Separation and breakdown!

[Derek12b]

So here it goes. My wife and I met in college 6 years ago and we dated for a year and brokeup. I moved to L.A. for a year and when I got back, she started coming around again. We started dating and we got pregnant. We have two daughters now and have been married for 3 years.AWeek ago she told me she was going to her moms for the weekend and she still has not returned. She took the kids and has been staying at her moms ever since. My neighbor was hitting on my wife and he sent her an "I miss you message" before she left and I freaked. She says he was just someone to talk to and last week she said she would not talk to him anymore. I installed a keylogger about 8 months ago on the PC and there were no signs of her doing any wrong over the computer or at work, so I don't believe another man is involved. She also told me there is no other man involved and I do believe her.

We talk on the phone at night so I can say "goodnight" to the kids,and sometimes we talk a little but she really doesn't want to talk about the marriage right now. What shoud I do? My business is suffering and my heart is broke. I'm a mess and just can't decide if I want to break something or just crawl under the covers and cry. I asked her if she would go to a marriage counselor but she said she is not sure if it would do any good. I love my wife with all my heart and I'm so mad/hurt/confused/and all around....driving myself crazy.

She was raised about 20 miles from here and thats where her mom lives now too so she gets LOTS of support. I'm not from here and we moved to a log cabin in the woods and now its a PRISON for me. My kids are gone, my wifes, gone, and I have no friends here. I'm alone and she abandoned this marriage. A "walk away wife" if you will. My business makes me work from home most of the time but man....I have to literally crawl to get to the PC sometimes.

When she left she kept all of her clothes here and after a month I put them all outside and she had her family come get them because they were laying in the driveway. She came in and cleaned out the house of all her belongings. That night I asked her if she wanted to go to dinner and she said ,yes. Later after dinner she said she would work on things and I could "court" her again. I just don't want to be led on or hurt even more and, like I said, she dosen't want to talk about the relationship right now. The first 3 weeks I DRANK. I drank so much and was in such a dark place I slept everywhere in our house BUT the bed. I'm haveing a had time working and when we talk I want to talk about the realationship but she dosen't. Any advice or questions would be great. I have been reading this website for about a week now and this site has helped me more than anyone knows...well, I bet lots of people have come to this website for the same reasons. Thanks for reading.

[Derek12b]

Also, we had no fights. In fact we never fought at all. She says I neglected her and I really did. I looked over the little things and now that I look back I can see so many things I could have don't differently.

My wife bottles things in untill they just get to much for her to bear and she shuts down.

At night I cant sleep. I just lay in bed and have cold sweats and think myself into a frenzy. I get up and run at 2:00 a.m. and I have run about 20 miles in the last 4 days. I also go through this roller coaster of emotions thats insane. Im mad at me, im mad at her, and then I'm mad at me again. This needs to stop or my heads gonna explode.

[seibert253]

Instead of working through problems, it sounds like your wife in running from them. If you're sure there's not another guy, then you can win her back, but it's going to be on her terms. I think alot can be accomplished by just sitting down and talking. From what you've wrote, doesn't sound like alot of that's been happening.

If I were you, I'd "date" her again to see where it goes. Don't pry too much or too quickly about your marriage, or "where this is leading". Make it your goal to make her fall in love with you again. You know what mistakes you made the first time, this is your opportunity to SHOW her the new you. If she truly loves you it won't take any time at all before she's asking to come home. On the flip side, if she's fallen out of love with you, and this isn't going to work out, then you'll know for sure. With a solid answer, one way or the other, you will find it much easier to pick up the pieces and move on. With, or without her, life will go on and you will be stronger.

 

God Bless and Good Luck

[wowWTF]

At night I cant sleep. I just lay in bed and have cold sweats and think myself into a frenzy. I get up and run at 2:00 a.m. and I have run about 20 miles in the last 4 days. I also go through this roller coaster of emotions thats insane. Im mad at me, im mad at her, and then I'm mad at me again. This needs to stop or my heads gonna explode.

