She love's me but isn't in love with me?

[Kreggo]

Here's my story. Sorry if it is a bit long, but I want to get the best advice possible. I met my wife 3 years ago. I was so infatuated with her, even though she had a daughter form a previously relationship that was only 8 months old. I was not sure about that part, but I decided to give it a shot. I fell in love with both of them very quickly. I drove an hour each way to see them every night and stayed until about midnight. She had been living with her parents since she had my daughter (yes I consider her mine). After 5 months I knew she was the one and I proposed. She said yes immediately. We were married and lived together very happily (I thought) ever since.

 

A bit of background about my wife. She was a wild child in her teens, into drugs. She married her high school sweetheart just after graduating. They lived together 3 months and were divorced within 9. He threatened to kill her multiple times through the divorce and hit her as well. She then started dating a co-worker a few years later and got pregnant with her (my) daughter. They ended up breaking up and he signed all rights to her away in exchange for her not seeking child support.

 

Anyway, back to my marriage. We found out that she was pregnant a few months after we were married. She had my son and I felt our family was complete. My daughter had never known any other father, and does not actually know I am not hers biologicaly (she is 3 1/3, my son is 17 months).

 

A few months ago she started to be a bit moody and snapped at the kids and I much more quickly than usual. When I asked she said that everything was fine. Then she decided to see a doctor about anxiety about 6 weeks ago. He put her on Zoloft and Klonopin. She seemed to be feeing better.

 

Three weeks ago to the day she kissed me good night and I hugged her and told her that she was the best wife in the world, as usual she denied it and went to bed. Earlier in the week she had told me that I was the best husband and that she was lucky to have me. Half an hour later she came down and utter the words that have changed my life forever. "I will always love, but I don't know if I am stilll IN love with you". She said that she has been miserable and bored with our routine. She said that I was a good husband and great dad and that she had been trying to convince herself that she should be happy but just wasn't. She told me that she let it build too much and that she flt she couldn't talk to me about it. I couldn't deal with that and left for about an hour. I came back and asked her if this was beyond repair, if counceling would help. She said she didn't know and went to bed and left me on the couch. The next day she took the kids and went to stay with her parents.

 

A few days before she left I found that she had been chatting with her ex husband through facebook. When I asked, she said that he was married and had a kid and that she loved me. I believed her. When she came back to get some things after leaving I asked again if there was someone else and she told me that she had feeling for her ex husband and that it wasn't fair to me for her to stay. Since then they have been talking on the phone and texting constantly. I can still see her phone records. I am sure that they have not actually seen each other. I know her routine and now that she as not had the opportunity. I am also pretty sure that his wife is unaware of the situation. My wife swears that they are just friends now.

 

She has since told me that I need to find someone to make me happy. She has been trying to make ammends for all of her past problems with her family, friends, ex husband. It's her own 12 step program. She has refused to seek counceling saying that if she thought it would help she would have done it 10 years ago. She said that she must do this by herself (like that has worked before???).

 

She lets me see the kids often, but gets upset when I do not take them overnight on the weekends. when I have she goes to her friends house and drinks to the point of blackout. She insisted that she needs time for herself though.

 

She acts like we are the best of friends when I am around, poking, hugging, laughing as if there was nothing else ever there. I have since stopped seeing her like that because I get the wrong idea that she is warming up to the idea of coming back. She has told me many times that she is done. She says that things end sometime and that for her we have ended.

 

I desperately love my wife and want her back, but I am not sure that I could ever trust her again. I am so frustrated that she isn't even willing to try. She won't talk about anything that has to do with us, just the kids and chit chat. She has told me that she has looked into getting a divorce mediator. She is dead set that there is no hope for us. I am so confused. I had no idea that this was coming, looking back I see some signs and somethings that I have done wrong. I didn't go to a funeral in another state with her because I had to work. I told her that a mormon christmas book that her father gave my daughter was over stepping his bounds (I am not Mormon, and my wife ceased being many years ago). When we came into some extra money I told my wife that we should probably keep a roof over our heads and go forward with me adopting my daughter when our finances were better. My job is pretty unstable recently. Do these things really add up to me making her miserable? I worry that the new medication might be an issue, but she won't hear of it. I feel like I never really knew my wife. Please help.

