Call from MM that he moved out

I haven't posted on this site in about a month. I had pretty much given up on a future with MM. We still spoke to each other on a daily basis.

MM called me this morning and told me he had moved out. To say I was shocked would be an understatement (still am shocked). Apparently, MM's W stated that she knew MM and I were still communicating and an argument ensued from that point. At the end, MM told her he was moving out, packed a bag and gave W his house key.

I am stunned. I did not think MM would leave his W.

Wow, he grew some b*lls!

In these circumstances usually it is best if he gets some time alone before you shack up, to grieve the relationship and get his head together - then your relationship has a better chance of lasting. But he will probably need support for the next while...

also sounds like you need to get your own head together! Be prepared that it might have been an impulsive reaction to the argument to try and spite her, and he may well go back begging after a while, if he had wanted to leave he would probably not still be with her this morning.. do they have kids? how old?

They usually do run back to wifey I think but not always. This is why he needs time. Hope things work out between you.

Well congradulations your an accomplice to his marriage being destroyed.

 

Arent you happy isnt this what you wanted?

 

Now you get this MM all to himself. and I hope his wife doesnt let him come back. Remember he gave her his house key.

How is this helping anyone?? You just sound bitter. The woman came here for contructive advice, she clearly has made up her own mind about the morality of the situation and since you do not KNOW that situation, who are you to judge?

People like you appear to forget there is a real person, seeking real advice at the other end of the computer!

Hope things work out between you.

LOL, have you read her past posts about this man!!!! That's like saying I hope you die a slow tortuous death! This man is nuts... read up!

That is great that he was able to be firm in his decision about who he wants to be with. In the long run this is the best outcome because everyone is finally being honest with each other. All of you (wife included) will have the chance to do what is best for you knowing the truth.

Good luck to al three of you and your new lease on life (especially the wife).

How is this helping anyone?? You just sound bitter. The woman came here for contructive advice, she clearly has made up her own mind about the morality of the situation and since you do not KNOW that situation, who are you to judge?

People like you appear to forget there is a real person, seeking real advice at the other end of the computer!

So the BW gets to sit at home and cry her eyes out and not be bitter about her husband who cant keep it in his pants and be faithful and I'm supposed to condone a woman who has no self control or no compunction about her actions that effects others around her?

At the end of the day, things could have been a whole lot worse than what I said. Just imagine the BW getting so enraged that she went out looking for the OW and then doing something.

Yeah real people. and I'm not here to judge that was my opinion, and if I didnt say it, no one would have. I'm sorry she's feeling such pain from her self inflicted actions.

Hope things work out between you.

 

LOL, have you read her past posts about this man!!!! That's like saying I hope you die a slow tortuous death! This man is nuts... read up!

Sorry horses I confess my ignorance, will do my homework and offer new advice accordingly!

, MM's W stated that she knew MM and I were still communicating and an argument ensued from that point. At the end, MM told her he was moving out, packed a bag and gave W his house key.

 

Spinning - I'm glad your back. Its possible that one way or another this marriage is ending and sometimes thats the right direction.

 

But - just so you keep things in perspective and protect yourself a bit:

 

If he wouldn't before , he didn't voluntarily do so now. He didn't decide the A was worth leaving for -in all likelihood, his W probably threw him out . Maybe because of the A, maybe for other reasons. He is probably just saying HE made the decision to leave because she was giving him flack about YOU. See?

 

The problems arise when you stay hidden and he begs his wife to take him back.

 

Be prepared.

So the BW gets to sit at home and cry her eyes out and not be bitter about her husband who cant keep it in his pants and be faithful and I'm supposed to condone a woman who has no self control or no compunction about her actions that effects others around her?

 

At the end of the day, things could have been a whole lot worse than what I said. Just imagine the BW getting so enraged that she went out looking for the OW and then doing something.

 

Yeah real people. and I'm not here to judge that was my opinion, and if I didnt say it, no one would have. I'm sorry she's feeling such pain from her self inflicted actions.

You seemingly are just here to bash women involved with married men - a painful place to be, self inflicted or not. IN (for many), honestly the ONE place they can get advice. There is no need to be abusive and wish people badly, if you have constructive and polite advice to offer, even if it's negative and urging them to step away, that is a different matter. I know you can do this from a post you just posted elsewhere...

What kind of person are you for slating people and wishing them pain they "deserve"..??? You think a good person would do this? Do you think you're God?