 

Hey bro you are not alone in this. I have been having the same issues. I have been averaging around 2 hours sleep a night for the whole week. I lay there with cold sweats and drive myself crazy with my thinking as well.

 

It is a nightmare. One of the most horrible feelings I have ever felt. I just want you to know that you're not alone in that man.

 

Keep your head up and just try to keep putting one foot in front of the other. I have a blindside situation going on right now myself, as do a few of the others here...and then there are plenty of been there done thats who have priceless advice to offer. You are in good company.

[wowWTF]

So here it goes. My wife and I met in college 6 years ago and we dated for a year and brokeup. I moved to L.A. for a year and when I got back, she started coming around again. We started dating and we got pregnant. We have two daughters now and have been married for 3 years.AWeek ago she told me she was going to her moms for the weekend and she still has not returned. She took the kids and has been staying at her moms ever since. My neighbor was hitting on my wife and he sent her an "I miss you message" before she left and I freaked. She says he was just someone to talk to and last week she said she would not talk to him anymore. I installed a keylogger about 8 months ago on the PC and there were no signs of her doing any wrong over the computer or at work, so I don't believe another man is involved. She also told me there is no other man involved and I do believe her.

We talk on the phone at night so I can say "goodnight" to the kids,and sometimes we talk a little but she really doesn't want to talk about the marriage right now. What shoud I do? My business is suffering and my heart is broke. I'm a mess and just can't decide if I want to break something or just crawl under the covers and cry. I asked her if she would go to a marriage counselor but she said she is not sure if it would do any good. I love my wife with all my heart and I'm so mad/hurt/confused/and all around....driving myself crazy.

She was raised about 20 miles from here and thats where her mom lives now too so she gets LOTS of support. I'm not from here and we moved to a log cabin in the woods and now its a PRISON for me. My kids are gone, my wifes, gone, and I have no friends here. I'm alone and she abandoned this marriage. A "walk away wife" if you will. My business makes me work from home most of the time but man....I have to literally crawl to get to the PC sometimes.

When she left she kept all of her clothes here and after a month I put them all outside and she had her family come get them because they were laying in the driveway. She came in and cleaned out the house of all her belongings. That night I asked her if she wanted to go to dinner and she said ,yes. Later after dinner she said she would work on things and I could "court" her again. I just don't want to be led on or hurt even more and, like I said, she dosen't want to talk about the relationship right now. The first 3 weeks I DRANK. I drank so much and was in such a dark place I slept everywhere in our house BUT the bed. I'm haveing a had time working and when we talk I want to talk about the realationship but she dosen't. Any advice or questions would be great. I have been reading this website for about a week now and this site has helped me more than anyone knows...well, I bet lots of people have come to this website for the same reasons. Thanks for reading.

 

Hey man we seem to have a lot of common ground here. I am also in a town where I don't know anyone. My wife's family lives here in town (never do that btw). So she is being comforted, consoled and advised by them...while I don't have a single soul to talk to aside from this forum right now. Luckily I have an old buddy of mine driving 10 hours to spend the weekend and help keep me sane. But that's only for two days. After that, it's just me and my German Shepherd. I said all that just so you know you're not alone.

 

I haven't started drinking (simply because I know I will go over the top with it if I do start) but I literally haven't eaten a single thing since Subway on Monday. Not a single thing. My mouth just isn't hungry and my stomach is going nuts with anxiety. It's not healthy. I have lost around 10 lbs this week. It sucks how one spouse can do this to another and seemingly not even care. Absolutely mindboggling.

 

Always remember the trite but true words: That which does not kill you makes you stronger.

 

Keep fighting man.

