At wits end Posted April 1, 2009 Posted April 1, 2009 Well I cant believe it has actually come down to this.Call it desperation or one last attempt to save what once was very good. My girlfriend is 10 weeks pregnant, and seems to be using that as an excuse to do and say anything. For example, we have been dating for over a year, and she cant seem to let go of her past, particularly her ex husband. Throughout the year we have been together, she has lied numerously about him, talking to him, hanging out with him, or just going to the house to pick something up. Her excuse, she didnt want to tell me because she knew we would probably argue about it, we probably would have. She has often "run" to him if there is something I cant give her, usually money wise or material things. I have never been first in her life and have given her the ultimatum, me or him. Well she is still talking to him and hanging out with him, So she has clearly made her choice.Now she is pregnant and I am stuck. As much as i have tried to be the perfect supportive boyfriend I know I have made my mistakes. I havent done anything to jepordize our relationship, and I have made her the first and foremost in this relationship. All I am asking is too give us as much energy and devotion she gives to her ex husband. Am I asking to much? I am literally at my wits end..... Any suggestions ???
Mahatma Posted April 1, 2009 Posted April 1, 2009 Hmm, you are in quite a twisted situation. Did you give her this ultimatum prior to getting her pregnant? It sounded to me like you did, so why did you get her pregnant? (if not, disregard) I would still suggest leaving her. If she is only 10 weeks pregnant, you have plenty of time before the child is born. The child is YOUR responsibility. Pay for the child, be there for the child. Since she is your girlfriend, you do not need to get a divorce or anything, so all you have to pay is child support. If you stick with her, you will be unhappy. Things will not change for you. Also, are you certain this really is your baby? I am sorry to approach this possibility, but you really should think about it. Bottom line: Find someone who loves you man.
Katherineos123 Posted April 1, 2009 Posted April 1, 2009 You have to try and look at this situation as objectively as possible. Unless she has betrayed you in the past, in particular with her ex husband, there really is no reason why she cant have a relationship with him. Please dont take this the wrong way... But, If you trust her, which I hope you do after having dated her for a year, you have to try and put the jealousy, as well as the ego, aside and realize that its not fair of you to give her such an ultimatum without any REAL reason. Im sure she loves you. But she may also care a lot about her ex, which says something about the woman she is... I think it may even be a positive! I am very good friends with my ex, and I would not take kindly to any boyfriend saying its "me or him" That just comes off as very controlling and agressive behavior. If she is not doing anything wrong, and you trust her when she says that, then its not fair of you to ask her to make that choice.... and more importanly, if you love her, AND you have a child on the way, is this really something worth dumping her over!?
Mahatma Posted April 1, 2009 Posted April 1, 2009 I would say yes. I would not want my girlfriend visiting her ex boyfriends and going over to their houses, much less my wife. My mother never went to visit her exes. I think if your boyfriend was spending time with his ex girls you would feel a little weird. Maybe not though. Every person is different. The bottom line is if your girlfriend should just want to stop doing it because she loves you and sees what it is doing to you.
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