normal Posted March 17, 2009 Posted March 17, 2009 My boyfriend has a female friend from high school. I've met her, and I think she's cool. She's always been super nice to me. They fooled around once while they were drunk. That is ALL I wish to know regarding whatever past they may have had together. Anyway, she is going to school for massage therapy. She is giving him a massage tomorrow. Should I be okay with this?
BCCA Posted March 17, 2009 Posted March 17, 2009 If you trust him, you have to be ok with it. If youre not sure, you probably dont really trust him for some reason. Its a catch 22, trust him or look insecure. Not all massages involve sexuality, though. You could ask to come along, too, say your back hurts or something.
Author normal Posted March 17, 2009 Author Posted March 17, 2009 By the way I don't usually get jealous, but for whatever reason i really don't like this. I feel like it would make me more secure if he went to a massage therapy where he didn't know the massage therapist. Like I said, she's really nice but she is also really flirty. Doesn't bother me when I'm there to see it. But I hate the idea of her giving him a massage, especially when I give him massages almost everyday.
BCCA Posted March 17, 2009 Posted March 17, 2009 By the way I don't usually get jealous, but for whatever reason i really don't like this. I feel like it would make me more secure if he went to a massage therapy where he didn't know the massage therapist. Like I said, she's really nice but she is also really flirty. Doesn't bother me when I'm there to see it. But I hate the idea of her giving him a massage, especially when I give him massages almost everyday. We've all gone through things like this. Sometimes, you just dont like it. An ex of mine would tell me she didnt speak to her ex anymore, but then I found out she was kind of lying. The guy lived in another country, was married, and she dumped him, so its not like I was affraid she was going to run to him, but still. Just didnt like it, although the lying didnt help. Then there is that feeling you get when your SO is going to a bachelor/bachelortette party. Or Vegas, or boys/girls night out, etc... At the end of the day, if they were going to cheat, no amount of worrying or trying to stop them would work anyway. So, you just kind of have to let it go and take their word that they arent up to anything. Its really the only choice you have. If you can trust him, then see what happens. If youre not sure you can, then you already have a problem.
carhill Posted March 17, 2009 Posted March 17, 2009 OP, IMO, it's not a matter of *should*, it's matter of *are*. Are you OK with this? Only you know the totality of your R. IMO, if you're asking the question, there's a concern. Whether it is with your BF or with your own psychology, I do not know. Talk with him about it. Does he normally get massages?
Author normal Posted March 17, 2009 Author Posted March 17, 2009 OP, IMO, it's not a matter of *should*, it's matter of *are*. Are you OK with this? Only you know the totality of your R. IMO, if you're asking the question, there's a concern. Whether it is with your BF or with your own psychology, I do not know. Talk with him about it. Does he normally get massages? His first and last professional massage was in Mexico over a year ago. I wasn't with him, but I was fine with it. I am not okay with him getting a massage from her. I guess at least he is being honest. I'll just lighten up and bite my tongue.
carhill Posted March 17, 2009 Posted March 17, 2009 Do you and he get massages together? How do you feel then? Do you see where I'm going with this? Acknowledging you're not OK with this is healthy. Now examine the why.
pinkmarble Posted March 17, 2009 Posted March 17, 2009 A little communication lays the foundation for a good relationship. Tell him how you feel - that you're uncomfortable with it and you would prefer that he didn't. You're not trying to stop him, you're just being honest with your feelings. I think his response to some open communication will be more telling than whether or not he gets a massage.
Dexter Morgan Posted March 17, 2009 Posted March 17, 2009 My boyfriend has a female friend from high school. I've met her, and I think she's cool. She's always been super nice to me. They fooled around once while they were drunk. That is ALL I wish to know regarding whatever past they may have had together. Anyway, she is going to school for massage therapy. She is giving him a massage tomorrow. Should I be okay with this? No, cuz what you want to be she will reach under the towel?
Author normal Posted March 17, 2009 Author Posted March 17, 2009 Thank you, Carhill I will suggest a couple's massage. I don't like the idea of her rubbing her hands all over him, especially his butt or thighs. (He was planning on a full-body massage).
carhill Posted March 17, 2009 Posted March 17, 2009 Great. Suggest that to him. He should be enthusiastic about it. I know I always enjoyed couples massages with my wife (one of her good female friends was an experienced masseuse). Very relaxing
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