BoredPerson Posted April 13, 2009 Posted April 13, 2009 Why in the world would Isolde settle? Particularly if you're the kind of guy that you feel she needs to settle for. Here's a little "tough love" back. Your attitude stinks. Stop playing the victim and accept that women aren't interested, not because of superficiality but because there's nothing inside of you but hate, bitterness and spite. Who in their right mind would date someone like you? I often ask myself the same question and the answer that I come up with is that there is no reason why anyone would want to date me. However that does not mean there is only hate inside of me. That is something you are assuming. The reason no woman will date me is because they are not at all attracted to me. Not because of any feelings I might have, which are the result of the aforementioned, not the cause. I can't honestly dislike women because I am not attractive that would be ridiculous. However I am entitled to dislike some women for a series of different but not unrelated reasons. An example is women that complain of being single yet are overly picky. Not necessarily rejecting me (as we have established I am not dateable material) but other men of similar ages to whom would make a better suited partner.
MeaganRaye Posted April 13, 2009 Posted April 13, 2009 I'm not dating because I do have some social anxiety issues that I am working out in therapy. When I was a little younger, the whole dating thing used to excite me, getting to meet different people and not knowing who you may end up with. Now, it just sounds scary, and disappointing, because who you like, doesn't always like you back. And then you deal with rejection. It's just not fun anymore and I don't have the self esteem or confidence to put myself out there the way I should
Trialbyfire Posted April 13, 2009 Posted April 13, 2009 I often ask myself the same question and the answer that I come up with is that there is no reason why anyone would want to date me. However that does not mean there is only hate inside of me. That is something you are assuming. The reason no woman will date me is because they are not at all attracted to me. Not because of any feelings I might have, which are the result of the aforementioned, not the cause.While I have no idea what you look like, based on your ascertations of unattractiveness, I've seen A LOT of unattractive people who are happily in committed relationships. As long as you're healthy and have the right attitude, there's always someone for you. If you have more to you, than expressed on LS, show us who you really are. What I see of your posts are nothing but victimhood, whether it's political or relationship advice. "It's [insert sector of society like women, gays, etc] fault that the world is so bad and I'm unhappy." Btw, to put it all towards your looks, is a cop-out. I can't honestly dislike women because I am not attractive that would be ridiculous. However I am entitled to dislike some women for a series of different but not unrelated reasons. An example is women that complain of being single yet are overly picky. Not necessarily rejecting me (as we have established I am not dateable material) but other men of similar ages to whom would make a better suited partner.Sure there's a subsection of people, both men and women, who will never be happy, regardless of circumstance, case in point, yourself. So...what needs to change, if that's the case?
yeex Posted April 13, 2009 Posted April 13, 2009 I am dating now. But did not date for many years all due to confidence and not knowing how to approach and date women. I have gotten over most of that and now realize women tend to like me, I just have not been aggressive enough. Obviously since I am in my thirties it took me a while to figure that out. Makes me realize all the opportunities I passed up and I kind of regret that. However, I am a single and in my thirties without a lot of baggage from previous relationships and such so I have a positive attitude. I am searching for that right one and know that I am ready and have a lot to offer. However, I have also experienced some disappointments and rejection in dating and can see how it can take a toll if you experience that a lot and can understand why somebody would want to take a break every now and then. But hey, that is part of the process and can make you a stronger person if you let it.
Curious-One Posted April 15, 2009 Posted April 15, 2009 I am not dating because i am working hard on my current goals which dont involve getting a gf or a ltr. Also i am having the time of my life right now so why ruin it with drama. I am only 22 and i feel like i have plenty of time to find a good girl.
BlueEyedGirl Posted April 15, 2009 Posted April 15, 2009 I am not dating because I do not have anything to give anyone on an emotional level. I have so many issues that I would feel sorry for any guy that could possibly fall in love with me. Pretty much any girl on the street would make a better gf than me. So yeah, I am doing a favour to all men by not wanting to date. On a side note, I have never experienced any chemistry with anyone that I have been on traditional dates with in my life. All my boyfriends ended up being men I met in natural settings (work, school, friends) and knowing for a while before dating.