[Crestfallen_KH]

I'm sorry, but "ILYBINILWY" is code for "there's someone else," almost universally.

 

If she isn't actively involved with her ex-husband, her heart is. But I'm guessing they are engaging in an EA, at the very least.

 

The best thing you can do now is find a therapist trained in grief counseling and start looking out for yourself. You may or may not want to try to rebuild the marriage, but don't try to decide that right at this second.

 

Find a counselor to help you through this - someone who can give you educated advice and help you find ways to rebuild your life, whether it be alone, or together.

 

I went through this as well and you'll have some very dark days. We'll do what we can to help you, but I really beseech you to find trained help. That individual will be able to help you in ways folks on a forum can't.

 

Good luck to you.

[Kreggo]

Thanks crestfallen,

 

I have thought about that a lot recently. I think that is in my best interest. I wish that I could make my wife realize the same thing. Dealing with all of her issues on her own has obviously not worked in the past. It is too bad that her best friend and family don't see it that way. For some reason they think that her plan to work this all out on her own (not just our marrige, but all her past issues) is fine. Are they all crazy?

[Crestfallen_KH]

Well, if she's been largely avoidant of her issues, it stands to reason her family will adopt the same attitude. Are they "do it on your own, quitcher whining and pull yourself up by your boostraps" types? Are they all conflict avoidant, pretending that the family doesn't have any issues or problems?

 

I was very angry with my ex's family too, when my therapist helped me realize that their dynamic is to look just to left of the problem and pretend that everything is "fine."

 

And when infidelity is concerned, people tend to clam up and not want to get involved.

 

Regardless, you really do need to look out for yourself and your children right now, despite what her family is or isn't doing or saying.

[Kreggo]

I am 99% sure that she had not had any contact with her ex husband until 1 or 2 days before she left. What could he have possibly said to make her decided that ruining our life together and the relationships that we might have had with our children was for the best? That is always what she says, "this is for the best". Best for who? Obviously her, because this is absolutely not what is best for me and especially our children.

[Kreggo]

Fortunately, even though my wife has shown that I did't know her at all, I do know that she is a GREAT mom. I never have any concern about that. I am greatful to know that they are all at her parents house. They are truely great people.

 

They have both told me that they hate my wife's ex husband and will not ever let him step foot in their house. They will fight toothe and nail to never let my wife make that mistake again. I am so greatful for that. I do not ever want my children near that person.

[Kreggo]

Also, maybe this does or does not make a difference, but EVERYONE (best friend, parents, family) has told her that she needs to try to work it out with me and she refuses. Maybe this is a cop out, but anyone who is really interested should research the Klonopin, the drug that my wife's doctor prescribed. Think of Valium on steroids (10 times the strength). No one but me and my family thinks that this could be a factor, but one of the possible side effects is lack of emotion and impulsive behavior. Sound familiar??

[LakesideDream]

Kreggo, I read your story and my heart literally ached for you. I'm one of the "grizzled veterans" around here and in life. Reading the description of your experiance affected me more than any I can remember. Not because the words were different, because I think of the sincerity I sensed in your presentation. Over the past three years I've literally read hundreds of stories very much like yours. "I love you but I'm not in love with you". Those are words nobody wants to hear believe me... and so many of us have heard those words.

 

Frankly old son there is little hope to be had. Young women seldom reverse course when they decide to walk down the path yours has.

 

All you can do at this point is buck up and try to be as strong as you can. For your natural child, and your step. I suspect that there is a bit more of the story that you aren't thinking about, or aren't comfortable with sharing yet, possibly something you have innitiated... think, it may be signifigant.

