling?

 

Nope, if counseling was the answer for people that despise others and their despicable behavior, counselors would be rich.

[confusedinkansas]

Nope, if counseling was the answer for people that despise others and their despicable behavior, counselors would be rich.

 

Ok....Fair enough. Are you still hurt by what happened to you? How long ago was your.....D-day...(as they so lovingly refer to it here )

[Dexter Morgan]

Ok....Fair enough. Are you still hurt by what happened to you?

 

nope.

 

If I would have stayed with her, what she did would still hurt.

 

But since she is no longer significant to me, it doesn't. Sure I still think about it from time to time, difference is, its actually funny to me what she did now and the situation she is in because of it. If she was still my wife, there would be nothing funny about it.

 

and I laugh that the fact that the very same man was with at the end of our marriage is now doubting that she is trustworthy. His problem now and I thank god for that!!!

 

 

How long ago was your.....D-day...(as they so lovingly refer to it here )

 

D-day 2006.......divorce filed, not 2 months after D-day.

[stuckinoz]

D-day 2006.......divorce filed, not 2 months after D-day.

 

Since this was so long ago, I'm curious, Since you're not in counseling, does it help you ( i'm assuming you still need guidence from time to time) to post here?

[Dexter Morgan]

Since this was so long ago, I'm curious, Since you're not in counseling, does it help you ( i'm assuming you still need guidence from time to time) to post here?

 

not in need of help...thats not why I post here.

 

I came here in the early stages because of what happened, and just stayed.

 

not a matter of me not moving on. its a matter of I like to read stories and comment. Yes, I always advice getting rid of a cheater. If I can help someone not be a doormat and open their eyes, then great. Some people will continue to learn the hard way, and my heart goes out to them.

[Reggie]

I know for me, it still hurts, 3 years later. The effects are longlasting. I don't see my kids as much. My standard of living is lower with the child support and atty fees.

Nevertheless, I think D was the best way to go. It was scary, but there was no chance she would change.

I think this is a pain that lessens but never goes away completely. It is a big loss, the loss of a dream. But, it was a stupid dream and that is all it was. I did not see my XWW for who she really is. My bad.

[Dexter Morgan]

I know for me, it still hurts, 3 years later. The effects are longlasting. I don't see my kids as much. My standard of living is lower with the child support and atty fees.

 

sure it hurts because your world has changed and you hurt for your children.

 

but do you hurt because you are no longer with your x-wife?

 

I can say that is a resounding NO for me. getting away from her was the best thing I could have done. Staying with her would have been daily torture.

 

 

Nevertheless, I think D was the best way to go. It was scary, but there was no chance she would change.

 

And I think this is what most people, not all, but most think of when deciding to stay with a cheater....that the thought of divorce, costing money, lives change, comfort levels change for a while...are all too scary.

It was for me. But I didn't care. I knew life with a cheater was no life at all.

 

But once the divorce was final, I knew that monetarily I'd recover and there definitely is light at the end of the tunnel when its all said and done.

People shouldn't be afraid of finances and such. Get a loan to pay lawyer's fees, pay it back in 5 years.

 

And as far as alot of men afraid to pay child support....in my state it is 20% for one child, 28% for two. I figured it up and that was money I would have had to pay out to support them in my own home anyway. The upside is I no longer am responsible for my xW's finances.

 

So the whole staying because of finances argument is bunk.

 

 

I think this is a pain that lessens but never goes away completely. It is a big loss, the loss of a dream. But, it was a stupid dream and that is all it was. I did not see my XWW for who she really is. My bad.

 

The ONLY pain I have is that I don't have my boys full time.

[confusedinkansas]

So the whole staying because of finances argument is bunk.

 

 

I don't know about that Dex. 2 people with 2 incomes can definately live cheaper than one.

My husband & I split for a year & lived separately. It will probably take us another year or maybe 2 to recover from the financial disaster of being apart.

A lot of couples that aren't even in love anymore stay together because of the state of the economy these days. It's kind of a fact of life right now. Won't always be this was....Hasn't always been this way - but it's how it is now.

[Dexter Morgan]

I don't know about that Dex. 2 people with 2 incomes can definately live cheaper than one.

 

I'm not saying that each person's costs don't go up. But it isn't the end of the world unless you are just completely materialistic.

 

I'll gladly pay more to be away from a cheater. Besides, nobody says divorced people will be living alone forever:)

[Reggie]

Yes, it is worth the cost. My XWW is truly monstrous. She comes wrapped in a very physically attractive package andcan appear nice. Behind closed doors it was another story. The abuse was unbelievable.

I do miss the kids, though. Other than that , life is much more peaceful and money is under my control, now.