JMC Posted May 5, 2009 Posted May 5, 2009 I notice a lot of that is going on around here. There are a lot of people who come in here just to bash TOW/TOM, too much judgement and not a lot of support around here Bingo...I don't know why any OW/M post here at all. And like I've said before, this is supposed to be a forum for them, but it isn't. It's really a forum for BS's to get their rage and anger out on OW/M completely unrelated to their situation. Which solves exactly what?
Author Spinning Head Posted May 6, 2009 Author Posted May 6, 2009 I have encouraged MM to contact his sons. The timing of his decision to leave his M is odd - it was a few days before his youngest son's 22nd birthday and two weeks before his 34th wedding anniversary. MM has kept to himself until last night when he went to a meeting of an organization in which he is involved. According to MM's friend, MM's family assumes he is living with me - he is not. Actually, no one knows where he is living. OWoman - I appreciate your comments. MM told me over and over how much turmoil he had been in over the past year. My response always was that he created this situation. MM told me yesterday that his W views him as the victim and I am a predator who lured him away from her. I completely disagree with that assessment. Over the past few months, I distanced myself from MM - I never initiated contact. MM was upset when I ignored his calls/texts. And, I pointed out to MM, if his W was fully informed of his past affairs, I wonder if she would continue to view him as the victim?
jj33 Posted May 6, 2009 Posted May 6, 2009 Spinning youve seen it on here a million times. She needs to believe he is the innocent victim she needs to take the issue away from her marriage.
NoIDidn't Posted May 7, 2009 Posted May 7, 2009 MM told me yesterday that his W views him as the victim and I am a predator who lured him away from her. I completely disagree with that assessment. Over the past few months, I distanced myself from MM - I never initiated contact. MM was upset when I ignored his calls/texts. And, I pointed out to MM, if his W was fully informed of his past affairs, I wonder if she would continue to view him as the victim? I too wonder why he moved out if what he said to you is true? And if his sons aren't speaking to him, I'd not want to be anywhere near this situation. Good thing you are keeping your head about this.
fooled once Posted May 7, 2009 Posted May 7, 2009 I was very clear to MM that I am not changing my routine for him. He seemed to accept that fact. I do think, at times, that MM has wanted to leave his M for a very long time, was too afraid to do so, met me and decided that I was a strong enough person to hold his hand while he weathered the change, then he will move on after the dust settles. And, I have told MM that I thought this was so. Of course, he denies it. Please let him weather his divorce. Don't hold his hand. Don't do it for him. Many times, women get caught up in helping and doing for their man. He needs to do it. He needs to take all the steps. He needs to figure it out. If you do it, you are just stepping into the role of caretaker for him. As for: Originally Posted by MeaganRaye I notice a lot of that is going on around here. There are a lot of people who come in here just to bash TOW/TOM, too much judgement and not a lot of support around here I am not sure I understand. Are people supposed to cheer on a person in an affair? Are they suppose to give them tips on how to sneak around?
Author Spinning Head Posted May 8, 2009 Author Posted May 8, 2009 It has been a week and MM is still separated from his W. I am very surprised that he remains separated. His W has delivered all of his clothes and personal items to him. MM has bought a few pieces of furniture for his apartment. MM called W to see how their son's 22nd birthday dinner went to which W responded 'you are no longer a part of this family so it is none of your business'. MM has not spoken to either son and has decided to hold off on talking to them for now (sons are 22 and 25).
whichwayisup Posted May 8, 2009 Posted May 8, 2009 Did he tell you this, or did you see his 'stuff' firsthand? One week still means nothing. Anything can happen, once emotions cool off.. Also, his wife cannot exclude him out their sons life. She can try, but he still is their father..And eventually his sons will talk to him. Spinning, give him time, don't get too involved and caught up in his life right now. You can't rescue/save him from himself. HE did to his wife, to his sons, so let him sort this out alone. If you stick by him, all that does is give him an out and also doesn't give him time to heal from this.
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