 

You sound like a good and serious young man. I wish you the best of luck. Keep posting, and reach out for help here and elsewhere when you feel the need.

[sumdude]

ouch...

 

I love you but I'm not in love with you.

 

I've heard it.. felt the pain..

 

She either moved on to someone else or is ready to. It basically means I care about you in some platonic way but I don't get all squishy about you anymore or .. I don't see you as my lover anymore.

 

This hurts...

 

Don't be too hard on yourself about it. Expect that most likely the marriage is over. Take good care of yourself, I wish the best for you.

[Gunny376]

Even rats know when to get off a sinking ship!

 

The wife has issues, and she's always going to have issues until she seeks professional help. We're all damaged goods in one form or another. We've all got issues, and things that we have to come to terms with. We all have things that we have to reconcile with ~ and to eventually come to peace with.

 

The STBX is flat out telling you that there's not a snowball's chance in Hell of you and her getting back together. You need to take her at her word.

 

You've got a choice here, you can keep pining for her and what you once had or you can get your Happy @ss busy with moving on and living your life! It just that plain and simple!

 

And the STBX is right, people come together, have a relationship and an end! Your best bet is to just let it go! And get busy with living your life!

 

Now is the time to figure out what to put in and what to leave out! Now is the time to self examine yourself, mentally, pyschogically, physically, financially,........................... and to become the best person you can become!

[Kreggo]

Kreggo, I read your story and my heart literally ached for you. I'm one of the "grizzled veterans" around here and in life. Reading the description of your experiance affected me more than any I can remember. Not because the words were different, because I think of the sincerity I sensed in your presentation. Over the past three years I've literally read hundreds of stories very much like yours. "I love you but I'm not in love with you". Those are words nobody wants to hear believe me... and so many of us have heard those words.

 

Frankly old son there is little hope to be had. Young women seldom reverse course when they decide to walk down the path yours has.

 

All you can do at this point is buck up and try to be as strong as you can. For your natural child, and your step. I suspect that there is a bit more of the story that you aren't thinking about, or aren't comfortable with sharing yet, possibly something you have innitiated... think, it may be signifigant.

 

You sound like a good and serious young man. I wish you the best of luck. Keep posting, and reach out for help here and elsewhere when you feel the need.

 

Lakesidedream,

 

I am not sure what you mean about suspecting that there is more to the story about my kids. I am willing to share anything that could possibly mean something in my story. What is it that you suspect?

[LucreziaBorgia]

A bit of background about my wife. She was a wild child in her teens, into drugs. She married her high school sweetheart just after graduating. They lived together 3 months and were divorced within 9. He threatened to kill her multiple times through the divorce and hit her as well. She then started dating a co-worker a few years later and got pregnant with her (my) daughter. They ended up breaking up and he signed all rights to her away in exchange for her not seeking child support.

 

For women like this, 'drama' is their norm. They are attracted to and get involved with men who help them perpetuate that drama and misery. It sounds nuts that someone would prefer that - but for many, that abysmal lifestyle is the 'norm' and if you offer them happiness and stability, they will stick with it for a while but will invariably go right back to what they thrive on, and in a way need - much like a crackhead 'needs' crack.

 

She likely does not feel 'alive' unless she is living in the worst emotional mess she can get herself into. 'In love' is what she feels for men who help her feel miserable, what she feels for men who don't let her in, what she feels for men she is infatuated with and/or barely knows. Not what she feels for the good man who tries to rescue her.

 

You can only rescue someone who wants to be rescued.

 

You have no chance with her under these circumstances. You can't change what makes her 'tick' and what she gets off on emotionally.

[Kreggo]

My wife told me that when she found out that she was pregnant with my daughter it was the thing that made her give up her wild days. I guess that can only last so long before people like her need to revert back to their old life style. I had actually asked her if she thought I was boring (when we first started dating) because I was so much more "normal" than the guys in her past. I like to party and have a few beers, but I have not ever been into drugs. She told me that I was exactly what she needed, that she was through with the bad boys. I truely believed what she told me.

