justcurious66 Posted April 1, 2009 Posted April 1, 2009 I have another post on these boards about this same man, but the situation is a little different now and so are my feelings on it.... So back story first: I had kind of been talking to this fantastic man online, we were instantly attracted to one another, not anything regarding looks persay, but we just found one another very interesting and fun to talk to. I know it's hard to tell much via the web, but we both mentioned that we found ourselves thinking of one another often throughout the day, so we agreed that we had to meet. We decided on March 19th. In the meantime, We keep talking, pretty much every day for about a month leading up to the 19th. We would send little pictures here and there, nothing risque usually, just current photos of ourselves on that particular day. He was sweet but is currently going through the final stages of a nasty divorce, so we both said we weren't really sure what could or would happen once we met. Also, I should say, he is kind of famous. So that opens up a whole new world of different lifestyles and craziness in his life. So it's finally March 19th, we meet, everything is beyond amazing, way more spectacular than I had anticipated! We had a great time! After we both get back home (we both flew to a neutral city where he was doing a show), we talk and he tells me that he doesn't feel quite ready yet for a relationship, if he were in a less bruised place in his life he would start dating me immediately, but right now he goes long periods without talking to anyone in the world and he is very much afraid to get close to ANYONE. I totally understood, that was fine by me. I said I wanted to stay friends and if he ever got to that place of being ready for a relationship, I hoped that he would call me because I did feel a spark between us. We agreed that we could still continue talking to one another, there was no harm in that. So just the very next night, he contacted me and we started a very flirtatious banter via AOL instant messenger. I really had feelings for him so while this was fun and all, it wasn't what I ultimately wanted to happen or be associated with. So the next day, I sent him a message saying that "given where you are in your life and given the direction I want my personal life to go in and given the feelings I have expressed toward you, it is probably best if we don't exchange anymore sexual banter together. It just isn't healthy and I need to do what is best for me right now." I told him to take care and not be a stranger. He messaged back and said that he agreed with me, that he was so so so glad that we had met and that he held our special times together in a place all it's own. He said that I deserved EVERYTHING, not just part of things. He said he would not be a stranger. He signed "with MUCH affection." So that was that. 5 days later, yesterday actually, I was just in a really really great mood. I was looking phenomenal I must say and I was feeling happy and I just thought, what the hell, I am gonna take a picture of myself and send it to him, like we used to do before we had met. We used to do that all the time. So I did and in the message with the picture I put "Just wanted to share with you, there is no need to comment or respond in any way, whatsoever. Hope you are having good days and that you are well!" Haven't heard anything from him and actually didn't expect to. Saw that he was on AIM last night but I didn't speak to him nor did he message me, although he was on idle or away for most of the night. I didn't think it was a huge deal but a woman I work with, from whom I have been getting advice from on this situation, freaked out on me and said that I had ruined everything. She said I should not have messaged him at all, that he told me he wasn't interested right now, we agreed not to flirt anymore, and now he opens his email to see a picture of me there. I said, wow I didn't mean anything by it, I just thought I looked good and we used to send pictures back and forth even less than a week ago, we were sending pictures! I said I honestly didn't have an agenda I think I was just in a good mood and felt like sharing that, but I hope he doesn't see as a big deal because I don't want to freak him out or make him think that I am just sitting around thinking of ways to talk to him, because that is so not it. Ultimately, the bottom line is that I like this guy a lot but just like him, I don't want to be in a relationship with him right now. I think he needs to go out and date and date and date some more when he is ready to do that after his divorce and if he wants to. I don't want to be any rebound. But have I hurt my chances at something later on down the road by sending that message with the picture? Will he always see me as some annoying girl now, even if I don't send him anymore messages for months and months (which is what I am going to do, no more messages for him)? Or was it probably no big deal, he looked at it maybe smiled a little and then went on with the rest of his day like it wasn't anything at all? Which is exactly how I had intended it to be. What I really want is to play my cards right and maybe, 8 months to a year from now, give him a shout and see how he is doing...my big question is how is he going to see me now? Will he have fond thoughts and potentially be happy I contacted or will he just be annoyed that its me? Thanks in advance for any help or advice you can offer...it is much appreciated.
EYECANDY000 Posted April 1, 2009 Posted April 1, 2009 Well it does come off as you playing games and very unsure of what you want. First you tell him that you dont want to take part of any sexual conversation and then send an sexy picture of yourself. Even though you may not see it that way, thats how it comes off as. Its like you a trying to play a cat and mouse game. If you write as a disclaimer that you dont want someone to respond back, why would you think they are? Once again it comes off as playing games. I think your friend is right. it seems like you are sure that you dont want any thing more from this friendship and thats what I would leave it as, with no expectations. Keep the convo strictly platonic.
bean1 Posted April 1, 2009 Posted April 1, 2009 If this man met you on the pretense of sex/dating/possible relationship, and you don't want any part of that at this time (ie. no flirting, sexual talk, whatever), then you can just say your goodbyes. Why would he want a friendship? He wasn't looking for friendship in the first place. He is on the rebound after divorce (normal) and the last thing he wants is a female friend.
Author justcurious66 Posted April 1, 2009 Author Posted April 1, 2009 Maybe I did not phrase correctly, that is my fault. But no I honestly did not want him to respond back to me after I sent that email with the picture. I only included the fact that he did not contact me back in this post because I wanted to tell you all what had actually happened, not because I was shocked that he didn't. I told him not to and he didn't and so that was just perfect. I am just stating what happened so you all get a clear picture. I hope he does not think I was playing games. I honestly wasn't...just was in a super good mood, thought I looked good and wanted to share like old times. I did it without thinking but I had no agenda and there was no ill will behind it. I am interested in him sexually, for sure. He knows that. But ultimately I want more than that, which is something that he is not ready for. So rather than end up as just another notch on his belt, I suggested that we not have any more sexual conversation because it wasn't healthy for me given how I felt about him. I said we should talk and be friends and this is something that he agreed with...actually his words were "I think you are saying exactly the right thing here." So I just knew that I didn't want to be associated as someone he can just turn to for sex right now while he is dealing with a stressful divorce. That is why, several months or a year from now, I would like to see if there is a chance to rekindle that spark we had.
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