I ended it and he's not taking well

[rhoward0006]

Inside you are glad that he reacted the way he did, b/c inside you are really saying better him than me. If you really cared about him, you would be more concerned than you are right now, but deep inside, it is sad to say, you like the fact that someone is acting this way towords you. Its not all ways about you. I hope you realize that one day and dont take joy over some pitty over you.

[allina]

He's going to be humiliated by the way he acted once he gains control of him emotions, poor thing.

 

Just stay away from him, he's going nuts and trying to make you feel guilty. He'll get over it and move on.

[You'reasian]

Well folks. An update.

 

Of course I acknowledged it wasn't fair to have ambivelant feelings towards my bf, so I delicately broke the news to him.

 

His reaction=not good. He cried hysterically and was very upset and still is. What bothered me is he got smashed and drove around like that for hours while calling me & texting me numerous times saying he wants to get back together, I destroyed him by ending it, he's nothing without me,etc, etc. I do respond to his contacts and approach him in the utmost delicate and understanding manner. I am concerned for him and we are still friends. What bothers me most he told me he was cotemplating suicide last night. I told him to get help immedietly, but he wont listen.

 

I feel terrible that he is so much pain and I'm doing what I can to be there as a friend.

 

Anyway, just an update to those of you who replied to my previous post.

 

Is this one of the same guys who has the cocaine/drinking/porn/gambling/cursing/wall-punching/ham sandwhich addictions?

[chrislovestosurf]

Is this one of the same guys who has the cocaine/drinking/porn/gambling/cursing/wall-punching/ham sandwhich addictions?

 

I love ham sandwhiches

[mclovin]

After cheating on your husband with a married man, then dumping your husband. Now you had a boyfriend and dumped him. You need to not be in relationships that have names to them. You just need to go have sex with a lot of people and have fun. You're really not that much into feeling bad when you screw people over. So just screw people. The posts I've read of yours show that you have very little concern for others. In fact (and other can form their own opinion) you sound like you enjoy hurting people.

 

There is no reason for your rude response. Please do not write on this thread if you do not like what you are reading.

 

The fact that you wrote something like this shows you have "very little concern for others". So maybe it's a good idea you don't come on a website that is meant for people who have the heart to help people. You're the pot calling the kettle black, sweetie. Oh, and I'm sure you have NEVER broke up with anyone in your life.

 

Please don't respond to me again.

[socialight]

mclovin, congratulations on successfully using, discarding, and emotionally scaring this 21 year old boy. You should be proud. I am sure that is why your turn to loveshack, to get accolades for your immensely noble and responsible behaviour.

[Els]

Goodness sakes, socialight, lay OFF her. You already mentioned your opinion and advice on her other thread. She doesn't agree with you. Why do you have to keep on playing the self-righteous prick?

 

Mclovin, I guess you did what you had to. It's all the way ahead now, I'm sure he'll be down for some time but he too will learn from the experience and move on. I just hope you won't regret it later on.

[Surfer Dude]

Come on guys, cut this woman a break. She had enough of that relationship, she wanted to end it, that's fair.

 

I was also that sappy guy crying his eyes out, lying drunk in the gutter, threatening to commit suicide, I mean - who wasn't? We've all been through that crap.

 

There are many useful points a guy can learn from such emotional traumas (hopefully):

 

• nothing is forever
  
• relationships are impermanent
  
• enjoy them for what they are
  
• care about the experience, not the outcome
  

If he figures things out and somehow manages to maintain that frame of mindset, he'll be fine.

Let's just hope he won't resort to cynicism and misogyny, I've seen too many guys dealing with breakups like that.

 

We also do it to women all the time... it's not like they are the only ones who break up. Give them a break.

[mclovin]

Oh God.

 

It's amazing how many people come on here to waste their time writing nasty replies.

 

So, I'm guessing those of you who wrote nasty remarks NEVER broke up with someone in their lives?

 

OBVIOUSLY, I felt badly ending it. Who the f*ck enjoys break ups?

 

Should I have got to a hypnotherapist to make me fall back in love with himn again? No! In the beginging the spark for me was there and after a while it just fizzled out. Gradually, I lost interest and certain traits of his got on my nerves. Typical of most relationships that do not become permanant.

 

If I really didn't give a rat's a$$, then I would come on LS looking for some comfort for the break up.

 

Of course I feel pain and sadness. Of course I did what I could to help him through it.

 

He even did another thing for attention, which he embarassed himself. I was nice about it and referred him to a doc. I don't answer his text/calls as much and I am trying to gradually let him go. He even admitted he went over the edge.

 

You know folks, no matter what happened in any relationship, threatening to commit suicide is not a good way to get someone back. Although pity follows, you must also question the person's character. After he said that stuff and pulled the attention-seeking act he did yesterday, I'm somewhat relieved I got out of a relationship with an emotionally unstable person.

 

He did many wonderful things for me, but if someone is unstable and overly-dependent like that, that is not good for either one of us. He needs time alone to sort his emotions out for HIMSELF. An unhealthy relationship is never good.