 

I guess I was wrong.

[edgeof27]

Kreggo,

 

time to move on,

 

she has decided on her path forward,

 

now you must chose yours,

 

don't look back,

 

be strong,

 

g....

[Yamaha]

For women like this, 'drama' is their norm. They are attracted to and get involved with men who help them perpetuate that drama and misery. It sounds nuts that someone would prefer that - but for many, that abysmal lifestyle is the 'norm' and if you offer them happiness and stability, they will stick with it for a while but will invariably go right back to what they thrive on, and in a way need - much like a crackhead 'needs' crack.

 

She likely does not feel 'alive' unless she is living in the worst emotional mess she can get herself into. 'In love' is what she feels for men who help her feel miserable, what she feels for men who don't let her in, what she feels for men she is infatuated with and/or barely knows. Not what she feels for the good man who tries to rescue her.

 

You can only rescue someone who wants to be rescued.

 

You have no chance with her under these circumstances. You can't change what makes her 'tick' and what she gets off on emotionally.

 

God, you are so right on LB. I had a gf that had issues just like this and she sounds very much like your wife. Don't blame yourself. Accept that she is the way she is and wish her well and continue on with your life.

[Kreggo]

I understand what you are saying and am trying to accept this. I think that you are overlooking the situation with my kids. I can't accept her chasing after these bad boys and partying and leaving my kids with a sitter, or worse, taking them with her. I take them overnight and let her go when I can, but my schdule does not always allow that.

[Kreggo]

I know that I shouldn't have, but I gave my wife a gift today (actually I said that it was from our kids). I took gifts over to my kids as well this morning when I went to pick them up. I had been planning to give the gift to her since before this all happened (it has only been 3 weeks). It was a locket that I had put a picture of the kids an either side. She cried. I had not expected that, I was more prepared to have a heart shaped imprint on my forehead. After she sat and cried (she was trying desperately not to) she stood up and walked over to me and pulled me to my feet and gave me a huge hug and thanked me. I reminded her that it was from the kids and let her hug me and hugged her back, but tried to back off as quickly as I could. I have previously let myself think that these hugs (long 30 second to a minute embraces) meant that she was having a change of heart. I can't let myself start to feel that way again, but after leaving I started to think this way again. I know that it is wrong and I try to push those thoughts from my mind, but they always creep in.

[carhill]

Rubber band

[KismetGirl]

Also, maybe this does or does not make a difference, but EVERYONE (best friend, parents, family) has told her that she needs to try to work it out with me and she refuses. Maybe this is a cop out, but anyone who is really interested should research the Klonopin, the drug that my wife's doctor prescribed. Think of Valium on steroids (10 times the strength). No one but me and my family thinks that this could be a factor, but one of the possible side effects is lack of emotion and impulsive behavior. Sound familiar??

 

You're wife sounds like she is self medicating. I wonder if her psychiatrist knows she has a history of drug abuse....they generally don't give Klonopin to known drug users or those with history of substance abuse, as it is in the benzodiazepene class of drugs and are often very addictive both physically and mentally, to the point where they can cause seizures in patients that become physically dependent. (I work in substance abuse and mental health, FYI, so Im not pulling this info out of my butt). In addition to her alcohol use, I would say these are clear signs of something wrong. Klonopin is a short acting substance meant to relax the patient, generally making a person drowsy and feel like their mind has "gone blank", which is the point if you are having an anxiety attack, but not when you just want to get high, which alot of people use it for. You should see if you can find out just how often she is taking it. It's not meant to be used extensively if it's being prescribed by a competent physician.

 

Her lack of emotional empathy is not due to the drugs themselves, but they could have a factor. generally most psychiatric medications like Zoloft take several weeks to start working, and oftentimes if they are not the proper medication can make a person feel worse than before, apathetic or having flat affect. I would say it is possible your wife is not using the Klonopin as prescribed and may be over-medicating herself. The impulsive behaviour is not an effect of Klonopin- if anything it would make her apathetic and sort of "out of it". And as I said, in combination with alcohol, it can be quite dangerous. I doubt she is sharing this information with her doctor, and if she is, he or she isn't a very good doctor.