I would wager a guess, that just maybe he didn't move out(if she confronted him about continued contact)but was thrown out on his duff. Either way SW got what she wanted, the gem of a man is now free to be in a open relationship with her.

You seemingly are just here to bash women involved with married men - a painful place to be, self inflicted or not. IN (for many), honestly the ONE place they can get advice. There is no need to be abusive and wish people badly, if you have constructive and polite advice to offer, even if it's negative and urging them to step away, that is a different matter. I know you can do this from a post you just posted elsewhere...

What kind of person are you for slating people and wishing them pain they "deserve"..??? You think a good person would do this? Do you think you're God?

LOL do I think im god. good question but i'll answer that one later.

First and foremost. I asked if she was happy because this is what she wanted, and it was the truth. right.

and second the BW wife is sitting at home in pain, and the wounds are self inflicted yes. it's the truth right?

thirdly I'm not here to bash anyone. If the truth is too much for you to take, well then that's life. not everything is gonna be rainbows an sprinkles.

affairs are wrong, right.

And that's what I do see the difference between right and wrong. What she's done is wrong. I'm just pointing that out.

Not once has she expressed some sort of remorse for being a catalyst for the MM leaving. not once has she apologized for her actions in doing what she did. not once has she said she was sorry that it all happened.

You can say what you want. but dont be mad because it's the truth...

And you want advice? Well here's the best advice I can ever give this woman. which she may not even take.

Stay away from this man..Period. You wasnt talking to him for a while you had a chance to start a good relationship with someone else with a clean slate, let it stay that way.

(I highly doubt she listens to anything i just wrote anyway's. lol)

Well here's the best advice I can ever give this woman. which she may not even take.

 

Stay away from this man..Period. You wasnt talking to him for a while you had a chance to start a good relationship with someone else with a clean slate, let it stay that way.

 

(I highly doubt she listens to anything i just wrote anyway's. lol)

am inclined to agree after some of her posts i've just read, looks like it would be a huge burden off her back to tell this coward where to go, and stop all the agonising.

as for "she hasn't once expressed remorse"..... ?! I haven't come across Jesus on these forums yet. It's for ADVICE, it ain't a confession box

This is some big news. Try and not get swept up in it.

What concerns me is that this is something that happened in the heat of the moment, instead of a well thought out and executed plan.

My interpretation is that she probably threw him out (or threatened to) and that he responded with something that amounts to, "You can't fire me, I quit!" You see? I think it's more of an act of his rebellion against her upset than him deciding to move out.

Sorry to say it, but it may not even have very much to do with you at all.

Be careful. He could totally play you out, by making it seem that it was for you, so you'll pick up the pieces. Let him deal with his situation. I wouldn't be surprised if he turns tail and moves back with her, and I don't want to see you get hurt.

Stay mildly amused. Watch and wait. Stay on track with your own life while he sorts his out.

You seemingly are just here to bash women involved with married men - a painful place to be, self inflicted or not. IN (for many), honestly the ONE place they can get advice. There is no need to be abusive and wish people badly, if you have constructive and polite advice to offer, even if it's negative and urging them to step away, that is a different matter. I know you can do this from a post you just posted elsewhere...

What kind of person are you for slating people and wishing them pain they "deserve"..??? You think a good person would do this? Do you think you're God?

I notice a lot of that is going on around here. There are a lot of people who come in here just to bash TOW/TOM, too much judgement and not a lot of support around here

I am going to take things step by step. My gut instinct tells me that, assuming MM did move out, that he will move back with his W. I really don't even know if MM did actually move out. I know few details. I think that if he did move out, it was either a knee jerk reaction to her anger towards him or his W did ask him to leave.

I did speak briefly to MM around lunch. MM seemed okay - but I haven't heard from him since that conversation.

He let you know this to feel things out. What does he expect, you to jump up and down with excitement and start a life with him? He isn't divorced!! He JUST moved out - SO he says...Time will tell. He can still change his mind, she could calm down and they could talk it out, work it out. DO NOT get involved Spinning.. He has potiential to hurt you badly right now if you let him close..

It's good that you're aware of the fact he could go back home.

Anyway, stay guarded and don't get your hopes up..

Hi Spinning. That is huge news. You sound really grounded about it. Its a wait and see time. Is he out because he wants to be out and is he staying out? Or is this just more drama. Time will tell. Hang in there and keep posting.

Big hugs

jj

I wouldn't put much stock in what he said. Plenty of MM 'move out'. They crash on someone's couch for a day or two and then move right back in. If he asks you if you are excited about what he did, then you can say that when he is firmly divorced and has a lease on a new place then you'll be impressed. Until then, he is just typical.