LucreziaBorgia Posted April 15, 2009 Posted April 15, 2009 I'm not dating because I don't really have the emotional capacity right now for any sort of relationship like that.
Ariadne Posted April 15, 2009 Posted April 15, 2009 I'm not dating right now because I could care less about dating. So much so that I gained weight in the past year and don't even care to get in shape to be more attractive to guys. Is almost like I want to be invisible to them so I dress with big clothes and long jackets (but of course I'm friends with everybody). The reason I don't care to date is because I have never gone out on a date with a guy I've become slightly attracted to. And if I imagine dating any guy I know in person (in LA anyway) I wouldn't want them.
grogster Posted April 15, 2009 Posted April 15, 2009 Very good question, Isolde. I've not dated since July 2008, when I broke up with my long time girl friend. I am not interested in dating and investing in another right now. I have my kids, my ex-wife and I get along very well, my work and gaming (Fallout 3). Even the Shack provides a bit of social outlet that helps take the edge off. I'm just not that interested right now.
Jersey Shortie Posted April 15, 2009 Posted April 15, 2009 When I was a little younger, the whole dating thing used to excite me, getting to meet different people and not knowing who you may end up with. Now, it just sounds scary, and disappointing, because who you like, doesn't always like you back. And then you deal with rejection. It's just not fun anymore and I don't have the self esteem or confidence to put myself out there the way I should Basically this. Add in the fact that alot of talk around here recently pretty much shows that alot of men think that women hold little or less value with age and it's not really a good motivator to want to start getting into something with a man that obviously views you as a less of a woman as time goes on. Pretty discouraging all around from a woman's stand point. I feel like I don't even get a chance as a woman and men want us to have ourselves and life figured out before we hit 22 but they can go well into their 40s trying to get their act together. Men don't really want even give woman a fighting chance if you ask me. The biggest problem with the '30's' is that some women are intent on settling down and having kids. And guys like me who were in relationships and once married have no desire to do that. Maybe in a few years but a 32 year old female will probably want to talk more about the kids, marriage and so on compared to a 24 year old. And like I said for somebody like me, I'm more about living the moment than looking to get into any serious relationship. And it also depends on where you live. There are plenty of spoiled women in CA who want the millionaires who drive the 250K cars and live in million dollar homes. I've been to plenty of clubs where a few women had the nerve to tell me and my friend we couldn't afford to buy them drinks. Stupid us wound up buying the whole bar drinks because we can't stand people disrespecting us. But that is a lot of the scene where I live. Spoiled brats who want nothing but trust fund guys or millionaires. Even when you make six figures and are doing well that's not enough. Really, you complain about women being spoiled brats and wanting men for their money but begin it with how you don't want anything serious and a 24 year old will offer you more of what you want then someone closer to your own age. The double standard ass backwards thinking here is amazing to see. It's okay for *you* to be spoiled and selfish and want a woman based on her age and nothing serious and to use that to your advantage but it's not okay for a woman to do the same. Use things to their advantage. I guess it's only *right* when it's you taking advantage right? Like attracts like so maybe that is why you run into the quality of woman you do. It's not really self-entitlement it's the fact that when i was in my twenties the majority of females the same age as me preferred to date older guys. So if I were 24 most 24 year old females I knew dated 29 year olds and 30 year olds and even a few dated 40 year olds and so on. It was what it was and I really never gave a crap about it but I knew a lot of my friends and other guys always pissed about that fact. Are you kidding me? Most men I know at 24 for dating women around their own age. What is this? Some kind of bitter validation you feel for wrongs in your youth? Because what? women don't struggle and have a hard time with dating even when they are younger? Really, I find this mindset both insulting and pretencious and selfish to assume that every young woman has it easy and deserves what she gets because she dared to not want to date a man. Fast forward to today and a lot of those same women we knew back then are now 30 something year olds who are still single and complain about not finding 'mr right'. Except now they aren't so young anymore and it's not as easy as it once was for them. I find this fact kind