Author MeaganRaye Posted April 29, 2009 Author Share Posted April 29, 2009 And why is it that Meagan feels the BW should have compassion for the OW and let her attend the funeral when the OW had no respect or compassion for the BW while she was stupping (spelling?) her H? Why is the BS husband cheating on her in the first place? What is she failing to do that another woman can? Link to post Share on other sites
NoIDidn't Posted April 29, 2009 Share Posted April 29, 2009 If my H had died while still married to his xW, there would probably have been two "funerals" - one small intimate one of just his (now x)W and kids, and another memorial service organised by his family (parents, siblings, cousins, etc) which would have been attended by friends, colleagues, neighbours, etc. I'd certainly have been included in the latter by his family - though to avoid awkwardness they may well not have included the BW. But only if invited, right? Even the two funeral idea that you say may have happened is far more respectful of the BW than what Meagan supposes, OWoman. You even acknowledge the potential awkwardness of the situation. Meagan is only speaking of her desire, and right dammit!!!!, to crash a funeral. No awkwardness for her. Just whatever she wants at the moment. Link to post Share on other sites
jj33 Posted April 29, 2009 Share Posted April 29, 2009 Herenow why are you surprised? Just because I had an affair doesnt make me a horrible immoral person. And just as OWoman's situation was not the norm mine was not either - much different than hers but not the norm. I wasnt sneaking around behind his Ws back. He was married (still is) but she was not betrayed. Link to post Share on other sites
NoIDidn't Posted April 29, 2009 Share Posted April 29, 2009 Why is the BS husband cheating on her in the first place? What is she failing to do that another woman can? He's not cheating, he's dead. Remember? Can't change the goalposts to be about the affair. This is about the funeral. If you couldn't walk through the front door of their home during the affair, you should know better than attending his funeral. Link to post Share on other sites
herenow Posted April 29, 2009 Share Posted April 29, 2009 Why is the BS husband cheating on her in the first place? What is she failing to do that another woman can? The guy is dead, why does it matter anymore? Link to post Share on other sites
jj33 Posted April 29, 2009 Share Posted April 29, 2009 Meagan you really dont get it. People cheat for all sorts of reasons and in 9 out of 10 cases the OP could have been any one of a number of people. You are making it into a competition using the fact that a MM "chose" you to feed your ego. The fact that a man wants to sleep with you should not be shocking or flattering. People are attracted to one another. It doesnt mean that you are "better" than the spouse or that the spouse has failed in some way. And it certainly doesnt give you license to walk into a funeral organized by the WS's spouse and family if you are not invited. Link to post Share on other sites
herenow Posted April 29, 2009 Share Posted April 29, 2009 Herenow why are you surprised? Just because I had an affair doesnt make me a horrible immoral person. And just as OWoman's situation was not the norm mine was not either - much different than hers but not the norm. I wasnt sneaking around behind his Ws back. He was married (still is) but she was not betrayed. I would never say you are a horrible person. As a matter of fact, I have never claimed that any OW is horrible, until this thread came along that is. Link to post Share on other sites
herenow Posted April 29, 2009 Share Posted April 29, 2009 Meagan you really dont get it. People cheat for all sorts of reasons and in 9 out of 10 cases the OP could have been any one of a number of people. You are making it into a competition using the fact that a MM "chose" you to feed your ego. The fact that a man wants to sleep with you should not be shocking or flattering. People are attracted to one another. It doesnt mean that you are "better" than the spouse or that the spouse has failed in some way. And it certainly doesnt give you license to walk into a funeral organized by the WS's spouse and family if you are not invited. and that makes three! Link to post Share on other sites
Dexter Morgan Posted April 29, 2009 Share Posted April 29, 2009 Why is the BS husband cheating on her in the first place? What is she failing to do that another woman can? oh i dunno.....cooking, cleaning, bearing his children, going through the daily trials of family/married life....the very same daily trials the OW doesn't have as baggage. its pretty easy to f##k someone whom you don't have to put in real work with in a marriage.....isn't it? but ya...I get what you are saying Meagan....the wife deserves to be cheated on, therefore she deserves more pain bestowed upon her and to be slapped in the face. god damn wife!!!!! Link to post Share on other sites
bentnotbroken Posted April 29, 2009 Share Posted April 29, 2009 Am I on ignore MR? You have yet to respond to any of my posts, especially the link on forgiveness. Link to post Share on other sites
herenow Posted April 29, 2009 Share Posted April 29, 2009 oh i dunno.....cooking, cleaning, bearing his children, going through the daily trials of family/married life....the very same daily trials the OW doesn't have as baggage. its pretty easy to f##k someone whom you don't have to put in real work with in a marriage.....isn't it? but ya...I get what you are saying Meagan....the wife deserves to be cheated on, therefore she deserves more pain bestowed upon her and to be slapped in the face. god damn wife!!!!! Excuse me for the TJ. Dex, when is your show back, I just love the killer in you! Link to post Share on other sites
Trialbyfire Posted April 29, 2009 Share Posted April 29, 2009 The backstory to the screenname of Meghan, is a young girl who's never had a b/f, since guys don't consider her relationship material, nvm been an OW. Her mother and father were affair partners, so she's romanticized affairs and believes that no one's off-limits. IMO, I think the user under the bridge, just enjoys the attention. Link to post Share on other sites
jj33 Posted April 29, 2009 Share Posted April 29, 2009 We are having a good day Herenow... I think its sad that so many women who post seem to get into an affair because they get some validation from being the object of the affection of a man who is married to someone else. Whenever a woman is "flattered" by a man's attentions or thinks that makes her better than other women she is in trouble, whether he is married or single. And when he is married its even worse. Link to post Share on other sites