[Derek12b]

Right now, this forum is the only thing I that keeps me sane. When I feel like raging I read this forum. We had a great conversation last night but it all went south today when I got pushy and I hung up on her then tried calling her back like 3 times. Its sad. I just wander how she can do this to her family with no reguard for anyones feelings, mine, our kids, my family....anyone, or believing there are no consequences for her actions. I have our two girls for the whole weekend and all next week. When I picked them up from daycare today I brokedown in the truck. I really think she is wanting to experience life right now and wanting to BE married for the title, and the fact she doesn't want a divorce but she wants for me to let her do what ever she wants until it runs its course. I really messed up today buy calling 3 times and LETTING her not answere. She said we could have a date this week and she would hang out at the house...but that wasnt enought for me, NO, I had to ask her to stay tonight at the house and she said she was going to go out with her mom and friends. She said it would be good for the kids to see me and I said it would be good for the kids to see THEIR parets TOGETHER. Then I got mad and hung up. After about 5 minutes I started calling back. She never asnwered back so I felt like a idiot for pushing her but hell, when she was here I could have never of done these things. Should I just not call her anymore and wait for her to come around?

[cyabye]

Derek12b,

 

I feel for you. I was there MANY of times with my STBXW. Let me tell you something and take this to heart. LET GO. Your marriage is over. I wouldn't call her unless it had something to do with the kids. Right now she is loving "the game". That's right "the game". She loves it when you call her multiple times. I'd be weary of the neighbor. Why does he miss her? I don't believe what she says about being friends and someone to talk to. She might not have used the computer if this is a close by neighbor so the keylogger will get nada. Court/date her huh? NO. She walked out. Abandoned the marriage. Do not let her place all the blame on you. Do not feel so guilty. I have this gut feeling she is trying to have her cake and eat it too.

 

Let go.

Take care of you.

Spend as much time with your kids.

Take care of your business.

LIMIT contact with her (kid related stuff only).

Seek legal counsel.

 

Do NOT believe anything she says. Her actions will speak for her. In time, you will heal from this.

 

I hope this helps,

cyabye

[wowWTF]

Right now, this forum is the only thing I that keeps me sane. When I feel like raging I read this forum. We had a great conversation last night but it all went south today when I got pushy and I hung up on her then tried calling her back like 3 times. Its sad. I just wander how she can do this to her family with no reguard for anyones feelings, mine, our kids, my family....anyone, or believing there are no consequences for her actions. I have our two girls for the whole weekend and all next week. When I picked them up from daycare today I brokedown in the truck. I really think she is wanting to experience life right now and wanting to BE married for the title, and the fact she doesn't want a divorce but she wants for me to let her do what ever she wants until it runs its course. I really messed up today buy calling 3 times and LETTING her not answere. She said we could have a date this week and she would hang out at the house...but that wasnt enought for me, NO, I had to ask her to stay tonight at the house and she said she was going to go out with her mom and friends. She said it would be good for the kids to see me and I said it would be good for the kids to see THEIR parets TOGETHER. Then I got mad and hung up. After about 5 minutes I started calling back. She never asnwered back so I felt like a idiot for pushing her but hell, when she was here I could have never of done these things. Should I just not call her anymore and wait for her to come around?

 

 

I feel your pain bro. Right now she is basically in control, even if it's only in her head.

 

She is in an environment with plenty of distractions to pass the time and people to support her...while you have nothing to do but sit and stress about it by yourself.

 

Frankly, there is a lot to be said about the character of a spouse who would let another spouse suffer like that, but I won't get into it.

 

She knows that she left you and that she can bluff all the way to the end, knowing you will have to act first and show your hand...or she she may be dead set on divorce and is just getting her ego pumped while she waits for the papers to come through.

[Chessy02]

Derek, I know how hard it is - cry ocean, feel sick, doubt how someone you love so dearly could do such things to a human being without any compassion, et al. This forum has helped maintaining my sanity, and some good friends. I am glad I found this forum the week it happened to me - would have been happier if I had found it before the break up!

 

What I would say to you is that you should push. Start working on yourself. It hurts, but you can't do anything if she wants to live her life as a free woman. In months to come she may attempt to return when she sees the errors of her ways, but then you would have moved on. My brother was in the same boat, now wife is trying her subtle move to initiate some form of meeting, but he has moved on big time, albeit initially at a slow pace.