of funny. Many of these women bragged about being able to get older guys, having fun, guys their own age didn't get them or weren't mature enough......So as time moves on go figure many of these same women are the ones whining about men their own age dating younger women. Seems they loved it when they were young but not so much when they aren't soo young anymore. Wow. Just wow. Damned if we do and damned if we don't aren't. really, we just can't win can we? I mean say you were a 23 year old girl dating a man around your age and it didn't work out, you get older and it dosen't matter because you DESERVE not to have a man want you. But you as a man, you deserve to have the moon and the stars and women deserve to get crapped on because or some phantom dating ills you are holding onto. Totally forget the fact that women struggle with dating, relatoinships and men themselves. Totally forget the fact that maybe..just maybe it was your fault for not being able to get a woman in your younger years. Totally forget thefact that women are people to with feelings and needs and still want men to value them. I guess we all deserve to live with our 10 cats because we dared to turn a man down or dared to wait to find a man that really cared about us. Really, why don't you men start dating other men since you think you are all so wonderful and special and undeserving or unresponsible for any dating difficulty. Of course, it's all on the heads of us evil horrible woman who are only worth love and companionship between the ages of 18-25. If we didn't manage to find it then, then we must be worthless human beings. Wow, is any wonder why women are opting to have children on their own without men? Men don't really even like wome nvery much now-a days. We aren't allowed to make mistakes, we aren't allowed to make the same mistakes that men allow themselves. We are accountable for hte state of all relationships, even the state of men's relationships and men have no responsibility for any of it. It's all women's fault and we all deserve to be alone and not feel like women if we fail to be the perfect woman by age 25. Thanks guys for my hope in the male gender!
lino Posted April 15, 2009 Posted April 15, 2009 I was wondering when this would start Man you have a huge chip on your shoulder!
Author Isolde Posted April 16, 2009 Author Posted April 16, 2009 I'm sorry to hear some of you don't feel emotionally good enough to date, but maybe when you resurface things will be better than ever. JerseyShortie, I understand some of your frustrations with the gender bashing, but please keep this thread on topic (same goes for BoredPerson et al), this thread is not about that.
Trialbyfire Posted April 16, 2009 Posted April 16, 2009 When people aren't in an emotionally positive frame of mind, it's never worthwhile to attempt to date seriously. Date lightly or take a hiatus from dating. For a good six months, back when, I went on a dating strike. It really helped to recharge.
Author Isolde Posted April 16, 2009 Author Posted April 16, 2009 Where I'm basically feeling better than I have in quite a while-- which is why the fact I'm in a drought is particularly irritating.
SunnyJulie Posted April 16, 2009 Posted April 16, 2009 This is a really interesting topic. It seems like dating is always a "when it rains, it pours" proposition - I've either got 3 or 4 people I'm interested in at a time, or nobody...
westernxer Posted April 16, 2009 Posted April 16, 2009 How many of you are serial daters, as in you are always dating someone or feel that you have to be dating someone? Maybe this is a topic of its own.
Lizzie60 Posted April 16, 2009 Posted April 16, 2009 I tend to divide singles on LS into two categories: those who are dating, and those who are not. For those in the latter category, why? I just think this is interesting, in light of various posters who either want to start dating and don't know quite how, or who don't want to be dating. I'm not because I literally haven't been asked out on any dates and know zero single people in my current network that I would be interested in going on a date with. Furthermore, I'm too shy to ask guys out or really initiate conversations with them, mostly just because there aren't a lot of single people in my area. Though I would not be interested in going on three dates a week (I'm far too busy!) I find this drought rather discouraging, if only because it makes me feel I'm not doing enough to meet people. ButI do occasionally... especially with this guy that I met about 2 months ago... he's extremely smart and have a great job (TV producer).. he has produced a few music videos that I've seen on YouTube)... Not dating (often) is simply a choice.. first I don't have much time.. second.. I'm not interested in anything serious.. most guys become serious or want 'exclusivity' after a couple of dates.. I don't want to be committed to one person. I just want to relax and enjoy the last 'tier' of my life.. with freedom.. pleasure.. etc.. it's all about ME now.. and my FREEDOM..
