I guess the "friendship" was a farce anyway..

[Gingerblue]

I agree, this is probably one of the most ridiculous and unhealthy things I have ever put myself through. And I know I've done it to myself. I have dated guys and nothing has been like this..

 

You mentioned contact after the apology. Should I have ignored him when he tried to make contact again? Because I did not contact him, he contacted me. Writing that and reading it just looks so silly...I know the answer I guess. I wonder if when he asked me to contact him if he knew he was not going to respond?

 

Well, I did send him a final message, just telling him that I don't want to hear from him anymore, not to contact me next time he's bored, whatever. It was not at all angry, but it was final. I really did think that somehow we could go back to square one, even it that means being just buddies, but I would probably always read more into it.

 

Really, I wish he had not contacted me again, but know he does not control the way I act or feel, it's me.

 

Edited to add: When I don't hear from him, I am fine. This is why I never initiate contact, I know my limits. It just when he does the contacting that I start over analyzing things...

Edited May 14, 2010 by Gingerblue

[WTRanger]

The best thing you can do is to try to figure out why you feel the need to over analyze things, even if it is just with a certain person. Try to find some of the triggers.

 

Such as him not responding. You can't control that! You can't let yourself walk on digital eggshells every time he doesn't respond to and email or text. If he does something that upsets you, you need to let him know.

 

Situations like these are tough. You are smart enough to know better and to let let things like this get you down. But, at times, you are just human enough to care and let it get to you.

 

Just stay strong and fight the will to respond if he contacts you.

[Gingerblue]

I don't think he will contact me anymore. The message I sent him made it pretty clear I do not ever want to hear from him again. My concern was that he would do what he has been doing for a while now: Drop out of site NOW, but in a couple of months pop back up again. Then I lose my resolve to ignore him, being happy to hear from him, and it starts again.

 

Sometimes I think it would be easier if he and I had just hooked up or slept together. At least it would make sense that he was ignoring me now, not making it right, but I would get it. The fact that he is acting like this and we are merely friends, and I thought he still at least wanted the friendship, is even harder to digest.

 

I will, though. Eventually.

[WTRanger]

Part of this whole thing is understanding that not everyone acts like you or treats keeping in touch with people the same way you do. Some people are just horrible at staying in touch, and they tend to be very spotty at best. That's just who they are. You can't take stuff like this personally, it'll drive you bonkers. You just have to remind yourself that you said what you needed to say, and you cannot control how the other person reacts or if they even react at all.

 

Though, most of the time any response is better than no response. There's something really hard about no response. Perhaps it makes us feel is if we don't exist, where as even a mean response makes it feel like we at least are alive to that other person.

 

I can almost bet he'll pop up in a few months when he thinks things are blown over. I hate to say it, but it'll probably be when you are 99.9% over him. Then BLAMMO! here he comes.

[Gingerblue]

Great point, how I can't control how he reacts, basically. That is what I have to keep telling myself.

 

I guess that the reason I am analyzing this so much is because I just don't understand his motives. Why keep popping up, out of the blue and acting like he really wants to be in contact. Then when I react in kind...BOOM, he's gone again. I had gotten over it, over those months of no contact. It's almost as if he knows just the right time to dangle the little hook to get me all riled up again. Wanting to make sure I'll still bite but not intending to do anything about it. Or maybe he is oblivious. Darned if I know.