Dumbledore Posted February 7, 2009 Posted February 7, 2009 Yes, but I'm not talking about a movie like that. If Spookie's story were a movie, of course the character would probably do something at least as bold as she did, if not moreso, because doing the wise and socially correct and polite thing is boring and would yeild no confict or tension, so the story would have no plot. She likes guy. She does nothing about it because it would be too risky. End of story. This is a perfect summation.
Dumbledore Posted February 7, 2009 Posted February 7, 2009 Doing the wise thing all the time doesn't always lead to the best outcome, just the safest outcome. So true. A person will never grow up if they're always taking the boring route.
You'reasian Posted February 8, 2009 Posted February 8, 2009 "Bad" decisions I've made in my past that have led to amazing outcomes: -the cover letter I wrote for this company about the coke on the toilet seats at the strip club I danced at -abandoning my degree -insisting on remaining cut-off from my family, even when I needed money so much I was nearly homeless "Good" decisions I took based on sane-sounding advice which did not sit right in my gut and led to disastrous outcomes -having an abortion -picking fights with Wes when he didn't do boyfriendly things everyone (aka my friends and family) expected (had I allowed myself to trust my faith that he loved me, which I know now he did, he could have been my soulmate, my one and only) -going to college in the first place It's oftentimes been the case that the right answers are not very obvious. What I have noticed is that I win the most when I listen to my gut. Sorry to see you didn't finish college. If you decide to hold off these feelings you've had for your boss over the past 6 months - and instead focus on keeping things professional, you might check HR to see if you can have them pay for you to finish it I finished my first college degree years ago from a really good state school. Got most of the credits knocked out for a second one too, but like you decided to go with what I would enjoy versus what I thought was just good advice. Having an abortion must have been hell!
You'reasian Posted February 8, 2009 Posted February 8, 2009 My personal vote goes to secret option 1F. I get a transfer, he doens't make a move, so I begin to stalk him, until he DOES report me to HR, except they're less friendly this time, and I have to move to San Francisco (where I'm going if this town doens't work out.) It is my desire to avoid this scenario that propelled me to make an appointment to see a shrink tonight. I really do hope someone can stop me from destroying myself. Why would you stalk him?
Touche Posted February 8, 2009 Posted February 8, 2009 "Bad" decisions I've made in my past that have led to amazing outcomes: -the cover letter I wrote for this company about the coke on the toilet seats at the strip club I danced at What was so amazing about the outcome? -abandoning my degree How was abandoning pursuing your degree so good? -insisting on remaining cut-off from my family, even when I needed money so much I was nearly homeless "Good" decisions I took based on sane-sounding advice which did not sit right in my gut and led to disastrous outcomes -having an abortion How was the outcome so disastrous? Do you honestly think you'd have a better life right now with a baby? Do you even really think you could take care of one? You can't know that making this decision was disastrous do you? It's certainly regrettable but disastrous? I don't think so. -picking fights with Wes when he didn't do boyfriendly things everyone (aka my friends and family) expected (had I allowed myself to trust my faith that he loved me, which I know now he did, he could have been my soulmate, my one and only) Maybe, and maybe not. Sounds like you weren't meant to be since you picked fights with him. Your friends and family didn't make you do that. You have your own mind, don't you? -going to college in the first place What was so wrong with that? It's oftentimes been the case that the right answers are not very obvious. What I have noticed is that I win the most when I listen to my gut. Really? Are you being honest with yourself?
Author spookie Posted February 8, 2009 Author Posted February 8, 2009 Really? Are you being honest with yourself? I THINK I'm being honest. The degree I abandoned did eventually get completed. I just finished it my own way, instead of listening to counselors/ friends/ family. It was a good decision to abandon it at the time because leaving allowed me to find a job before the economy went to s!ht. The other things... of course no one knows how they'd have panned out. But at the time, when I was going through all the pain associated with having listened to other people, I certainly FELT a lot of regret.