 

Unfortunately, shy of her being unconscious or threatending suicide, you can't have her locked up or forced into counseling or evaluation. I know that trying to blame her behaviour on drugs seems like an answer that you desperately crave, but I am fairly certain her problem delves deeper than just taking those pills. I gather she probably needs a better doctor, in conjunction with proper therapy. She may be having somewhat of a relapse....you didn't say how long it's been since she had substance problems.

 

It could be that she is depressed. It could also be that she is Bipolar, as oftentimes people with this condition react very impulsively during manic episodes, and may feel anxious. However, if they don't tell the doctor exactly how they are feeling all the time, they can't be properly diagnosed (eg- they might tell them about feeling anxious, but not tellthem about the impulsive behaviour, or the drinking, or depressive tendencies). Bipolar people have a tendency to self medicate with alcohol and drugs as well. It concerns me that you say she has a habit lately of drinking until she blacks out, this would be a red flag for me. And when I say Bipolar, I mean someone with both depressive tendencies, as well as manic tendencies. This can span a very large range of highs and lows, so dont get this image in your head that depression means crying in bed all day, while manic means only being totally nuts and impulsive. There are many levels in between of manic-depresion. It also doesn't mean she can't be a good mother, but it can have a great impact on how she perceives her emotions about your relationship or that with her ex husband. She may or may not love him, but he may just be a reminder of old times, of something familiar in a time when perhaps she can't get a hold on her mind. But again, take what I say with a grain of salt....I don't know your wife and cannot evaluate her in person, so I can only speculate based on information you give here.

 

FYI....don't do too much of your own research on the web. There is too much conflicting information out there that can lead you in the wrong direction and make you more confused than before. If anything, try a reputable website like WedMD, but find some reputable doctors in person to ask questions regarding medications and your wife's behaviours. This must be a touch situation for you....hope I gave some helpful info, at least with respect to the meds and etc.

[Kreggo]

You're wife sounds like she is self medicating. I wonder if her psychiatrist knows she has a history of drug abuse....they generally don't give Klonopin to known drug users or those with history of substance abuse, as it is in the benzodiazepene class of drugs and are often very addictive both physically and mentally, to the point where they can cause seizures in patients that become physically dependent.

 

 

KismetGirl,

 

Thanks you so much for your relpy. I do realize that these drugs can have a very wide range of effects and that it is possible that these drugs are what gave her the strength to finally leave, although obviously I hope this is no the case.

 

In regard to this quote, she was actually prescribed these medications by our family doctor, not a psychiatrist. She has never been to one and refuses to even think about it. Our doctor basically asked her how she was feeling and gave her some drugs. He was not aware of her addiction problems in the past. I actually went and talked to him and explained what was going on a few weeks ago. He told me that the Klonopin was a very mild sedative and that there was no problems with withdrawl. I know that she went back to see him earlier this week, but have no idea what the reult was. She initially was taking 2 pills a day (I don't know the dosage) and when she felt it not working after a week she called him back and he told her to take 4 throughout the day.

 

I informed her family of the dangers of this drug and alcohol and they said that they had talked to her. She actually talked to my mom a week and a half ago and my wife told her she was down to 1 a day, but who really knows. I found out through talking to her father that she had tried to refill the presription a few days early and was told that she had to wait.

 

Anyway, I hope this information helps to shed more light. I really appreciate your post. Thank you

[Kreggo]

I know that when everyone says that I should give up then I probably should. I honestly love my wife and our family and would like this to work out. I never thought that I would be able to forgive an EA, but now that I am in this situation I think that I might. A PA would be a different story I am afraid. Anyone out there think that there could be a chance?

