What am I doing and why can't I stop?

[flash582]

Listen ..... I have a slightly different perspective.

 

I'd have a long talk with HER.

 

She's still your friend and leave her behind with this:

 

Tell her that you respect her relationship and that it bothers you that she doesn't. Recommend that she seek counseling and try figure out what is really behind her attraction to you over her Husband.

 

She's not placing you in a fair position and frankly, any relationship that would be between you two would be tainted.

 

Tell her she can call you AFTER counseling and once she's figured out what she really wants, but only if she's single again.

 

THEN go NC.

 

But I wouldn't feel good about being the REASON that her vows to another man are being broken. And don't kid yourself .... she's not showing either YOU or her Hubby respect.

[Trimmer]

It has proceeded beyond a kiss but not to a "complete" physical affair. Regardless it is something that needs to stop before it gets to that point and ruins both of our lives. She is a very nice person and I don't need to put her in a position that requires her to lie to her spouse.

Man, you're dancing around with all these euphemisms. What did you guys do? All this "escalated further" and "not to a 'complete' physical affair.." stuff - it sounds like you're not even being honest with yourself, let alone us.

 

The reason I say this is that you say it needs to stop "before it gets to that point..." as if you've convinced yourself that there's some bright line with a big sign on it that says "THAT", and you haven't crossed "that" line yet. I maintain that there's no one big, bold line between here and there, this and that - that you've already crossed into the realm of affair, period. Whether you classify it firmly as EA, or PA, or dance around and call it "escalated from a kiss" or whatever isn't really that pertinent.

 

I'm just concerned that you are doing the classic affair-partner thing where you say "well, but we haven't really done that yet, so, you know, it's not really...." So I'm not asking solely out of prurient interest, but I think you need to hear yourself say it, and admit to it, and know that you've aready "crossed over": enough with the euphemisms; how far have you gone, and what have you done?

[RamChops]

Ok dude...here's the deal. Not a do gooder, I'm at the bad end of where you are now. STOP. Nothing good comes of this. Those good feelings you have will soon be replaced by mood swings when she doesn't return a text fast enough, or can't meet you because of an obligation or she speaks well of her H. I've been there, and the butterflies you're experiencing in your stomach now will turn to parasites. I was you not long ago, and now I'm in a personal hell dealing with things. Frankly, I'm not going to tell you this all about guilt and conscience, but it's about your well being.

 

I'm also not going to tell you it's fantasy; because I believe the feelings are real. But life is real too and the likelihood of any of this morphing into anything positive is just not going to happen. Just STOP. I too felt like this was overwhelming me and I continued down the path. It's an addiction. It consumes you. You will lose your focus at work or school. You will become distant from your friends. You are hurting everyone involved.

 

Now I get to come to this site to vent because I'm trying to work though this crap. Not how I want to spend my time. Run like the devil because NOTHING good comes of this stuff.

 

Got it?

 

This man speaks the truth. Distance yourself from MW, go NC and cut her out of your life at this early stage. It might hurt, but you do not want to be wrapped up in emotions that later choke you and drain your energy and time, your life, away. At 27 you still have so much opportunity. RUN while you still can.