Dumbledore Posted February 8, 2009 Posted February 8, 2009 Frank Sinatra did it his own way, and so should you. Why listen to others who clearly do not understand you as well as you understand yourself? Indeed.
imani Posted February 9, 2009 Posted February 9, 2009 Because we know it's fantasy. None of us would jump off a 100 story building with solely a cape and some technology to back it! ... like the character "Neo" in "The Matrix". Lol Never mind. Your quote just brought that particular scene to mind.
imani Posted February 9, 2009 Posted February 9, 2009 Spookie, it just hit me. You posted from work the other day. You may want to curtail that, as they could have IT watch your workstation now. I can't imagine that your career would be enhanced by some of your statements, and work time should be, according to your employers, for working. Also , especially with no way of knowing if one of her coworkers or HR staff could also be members here.
imani Posted February 9, 2009 Posted February 9, 2009 Does anyone think HR will possibly tell me that they've thought about, and decided I need to deal with my feelings and keep working with Jack? That's pretty unlikely, right? If you're a valuable asset to the company, they will try to accomodate you. You asked for a transfer in order to deal with your crush (my wording), so they may give you just that. Afterall you asked for it and if they want to keep you, I'm sure they'll give it to you if there is something available.
Trimmer Posted February 9, 2009 Posted February 9, 2009 I also have begun to acquire it - the help, I mean. Last night I had a session with a psychotherapist, and it went pretty well. I want to be committed to being healthier. (The possibility of actually dating Jack is MAKING me committed.) That makes me worry that if it comes to pass that dating him turns out to be impossible (e.g. he is actually not interested) you will become "uncommitted" to the task of becoming healthier. I wish you wanted it for yourself. I'm just not a fan of this therapist dependent culture. I do not think that it's beneficial to have to analyze each feeling and decision with a therapist. I do not think it's healthy to have to call your therapist each time you experience a challenge, a feeling, an opportunity, etc. I wasn't knocking therapy as a tool to deal with whatever one needs to deal with. I just don't think that "see a therapist" is the answer to everything. Nor do I think that experiencing something that isn't "normal" is a reason to run to therapy. No, but having obsessive feelings that you belive you need help with might be. And saying "I really do hope someone can stop me from destroying myself," might be. I don't believe TBF's point was: you had these particular experiences and therefore they - considered in isolation - need to be explored by a therapist. Spookie has already said she wants - and believes she needs - to get some help; the point was: if you do go, then do yourself a favor and reveal all when you're there to try to uncover and learn as much as you can. Holding things back from your therapist is misusing a tool just as much as trying to drive a nail with the claw side of a hammer.
You'reasian Posted February 10, 2009 Posted February 10, 2009 I THINK I'm being honest. The degree I abandoned did eventually get completed. I just finished it my own way, instead of listening to counselors/ friends/ family. It was a good decision to abandon it at the time because leaving allowed me to find a job before the economy went to s!ht. The other things... of course no one knows how they'd have panned out. But at the time, when I was going through all the pain associated with having listened to other people, I certainly FELT a lot of regret. Good for you! I almost finished a second degree after obtaining my first college degree years before - will I finish it? Who knows? I certainly don't need to, but someday? Perhaps you've inspired me to follow up someday in the future. Thanks. "Wan ban jie xiapin weiyou dushu gao ma?"
Cherry Blossom 35 Posted February 11, 2009 Posted February 11, 2009 I just saw this on Yahoo. Note that it says that last year, of the women who dated a co-worker, one third dated someone higher up than them at the office. Of those women, 42% dated their boss. http://news.yahoo.com/s/nm/20090210/us_nm/us_workplace_romance
Author spookie Posted February 14, 2009 Author Posted February 14, 2009 and no update. HR failed to get back to me at all. I sent someone an email Wednesday asking for an update and she just didn't reply. Isn't it supposed to be their job to be good at communication? I don't think it's that fair that I was bared my feelings to all these people, being 100% honest, and now I'm being avoided. Anyway, I have no idea what that means. Maybe it means they're waiting for me to finish up my projects so they could fire me, but I doubt it, Jack and his boss are still really nice to me, and they're pretty genuine people. Things with Jack are... the same. Some light flirtation, lots of politeness, a couple of games of bridge during which we partnered up to win; but nothing out of the ordinary to help me gauge his interest one way or the other.
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