 

Pushing for her love only makes her run the opposite direction - very conter-productive. Called my wife once, and three friends called her the week or so of the break up, she got toughened up, as if to prove a point that she is in control - I am now doing NC. It is being a little over a month, and my take, whilst it still hurt is who gives a f@@k. There are many fishes in the river. I have started chatting girls - the lion has been let loose!! We can only laugh. I have cried, had sleepless nights, got confused. Now, though still healing I care less and less by the day.

 

So I hope you get to a stage where you think about YOU rather than about her or the marriage that she doesn't want. Some people thing that marriage is a game. Stay blessed.

[Derek12b]

So, she just called a minute ago and she talked to the girls. She said " I called to talk to the girls," so they talked and we only talked for a munite or two and it was about nothing important. My god, if we divorce I will lose EVERYTHING. The house, the business ( I wont be able to concentrate ), and how do I pay for child support? F**K, this is so bad. If she walked out can I get the kids? I bet not. I live in Indiana and I don't know the laws here. We have a date this week but who knows how that will go. You know, If my wife was in the same pain I am in I would do anything to stop it and make it better, but thats not her. What is she thinking? She is living at her moms now. Her teaching job will end in about 2 months and she is just living it up with no reguard for anyone but herself. I have never hit, hollared, gambled, and I'v never stayed out all night. My dad says she is just "on tilt" and confused, and that I should just wait and not push her. She should have thought about this before she got married though. I guess its just time to be strong and quit crying about it. Whats done has been done. She knows she has hurt the relationship to the point that it might not ever be able to be repaired. I'm glad I have the kids this week. How can she keep the kids if she walked out and there was no abuse? Why can't I have the kids and keep them in THEIR home where they belong? So many questions and there are no answeres. Thanks for reading everyone. This forum is really my only comfort and I read lots of stories that help me understand...that you will never understand.

[wowWTF]

You know, If my wife was in the same pain I am in I would do anything to stop it and make it better, but thats not her.

 

Hey man this sums it up. This is the exact thing that hit me today. I know for a FACT I could not stand to see my wife in the kind of pain she is putting me through. Once you internalize that as truth, it will begin the first step in you taking charge. You may shock your wife into realizing the gig is up and game time is over, time to put up or shut up...or maybe she'll still run off like a coward...

 

But either way, you will have strength from your discovery.

 

I posted in my thread something very similar today as your quote above. My attitude changed drastically once I really thought about this fact.

 

Brother, keep your chin up.

[Chrome Barracuda]

The first thing you do is breathe and prepare yourself for the future, get your money right. It's gonna suck if you get divorced but right now you got alot on your plate, one day at a time. that's the only way you'll live through it. Let her court you, work on you, hit the gym, start reading, go for jobs with more money, find out your rights, if you get 50/50 custody there might not be any child support. Find out what you need to do with your life.

[Derek12b]

I really am a bafoon. Everytime we talk I try to ask her questions that I know she dosen't want to answere. I look at the kids and they are so confused and her and her mom have done this to them. They dont know where there home is anymore and its just f@#$ed right now. My oldest is very clingy right now and everytime she sees me put on my shoes she starts crying because she thinks daddy is leaving. I'm gonna learn very quickly to hate my wife. I think I'm gonna have to just not talk to her and see if time will heal it, but so much damage has been done I'm not sure if it can ever be rebuilt. The kids guys...the kids. What the hell is she thinking. She has hurt everyone around her just becasue she said she had been unhappy for the last year. Well, you have good years and bad years and she never said a word about anything. She is acting like a spoiled little school girl, burying her head in the sand like an ostridge and not dealling with ANYTHING. I really think she's haveing a nervous breakdown mixed with a little Postpartum and sprinkled with a hint of denial. How can someone abandon everything thats important to them to go live back at home with their mom and have nothing, when you had everything. Ok, so I was a little distant, but with quiting my last job and starting this business and buying the house and trying to make a better life...I just wish she would have said SOMETHING, ANYTHING...but she said nothing just "I'm going to my moms for the weekend."