[KismetGirl]

KismetGirl,

 

Thanks you so much for your relpy. I do realize that these drugs can have a very wide range of effects and that it is possible that these drugs are what gave her the strength to finally leave, although obviously I hope this is no the case.

 

In regard to this quote, she was actually prescribed these medications by our family doctor, not a psychiatrist. She has never been to one and refuses to even think about it. Our doctor basically asked her how she was feeling and gave her some drugs. He was not aware of her addiction problems in the past. I actually went and talked to him and explained what was going on a few weeks ago. He told me that the Klonopin was a very mild sedative and that there was no problems with withdrawl. I know that she went back to see him earlier this week, but have no idea what the reult was. She initially was taking 2 pills a day (I don't know the dosage) and when she felt it not working after a week she called him back and he told her to take 4 throughout the day.

 

I informed her family of the dangers of this drug and alcohol and they said that they had talked to her. She actually talked to my mom a week and a half ago and my wife told her she was down to 1 a day, but who really knows. I found out through talking to her father that she had tried to refill the presription a few days early and was told that she had to wait.

 

Anyway, I hope this information helps to shed more light. I really appreciate your post. Thank you

 

No Problem Kreggo, glad to try to help.

 

It's hard to tell how many she is taking per day. if the prescription was originally for two pills per day, then she would have received 60 pills for a month supply. if her doctor just told her to take four pills a day from that same bottle instead of writing her a new prescription, she would have finished it earlier than usual, making sense that she would try to fill the refill a bit early. Either way, this is the wrong drug for her to be taking. She should stop taking all drugs and go to a proper psychiatrist.

 

I figured she was probably not going to a proper doctor, by the way you described it....unfortunately family doctors often don't do the right thing, which would be to tell your wife she needs to see a psychiatrist who is a specialist in the prescribing of these particular drugs. Your family doctor is not qualified to treat cancer, which is a job for an oncologist, or to treat reproductive concerns, which is a job for an OB/GYN or fertility specialist, and the same goes for mental health issues. That is the job of a psychiatrist, who receives further training for this. A family doctor simply does not have the expierience or depth of knowledge to treat these conditions. If he knew what he was talking about, he would know that the risks of addiction and withdrawal become a reality if she takes them for too long, and if she takes way too many of them, which she will probably eventually do if she is not properly evaluated. A person tends to become used to the doses they are taking, and eventually need to take more and more to feel the same effect. In my current practice, probably 50% of my patients with substance abuse problems who start taking benzo's (eg- Klonopin or Xanax) end up becoming dependant on them physically and mentally. Most good psychiatrists will also recommend that their patients seek talk-therapy at the same time that they are receiving medication.

 

And by the way.....it is not any drugs that have caused her to get up and leave. This is a problem she is having internally/mentally, and it is unfortunate that she is unwilling to address these issues. It is a testament to her history as a substance abuser that she is relying on drugs (in this case legal medications, but it is the same dependancy) to make her feel better without making a real effort to fix the problem. All she is doing right now is covering the problem up by assuaging anxieties with pills and alcohol. It makes no logical sense that she sees psychiatric drugs as being ok, but that seeing a psychiatrist is not ok. This seems to me that she is avoiding addressing the root causes of the conflict going on in her mind.

 

Perhaps you can come about this from a different angle....due to HIPAA (health information privacy laws) it is hard for you to talk to her doctor about her treatment, even if you are her husband. Technically a doctor is not supposed to discuss any patient's treatment with anyone unless they consent to it, but if you happen to have a friendly rapport with her family doctor perhaps you can express your concern about her pre-disposition to addiction and encourage her family doctor to encourage HER to seek a psychiatrist. If he really has her best interests in mind, he will tell her he cannot in good ethical practice continue to treat her for these conditions since he is not a specialist and refer her to a psychiatrist.

