DanTheMan Posted February 26, 2009 Posted February 26, 2009 Me and my Girlfriend are both young(18, 17), And yes we're in a state where having sex with eachother is legal. Anyway, we didn't have sex with eachother until we were going out about two months. Afterwards we had sex 3 times a day for several weeks. It was pretty exhausting but at the same time it was awesome. It slowed down to a more reasonable pace of once a day, give or take a few days if she was feeling sore or not in the mood, which was fine. Just recently, we hit our 5 month mark and now sex has slowed to a crawl. We only do it once a week if at all. I feel this sort of started a couple weeks back when she was diagnosed with Chlamydia which she gave to me from one of her previous partners. Obviously we couldn't have sex for a week until we were both cured but I also felt a little weird around her as her past tends to haunt me often and having a physical illness because of it doesn't tend to help me get over it. Well eventually I got over it and we had very passionate sex, and then it kind of went downhill from there. Anyway I tried to spark some interest in sex the other day by buying ribbed condoms which she has always expressed interest in and then buying some flavored lube, just to try things out. She seemed excited and promised we'd have sex yesterday. She's promised to have sex with me a lot lately, but it's always fallen through because she's too tired from waiting to get me off of work or she's not in the mood. Which I thought was fine because I don't think she should have to promise to have sex with me in the first place. So we went to a movie and watched T.V. until right before bed when she asked if I was sexually frustrated because we don't have sex as much anymore and I told her "A little, but I you're more than just sex to me." She said "I don't want you to get mad at me for not having sex" and I said "I would never get mad at you for that" and that "only jackasses get mad at girls for not having sex with them" Which is true, but I think I played off my frustration a little less than what it is. Why do you think she won't have sex with me anymore?
Squirtal Posted February 26, 2009 Posted February 26, 2009 Hi Dan There is a chance she may be feeling weird about the std herself along with feeling guilty about giving it to you. She may feel like shes done something wrong. It can take a while to get over something like that and you have a feeling of paranoia for a while.
anne1707 Posted February 26, 2009 Posted February 26, 2009 I think Squirtal is right here. It's probably knocked her confidence having this happen and she needs time to deal with it. Reassure her and don't push her for sex - make her feel loved and things should work out.
Author DanTheMan Posted February 26, 2009 Author Posted February 26, 2009 Also throwing this out there, but when she first found out she had Chlamydia she was getting tested to be put on Birth Control. Do you think that her BC has also played a role in lowering her sex drive a bit?
prettybaby Posted February 26, 2009 Posted February 26, 2009 Do you think that her BC has also played a role in lowering her sex drive a bit? BC can definitely lower a woman's sex drive. A lot of girls actually complain about that effect; some don't even feel like having sex anymore.
Author DanTheMan Posted February 26, 2009 Author Posted February 26, 2009 If the BC is the cause of the issues, what can I do to resolve it? Her family is pretty poor and she only gets BC for free due to her being under the age of 18 so I don't think she has very many options as far as switching pills goes. Do I just be patient? Or should I convince her to stop taking the pill and just use other forms of protection?
thegoodlife Posted February 26, 2009 Posted February 26, 2009 Have you sat down and talked to her to find out if there are any underlying reasons for her not wanting to have sex, aside from the usual 'too tired, not in the mood' thing? It could most definitely be guilt or feeling a little weird after the whole std thing. Ask her. Also keep in mind that in most relationships the sex has its period of down-time where you don't get much play, but after a while it should pick up again, so this could be one of those normal down times. It's good that you are trying to spark some interest in sex again from her, and that you're not being resentful or anything. And I'm not suggesting this is the case for you, but there are a lot of women out there that feel pressured to have sex, or that sex is expected from them when there were times in the past you two f*cked like rabbits. She may feel pressured to keep that amount up and it makes her shut down. It doesn't sound to me like you have pressured her at all, but a lot of men don't even realize that they are making their gf's feel this way. You going out and buying the condoms and lube (not that I see it as any problem or that you did anything wrong), may actually be making her feel pressured without you knowing. Just something to keep in mind and maybe ask her about. no matter what it is, just keep the lines of communication open and all should be well. You're young and just getting started. Happy trails!
prettybaby Posted February 26, 2009 Posted February 26, 2009 If the BC is the cause of the issues, what can I do to resolve it? Her family is pretty poor and she only gets BC for free due to her being under the age of 18 so I don't think she has very many options as far as switching pills goes. Do I just be patient? Or should I convince her to stop taking the pill and just use other forms of protection? I've always strictly used condoms. No BC. Condoms protect from STDs, which BC doesn't. Plus, I don't have to mess with my hormones that way. I keep my body natural and my sex drive in good gear. So hey, works for me.
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