fatslice Posted April 21, 2009 Share Posted April 21, 2009 I have written some about our breakup in another thread. Brief summary. During my long term depression I drowe her away kinda for the last time. It made her depressed. She spent time distancing from me. Trying to forget about me. Gave a last attempt and felt that things hadnt changed. Decided to break up with me which I didnt handle very well. In my post break-up I sent she responded with trying to move on - that she is dating. Trying to move on and ending the letter with "Remember. Who knows what the future brings. I can never close the door for good when it comes to you". I responded with full acceptance and wrote that we find ourselves and hopefulle find each other in the future. 4 days later she sent me flowers on my birthday. Pink orchids - which is her favourite flower. That Im looking forward showing her how well I will maintain it. She knows Im no good with flowers and orchids are pretty easy to maintain. She had to dictate the card to the flourist. It wrote "happy birthday. Hope you have a great birthday M****. Hugs ****. I txt her back thanking her for the flowers. Then I got a really cheerful txt back where she included the whole family that was there. It was hugs and kisses and stuff I havent heard her say in a long time. Why would one send flowers? Isnt that giving mixed signals? She knows Im hurting. Why her favourite flower? Why a flower thats gonna sit there for a long time remembering me about her (if I decide to keep it)? Obviously she cares about me - but she had lots of opportunities to close the door for good. In a way it bugs me. Since I felt really happy at first. Should one send flowers to an ex? Sorry again for all the questions and insecurity:) I guess its how one feel at this stage!! Link to post Share on other sites
BCCA Posted April 21, 2009 Share Posted April 21, 2009 Why would one send flowers? Isnt that giving mixed signals? Mixed signals seem to be what her intention was. I think she wants to pretend like this was a mutual idea to break up, which spares her some guilt. So, shes pretending like youre fine, because thats easier to deal with. she had lots of opportunities to close the door for good And if she did that, then she has no option to come back later. People are all about options, and she wants you on the backburner - not off the stove entirely. What happens if she cant find anyone for a while? You think she wants to give up a free ego boost? Should one send flowers to an ex? Well, look whats its doing to you. Youre questioning eveyrthing, curious, wonder if it means more. Thats part of keeping you on the hook. Personally, I would have given the flowers away or tossed them, and not called her at all. Link to post Share on other sites
Dumbledore Posted April 21, 2009 Share Posted April 21, 2009 Happy Birthday!!!! Sorry if I'm a bit late, but it's the thought that counts. Link to post Share on other sites
Author fatslice Posted April 21, 2009 Author Share Posted April 21, 2009 Im dont think she is a bad person for keeping me on the hook. I kinda deserve it. Im thinking of turning the table on the whole situation though. She do feel like she have wasted 4 years on a relationship that went nowhere. "I crawled for you" she mentioned. She pictured a perfect life with me in it. So why would she have me as an option when she is burned out from the whole relationship? And my mentioning that she is dating and at the same time keeping me on the hook doesnt really add up. That says an awfulle lot more about me:) but she didnt know how I would react to that. But dont get me wrong ...Im with you on every point you make. Happy Birthday!!!! Sorry if I'm a bit late, but it's the thought that counts. As long as we're in april its not to late. Thanks Link to post Share on other sites
rsobrien Posted April 21, 2009 Share Posted April 21, 2009 Here is what you do. Throw the flowers out, go to a strip club, and dont answer any of her calls or texts again. All she did is mess with your head. Just forget about her. Link to post Share on other sites
BCCA Posted April 22, 2009 Share Posted April 22, 2009 I kinda deserve it. That is a bad way to look at it. No one deserves that, its selfish. Its just stringing you a long 'just in case'. So why would she have me as an option when she is burned out from the whole relationship? You dont have to be an option for a relationship to be an option for attention. Ever have a dry spell, cant meet anyone worth a damn? Who do you usually think about? The last people you dated! Wouldnt it be awesome if you could just call them up, play nice for 5 min, and get enough of an ego boost to go back out there and look some more? Yeah, exactly. Youre making a common mistake that I did, in assuming that her actions MUST mean X because of Y. It doesnt work that way. She KNOWS what its gonna take to get your interest, and she'll do just enough to get it, and back away when you bite. And my mentioning that she is dating and at the same time keeping me on the hook doesnt really add up. It doesnt add up to want you want to believe, but it does add up to an explination about whats going on. She is dating someone else, but she could still want some attention from you. She could want to release her emotional BS upon you, while getting her sexual needs addressed by him. You see, she KNOWS she has to keep you on the hook to keep you around. If she tells you to kick rocks for good, shes never going to get anything from you. But if she plays a long, twirls her hair, and smiles...you might be foolish enough to fall for it, and be her 'friend'. That says an awfulle lot more about me What does? she didnt know how I would react to that Unless you react in the way she wants, she doesnt care. Link to post Share on other sites
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