Author Kreggo Posted February 16, 2009 Author Posted February 16, 2009 carhill, There was certainly a time when I would have answered yes instantly. Looking back now I am not so sure. I can't immediately think of a specific time when she was. I will think about this some more and let you know if I come up with something.
carhill Posted February 16, 2009 Posted February 16, 2009 For me, the words I heard have been "almost", "was ready to", "wanted to", and "would have if you hadn't xxx". Personally I feel, rather than being a sign of weakness, a person's willingness to be vulnerable and thereby subject to being hurt is a sign of strength. I'll bet dollars to donuts that your W had a difficult, if not abusive, childhood. "Wild child" can be indicative, though not definitive.
Author Kreggo Posted February 17, 2009 Author Posted February 17, 2009 Guitarjeff, What I wouldn't give to have you tell my wife what you posted to Spineman###. My kids are younger than yours was, but the idea of being a "weekend" dad breaks my heart more than anything.
She's_NotInLove_w/Me Posted February 17, 2009 Posted February 17, 2009 Guitarjeff, What I wouldn't give to have you tell my wife what you posted to Spineman###. My kids are younger than yours was, but the idea of being a "weekend" dad breaks my heart more than anything. I felt the emotion in that post also Kreggo. I have followed your thread and just wanted to let you know that you need to keep your head up and be strong. Work on yourself. She may or may not see the errors of her ways, but as long as you have done the right thing(s), you can feel comfortable when you look at yourself in the mirror. My wife of 16 years told me this weekend that she loves me very much, but alas she "is not in love with me," by her definition! So I know some of the pain you are feeling.
Author Kreggo Posted February 17, 2009 Author Posted February 17, 2009 Well, I took my wife at her word when she told me that her ex husband and her were just friends. I confronted her about it after seeing that he text her on Satureday and Sunday. I didn't tell her I had seen the phone bill, I didn't want her to know. She admitted to talking to him, but acted as if she had a hard time remembering when the last time was (it was a few hours before). Well, his first call to her today was at 7am, then she called him about 8am on her way to work. Then he called her on her lunch break. They have talked for almost an hour TODAY. I am going to confront her with this information in about an hour. I am simply going to tell her that I went to pay the cell phone bill and saw the calls and tell her that she now has all the "space" that she says she needed. All the space in the world.
Yamaha Posted February 17, 2009 Posted February 17, 2009 I'm sure she'll tell you she lied because she didn't want to hurt your feelings. Bull Sh*t. If she cared about you or your feelings she wouldn't be "doing" him.
Author Kreggo Posted February 18, 2009 Author Posted February 18, 2009 Yes he does and supposedly she knows all about it and is fine with it. Funny thing though, the calls and texts are all at times when she wouldn't be around. Regardless, she told me when she first left that she had feelings for him still and that it wasn't fare to me. I can see what those feelings are.
Author Kreggo Posted February 18, 2009 Author Posted February 18, 2009 Yamaha, I think that you give her too much backbone. She still isn't going to admit it. Oh, well. Atleast she will know that I am not fooled any more. She is going to pull the invasion of her privacy card and turn this back on me. Gauranteed
Author Kreggo Posted February 18, 2009 Author Posted February 18, 2009 Well, I arrived at the same time as her. Told her that I tried to pay the cell phone bill and saw the calls. I told her she had all the space in the world. Turned and walked. Didn't give her a chance to say anything. She has since blocked me from access to the cell account. Like I would want to see that again, disgusting. Over an hour talking to her ex husband in multiple calls.
stilllearning2 Posted February 26, 2009 Posted February 26, 2009 I have a friend going through the same thing ......his wife who suddendly did an about face for no appparent reason.....is on antidepressants. Found this website on this issue. it has helped my friend understand. Antidepressants and other medications are destroying marriages and no one is helping them. They change the core identity of a person and remove feelings of love and attachment. Check out that site and read everything. You may be able to help her yourself or else a friend can help her see what has happened to her.