Chrome Barracuda Posted April 16, 2009 Posted April 16, 2009 ButI do occasionally... especially with this guy that I met about 2 months ago... he's extremely smart and have a great job (TV producer).. he has produced a few music videos that I've seen on YouTube)... Not dating (often) is simply a choice.. first I don't have much time.. second.. I'm not interested in anything serious.. most guys become serious or want 'exclusivity' after a couple of dates.. I don't want to be committed to one person. I just want to relax and enjoy the last 'tier' of my life.. with freedom.. pleasure.. etc.. it's all about ME now.. and my FREEDOM.. Sounds like a well rounded great guy. lizzie I dont see a problem? Why cant you just be with one guy, do you get bored easily?
Jersey Shortie Posted April 16, 2009 Posted April 16, 2009 I was wondering when this would start Man you have a huge chip on your shoulder! Maybe I do, maybe I don't. Either way, it doesn't take away from my previous post. Frankly,
Jersey Shortie Posted April 16, 2009 Posted April 16, 2009 I was wondering when this would start Man you have a huge chip on your shoulder! Maybe I do, maybe I don't. Either way, it doesn't take away from my previous post. Frankly, men aren't really giving women much to go on these days.
soserious1 Posted April 16, 2009 Posted April 16, 2009 Because I'm in my early 50's and the vast majority of men who would lower themselves enough to date a woman of my age either have ex-wives, kids and are saddled with huge fiscal obligations to their former families or are struggling with their own aging parents needing nursing care or they're facing their own increasingly serious health problems. I'm not interested in having to pay a man's basic living expenses because his alimony/child support obligations are hefty, I'm not interested in providing any sort of care to his children or dealing with ex wife drama. I'm also not interested in providing nursing care or having to shoulder the bulk of daily living tasks because he's "too sick" to help. All relationships have costs.. I'm thinking that the costs of a relationship far outweigh the potential benefits offered for me.
Chrome Barracuda Posted April 16, 2009 Posted April 16, 2009 I was once interested in a woman in her 50's because she was SMOKING hot! I didnt want her money I make my own. I am a man and I make my own destiny. Sorry serious but not every man is after your money. I'd rather have your time and sex than your money. But then again you cant go off flossing if you give the appearance of you being rich you'll attract goldiggers. lol.
BoredPerson Posted April 16, 2009 Posted April 16, 2009 Because I'm in my early 50's and the vast majority of men who would lower themselves enough to date a woman of my age either have ex-wives, kids and are saddled with huge fiscal obligations to their former families or are struggling with their own aging parents needing nursing care or they're facing their own increasingly serious health problems. I'm not interested in having to pay a man's basic living expenses because his alimony/child support obligations are hefty, I'm not interested in providing any sort of care to his children or dealing with ex wife drama. I'm also not interested in providing nursing care or having to shoulder the bulk of daily living tasks because he's "too sick" to help. All relationships have costs.. I'm thinking that the costs of a relationship far outweigh the potential benefits offered for me. So essentially you are rejecting all men because they're not good enough for you, usually for financial reasons. Why don't you just go find a nice young man whore ? That way you will have your financial obligations towards him set up into a single sunk cost per visit. Yes, most men in their 50's will have been married and it is incredibly unfair the amount of support men have to pay to women to end a marriage when it is usually the women that end the marriage and not the men. If I had my way women would get nothing at all when leaving the marriage that way there would be few divorces because the woman would stay with the man. If the man ends the marriage then she would get money. Easy fix.
BoredPerson Posted April 16, 2009 Posted April 16, 2009 I was once interested in a woman in her 50's because she was SMOKING hot! I didnt want her money I make my own. I am a man and I make my own destiny. Sorry serious but not every man is after your money. I'd rather have your time and sex than your money. But then again you cant go off flossing if you give the appearance of you being rich you'll attract goldiggers. lol. I have to question why a woman is single at 50.. Maybe she is paying for her past mistakes. I think that is the most likely scenario. A shame but deserved I guess. I can only hope that she will set aside her dislike of men and her unreasonable standards so that she may find someone and be happy.
SpanksTheMonkey Posted April 16, 2009 Posted April 16, 2009 I have to question why a woman is single at 50.. Maybe she is paying for her past mistakes. I think that is the most likely scenario. A shame but deserved I guess. I can only hope that she will set aside her dislike of men and her unreasonable standards so that she may find someone and be happy. LOL... :lmao: Why are men also single at 50? same thing for them ha? yes I agree those unreasonable standards can be a real b*tch...
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