He sounds like a kid who is angry with his parents for grounding him so he did the old passive aggressive trick of 'running away' with nothing more in mind than to bend his parents to his will.

In this case, packing a bag and giving her the key isn't supposed to be his break from her, so much as it is to manipulate her into doing what he wants.

I would bet if she slapped him with divorce papers and changed the locks, you'd see him scrambling to get back home.

I don't know your story.. but you don't sound 'excited' so maybe that,s a good thing...

baby steps.. if you don't want to get hurt.. don't invite him to your place or to move with you... let him find its way.. just wait and see..

Protect yourself.

I've been experiencing a whirlwind of different emotions. MM really did move out. I never believed he would leave his marriage. MM stated that he felt that I had accepted the fact that he would never leave the M. Our contact wasn't as frequent.

I am wrestling with so many emotions. And, for the naysayers, guilt is one of them. MM told me that for months he discussed separating with his W. Marital counseling was discussed but never pursued. MM hasn't spoken to his sons since he moved out. Did I cause the demise of his M and the pain his family is experiencing? Did my actions to distance myself from MM which would eventually result in our relationship ending, spur MM to act? My decision to distance myself was not done with the hope that MM would leave his W - it was done so that I could move on with my life.

I was very clear to MM that I am not changing my routine for him. He seemed to accept that fact. I do think, at times, that MM has wanted to leave his M for a very long time, was too afraid to do so, met me and decided that I was a strong enough person to hold his hand while he weathered the change, then he will move on after the dust settles. And, I have told MM that I thought this was so. Of course, he denies it.

Anyway, I still have my guard up about this situation.

Im glad you have your guard up. That is very very wise. I always worried about the same thing. If he left and I stuck with him through it, once he was past it would he move on. There are no guarantees in any relationship, but if that is what your gut is telling you, then you have every reason to be cautious.

Let him PROVE to you that you are the one. Let him PROVE to you how much he loves you. Accept no less.

MM really did move out

But things could change, yet again. Just because he moved out, doesn't mean a D, or even a long time separation. They could very well have space, time to think, and talk in afew weeks..

It's NUTS that he let you in on this, what's going on, because now you're ready to hop back into the affair with him. And that IS what it'll be. Not an out in the open relationship. I highly doubt he is going to confess and tell his wife all about you.

MM hasn't spoken to his sons since he moved out.

WHY is he doing that? Why isn't he doing all he can to stay in contact and to talk with them about their fears, their angers, their questions?

Doesn't that sort of concern you?

I've been experiencing a whirlwind of different emotions. MM really did move out. I never believed he would leave his marriage. MM stated that he felt that I had accepted the fact that he would never leave the M. Our contact wasn't as frequent.

 

I am wrestling with so many emotions. And, for the naysayers, guilt is one of them. MM told me that for months he discussed separating with his W. Marital counseling was discussed but never pursued. MM hasn't spoken to his sons since he moved out. Did I cause the demise of his M and the pain his family is experiencing? Did my actions to distance myself from MM which would eventually result in our relationship ending, spur MM to act? My decision to distance myself was not done with the hope that MM would leave his W - it was done so that I could move on with my life.

 

I was very clear to MM that I am not changing my routine for him. He seemed to accept that fact. I do think, at times, that MM has wanted to leave his M for a very long time, was too afraid to do so, met me and decided that I was a strong enough person to hold his hand while he weathered the change, then he will move on after the dust settles. And, I have told MM that I thought this was so. Of course, he denies it.

 

Anyway, I still have my guard up about this situation.

Spin - I think your guilt is misplaced. You did not force him to do anything. He chose. He chose to involve himself with you. He chose to leave his W. You may well have been a catalyst in this, in that you gave him the perspective to see life with someone else to compare his M against, or gave him the courage and self-belief to leave, or whatever - but that choice was his alone to make. Don't infantalise him by taking that responsibility away from him. He needs to own his actions and their consequences.

Perhaps he's going through a period of personal growth, and may yet become the man you'd be interested in a R with. Give him the opportunity to demonstrate that - if at all you're still open to that option. But don't settle for less than you want, just because he's taken the first step.

Strength.

MM hasn't spoken to his sons since he moved out.

Probably more like, his sons aren't speaking to him. I'm sure he's tried to call or see them. Now, if his sons have been trying to reach him and your MM is ignoring his own kids, then there's something VERY wrong here.