Dexter Morgan Posted April 29, 2009 Share Posted April 29, 2009 Excuse me for the TJ. Dex, when is your show back, I just love the killer in you! the day after Memorial Day....can't wait!!!! i yearn for the episode when Dexter wraps up a cheater, or an OW/OM in cellophane;) Link to post Share on other sites
anne1707 Posted April 29, 2009 Share Posted April 29, 2009 Excuse me for the TJ. Dex, when is your show back, I just love the killer in you! Patience please. He's sharpening those knives.... Link to post Share on other sites
anne1707 Posted April 29, 2009 Share Posted April 29, 2009 the day after Memorial Day....can't wait!!!! i yearn for the episode when Dexter wraps up a cheater, or an OW/OM in cellophane;) Wuggle is plotting to do that to the ex-OM Link to post Share on other sites
Dexter Morgan Posted April 29, 2009 Share Posted April 29, 2009 Wuggle is plotting to do that to the ex-OM really...based on his recent posts, I'd have guessed he is gonna do it to a BS Link to post Share on other sites
herenow Posted April 29, 2009 Share Posted April 29, 2009 the day after Memorial Day....can't wait!!!! i yearn for the episode when Dexter wraps up a cheater, or an OW/OM in cellophane;) I'm shivering with anticipation for your return. Link to post Share on other sites
NoIDidn't Posted April 29, 2009 Share Posted April 29, 2009 The backstory to the screenname of Meghan, is a young girl who's never had a b/f, since guys don't consider her relationship material, nvm been an OW. Her mother and father were affair partners, so she's romanticized affairs and believes that no one's off-limits. IMO, I think the user under the bridge, just enjoys the attention. This totally explains some things. Her mother must've filled her head with tales of being better than his W. But he left her and her daughter behind for his marriage. Children should never be born into this mess. It really does distort the thinking when no one else is around to help combat it. Thank God my mom had a stepfather that adored her so she didn't have to grow up with such crazy views. Link to post Share on other sites
NoIDidn't Posted April 29, 2009 Share Posted April 29, 2009 Whenever a woman is "flattered" by a man's attentions or thinks that makes her better than other women she is in trouble, whether he is married or single. And when he is married its even worse. I can not AGREE more with this. It is especially worse when the man is married, but just as bad when a woman starts to think more of herself than she ought to because of a man hitting on her. Link to post Share on other sites
herenow Posted April 29, 2009 Share Posted April 29, 2009 We are having a good day Herenow... I think its sad that so many women who post seem to get into an affair because they get some validation from being the object of the affection of a man who is married to someone else. Whenever a woman is "flattered" by a man's attentions or thinks that makes her better than other women she is in trouble, whether he is married or single. And when he is married its even worse. As crazy as this thread is, wee all seem to agree, with the exception of the OP of course. It's nice when that happens. I think the MM is also looking for validation from the OW, so they feed each other. Link to post Share on other sites
Author MeaganRaye Posted April 29, 2009 Author Share Posted April 29, 2009 The backstory to the screenname of Meghan, is a young girl who's never had a b/f, since guys don't consider her relationship material, nvm been an OW. Her mother and father were affair partners, so she's romanticized affairs and believes that no one's off-limits. IMO, I think the user under the bridge, just enjoys the attention. No, I don't enjoy the attention it's just that everyone decided to jump down my back when I gave an opinion that doesn't fall in line with theirs Yes, both of my parents were married when they met. And nothing tragic ever happened for the two of them being together under those circumstances so I don't understand all of the judgemental attitude towards the OW/OM. It happens. Link to post Share on other sites
herenow Posted April 29, 2009 Share Posted April 29, 2009 No, I don't enjoy the attention it's just that everyone decided to jump down my back when I gave an opinion that doesn't fall in line with theirs Yes, both of my parents were married when they met. And nothing tragic ever happened for the two of them being together under those circumstances so I don't understand all of the judgemental attitude towards the OW/OM. It happens. Are they inviting their ex's to their funerals? Link to post Share on other sites
jj33 Posted April 29, 2009 Share Posted April 29, 2009 Yes Meagan it happens and sometimes its fine but if your parents hadnt been together when one of them died, I highly doubt the survivor would have craashed the funeral. The reason your parents relationship worked out is most likely because neither of them was predatory. You may not realize it, but your posts sound VERY predatory which is why you are not getting a very empathetic reaction. Link to post Share on other sites
OWoman Posted April 29, 2009 Share Posted April 29, 2009 But only if invited' date=' right?[/quote'] I guess that's at the heart of the issue. If someone is tangential to the life of the deceased - a secret, not included in any other aspect - why would they want to join a whole group of people who know each other, have intersecting histories and shared memories, where they clearly don't fit? Aside from feeling excluded and isolated, they'd be reduced to mere voyeurism as the eligies would describe (aspects of) a person they never knew - or knew by reputation only. That part I really don't understand - not just the impact on the family (and other mourners) but the motivation for wanting to be there in the first place. If, like some OWs, the OW of the deceased MM had a second family with him, second friends, etc - a whole parallel universe - it would be more appropriate IMO for the to hold a parallel but separate memorial service. But if the OW was a total secret, uninvolved and unincluded in the MM's life in any way, why is she there? Why does she want to be there? (If the OW had other roles in the MM's life - a colleague, a neighbour, a social friend... - then likely her presence there IN THAT CAPACITY would be normal - depending on the individual situation.) Link to post Share on other sites
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