carona716 Posted March 9, 2009 Posted March 9, 2009 So I have this friend who is a very conservative Mormon, both in terms of sex and her beliefs. I, on the other hand, am a conservative Christian, so our sexual beliefs are on the same level. We get along very very well, talking upwards of 6 hours a day on IM or phone. She lives about a state away right now, going to school. We both just got out of bad relationships, on almost the same day actually, and have been supporting each other through the whole ordeal. So I have some feelings brewing for her, but I am not sure if its mutual, or if I am just rebounding. I keep getting mixed signals from her. She says she really wants a mormon BF, but then she draws me an amazing picture of myself that easily took 3 hours. Ill be happy to answer any questions, and thanks in advance for any input!
SoulSearch_CO Posted March 9, 2009 Posted March 9, 2009 I am former LDS (aka "Mormon"), so can probably give you a take on this. She may have emotion for you, but the pressure from family and her Mormon community can be pretty tremendous. If she has a more strongly developed sense of who she is, then she may be able to feel okay dating you. If she still strongly identifies with her religion, then you'll have one heck of a time getting her to date you. One of the major goals for every Mormon is to grow up and get married in the temple - you can only do that with another Mormon. To her family and her community, dating you would be throwing away her one chance at celestial happiness. So I guess I have a few questions before saying whether or not you two are doomed. What other indication has she given you that she's interested in you romantically (because quite honestly, I'd do the picture drawing for a friend)? How did you two meet? What are your ages? Is she active in her religion? How active is her family? Were her parents married in the temple? How about her siblings? Are most of her friends Mormon? Has she ever dated somebody before that was non-Mormon?
Author carona716 Posted March 9, 2009 Author Posted March 9, 2009 Well dang your reply didn't give me much of a hope XD Well, her dad is a life long member of the church, though not a very close follower, and her mom is a converted mormon. Most of her friends aren't LDS, she says she is very tolerant of other's beliefs, but I dont know if that pertains to relationships as well. Neither one of us is looking for marriage yet, since we are only 18, but she is going to BYU Idaho, so that can tell you how much she is into her religion. She has only had 1 boyfriend, who was also LDS. As for other indicators, it might actually all be in my head, but she always comments on how nice it is to finally meet someone who has similar values as her, as well as interests. But that is probably just a friendship thing. I have known her for over a year, but we never really started actually talking untill about a month ago (we met through a mutual friend and it only recently took off)
SoulSearch_CO Posted March 9, 2009 Posted March 9, 2009 Yeah, she may not be looking for marriage RIGHT NOW, but Mormons are taught to only date Mormons. Otherwise, they could end up falling in love with a non-member and not be able to get married in the temple. It kind of sounds like she's into it. I wouldn't count on her discounting it to be able to date you. Hang around and just be her friend (without hidden agenda). If she ends up deciding that you're more important than her religion, she'll let you know.
JamesM Posted March 9, 2009 Posted March 9, 2009 I agree with Soul Search. Mormons will not necessarily look at a non-Mormon for a partner. At your age, I question whether she is thinking marriage and children. If you are thinking of a relationship with no long term goals in mind, then I doubt it matters as much. But I personally think you should be thinking farther into your future. You say you are a "conservative Christian." Are you familiar with what the Mormons believe as compared to what you believe? Do you want (and I know this is hard to consider) your children being raised as Mormons or as how you were? Get a good book on Mormon history and beliefs as compared to what you believe. Then make a decision. It is much better to not start the relationship if it has no future. There will be a lot less pain. Trust me...I have been there (although no with a Mormon). It is not simply about love. It is about commonalities and similar beliefs.
Sam Spade Posted March 9, 2009 Posted March 9, 2009 Any strong religiosity will be an insurmountable hurdle in any dating situation unless both sides are from the exact same camp. Religion makes life simpler only if you manage to convince most of the population that this is the way to go :) Also, since you say both of you have had relationships, how central is religion to your lives anyway?? The man upstairs says you'll burn in hell if you engage in sexual congress for any purpose other than procreation
Hughesy Posted March 9, 2009 Posted March 9, 2009 Yes, religious differences will ruin a relationship. I dated a Jewish girl from Israel and I am a Roman Catholic and I actually came to resent her with a passion. I also accused her ancestors of aiding in the murder of Jesus Christ and she was highly offended and upset. We broke up shortly afterwards.
knaveman Posted March 10, 2009 Posted March 10, 2009 Religion is only as big a hurdle to a relationship as you make it.
MN randomguy Posted March 10, 2009 Posted March 10, 2009 Soulsearching is giving good advice. I am a Christian and I haven't really researched the LDS church myself. But, from what I've been told there are some pretty big theological differences. I wouldn't let my mind get too wild imagining things with this girl. I think the ideal scenario is for you two to remain friends. For you to last as a couple, one will have to convert to the other's faith, IMO. However, converting for a SO and not because you actually believe is not good either.
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