[Derek12b]

If anyone out there reads this...please just say a prayer for our family and ask god to make this family whole again. Thank you.

[Derek12b]

So heres the deal. My wife and I have been separated for 6 weeks and 2 days now. We are talking more regularly and things seem to be getting better. We're having "family day" tomorrow but I do much better now If I don't see her or talk to her. I'm pretty sure theres no other man in the equation and that she stays at her moms house everynight. My wifes a funny lady and I don't mean...haha. I'm almost to my whits end with the situation though. She is on one minute, then off the next. I really think reality of being a grown up has smacked her right in the face. She has regressed back to some teenage girl in her behavior and mannerisms. I asked her if she'd come back home Thursday when we talked on the phone and she said she diden't know and that she'd think about it, thats what she always says, but on Friday she came to the house and said she thought about it all day and she said she just coulden't yet. I've had the kids for 9 days now and it's kinda strange how she has not asked for them back yet but tomorrow I bet she'll take them. My oldest "3" wants to stay home and NOT go back to grandmas house. Why would she, its a two bedroom house with five people living in it? When I asked her on Thursday for an example of me being a bad husband she brought up the fact that when we had our second girl I left the hospital for 6 hours. WTF, she was in labor for 20 hours and I had a bone disease about 8 years ago, so I've had about as much hospital time as one would ever need. We were making plans on things to do to the house and she was taking about "when she came back," rather then "If." I hate waiting. I'm still wandering why "I" am having to court HER.

[Gunny376]

"I'm still wandering why "I" am having to court HER."

 

On the show, "Mad About You!" the wife complains to Paul, "You use to bring me cards, flowers, and 'sweet nothings', and take me out to the theatre, movies, and fine restaurants. Now that we're married? You don't do that anymore, why?" To which he replied ~ "That's why I got married so I wouldn't have to do that anymore?"

 

Many women marry the men that marry because they believe the courtship is how its going to be for the rest of their lives, only to find later that is a sink full of dirty dishes, laundry, and diapers stuck in the house all day with very needy little children.

 

The fact that she's left the children with you for nine days straight while she stays at her mother's house? Tells me that she trying to get it across to you of what she deals with every single freaking boring day ~ day in and day out! Gawd the monotony! The boredom! It would be enough to drive any person insane.

 

Meanwhile you get a reprieve from the domestic madness via going to work. You get to have intelligent conversations and banter with real people and grown adults. You get to have at least thirty minutes to an hour (lunch) just to yourself if you want. SAHM's don't have that option!

 

The fact that she's now told you at least twice that you need to "court her" tells me that she's needing to at least occasionally be "wined and dined" and romanced a little.

 

Were it me? When I got home from work I would give her a minimum or more "down time" ~ "Honey, why don't you go have a nice long soak in the tub for an hour, light some candles, put on some of your favorite music while I take care of the children and take them to the park, playground, shopping for groceries.

 

Surprise her with things ~ and little things mean a lot! Sending her flowers ~ just because when she's a SAHM with just children isn't the same as sending them where her GF's get jealous!

 

Find a sitter for the children. Its getting to be spring time ~ take her out for a picnic. And then on another occasion take her and the children.

 

The woman is practically screaming at you in "women speak" that she needs some R&R&R ~ Rest, Relaxation and Romance. And she's gone to her Mother's to give you the opportunity to "walk a mile in her shoes" for awhile and the chance to win her trust that the changes in you are permanent.

 

Your not getting the message because she's using "woman-speak" ~ aka ~ in-direct language. She's not going to come right out and blurt out what is so obvious to her? In 'woman-speak" she's practically screaming and shouting at you!

 

She's not reverting back to her teenage years ~ she's reverting back to the woman she was when you first meet, you first started dating, wanting the man that you were back then! Back before the job, the career, the bills, the babies, the worries, the stress, the,...........................fill in the blank! Sounds to me she's trying to "find" herself, she's trying to find the man she married?