Sands_of_time Posted February 26, 2009 Posted February 26, 2009 Well, I took my wife at her word when she told me that her ex husband and her were just friends. Kreggo--I've been following your post. I feel for you and know where you are. I was in a similar spot about 4 months ago. Here's what gets me everytime: The wife says she loves him but is not in love with him. The man is absolutely positive that his wife would NEVER step out. And just like Lucia said in one of her posts on here....10 pages later the guys gets hit square in the chops after he finds out the real truth. I've read 1,000 threads similar to yours (mine is similar to yours, too). 99% of the time the story gets played out the exact same way...just in different parts of the world. It's universal. If you get time, go back and read historical threads to get an idea of what you are about to be thrust into. It's going to get bumpy so hang on, friend. Look out for #1 and don't step in #2.
Chrome Barracuda Posted February 26, 2009 Posted February 26, 2009 I agree it's time to start taking care of yourself.
tomcathat Posted February 26, 2009 Posted February 26, 2009 Gentlemen, please understand that when it comes to attracting, meeting and seducing beautiful women, “nice guys” will always finish last. Women do not want to date a “nice guy.” She wants be with a confident and cocky guy who has personality and lots of attitude. Nice guys are too easy for her and fall into that dreaded “friend” category. Women want a guy who is NOT easy and when you’re the “nice guy”, women automatically think you’re easy. Have you ever noticed that all the hot, sexy women out there never seem to be dating or attracted to a "nice guy?" and to make matters worse doesn't it seem like all these beautiful babes are dating guys that are jerks?
tomcathat Posted February 26, 2009 Posted February 26, 2009 # 2: Don't Give Her a Compliment When You First Meet Her What do most guys do the first time they meet a woman? Exactly they pay them a compliment or try to be the "sweet guy" The sweet guy is worse than the nice guy. Not only does it give her no challenge it actually turns her off from you. She will dislike you if you approach her and give her a compliment. Women don’t want to hear compliments and they don’t want to hear pick up lines. You will seem like a desperate loser in her mind because you are too interested in her and you're much too easy for her.
n9688m Posted February 28, 2009 Posted February 28, 2009 I am greatful to know that they are all at her parents house. They are truely great people. You are in typical post-separation fog and miss the point here. She is establishing the status quo with her having primary custody of the kids. If you would like to have equally shared custody of the kids, then you ought to exert your parental rights quickly, forcefully, and legally if need be. If you let this situation go on too long, it will be unrecoverable in family court - a classic game women play.
theROICoach Posted February 28, 2009 Posted February 28, 2009 While I was going through my divorce, I wrote a country song called "Leaving Isn't Leaving if You're Already Gone." Like your wife, I got so sick and tired of dealing with what I was dealing with that I finally said the words I'd been feeling for years, "I want a divorce." My situation was different than yours. I had a husband who really didn't care about his family, escaped (through sleep and eating and helping other people) any way he could and I felt like a single parent most of the time. When I told him, he felt like someone had dropped a bomb on him so the first thing I say is that hindsight is 20-20 vision. Even if it seemed like a total surprise to you, I'm sure you can look back and see some signs and symptoms that things weren't going right. Point 2: She didn't leave you because of you or anybody else; she left you because of her and that's something she's got to work out on her own. You can't change anyone; they have to change themselves. In that respect, you need to let her go. She's clearly trying to find herself but you can't help her do that. She has to do that on her own. Point 3: You deserve the best and if she doesn't love you the way you deserve to be loved, she is not the best. Love yourself enough to know what you deserve, to have faith that all things happen for a reason, and to understand that this happening now has saved you many years of grief and despair. Trust the process. There's an opportunity in every obstacle. I wish you all the best. Oh and bottom line, I love when Maya Angelou says, "When someone shows you who they are, BELIEVE THEM!" Believe your wife when she shows you who she is.
seibert253 Posted March 1, 2009 Posted March 1, 2009 Gentlemen, please understand that when it comes to attracting, meeting and seducing beautiful women, “nice guys” will always finish last. Women do not want to date a “nice guy.” She wants be with a confident and cocky guy who has personality and lots of attitude. Nice guys are too easy for her and fall into that dreaded “friend” category. Women want a guy who is NOT easy and when you’re the “nice guy”, women automatically think you’re easy. Have you ever noticed that all the hot, sexy women out there never seem to be dating or attracted to a "nice guy?" and to make matters worse doesn't it seem like all these beautiful babes are dating guys that are jerks? So very true!
Chrome Barracuda Posted March 2, 2009 Posted March 2, 2009 So very true! It is indeed a fact of life , women will always be attracted to jerks but they wont marry them. but they'll damn sure leave for one. now wouldnt they. lol.
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