Alisonbrown2 Posted March 16, 2009 Posted March 16, 2009 Me and my boyfriend have been together for just over a year. The first 4 months were absolutely perfect but then he started being a bit distant. I had no inidication why but became suspicious and did the unforgivable snooping. Obviously when you snoop you are either insecure or looking to find something you won't like to prove something to yourself - either way it's bad. I found - naked pictures of ex, and several hundred other pictures of her, all together with a load of other pictures, history on PC of looking at models on facebook that he's slept with before, and other girls, history of him looking at porn of mainly MILFs (but other stuff too). I dont have a problem with porn, but when it's about 4 nights in a row and I am only living next door, it makes you feel bad that he'd rather spend his time on that. I never mentioned the snooping, but the relationship deteriorated and I no longer trusted him. However, for a time, things did in fact pick up again, we started spending more time together and things were going well. Then about 2 months later it went downhill terribly, I got jealous all the time and was constantly insecure and worried. He told me in arguments that I was pathetic, had no shame, was unattractive to him, he'd watch me cry and tell me that I made him feel trapped. I didnt feel myself and had never behaved like this in relationships, even though I've been cheated on, it never affected me like this. He says to me he never "signed up" to this and that he feels suffocated as he thought I was independent and carefree (which I was). We eventually sat down and discussed and I confessed why I was so upset, about the pictures etc. He got rid of the picutres but they were still on his PC for ages which made me feel terrible. We are still arguing now, and when I get upset about things (which I know, looking back, are irrational most of the time), he still tells me the same things, and blames on me pushing him into a corner. My question is, how do I trust him again and build back my confidence? Outside of this, he is perfect and treats me so well:love:. i've never felt like this about anyone and he hasnt either. I just want it to work, there's such massive lows and massive highs. Do I need help?
Mandapanda Posted March 17, 2009 Posted March 17, 2009 Hmm, where the pictures of his ex recent, or from when they where together? These 'Models' on face book that he slept with before, was it just sex, or was there more? A serious relationship? As far as the porn, maybe he's like every other guy and thinks that girls aren't into sex every night and figured he'd do you a favor and take care of it himself. As long as it is not every night you really shouldn't worry about the porn, that's a guy thing. Ah, since you have been cheated on before it's always going to be there. I know it is for me, and alot of my girlfriends. It's hard to trust hardly anyone after you've been cheated on, especially if the guy that cheated on you didn't seem like the type that would. The first guy that cheated on me, I would have bet a million dollars he wasn't that type. You know when you see a guy and you say to yourself 'he's a cheater' like you can just feel it? Well, he was the opposite. Unfortunately he cheated on me the whole time we were together, even while we were engaged. So that could be a problem, you had finally trusted another guy, and then the pictures and porn brought back all those things you tried to bury deep inside you. As far as trusting him again, believe it or not I've learned it has a lot to do with your past. Did you forgive the one that cheated on you? Do you still hold it against him? (And I'm not saying blame yourself, I'm saying forgive and let it be) you may still have that skeleton in your closet. trust is a hard thing to earn, and he obviously did something that made you snoop, it's not like you where just bored and thought 'hey, lets see if i can get some dirt on him' there where suspicions there, and the pictures made it worse. If he is someone that you feel you cannot trust again, don't try to. I've learned the hard way, once you completely lose trust in someone, it is hard to get it back, and trying to get it back is like setting yourself up to fall, hard. As far as him treating you well, him telling you you are pathetic and unattractive to him, watching you cry and from what I got not consoling you doesn't seem like someone you want to be with in the first place. No matter what I did, my husband would never tell me any of those things, and never not hold me when I cried. (But then again, that's just one side of the story, I do not know the whole thing I am just saying, so don't bite my head off) And how old are you two?
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