 

Somewhere in all of that she gained a "husband" and lost a lover! She's looking for a 'lover" and if you can't "tote the note" then she's going to get real busy finding someone who can!

 

The good news is? It sounds as though she's giving you the first chance of refusal!

 

You might want to get a paperback ($6) "Light Her Fire"

 

Some other suggestions would be:

 

"Romance 101"

"1001 Ways To Be Romantic"

"1001 More Ways To Be Romantic"

1000 Things To Do On A Date'

 

Relationships are what women do! Its what they're wired and built to do! They carry another human being inside of their bodies for nine months for Christmas Sake! How much more relationship orientated can you get than that!

 

Men? They don't have a freaking clue about how to do and make relationships work?

 

You want to save your marriage? Don't be a 'fool" and get yourself back into 'school' and start learning what they don't teach you in school, church ~ zilch, nadda!

 

The fine art of how to be in a relationship and being married.

 

Even if you do end up divorced ~ it will all come in very handy when you get into your next relationship.

[Chrome Barracuda]

Courting works both ways. She has to be open to be courted and she has to give as well. It cant' be lopsided. She should court him as well. He's hurting too. He's hurting alot. Running 20 miles in 4 days???

[Woggle]

She is just trying to be nice to you so she can buy some time to ready to screw you in the divorce. She is already gone and while you are trying to fix things with her she is preparing for war. I would coyrt her alright but it would be divorce court instead of twisting yourself into a pretzel to try and please her majesty even though it won't do a bit of good.

[Derek12b]

It's been over 2 months now and we still talk on the phone, but we still don't talk about the realtionship much. Last weekend my wife stayed with me and the kids, and IT WAS GREAT....until she said that after the weekend was up she was going back to her moms and we would continue to work on things. So, I get mad. She clams up, and like always I let emotion get in the way. That night, after the small fight, we made love and went to sleep. This was the first time that has happened in almost 3 months. On Monday I was talking to her on the phone and I let it all go. This was a mistake because it caused her to not stay this weekend and another fight broke out. You have to understand this, my wife does not deal with emotion AT ALL. She clams up and says NOTHING. She is very delicate emotionaly and I'm at a loss. There is still no one else in the picture on either one of our ends but I feel like I just can't hold out much longer. If I mention to her what she has done to me, the business, the kids, our familys, she gets mad and says nothing. I wish she would go to a counselor but when I mention that she says she is fine and she has no problems. She is not fine and she does have problems. When the kids are on the phone and tell me they want to come home she changes their attention immediately and pretends like she heard nothing. I wish you could understand how this hurts me and how it is effecting ourwhole family. It's all about her and what she wants. She says she wants to go slow with the relationship but christ...how slow does she want to go, and lord forbid you ask her that because she always says the same thing "I don't know." When I ask her what the next step is, she says the same thing....yep you guessed it. It was a milestone for her to stay last weekend but it just seems we take one step forward and two steps back every week. Thanks for reading.

Derek:o

[delajoonal]

Derek12b...

 

i just want to say that i completely understand what you are going thru...no kidding.. my dh is EXACTLY The same way...HE just won't talk..the more he won't talk, the more i scream and say things i KNOW i am going to regret...BUT it is so darn frustrating to try to communicate wtih these people that just hold everything inside...argh!

it makes me crazy, rip out my hair, work out until i can't move, CRY and CRY until i can't breathe...

 

i just want to YOU to know, that someone out here gets you...and what pain and frustration you are going thru...it is like tormenting someone....with their NO talking crap!

 

sorry for you...also, i asked God, since my prayers seem to NOT get answered these days..i asked Him to watch over you and your family..espcially since you have such small kids at home:(

 

Good Luck and take care...

