drummerprince81 Posted April 6, 2009 Posted April 6, 2009 I am just wondering here what most people do when the ex says they want to be friends... Do you ignore their request without reply? Would you take the friendship knowing it will bring you nothing but pain? Or do you even tell them that you don't want to/can't be friends?
Meaplus3 Posted April 6, 2009 Posted April 6, 2009 If it's going to bring pain then I would stay away and not continue a friendship. If I had no romantic feelings left just platonic feelings and those feelings were mutal, then I'd be ok with a friends status. Mea:)
EmperorR Posted April 6, 2009 Posted April 6, 2009 Some may say, wait untill the emotions are gone etc. I say for me never. I refuse to be downgraded into friend status. After you do nc and you start feeling better about yourself and your ex isn't in your head 24/7. Why would you want to go back even as friends to that?
GoneButNotForgotten Posted April 6, 2009 Posted April 6, 2009 I sit on Emperor's side of the fence. I have been known to ignore the friend request as if it never even happened. Although in my most recent breakup she said she wanted to still be friends I flat out told her the truth. Nope, if you don't want to be with me then there is no reason to be a part of your life. This holds especially true if you are not over her yet. Explain that maybe in the future when you are ready for it you could consider it again, but right now it will only complicate things.
Author drummerprince81 Posted April 6, 2009 Author Posted April 6, 2009 I just don't know how to communicate it though. I don't know whether to just ignore her request, and it wasn't even a request exactly it was just a passing statement, or phone/text her to simply say I can't be friends...
BCCA Posted April 6, 2009 Posted April 6, 2009 I just don't know how to communicate it though. I don't know whether to just ignore her request, and it wasn't even a request exactly it was just a passing statement, or phone/text her to simply say I can't be friends... You dont need to communicate anything. When you get an email from someone claiming to be a rich African diplomat with untold fortunes for you, if you can just help him with the money transfer - do you feel obligated to say 'hey this is a scam, no thanks!'. Of course not. Just don't BE her friend. No need for a discussion or anything else. No matter what you say, if youre not agreeing to this frienship, shes not going to be happy anyway. I would totally ignore the request and continue on like shes not your friend
Ruby Slippers Posted April 6, 2009 Posted April 6, 2009 IMO, the only way a friendship with an ex is even remotely feasible is if you've both had other relationships since the break. Even then, it can be tricky, so proceed with great caution.
bkaz01 Posted April 7, 2009 Posted April 7, 2009 never do it read my last post its what happens it hurts so bad and now she runnin around ok and im left in the dust hirting...someone will get hurt in the end
bkaz01 Posted April 7, 2009 Posted April 7, 2009 never do it read my last post its what happens it hurts so bad and now she runnin around ok and im left in the dust hirting...someone will get hurt in the end... i need some help as well folks please read its kinda the same situation except im on the other side i still dont feel better [COLOR=#660000][COLOR=#660000]http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t183681/[/COLOR][/COLOR]
EmperorR Posted April 7, 2009 Posted April 7, 2009 I sit on Emperor's side of the fence. I have been known to ignore the friend request as if it never even happened. Although in my most recent breakup she said she wanted to still be friends I flat out told her the truth. Nope, if you don't want to be with me then there is no reason to be a part of your life. This holds especially true if you are not over her yet. Explain that maybe in the future when you are ready for it you could consider it again, but right now it will only complicate things. Yep, I told my latest ex, "I will not be downgraded", I even told her in the future nope, yes I know I'm greedy etc., but that's life, once I get over soemone I'd rather not be in contact with them ever again. I'm over my ex fiancee but why would I want to be friends with her.
xpaperxcutx Posted April 7, 2009 Posted April 7, 2009 No. I'm never friends with anyone I dated, because they don't really matter in my life anymore. I'm not heartless but I believe in new beginnings away from people who I rather forget.
now_what Posted April 8, 2009 Posted April 8, 2009 I thought I wanted to be not quite "friends", but friendly with my ex because we have children (youngest is in high school) - he left me for another woman after 30 years of marriage. But now that our dissolution is final, I really don't care if I see or talk to him again - although I'm sure we will have contact because of the kids - but I really don't want to be his friend.
stillshocked Posted April 9, 2009 Posted April 9, 2009 I thought I wanted to be not quite "friends", but friendly with my ex because we have children (youngest is in high school) - he left me for another woman after 30 years of marriage. But now that our dissolution is final, I really don't care if I see or talk to him again - although I'm sure we will have contact because of the kids - but I really don't want to be his friend. I am stuggling with this question as well, we have kids as too (much younger than yours so I think more communication is required). I just asked myself "what would I do if I didn't have kids"? And the answer was "probably never talk to her again". So, I feel now that she is just someone that comes along with the kids, and like everyone else in my life, I try to be kind, respectful, and courteous, but that is where it stops for me I think.
EmperorR Posted April 9, 2009 Posted April 9, 2009 I Agree on the courteous part, I treat everyone with respect, as well as my exes, it doesn't mean I'm going to hang out with them etc., they just become one of the other 6 billion people on the earth.
now_what Posted April 9, 2009 Posted April 9, 2009 I have been more than courteous to him and I told him we could still be around each other as parents to our children - he was afraid to speak to me for 4 1/2 months after he left (would only email). It was just pretty strange when we were around each other talking, from the tone of our conversations, no one would no we were divorcing. I guess I'm still pretty ticked off that to him this is no big deal - he just decided to create a new life for himself - without me. After 30 years, I didn't know that this was really an option. You would have thought that all this time together would mean more to him - he said he didn't hate me, he just preferred someone else, he didn't even want to try to fix the marriage. So, since he had no problem walking away from me, I feel like it would be stupid on my part to claim that we are "friends". Maybe time will ease the sting of rejection.
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