385 Posted March 17, 2009 Posted March 17, 2009 Ok, so I've been 2 'legit' dates and 2 'informal' dates with this girl but I still can't tell what's going on with our relationship. I don't know if she wants an actual relationship or just to hook up or what. The two actual dates I set both up with her. One was a lunch date and another was a movie date. For some reason whenever we do legit dates, I feel like there's something missing and it feels like an average date - nothing spectacular but it wasn't awkward/terrible either. However, whenever we hangout - both times at this local college bar, we have a blast. And both times she's grabbing on to my arm and stuff. We haven't hooked up yet because I can't invite her back to my place but she's taken me back to her place but her roommate was there preventing us from hooking up. But here's the thing, she's never initiated a conversation with me via text or phone. I've had to do all the talking, like text her during the day or what not. I don't know if maybe she's just not much of a talker or what because on every date I've had, formal and informal I would probably say I had to do most of the talking. (which is part of the reason it makes the date average because I feel like I'm talking about myself to myself) At best, it would be 50/50. I mean she sorta quizes me on the dates - kinda like an interview, haha, (I might have to turn the tables and start asking her more questions from now on. The reason I haven't really done that is because the few times I've done that, she gives the insecure/shy answer - which means she's not very direct and kinda vague about stuff). The only time she's ever talked to me first was the last informal date we had, where she texted me asking me if I wanted to go to the bars. The other time is she commented on my facebook status. But that's about it. Oh and the first time we met, she sorta initiated the conversation but I approached her, it was kind of weird. So what should I do, should I try to ask her out on a 3rd legit date, though I'm pretty sure it will be more of the same - unless I can somehow think of a fun date. Or should I just call her up the next time there's a party. And also, should I keep texting her, like every day or so or should I text her every 2 or 3 days because I'm initiating the conversation every time. A plus about her though is that she remembers everything I say to her, which is actually kinda scary because I'd think in my head, "oh yeah, I did tell her that." Almost everybody I've met in my life until now has forgotten something/lots of stuff I've said, ahah - - - - oh and funny thing, apparently loveshack won't let me make this the title of my post "Confusing Girl - What should I do?" Crazy sensor stuff if you ask me....
confused_2008 Posted March 17, 2009 Posted March 17, 2009 My opinion is that she's interested. The big thing that says that is her asking stuff about you and most importantly remembering it. Maybe she's just more nervous on the dates and that's why you don't feel the "chemistry." I'd say ask her on another date if you are interested in more than a hook up. You have the right idea in planning something fun. Why not bowling or minigolf or something. Those are good dates that don't feel so much like an interview. Oh, and just because she's not initiating conversation doesn't mean she's not interested. A lot of girls are this way and think guys should persue a little bit in the beginning. As long as she's receptive in planning dates and returns your calls, things are going good, IMO. Once she starts flaking, then reconsider what's going on.
Beautiful Inside Posted March 17, 2009 Posted March 17, 2009 lol at the title stuff....any who check this out...i use to be just like her in the since id never ever call guy id wait until they called me 100 times until i was like actually dating them i felt comfortable calling them but i was silly and immature and thought the guy should be the one to always be the initiator for all things. i always waited to get a text from a guy i was seeing id never ever text first and i would wait for some time to reply to make it seem not all desperate lol does that make sense?...i think she prob is interested in you y else would a girl want to be hanging out with a dude for no reason....im sure she doesn't need another best friend lol
Beautiful Inside Posted March 17, 2009 Posted March 17, 2009 i would play it cool give her space dont text her too much until she finally starts being the one to text you! or call you u know?...
Lindarose84 Posted March 17, 2009 Posted March 17, 2009 I agree with the prior posts- honestly, I would take a step back from the texting/calling and let her do some of the work. Speaking as a woman, I know that personally if I'm interested in a guy I'm calling/texting a guy as often as possible just so he's not wondering if I'm interested. I'm making it pretty clear. I've been on dates where I wouldn't really contribute to the conversation after realizing that this guy wasn't the one for me. I've had guys do the same to me. Go a few days with no contact and see if she initiates contact. If not, I think you have your answer as to what she wants...
Author 385 Posted March 17, 2009 Author Posted March 17, 2009 Thanks for the help and advice! See this is what really bothers me because I'm interested in more than a hookup. But I don't want to always be initiating everything you know. I mean, if that's what she wants, I'd do that, but the thing is I don't know what she wants. I also don't know how experienced she is with dating and all, so I don't know if she's the type that wants the guy to pursue, like confused_2008 and Beautiful Inside said or she wants some space like what Lindarose84 said. I guess what I will do is not contact her for like 1 or 2 days with the excuse that I was busy with Finals - which is true because everybody at school has tests this week and see if she contacts me. The only time she contacted and said she wanted to hangout was like 2 days after we had a movie date - which in my opinion was a worse date than the lunch date. But that's cuz we went to see Watchmen and that movie is like 3 hours or something and unknowing to me it was pretty violent - which apparently she didn't really like. Anyways I digress. She texts me 2 days after the movie date to see if I want to hangout at this bar, and it happens that my friends and I were planning to go to it already. So we meet up and had a blast and she tells me she wants to come to this bar night a group I'm in is having the next day. Now, since I'm in the group and all, I'm supposed to go, but I make it sound like I might go if I feel like it. I tell her I'd call her the next day with my answer. So I call her the next day, tell her I'm going, "would you like to come with me," and she says yeah or something like that, and then I forgot what happened but anyways you know when 2 people talk at the same time? Well we both started on a sentence and then we both stop, and I was like "what were you going to say," and she was like "wait what were you going to say" so I tell her that we can meet up at this time/place and she's like cool. 10 min later or something, I get a text that says she really wants to go, but she's actually pretty sick (which I assume that was what she was trying to tell me over the phone but I was too dumb and forgot to ask her what she was going to say), and that she hopes to see me before spring break. I texted her something like, "that's fine, don't worry about it, get better soon and tell me when you do so we can hang out" And she's replies "K I will!" Anyways, sorry kinda long, but I had to do that to ask my next question. So what should I do now, wait for her to tell me she's better, or ask her if she's better a couple days from now? I'd probably do the latter but either way, Spring break is soon and we probably won't be able to hang out considering its finals for us. And also, since she doesn't really initiate anything, next time when I talk to her, should I explicitly say "call me sometime" or "text me sometime" and wait for her to do that?
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