[Derek12b]

Its been 3 months since my wife moved out and a lots changed....but then again it hasen't. We've been talking on the phone everynight. We still see each other and hang out sometimes, but we're still not back together. She was supposed to come back home last Wednesday and stood me up. You want to talk about a tough night? Now she says shes coming back this Friday, but tonight on the phone, she was having her doubts. I hope she doesn't stand me up again, but I have a feeling she might, and I just have to suck it up and go on. I think I'm realizing some things. I think I have questions that wont be, and never will be, answered. I think I've read way to far into something that is very simple. As much as I hate to admit it, I think my wife is just not IN love with me. Now I've said it. It hurts, but this is the only answere I can come up with.

We really did have a nice happy home. I'll admit we had problems like any other couple, but we did have a happy home.

I so wish this wasn't my reality and I could go back in time and stop all of this from happening, but this can't be done and i'm here having to deal one day at a time with this. If someone would ask, what is your best relationship advice, I would have to say communication.

[Derek12b]

So, it will be 4 months on the 22nd of June and a lot has happened but my wife is still not back. We've been working on things and we were trying but it seems to have taken a turn for the worst. She told me yesterday that she loves me to death but she doesn't think she's "in love" with me. Our talks have been getting shorter and she just seems more distant every time we talk. I asked her if she wanted a divorce and after some thought, she said that's probably the best idea. After I thought about it for the night, I texted her the next day and she called me back. I asked her if this was the right decision and she said she wasn't sure. I asked her if she wanted to go on a date with me and she said yes. She actually said yes kinda quickly. I'm not sure if we're just prolonging the inevitable or she really wants to try. I've been the one doing all the trying and I feel like I've nothing left to give. I feel pretty dead on the inside and even having my kids doesn't help because all I see is a WAW and a broken home thats out of my control.

I let a friend move in last weekend and it was so hard going upstairs and cleaning up the mess that was left after my wife moved out. It felt like the end of our relationship because I left it un-touched after she walked out. I guess we're going to have our date this week but im just not sure how to aproach it. I'm not going to beg anymore. I'm not going to pressure her anymore. I'm not asking her to come home either. I'm just going to be me!

My wife comes from a family with LOTS of divorces and its a natural thing for her family, but my family has no divorces and they work things out. Some nights are so hard for me its beyond words or discription. Two nights ago I got drunk as 10 monkeys and set in my room with a bottle of wine and a .45. It was a bad night. I haven't had a night like that in a while...but that night it all came back in force. I never get depressed and I'm a very up-beat person but this has just taken its tole on me like nothing ever has. I hope that anyone reading this gets their loved one back.

[ducati]

Well i dont want to get too spirtual on you, but the only love you really need is from God everything else is a bonus.

Yea, be yourself when you out with her. Dont force anything.

[tojaz]

"Two nights ago I got drunk as 10 monkeys and set in my room with a bottle of wine and a .45."

 

Man, DO NOT GO THERE!!! I'm in a similar situation, http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t190291/ and I came close, REAL close. Lock up the piece, give it to a friend, do something. Nothing is worth even thinking about something like that. Get a counselor or something, it helps alot. If nothg else, I live in Indiana too (Valpo) if you need somebody to talk to and your close, I'm willing. Just let me know and I'll post an E-mail address. I'll keep an eye on your thread. Stay strong

TOJAZ

[hopesndreams]

Sorry you are going through this pain. My H, for months, has been stringing me along and it would be so much better and much faster healing if I could let him go. I am working towards it, but it's a slow process. In the meantime, I always fall for his bullcrap and then get my "fix" when things look hopeful and then crash when he starts going cold on me. Hot/Cold, from one week to the next. I do believe he has some mental problems and he did finally agree to see a therapist and he had an app't last Friday, which I drove him to and then he went all cold on me again. Now he is using the therapist as a way to string me along even longer. Did I mention he is living with the woman he left me for? I need a therapist as well but too busy with caring for a teenage daughter, her baby, my grandson and holding down a job. I live on the 18th floor and am ashamed to say I contemplate jumping. My faith in God is the only thing that stops me from going bonkers.

 

Do take tojaz up on his offer.