[mclovin]

mclovin, congratulations on successfully using, discarding, and emotionally scaring this 21 year old boy. You should be proud. I am sure that is why your turn to loveshack, to get accolades for your immensely noble and responsible behaviour.

 

 

Sociallight, are you in a relationship now?

[socialight]

i am interviewing candidates as we type.

 

I will be perfectly blunt with you mclovin. I have my own issues, as do we all. But my issues do not involve callous or utterly selfish behaviour.

 

By your own admission, you deliberately chose to enter into a relationship that you new would fail. As you did so, you willfully ignored the consequences that would arise when you ended this relationship. You used this kid, flat and simple.

 

Now I am in no way defending his actions after breakup -- the kid needs help, no doubt. But as a responsible adult you should have been able have some discipline and not put yourself or this kid through these situations in the first place.

 

Would anyone on this board respond with "oh, she wasn't the one for you, move on, etc" if some 35 year old guy roped in some emotionally fragile teenage girl and then dumped her like a rotten vegetable once she got annoying? Of course not.

[Chrome Barracuda]

In the end mclovin your not gonna have a meaningful relationship until you figure out what's messed up inside of you, if any. This young cat was probably not such a bad person, why discard him?

 

You remember me now dontcha?

[chrislovestosurf]

mclovin, i dont think you would have to deal with such a harsh breakup if you didnt date guys that were 9 years younger than you (college aged no less). I mean what do you expect. When you date someone that is closer to age 30 then you dont have to deal with the BS immaturity that comes along with dating someone that young.

[mclovin]

i am interviewing candidates as we type.

 

I will be perfectly blunt with you mclovin. I have my own issues, as do we all. But my issues do not involve callous or utterly selfish behaviour.

 

By your own admission, you deliberately chose to enter into a relationship that you new would fail. As you did so, you willfully ignored the consequences that would arise when you ended this relationship. You used this kid, flat and simple.

 

Now I am in no way defending his actions after breakup -- the kid needs help, no doubt. But as a responsible adult you should have been able have some discipline and not put yourself or this kid through these situations in the first place.

 

Would anyone on this board respond with "oh, she wasn't the one for you, move on, etc" if some 35 year old guy roped in some emotionally fragile teenage girl and then dumped her like a rotten vegetable once she got annoying? Of course not.

 

 

I didn't enter the relationship thinking bad thoughts of him. We were friends and he aggressively pursued the relationship (not in that way). It turned into a real spark and we hit it off from there.

 

I was skeptical about the age difference, but trust me, he looks and acts very mature for his age. However, there are always some things that may arise such as inexperience, etc. You either get past it or you don't.

 

Anyway, like I stated a million times before, after a while, the spark (on my side) just faded gradually. Then I let go. Some sparks fade and other things will keep a relationship going. So I did the right thing and let go. That's all.

 

I appreciated all he did with gratitude and returned his wonderful favors. That he agreed on.

 

Btw...I would compare myself to a 35 (who is 6 yrs older than myself) to a teenager. He was younger, but an adult nonetheless. A 35 yrold with a teenager is not only sick and revolting, but that constitutes statitory rape. How could you compare that to me? That's going beyond too far. Make sure you use analogies correctly before you bark at someone else for your own immature and emotionally bitter feelings towards yourself.

[mclovin]

In the end mclovin your not gonna have a meaningful relationship until you figure out what's messed up inside of you, if any. This young cat was probably not such a bad person, why discard him?

 

 

You remember me now dontcha?

 

NOw, you do raise a good point. HOwever, you sort of contradicted yourself in the sentance. If you say I need to "figure out what's messed up inside [me]", then doesn't that answer the question one of the reasons why I discontinued the relationship?

 

Btw...I do remember you. Why are you asking me in that manner? Are you trying to be scary?

[mclovin]

mclovin, i dont think you would have to deal with such a harsh breakup if you didnt date guys that were 9 years younger than you (college aged no less). I mean what do you expect. When you date someone that is closer to age 30 then you dont have to deal with the BS immaturity that comes along with dating someone that young.

 

 

I know. Read what I wrote below to the others, as it will describe the reasons why I dated someone with such an age difference.

 

I don't know about a guarentee of maturity by age 30. When I dated prior to him (just casual getting-to-know-you dates), most of the men had half the maturity level he does. I went on a date with one guy who was almost 37 and I felt like I had to get paid for babysitting. Shesh!

[mclovin]

i am interviewing candidates as we type.

 

I will be perfectly blunt with you mclovin. I have my own issues, as do we all. But my issues do not involve callous or utterly selfish behaviour

 

Well maybe those "candidates you are interviewing" find you to be selfish and callous. Perhaps your version of the story is not interpreted correctly. Maybe while you sift through ppl, they are being hurt in the process. I have no idea who you are, what you do, what you look like, etc, etc.

 

Pardon me for saying this, but where the f*** do you get off thinking you have any right coming on here, following every thread I'm on about this topic, and verbally attacking me?

