Island Girl Posted March 31, 2009 Share Posted March 31, 2009 Obviously, this abortion is a deal breaker for you. If you have asked him if he has ever gotten a woman pregnant repeatedly over a year, then it matters to you immensely. He did. They aborted. End of story. If you can't accept what he and another woman did in the past that had NOTHING to do with you, then this is not the relationship for you. SO TRUE!! And I will add that the pressure is on for you to find that other person that WILL be you significant other sweetie. Because pasts happen - and things happen in everybody's pasts. People get married and divorced. People have children or have pregnancy issues. As time goes by you will be hard pressed to find someone who has nothing -- NOTHING -- of any concern to you (you in particular with your views). And when you do there may be other issues such as fear of commitment or lack of something or another. I wish you luck. Link to post Share on other sites
65tr6 Posted March 31, 2009 Share Posted March 31, 2009 A year is a LONGGG time. Yes I don't expect someone to tell mee about these sortof things on a first second third date but after being asked many times it's not okay for him to lie to my face about it just so our relationship would drag on smoothly. They say "what you don't know can't hurt you" but when the truth is this devastating when revealed through all the wrong ways and wrong resources its not alright You said it yourself......You convinced yourself and you convinced me. I agree with you totally. Look at this way...The TRUTH, no matter how "small".....came out before you actually married him. Consider yourself lucky. What is the guarantee he is not going to cheat on your next ? Time to bail out.... And yes, you can always do better ! You can comprise on most but on truth and honesty....NEVER. Link to post Share on other sites
Author WIN3S Posted March 31, 2009 Author Share Posted March 31, 2009 No I did not ask him REPEATEDLY in a year just twice one jokingly, one seriously and he made it sound like its a rediculous idea I had and he only wants babies with mee. We're one of the silly funny couples that talk about having future children and names them and talk about the house we're going to have all that sortof thing. It's not seirous talk but he built this dream inside my head of how our lives are gonna bee and he told mee several times that I am his first love, his exes weren't love, all this. And now all that's shattered I realized he's been engaged twice before and he probably would do the same to mee I just couldn't go on. Link to post Share on other sites
Author WIN3S Posted March 31, 2009 Author Share Posted March 31, 2009 You have to remember - these engagements and this pregnancy/abortion just didn't happen to him. There were other women involved in them, and those women may very well want their privacy. Who is he to go telling other people (who may tell the entire Internet) about this woman's secret abortion? oh wow thank you for raising that point!! yu should bee a couples counsellor haha I mean it it's been the most useful tip so far I'd say... I did not think of that, I am ashamed to admit, I did not exactly think of her... and it's not 100% my fault because all this time I had thought she was this creepy, no self respect "stalker girl" and I guess I thought less of her but I shouldn't have after discovering their relationship and no... I did not shell out names so I did not exactly tell the "entire internet" about her pregnancy, everything I've said so far on here are true because I am desparately seeking help and advice from everyone i can get...all my close friends have been just too forgiving all they tell mee is to love him, cus they know we love each other, and leave the past in the past but I jsut cannot do that... after discovering this forum I posted my story so people can give mee brutally honest advice that one can only give when they're anonymous and unconnected to the victim, or OP or what you guys call it. (I am new to the forum thing sorry) Link to post Share on other sites
Island Girl Posted March 31, 2009 Share Posted March 31, 2009 Just saw your other thread. removing content Link to post Share on other sites
SoulSearch_CO Posted April 1, 2009 Share Posted April 1, 2009 We can agree to disagree on this one. I can tell what sort of person I am in a relationship with after a year, even though I may not know all of his secrets. If he is kind, if he is intelligent, if he is tolerant; the fact that he got a past girlfriend pregnant and they aborted wouldnt' change his basic personality. That just isn't the sort of issue that people broadcast. I don't see a past abortion as a bombshell; it's something that has happened to an extraordinarily large number of people. I think I made it quite clear that I was not judging his past. I judge the fact that he'd keep something like that private - like he was trying to trap me. That would make me very angry. I expect 100% honesty in a relationship. I do consider it a "bombshell" because to SOME people, that WOULD be a dealbreaker. He obviously kept it private because he was worried I'd leave. First of all, it would insult me that he didn't know me better (that I don't judge people's pasts as harshly as most - just ask my XH), and I would feel like he was trying to trap me with his lying by omission. I am VERY anti-lying-by-omission. It makes me very angry. But then, if you'd lived with my XH and had to learn how to ask questions very specifically so that he couldn't get around it and claim he'd been honest, maybe you'd feel the same way. I believe that being honest with each other and revealing one's past is a tool to get closer - to reveal your scars to another person and give them the chance to accept you no matter what the scars are. So in essence, I would also feel ripped off that he didn't trust me enough to give me that opportunity to love him regardless. Link to post Share on other sites
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