 

She might have this misconception that a psychiatrist is one of those guys where you have to lay down on a couch and tell them your life story and etc etc. It's generally not the case at all: normally the psychiatrist will do an initial intake by asking the patient what bothers them, how they feel on a day to day basis, how often they are having anxiety attacks, how often they feel depressed, etc etc, to determine the proper diagnoses. Then they will start a medication regimen suited to this initial evaluation, and adjust it accordingly by following up with the patient every couple of weeks, to once a month. He might START her with klonopin, in addition to an antidepressant, but usually once she becomes stable on the other medications, the psych will start to taper off the klonopin, for the reasons I stated above- its not good for long-term management of anxiety. She might be uncomfortable with the idea of "opening up" to a stranger, but tell her that this isnt the case. She will simply be tellin the doctor about her anxiety and etc, the same way she told her family doctor, and that the psychiatrist will be able to better give her the right meds to make her feel better because they know the better questions to ask her about how she is feeling. I don't know if approaching it this way will help. Hopefully if her anxiety calms down a bit she will be more amiable to the idea of counseling in the way of talk-therapy and perhaps marriage counseling at some point.

 

I suspect she is probably feeling very confused right now, to be honest. With her history, I would suspect her self-esteem has long standing issues. She may feel on some level that she doesnt' "deserve" to be happy or have a husband that is so attentive or loving, and inadvertantly she tells you she isnt in love with you anymore, when in reality its possible she just subconsciously doesnt think she DESERVES to feel in love or to be loved by you. There is always that chance that she doesn't feel in love with you anymore, but I really think from the way she's acting that there are deeper issues at hand than simply losing some passion in the relationship.

 

Marriage is a two way street, and you cant sit there and drive yourself crazy and wonder what you did to make her not love you. It isn't one little thing, or two little things. Unfortunately, unless she wants to get better, you'll never know for sure. I think if she had a better doctor and felt calmer, she might be more open to the idea of discussing things. I hope for your sake she comes around, but you have to understand that you can't control someone, no matter how f**ked up in the head they might be feeling. You try your best, and that's all you can do. Your main concern should at all times be the happiness of your children. Continue to be a good dad to them. Make sure she does not subject them to her bouts of drinking or drug use. As hard as it may be, if this becomes an issue, you may need to fight for custody until she gets herself straightened out. Unless she makes an active effort to address her problems, I only see her spiraling worse into a rockbottom. I hope that is not the case, but you are only one person and again.....try to be understanding, try to explain that you want to be there for her in every way that you can be, that you love her, and are willing to work with her to make things work, but at the end of the day you can't blame it all on yourself. Feel free to PM me if you have any other questions, I'll try to help wherever I can.

 

cheers

[Kreggo]

Kismetgirl,

 

Thank you again for your comments. I realize that they have taken much time to write and I appreciate that you are willing to do this for a distraught stranger. I will try to get my wife to see that a psychiatrist is a great idea. Your comment about being willing to take psychiatric drugs but to to seek therapy is an amazing insight that I had not considered. Maybe this is a way to help her realize that there is no shame in needing help to solve problems. Thank you so much again.

[KismetGirl]

Kismetgirl,

 

Thank you again for your comments. I realize that they have taken much time to write and I appreciate that you are willing to do this for a distraught stranger. I will try to get my wife to see that a psychiatrist is a great idea. Your comment about being willing to take psychiatric drugs but to to seek therapy is an amazing insight that I had not considered. Maybe this is a way to help her realize that there is no shame in needing help to solve problems. Thank you so much again.

 

No problem, am very happy to help :-) Let me know if you have other questions. I hope something works, keep us updated!

 

cheers

[wizer]

I desperately love my wife and want her back, but I am not sure that I could ever trust her again. I am so frustrated that she isn't even willing to try. She won't talk about anything that has to do with us, just the kids and chit chat. She has told me that she has looked into getting a divorce mediator. She is dead set that there is no hope for us.

 

This part of your post says it all.

 

You "aren't sure if you can trust her or whether you could even take her back".

 

On the other hand she has made it clear that she wants to divorce you and that there is no hope. In fact she is DEAD SET on it.

 

It's over. You need to accept it as such.