 

If you were a person who wasn't "selfish" or "callous", you would NOT be writing the statements you have sent to me on this post. You sound very cruel, bitter, immature, pigheaded, and to be frank, you sound like a real pussy. Be a man and grow up. Find something better to do with your time than come on a counseling website and putting people down.

[dwightl]

mclovin, do what you can do as a friend to him. act like one and don't blame yourself. relationships come and go and it's a fact of life. Encourage him to move on. if you can maintain distance from him, do so so you won't hurt him. goodluck...

[socialight]

>>Make sure you use analogies correctly before you bark at someone else for your own immature and emotionally bitter feelings towards yourself.

 

That's right mclovin. Don't like the message? Shoot the messenger.

 

Your "sparks flew" defense is utterly craven. That's like me saying to my wife (if I had one) "yes, but that teenage girl was really hot and she just wanted to have fun", or "of course I am strict on my diet, but I just felt compelled to eat an entire chocolate cake".

 

You are a grown adult. You should have enough control to stay out of knowingly bad situations. In this instance, you did not, and for that there can be no sympathy.

 

When I have had issues with my life where I felt I needed assistance, I have posted threads, and listened to what the responders had to say. I didn't always like the answers, but I listened.

 

Your refusal to even acknowledge (that I have seen) that you were wrong to enter this relationship to begin with makes me wonder if you are really here for help, or do you just seek validation from others for your actions?

 

I have made my point on this entire issue, and unless you have any direct questions for me, will refrain from posting on this topic in the future.

[mclovin]

>>Make sure you use analogies correctly before you bark at someone else for your own immature and emotionally bitter feelings towards yourself.

 

That's right mclovin. Don't like the message? Shoot the messenger.

 

Your "sparks flew" defense is utterly craven. That's like me saying to my wife (if I had one) "yes, but that teenage girl was really hot and she just wanted to have fun", or "of course I am strict on my diet, but I just felt compelled to eat an entire chocolate cake".

 

You're missing the point social, it wasn't an affair, it was a legitamate relationship. I did not accept his request to become exclusive with the idea that this was just a fling or a way to use him. I truly cared for him and there was a spark-at the time. I wasn't sure if we'd be together permanetly forever, but I thought it could be a possibility.

 

You are a grown adult. You should have enough control to stay out of knowingly bad situations. In this instance, you did not, and for that there can be no sympathy.

 

I came on here becuase I felt bad about ending things and just needed help sorting my feelings out. I think I must have repeated this to you several times yet you keep emphasizing your same pov.

 

When I have had issues with my life where I felt I needed assistance, I have posted threads, and listened to what the responders had to say. I didn't always like the answers, but I listened.

 

Well, than being a "grown adult" yourself, you can certainly assert your point without being demeaning and hostile. If you are so hung up on understanding peoples feelings, than I would expect you could publish a statement that addresses your perception on the matter in a non-threatening way.

Your refusal to even acknowledge (that I have seen) that you were wrong to enter this relationship to begin with makes me wonder if you are really here for help, or do you just seek validation from others for your actions?

 

I really was seeking helpful advice, not interrigation.

 

I have made my point on this entire issue, and unless you have any direct questions for me, will refrain from posting on this topic in the future.

 

I have freewill to post what I want. Who are you to tell me what to do?

[socialight]

sorry, I mean to say "I will refrain from posting", for some reason it won't let me edit.

[BCCA]

Here is an easy way to explain the way a breakup goes:

 

If one person wants to end things and the other doesnt, the one that doesnt is going to be crushed, depressed, say/do stupid things, and probably spend a little while drunk on a daily basis. We all deal with depression and loss in our own way.

 

While Im certain you didnt sit at home and concoct this elaborate way to hurt his feelings, just know that everyone feels horrible when someone leaves them. Its a huge blow to your ego and self worth, youre basically being told youre not good enough for someone (and what you think they should feel/think is irrelevant, thats the truth)

 

Everyone has ended a relationship, and there is nothing wrong with that. If you dated someone for 10 years and they farted one day, and you decided to dump them - its your life and no one can judge you for that. Similarly though, understand that this guy is going to be in the dumps for a while and probably doesnt need you sticking around at all.

 

I dont think youre a bad person at all, and you were well within your rights to dump the guy. Just leave it alone now, though. Its done, youre both moving on, your paths should head in opposite directions. Trying to force a friendship is both selfish and irrational (if you are even, not accusing you), and you shouldnt try and be there for him at all. He needs to get back to standing on his own two feet alone.

[LeroyJose]

Why force yourself if the relationship doesn't work out. Probably, give it a few chances but if it won't bloom, then you'll be wasting each other's time and worse, both of your lives..

We must all learn to let go.

[dwightl]

Why force yourself if the relationship doesn't work out. Probably, give it a few chances but if it won't bloom, then you'll be wasting each other's time and worse, both of your lives..

We must all learn to let go.

 

well said.

[bluehare07]

Love should not be a one sided afair right?